Ask a Dom

[coastal-boy]

yea...this is where we met

 

[LadyAria]

I thought so.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Hot Lunch

I have no where else to put it.

However, I enjoyed it and wanted to share.

Ohhhh excuseeeeeeeee me garcon, I'll have my tomato served in wedgies to !

: waves to Lady Aria, laughs : funny as sin, thank you

Shades have done a full evolution back to that style also, love the vintage porn

 

[LadyAria]

Ohhhh excuseeeeeeeee me garcon, I'll have my tomato served in wedgies to !

: waves to Lady Aria, laughs : funny as sin, thank you

Shades have done a full evolution back to that style also, love the vintage porn

Vintage porn is the best.

I guess I am a traditionalist when it comes to my porn.

 

[Dreamliner]

Hot Lunch

I have no where else to put it.

However, I enjoyed it and wanted to share.

Excellent post Lady A. Thank you.


Some of the vintage porn is erotica at its best.

Marc Dorcel keeps the tradition alive today with much of the work from his studio.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Vintage porn is the best.

I guess I am a traditionalist when it comes to my porn.

You force my hand Lady Aria : chuckles :

Dammit it, I'll admit it, it was kind of hawt in an obscure, yet still amusing to me manner annnnnnnnnnd I don't do the porn thang.

Hope you're sated, ohhh so cruel & respected one : squirms :

 

[LadyAria]

Excellent post Lady A. Thank you.


Some of the vintage porn is erotica at its best.

Marc Dorcel keeps the tradition alive today with much of the work from his studio.

I will have to check his stuff out.

 

[LadyAria]

You force my hand Lady Aria : chuckles :

Dammit it, I'll admit it, it was kind of hawt in an obscure, yet still amusing to me manner annnnnnnnnnd I don't do the porn thang.

Hope you're sated, ohhh so cruel & respected one : squirms :

Well, as long as your amused. Tickling someone's brain can be as much fun as tickling their bum.

 

[bandelero]

Hot Lunch

I have no where else to put it.

However, I enjoyed it and wanted to share.

LadyAria, I enjoyed this clip immensely. It is a fantasy scenario that floats my boat way across the water.
I have only once had the pleasure of experiencing a similar scene in a Pub with the only exception being that the girl being touched up under her skirt was not totally unwilling.....so hot.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Hot Lunch

I have no where else to put it.

However, I enjoyed it and wanted to share.

I must say I enjoyed it as well!!

Get abused on public is so hot! *drools*

 

[BittenKitten]

Hi everyone...
Long time lurker here, and thought it was time I jump right in....
Over a week ago, I began talking to someone who is in the public eye in this town.Hes a coach of a hockey team. We ended up discussing our similar desire/curiosity to experience D/s relationship.We have lots of chemistry.One nite last week, we were both extremely turned on and he had the idea to come to my place.Id buzz him in, unlock my door, and go to my bed, where i would be masterbating , waiting for his arrival. ..and he would go down on me, hoping Id be able to squirt in his mouth.He told me prior to arriving that he wouldnt have time for anything else..and there was not anything else but some kissing. It was sooo hot..the scerario.
He calls me his sub, and I must refer to him as Master.He gave me a task last week which was to not shave my pubic hair, legs, armpits, which I followed through.He told me because there is a girl hes seeing but not yet serious about in another province, that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him. He said he was attracted to me and found me sexy or he wouldnt give me the privlege of being his sub.Still makes me feel unworthy thou. Anyhow the next task he has given end of last week was that I must shit on papers in front of him.....my reward will be to give him a BJ...!!!!
He said this would extremely turn him on, and it would indicate that im willing to fully submit. But wouldnt we have to be in a rship for me to fully submit or do ppl have playmates who submit like this? I think a part of me hopes that being a playmate will lead to a rship, yet i must be careful cause i can get hurt and I fall hard.
Im very uncomfortable about this task.He asks everyday did i have a bowel movement and twice we had planned he would come here for the 'act' but each time , i was unable too.He will only come when the urge is strong.So twice i was disappointed craving to see him and i wonder how he can have such self control too.
Isnt shitting in front of someone pretty extreme starting out???
He said he may want to clean me himself, and that ill be his paper trained pet.
He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle.
Also I find our convos to be more 'cold' than what im use too, but then again this is entirely new to me.I do crave affection .
Yet being a sub has always been my fantasy...
What do you think? Is this too much too soon?
Thanks for all your input in advance.
Now i must find an avatar and complete my profile...

