Asking him out ... finally (long, detailed); input appreicated

[Cathleen]

Oh yes I'm waiting tooo!!!!!

Or maybe he said yes???? and they are at dinner now? or maybe somewhere else?

We're bad aren't we? I had the same thoughts. I'm tired and want to go to bed but I'm waiting a while longer.

 

[sassy_girl1963]

We're bad aren't we? I had the same thoughts. I'm tired and want to go to bed but I'm waiting a while longer.

Yea we are bad! But like you said - living vicariously though someone else -

Shame shame on me....slapping my hand....Ouch! that hurt....

 

[Cathleen]

Yea we are bad! But like you said - living vicariously though someone else -

Shame shame on me....slapping my hand....Ouch! that hurt....

This is the HT forum, not BDSM.

 

[sassy_girl1963]

This is the HT forum, not BDSM.

Oh right! Bad bad girl!!! Dont do that here....LOL

 

[eudaemonia]

Arrrrggghhh!

I could kill him!

He showed up to office hours 40 minutes late, and no, he hadn't gotten around to turning in my grade because ... He. Hadn't. Read. My paper!!! I could scream (and not in a fit of erotic ecstasy, I might add).

He apparently blew some editorial deadline by a mile (a month) and is still scrambling to finish, but promised to read my paper on Thursday night (when his final deadline is passed). Panicking about not being able to spend any time today chatting with him, I blurted out, "Do you have any time this week to grab coffee?" He suggested Friday after class, but I couldn't then, so he said, "Well, how about 20 mintues before class?"

TWENTY MINUTES?!? WTF? "I can't even give you a decent blow job in 20 minutes let alone flirt with you properly," is what I was thinking. But ever the cool cucumber, I said, "Sure, that works." So he said he'd e-mail me.

We talked a few more mintues about grad school, but he needed to get ready for class.

I did notice, however comma, that he stole a lingering glance at my decolletage, which I had strategically placed in his sightline (I was sitting in a chair outside his office when he walked up).

Other than that, I have nothing else to report.

Naturally, I'm in a grumpy mood now because I didn't get all the who-ha I was hoping for -- and also as usual, my mind is racing about whether he might already be seeing someone. But at least I accomplished a small part of what I set out to do. Maybe by Friday some measure of anticipation will have built up in that fertile mind of his.

One thing I'm sure of, tho, and that is I'm going to have put the flirting into second gear. I may just fire off a little e-mail tomorrow chiding him for blowing his deadline since, as a former journalist myself, I used to do it all the time to my editors; let him know he's getting a taste of his own medicine. <g> But I'll also say that if he's pressed for time that we could always put it off until next week if that's better. Other than that, I don't know how much more I do without going overboard.

I feel a bit let down, which is normal for me when I don't get my way. But usually a good night's sleep regenerates me and I come up with new ideas, new ways to approach the situation.

Thanks for reading my sorry tale of ... whatever this is.

I could kill him!!! MEN!!!!!

{edited for quick addendum: Sorry for keeping you guys up late; I'm in the Pacific time zone, so just got off work a bit ago.}

 

[SweetErika]

I'm sorry it didn't go as planned! But at least he didn't blow you off and it sounds like he values you enough to make time for you, and that's really good news, right? Plus, on Friday you can tell him you regret you two didn't get to talk as much (or celebrate), which might be a nice segue into asking him to lunch, dinner, whatever. So perhaps this will work out just perfectly after all, today may have been good practice, and asking him out will seem like more of a natural progression!

 

[sassy_girl1963]

Ohhhh no!

Well I was thinking - and I hope that he had not read your paper because he does not want the time he can see you to end! And not because he blew you off for some other reason............


Just call me a romantic...............

 

[SweetErika]

Wait a sec...he said he'll read your paper Thursday. Will he have graded it and turned in your grade for the course by your meeting Friday? You can't really flirt or take more steps until he hands in the grades, correct? Edit: I reread (but still unclear), and am assuming you'll ask if he got all of his work and grading done when you see him Friday or something?

