Ask the Dom/mes Thread

[MasterKensbeany]

Hi Freya

I call my Dominant Master, he calls me his pet except for situations where such names would be inappropriate. For me calling him Master helps to keep me in the right frame of mind, as his slave. There is no one else I call Master but, I do refer to other Dom/mes as either Sir or Lady, this is the way I was taught and it is second nature to me now.

I had a Dom once who had me call him Sahib, it was rather unique, as was he. As others have stated, its all a matter of personal preference.

Respectfully
beany

 

[Freya]

Ok, so it seems as if it's a fairly common term between Dom/mes and their subs - not used with others obviously, but within that specific relationship. Are there any that don't use that term (or any similar ones)? It seems as if nobody uses just first names with each other.

I just think, for me, actual submission to another would be easier than calling them Master. That title seems to get my back up somehow - I'm not sure why.

Pardon the stupid questions from an outsider.

 

[Lancecastor]

Hi Freya, welcome to the BDSM Forum.

No, titles aren't required to engage in D/s.

But there are varieties of BDSM, like Gorean fantasy for example, where there is much formality and you wouldn't get past the door without addressing the Masters properly.

To each his/her own. Whatever works for you, you know?

You may call me Supreme Overlord Lancelot in casual conversation, by the way.



Lance

I have a quick question, if I may.

I see titles being said by both Dom/mes and subs here. Master, Mistress, Himself etc. Are these a unconditional form of expression usually for everyone? What I mean is, once you are involved in this type of relationship, is calling him Master a regular part of it - does everyone do it - is it a mandatory thing?

I'm sorry if I'm not being clear - my mind is not working at its usual rate of speed today. I hope someone weeds through my gibberish and gets what I mean.

 

[MsWorthy]

Ok, so it seems as if it's a fairly common term between Dom/mes and their subs - not used with others obviously, but within that specific relationship. Are there any that don't use that term (or any similar ones)? It seems as if nobody uses just first names with each other.

I just think, for me, actual submission to another would be easier than calling them Master. That title seems to get my back up somehow - I'm not sure why.

Pardon the stupid questions from an outsider.

My partner and I do not use any formal terms of address. As I posted in another thread (somewhere ) I find being addressed as mistress (irl) pretty silly, and our d/s relationship is 24/7.

We call one another *honey* *baby* and various other affectionate names. One of my favorites for my partner is bumblebee (I have a sense of humor, see). LOL

 

[lark sparrow]

My partner and I do not use any formal terms of address. As I posted in another thread (somewhere ) I find being addressed as mistress (irl) pretty silly, and our d/s relationship is 24/7.

We call one another *honey* *baby* and various other affectionate names. One of my favorites for my partner is bumblebee (I have a sense of humor, see). LOL

lol I am required to call her "Mistress", and I don't mind at all. She, however, likes to come up with overly cute pet names for me, specifically to watch me cringe and try not to scream "no!"... I like the naughty ones too much. Funny though, even the really sappy ones grow on me with time. Good thing She has a wicked imagination and comes up with new and ever more humbling pet names.

 

[Bijoux]

So I have a couple of questions for the Dom(me)s and their experienced minds...

1) In a non 24/7 relationship, how much control do you want over your subs? Do you want to exercise complete control while in their presence, or do you want them to slowly learn your style and begin thinking ahead of you - or would that be thought of as merely impertinent?

2) If a sub is wanting to do/try something, be it sexual or no, would you prefer them to mention it or wait to be prompted. For example, you have not given your sub specific directions for your bathing and upkeep but they would like to suggest some service they could provide...how would you want them to bring it up. Would THIS be considered impertinent?

~
B

 

[LC Rough Caress]

A matter of religion

I'm pretty new to the BDSM scene and I'm still learning as I go. However, one thing that I've wondered about is how religion fits into it all? I no longer follow Christianity, nor any other religious path, but I'm not an atheist either. I suppose the question is more of a curiousity...are there any people out there who can comfortably merge their faith with their sexual lifestyle? I've always found Christianity to be inhumanly restrictive on sex, which is one of the reasons I walked away from it. So can you stick with your religion or do you have to go your own way?

 

[zipman]

So I have a couple of questions for the Dom(me)s and their experienced minds...

1) In a non 24/7 relationship, how much control do you want over your subs? Do you want to exercise complete control while in their presence, or do you want them to slowly learn your style and begin thinking ahead of you - or would that be thought of as merely impertinent?

2) If a sub is wanting to do/try something, be it sexual or no, would you prefer them to mention it or wait to be prompted. For example, you have not given your sub specific directions for your bathing and upkeep but they would like to suggest some service they could provide...how would you want them to bring it up. Would THIS be considered impertinent?

~
B

1) This can and will vary greatly for each person. In my relationship, I have absolute sexual control of my sub. That means what I want, when I want and how I want (within the agreed upon limits). Mine is also completely sexual, and not service oriented.

2) I have no problem with a sub asking if she can do something to please me. If it sounds good to me, I may say yes, I may wait and command her to do it later or simply say no. It depends on my needs and my wants.

Hope this helps.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Originally posted by Bijoux

1) In a non 24/7 relationship, how much control do you want over your subs? Do you want to exercise complete control while in their presence, or do you want them to slowly learn your style and begin thinking ahead of you - or would that be thought of as merely impertinent?

I exert complete control while they are in my presence. They even have to ask permission to go to the bathroom.

2) If a sub is wanting to do/try something, be it sexual or no, [would you prefer them to mention it or wait to be prompted.

They have to ask permission to ask me any questions , o make any suggestions or to even speak.

For example, you have not given your sub specific directions for your bathing and upkeep but they would like to suggest some service they could provide...how would you want them to bring it up. Would THIS be considered impertinent?

In my case, yes it it would be impertinent. My boys know my rituals and any deviance from them is not something I encourage.

I will direct them they will follow my lead.

Ebony

 

[Goddess Helena]

Regarding control:
I am in control at all times. It was easier to train my boy to be pleasing because he has never been allowed the freedom to make his own choices.

Regarding questions:
I make a point of just talking to my boy. During those times, if he has an idea or something that he would like to mention, he may ask my permission to mention it. I enjoy hearing the new ideas that he has for pleasing me. I also enjoy knowing that he thinks of how to please me while we are not together.

I hope this helps.


Helena

 

[Ebonyfire]

Regarding questions:
I make a point of just talking to my boy. During those times, if he has an idea or something that he would like to mention, he may ask my permission to mention it.

Again, you bring up a good point, Helena. I have lots of time to talk to my boys because we do activities together. during those "vanilla" times have usually are allowed to speak freely, and if they have suggestions, they usually ask to voice them at that time.

Also, they are allowed to make suggestions as to social activities we both might enjoy together.

Eb