Cheers

 

[Essene]

Hi everyone...
Long time lurker here, and thought it was time I jump right in....
Over a week ago, I began talking to someone who is in the public eye in this town.Hes a coach of a hockey team. We ended up discussing our similar desire/curiosity to experience D/s relationship.We have lots of chemistry.One nite last week, we were both extremely turned on and he had the idea to come to my place.Id buzz him in, unlock my door, and go to my bed, where i would be masterbating , waiting for his arrival. ..and he would go down on me, hoping Id be able to squirt in his mouth.He told me prior to arriving that he wouldnt have time for anything else..and there was not anything else but some kissing. It was sooo hot..the scerario.
He calls me his sub, and I must refer to him as Master.He gave me a task last week which was to not shave my pubic hair, legs, armpits, which I followed through.He told me because there is a girl hes seeing but not yet serious about in another province, that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him. He said he was attracted to me and found me sexy or he wouldnt give me the privlege of being his sub.Still makes me feel unworthy thou. Anyhow the next task he has given end of last week was that I must shit on papers in front of him.....my reward will be to give him a BJ...!!!!
He said this would extremely turn him on, and it would indicate that im willing to fully submit. But wouldnt we have to be in a rship for me to fully submit or do ppl have playmates who submit like this? I think a part of me hopes that being a playmate will lead to a rship, yet i must be careful cause i can get hurt and I fall hard.
Im very uncomfortable about this task.He asks everyday did i have a bowel movement and twice we had planned he would come here for the 'act' but each time , i was unable too.He will only come when the urge is strong.So twice i was disappointed craving to see him and i wonder how he can have such self control too.
Isnt shitting in front of someone pretty extreme starting out???
He said he may want to clean me himself, and that ill be his paper trained pet.
He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle.
Also I find our convos to be more 'cold' than what im use too, but then again this is entirely new to me.I do crave affection .
Yet being a sub has always been my fantasy...
What do you think? Is this too much too soon?
Thanks for all your input in advance.
Now i must find an avatar and complete my profile...

Cheers

Okay. This is a lot to digest. First of all, yes there are folks who just have playmates. What you would be doing is bottoming. Submission for most folks involves a bit more commitment.

There are definitions around here, but bottoms usually "bottom" in a scene. Negotiations are key.

Submissives are part of a relationship with negotiated limits, and slaves are in relationships without limits.

This is my generalization of things anyway...

Different people have different comfort levels and kinky interests. So...

Secondly and most importantly, you need to figure out what is comfortable for you. If you are uncomfortable, you simply say "no". This whole situation squicks me out anyway, and not because of the scat. You're feeling intense and submissive, but he wants a bottom without limits? Meh.

Sounds like you're uncomfortable and unhappy. He's being honest with you about the kind of relationship that he wants, and if you don't want to do the tasks, or just be a play mate; then you have every right to opt out of it.

Folks around here will tell you that communication is key. You need to decide what you really want, and what will really make you happy. Then you need to be open and honest with him about what it is that you want and feel.

Especially if you are new to this - just to let you know, there are other folks out there. If this guy doesn't do it for you in the really important emotional areas, or your kinks don't match, then you will be able to find someone who does mesh with you. There are many resources available. Yes, you can find someone you can submit to, who will love you and value you in the ways that you want. Good luck.

You won't get an AV until you reach 100 posts,
so get posting.

 

[LadyAria]

Hi everyone...
Long time lurker here, and thought it was time I jump right in....
Over a week ago, I began talking to someone who is in the public eye in this town.Hes a coach of a hockey team. We ended up discussing our similar desire/curiosity to experience D/s relationship.We have lots of chemistry.One nite last week, we were both extremely turned on and he had the idea to come to my place.Id buzz him in, unlock my door, and go to my bed, where i would be masterbating , waiting for his arrival. ..and he would go down on me, hoping Id be able to squirt in his mouth.He told me prior to arriving that he wouldnt have time for anything else..and there was not anything else but some kissing. It was sooo hot..the scerario.
He calls me his sub, and I must refer to him as Master.He gave me a task last week which was to not shave my pubic hair, legs, armpits, which I followed through.He told me because there is a girl hes seeing but not yet serious about in another province, that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him. He said he was attracted to me and found me sexy or he wouldnt give me the privlege of being his sub.Still makes me feel unworthy thou. Anyhow the next task he has given end of last week was that I must shit on papers in front of him.....my reward will be to give him a BJ...!!!!
He said this would extremely turn him on, and it would indicate that im willing to fully submit. But wouldnt we have to be in a rship for me to fully submit or do ppl have playmates who submit like this? I think a part of me hopes that being a playmate will lead to a rship, yet i must be careful cause i can get hurt and I fall hard.
Im very uncomfortable about this task.He asks everyday did i have a bowel movement and twice we had planned he would come here for the 'act' but each time , i was unable too.He will only come when the urge is strong.So twice i was disappointed craving to see him and i wonder how he can have such self control too.
Isnt shitting in front of someone pretty extreme starting out???
He said he may want to clean me himself, and that ill be his paper trained pet.
He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle.
Also I find our convos to be more 'cold' than what im use too, but then again this is entirely new to me.I do crave affection .
Yet being a sub has always been my fantasy...
What do you think? Is this too much too soon?
Thanks for all your input in advance.
Now i must find an avatar and complete my profile...

Cheers

The biggest thing that stands out about your post is the discomfort. I can hear what I perceive as nervousness. I'm not sure if it is because it is new to you or he is asking too much.

I believe a relationship should be mutually beneficial to both parties. It appears you are uncomfortable with the requests. If it is not pleasurable, say no and set your limits. If you do not want cold, express your need. If he does not fulfill your needs, then just be friends with a common interest. Do not pursue a relationship with someone just to have one.

There is an overwhelming amount of Doms that are looking for a play partners, subs or slaves. Figure out what you really want from a Partner. I am sure someone can help you on your sexual journey and meet with your expectations. I hope you find someone who surpasses them. Just network and be patient.

 

[Shagly]

Why do I feel all tied up when LadyAria is around?

 

[LadyAria]

Why do I feel all tied up when LadyAria is around?

It may be the nylon rope.

 

[BittenKitten]

Thank you both for your advice.
Hes out of town so I wont be seeing him til mid week...gives me time to think, and read so much more on here.
I dont think id be so hesitant if we were in a rship....but being new to this , id feel more confident exploring within the rship boundaries.
Its thrilling because this side has yet to be awaken, we have chemistry.But in a cpl of months he will be returning to his hometown and whatever we have will end or put on hold...
Time will tell, I guess

Thanks again...
Cheers

 

[DVS]

Hi everyone...
Long time lurker here, and thought it was time I jump right in....
Over a week ago, I began talking to someone who is in the public eye in this town.Hes a coach of a hockey team. We ended up discussing our similar desire/curiosity to experience D/s relationship.We have lots of chemistry.One nite last week, we were both extremely turned on and he had the idea to come to my place.Id buzz him in, unlock my door, and go to my bed, where i would be masterbating , waiting for his arrival. ..and he would go down on me, hoping Id be able to squirt in his mouth.He told me prior to arriving that he wouldnt have time for anything else..and there was not anything else but some kissing. It was sooo hot..the scerario.
He calls me his sub, and I must refer to him as Master.He gave me a task last week which was to not shave my pubic hair, legs, armpits, which I followed through.He told me because there is a girl hes seeing but not yet serious about in another province, that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him. He said he was attracted to me and found me sexy or he wouldnt give me the privlege of being his sub.Still makes me feel unworthy thou. Anyhow the next task he has given end of last week was that I must shit on papers in front of him.....my reward will be to give him a BJ...!!!!
He said this would extremely turn him on, and it would indicate that im willing to fully submit. But wouldnt we have to be in a rship for me to fully submit or do ppl have playmates who submit like this? I think a part of me hopes that being a playmate will lead to a rship, yet i must be careful cause i can get hurt and I fall hard.
Im very uncomfortable about this task.He asks everyday did i have a bowel movement and twice we had planned he would come here for the 'act' but each time , i was unable too.He will only come when the urge is strong.So twice i was disappointed craving to see him and i wonder how he can have such self control too.
Isnt shitting in front of someone pretty extreme starting out???
He said he may want to clean me himself, and that ill be his paper trained pet.
He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle.
Also I find our convos to be more 'cold' than what im use too, but then again this is entirely new to me.I do crave affection .
Yet being a sub has always been my fantasy...
What do you think? Is this too much too soon?
Thanks for all your input in advance.
Now i must find an avatar and complete my profile...

Cheers

Others have replied to your post with very good advice, but I will put my two cents in, mostly because I feel like typing something. OK, just kidding on that, but you really have already received good advice.

Yes, just like people who are "special friends" that get together for sex, and otherwise are just friends...you can also have a BDSM thing with someone else and not actually have a relationship.

Most everything is negociable in life and within the BDSM lifestyle, it is, too. Negociate what you like and don't like, will and won't do and that's all you need to worry about. From that point on, those negociations are rules written in stone and if somebody wants to change those rules, more negociations are necessary.

There are two kinds of limits. There are soft limits and there are hard limits. Hard limits are something that you would NEVER want to be involved in...EVER. And these limits are non-negociable, unless you ever change your mind and take something off of your hard limit list.

An example of a hard limit for me would be anything involving animals or kids, scat and golden showers, knife play and choking or simulated asphyxiation.

Soft limits are things that maybe you are a little unsure about, or you've never tried and are only curious about, or maybe you've got a little phobia about it. When you put something on your soft limit list, that is telling others that you are not really against giving this a try, but you have minor issues with it, in some way. But, because you have it on your soft limit list, you are not opposed to someone "testing" one of them.

Soft limits could be giving oral sex, or maybe deep throating is difficult for you. Maybe swallowing is something you've never done, but you aren't against it and you might find it sexy to be "forced" into it by your partner. Anal sex could be a soft limit, and it could also be a hard limit. In fact, depending on the person, most anything could be either kind of limit.

Communication is key. You need to communicate your wants and desires, as well as your concerns and anything that intimidates you, for some reason. Like this guy you've met...he seems to have taken charge and even labeled you his sub. Not that you have been overly concerned about anything he's done, but he shouldn't just decide these things without asking your opinion, first.

You might be a submissive personality, but that doesn't make you a floor mat, without any say in what happens. If you feel uneasy doing a task, tell him how you feel. He should not force you into doing anything that you don't want him to force you to do.

Just because he's a Dom, he's not God. If you don't want to be his paper trained sub, then tell him...no offense, but that makes me feel uneasy and I'm not sure I want to do it. If you are sure you don't want to do it, tell him so. In this case, I'd put it on my hard limit list, so he knows in the future.

You are a member of this partnership and so you have a say in what happens. If you are involved in some way, you are entitled to knowing what's going on and also deciding on what is best for YOU. In thinking about limits, think of yourself first and all others second. You don't decide something should be on your soft limit because you think he might want to try it. You put it on your soft limit because you might want to give it a try.

There are no two BDSM partnerships that are exactly the same. Because everything is negociable, this means you can tailor your relationship or partnership to be. That's the first thing I would do, with this guy. If you're uncomfortable doing something, tell him so. You're just going to suffer, and he'll be digging a hole for himeself for your time, unless you are honest with him and honest with yourself. It seems like he has been honest, but he must be honest with you, too. Bulldozing you into various tasks without giving you time to even get them straight in your head first, is also a no-no.

If he's worth keeping around, he shouldn't have a problem with you speaking up. If he does have a problem with it, he's not worth your effort. Be nice about it, but tell him you don't feel the same as he does about his suggestions for tasks.

If you think what he suggests could maybe be interesting but he's going too fast, just tell him that. There's nothing wrong with being uncertain about something. You are an equal partner in negociations and you are entitled to feel comfortable in what you share.

 

[Stegral]

Hi everyone...
Long time lurker here, and thought it was time I jump right in....
Over a week ago, I began talking to someone who is in the public eye in this town.Hes a coach of a hockey team. We ended up discussing our similar desire/curiosity to experience D/s relationship.We have lots of chemistry.there was not anything else but some kissing. It was sooo hot..the scerario. He told me because there is a girl hes seeing but not yet serious about in another province, that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him. He said he was attracted to me and found me sexy or he wouldnt give me the privlege of being his sub.Still makes me feel unworthy thou. Anyhow the next task he has given end of last week was that I must shit on papers in front of him.....my reward will be to give him a BJ...!!!!
He said this would extremely turn him on, and it would indicate that im willing to fully submit. But wouldnt we have to be in a rship for me to fully submit or do ppl have playmates who submit like this? I think a part of me hopes that being a playmate will lead to a rship, yet i must be careful cause i can get hurt and I fall hard.
Im very uncomfortable about this task.He asks everyday did i have a bowel movement and twice we had planned he would come here for the 'act' but each time , i was unable too.He will only come when the urge is strong.So twice i was disappointed craving to see him and i wonder how he can have such self control too.
Isnt shitting in front of someone pretty extreme starting out???
He said he may want to clean me himself, and that ill be his paper trained pet.
He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle.
Also I find our convos to be more 'cold' than what im use too, but then again this is entirely new to me.I do crave affection .
Yet being a sub has always been my fantasy...
What do you think? Is this too much too soon?
Thanks for all your input in advance.
Now i must find an avatar and complete my profile...

Cheers

OK.. My turn from a switch newbie...
Personally chemistry is a great thing, but later in your post you say "I do crave affection"
Are you sure it is chemistry or is he just showing you the attention you want?
Look at another red part... "that if im looking for a bf, it wont be him"...
He has already told you with this he is not into commiting... Personally to me this from someone you say (another red part) "He said this is a first for him as well.He may have role played in a past rship but never lived the lifestyle." This is someone that has no experience with how a sub feels & will drop you when something else that will "perform" better comes along.

I whole heartedly agree with all the advice so far.
DVS hits it good by explaining the limits thing..
Personally scat is a hard limit for me, I am just not comfy doing that.
If he doesn't want to listen to you or belittles your limits, keep looking..
comunication is for BOTH involved. it is a Power Exchange.
If he tries to tell you "you aren't worthy" because you said no, tell him to find a limitless slave, You are a submissive with limits. personally unless you LOVE oral I think "my reward will be to give him a BJ" isn't right, it should be something that gives you as much pleasure as his watching you be paper trained. If he takes & gives nothing back you will be feeling very empty, hollow & used in a very short while. But if this is what you want, go for it.

Steps down & Hopes I didn't piss off the Dominants....

 

[EmpressFi]

If he takes & gives nothing back you will be feeling very empty, hollow & used in a very short while. But if this is what you want, go for it.
Steps down & Hopes I didn't piss off the Dominants....

I like that.. and I agree. You actually worded what I'd wanted to say but I do know quite a few submissives and their dominants who wouldnt agree and would see servicing his needs as a reward

 

[Stegral]

I like that.. and I agree. You actually worded what I'd wanted to say but I do know quite a few submissives and their dominants who wouldnt agree and would see servicing his needs as a reward

That is why I added in the part about:
"But if this is what you want, go for it"

I had NO problem servicing my Top, I enjoy oral.
but He always rewarded me with markings too...

I can only feel used for so long before I get resentful.
(that is why I'm a switch, not a sub or Dom)

Thanks (((Fi))) for the compliment...
I am still fairly new to the Dominant side of things so I try not to say too much, but sometimes I just have to... it was the servicing Him will be her reward that pulled my chain..

 

[WakoJako]

Ok, i maybe really dumb in this department, so some of these may sound stupid...

1. What is a switch?

2. How do you know if your a dom or a sub?

A bit more detail for this one. The pinpoint start of where i think i started to like this was whenever candles were lit, i would dip my fingers in the hot wax, without blowing out the candle... at first i got burns but now i dont coz im used to it .

3. Is wax play a part of BDSM?

4. Is there any link between gothica and BDSM?

 

[nickollette]

i apologize in advance if this has already been asked, I have a habbit of asking things before completely reading through everything to see if it's been asked or not.

My question is..Other than a few spanks, smacks, biting, being tied down, choked..all seemingly simple stuff, what are some ideas/games to further explore things already tried and is there anywhere I can go to find random ideas or games to see what else is out there that may be worthwhile trying?

 

[FurryFury]

Ok, i maybe really dumb in this department, so some of these may sound stupid...

1. What is a switch?

2. How do you know if your a dom or a sub?

A bit more detail for this one. The pinpoint start of where i think i started to like this was whenever candles were lit, i would dip my fingers in the hot wax, without blowing out the candle... at first i got burns but now i dont coz im used to it .

3. Is wax play a part of BDSM?

4. Is there any link between gothica and BDSM?

I am not a Dom but I'll give these questions a whack anyway.

1. A switch is someone who likes to Top sometimes and bottom others.

2. Only by trial and error and then listening to your heart will you know if you are a Dom, switch or sub. Others may try to tell you what you are. They are not you and therefore can't decide for you no matter what they think they know.

3. Wax play can be part of BDSM. If you have a Dom or Top doing wax play on a sub or bottom that can certainly be part of it. If you have an online D/s relationship that can be part of it tho it's done on you by you it's at the direction of your PYL. (Pick Your Label.)

Playing with a candle and your fingers, not so much. It is fun regardless.

Most BDSM activities can be done and be nilla though. So it just depends on the people involve and their mindsets.

4. You can't mean that terrible movie right?

Do you mean Goth and BDSM? There are some connections particularly in the media. You know black leather, dark brooding and that sort of thing. Some BDSM practitioners might be goth there is a whole range though.

 

[DVS]

i apologize in advance if this has already been asked, I have a habbit of asking things before completely reading through everything to see if it's been asked or not.

My question is..Other than a few spanks, smacks, biting, being tied down, choked..all seemingly simple stuff, what are some ideas/games to further explore things already tried and is there anywhere I can go to find random ideas or games to see what else is out there that may be worthwhile trying?

The problem with answering a question like this is not everybody is the same. You might like some things and not like others. I could tell you something that I really like, and you might think it's just a bunch of bull that I even offered it.

So, I'd suggest you check out some of the stories in the BDSM category on this site. Many of them have interesting ideas that could stir something in your mind. Some of them might not be considered games by the writer, but they could be used in a game fornat by someone with just a few changes.

Creativity is always the key, when involving yourself with BDSM. Doing what someone else has already done can be OK for a while, but if you've got someone you want to impress, something that's been thought up just for her (or him) could do a lot for your status.

The first sentence of your post might be where you want to start looking. Who said that those things are all simple or already tried? I've tied women down many times and although each time I did it the same way to a point, each time was different in its own way.

It's not always WHAT you do that is sexy...sometimes it's HOW you do it that is sexy. You can be doing the most simple and repetative stuff, but because of the methods you chose, or the style, simply tying someone up could be quite interesting. But, the interesting part has to be from you, because you know what you consider interesting.

I've always thought that it isn't WHAT you do so much as it is HOW you do it. Take kissing, for instance. That's been done a few times before. And, you could say it's simple and also kind of repetative. But, I think you'll agree that there's something uniquely interesting about how some people kiss that can really stir up the word sexy.

Use your imagination. Maybe read a story that involves BDSM and "borrow" something from the story. Then, put your own little twist on it. You'll never know...you might find out that you're pretty sexy, yourself.

 

[nickollette]

Thanks DVS for the input. I know the only limits are the confines of my imagination, but often that imagination shuts itself off when it involves things I'm not too familiar with. I've read a nice handful of stories that all sound wonderful, in the back of my head I'm too shy or embarassed to ever think far enough that it would be something interesting to actually try, which is when I loose confidence in trying anything. Aside from that, the one way I have realized can completely lessen my insecurities is blindfolding the person, eventually however long it may take, it's be nice to not have to rely on that in order for me gain some confidence