I just don't want him to have ANY reason to be hesitant or turn you down!

 

[Guest]

 

[Cathleen]

eudaemonia, thanks for the update. All is not lost - just a kink in the works is all. So now you have just bumped up the anticipation for all of us - yes, not to mention you too.

I'm still rooting for you!

 

[eudaemonia]

What a lovely bunch of posts to wake to up this morning! This cheers me more than I can express in my bleary-eyed state. :takes sip of coffee: Thanks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little time and good sleep proved to be my ally once again. He, like me, possesses an excessive amount of energy (much of it nervous) and has been burning the candle at both ends since summer term ended. I now realize that when I saw him yesterday he was so tired and burned out -- he said he hasn't been sleeping well. I asked if he was starting a cold; he was.

I'm thinking maybe a quick e-mail to offer to meet next week instead might be a good idea. A few more days won't hurt. It gives him a little time to chill, feel better. And, by Friday he won't have turned in my grade anyway.

In fact, yesterday I asked the department coordinator about my grade sheet. She hadn't seen anything yet, and added that Xxxxx has a lot going on right now. I said, "Like trying to find a new job in academia?" We shared a silent glance of begrudged acknowledgement and reproach for those in the department who voted to deny him tenure.

While reading the newspaper in bed last night, I saw a notice about a documentary that I'll ask him about. It's a subject matter he's been writing and speaking on -- Rwanda -- and I think I'll drop that in the e-mail, too. Not as a first date suggestion, of course! But just as a heads-up kind of thing.

Scaly, I really like your idea of matter-of-factly putting it on the table that I'm still interested in spending time with him now that I'm not his student, and then giving him all the room in the world to chew on it. Isn't that the lesson to be learned here at literotica, to be able to communicate our needs clearly and calmy with the hope of making our relationships better? At the very least, I've paid him a compliment while also getting some resolution to the situation for myself. I'll keep it in mind for when the time comes.

In the interim, I guess I have a little e-mail to compose, huh?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What gets me through the day is having some bit of music or a picture of something in my head to carry around with me, sort of like a virtual talisman. I thought maybe I'd share today's inspirations with you. See what you think:

Denoument
(I bought a print of this but, due to lack of funds, haven't had it framed yet. But this sits on my desktop and I have a little color Xerox print that I carry around in my wallet when I need a boost.)

iPod tune o' the day:
I Need Nothing Else, by Sophie B. Hawkins

"...'Cause I'd rather crawl home bleeding than be
Chained to you I love your freedom

Hate me need me love me tease me beg me
Please me take me breathe me

Baby you know I'm trouble still you
Wanna be the one to smash my bubble
How strong how tough how sweet how must
You feel to rough me up for real

In love I trust, I put my faith
To make me hapy, to keep me safe
In you I find a way to lose myself
Thrill me baby, I need nothing else...."

.
.
.

Happy Tuesday, all.

 

[satchel6978]

as someone who has faced the uncertainty like this before, i say go for it, although from personal experience, that's easier said than done. good luck!

 

[sassy_girl1963]

Cheering you on sweetie - you go! At least you have email - 10 years ago I had to call.....Ugh - oh I was such a wreak that day - but I remember the sweet relief when he called me that night and said yes......I did the snoopy dance in my apartment and my dogs thought I went nuts.......LOL


And yes you are really right about what we are learning here at Lit - to be able to communicate our needs and wants clearly and directly. Because when you look at it, by not doing so, our needs are not being meet or even communicated and it is our fault.

You go Eudaemonia!

 

[eudaemonia]

Next week it is, he says.

Fuck a duck.

The plotline for this novella sucks ...

 

[Batman4ever71]

Next week it is, he says.

Fuck a duck.

The plotline for this novella sucks ...

Hang in there E!! Remember that good things come to those who wait.....or they say. I'm pullin' for ya all the way!!!

Best Wishes,
Batman

 

[eudaemonia]

A glimmer ...

Along with his reply yesterday, of meeting for coffee next week instead of this week, was a response about a documentary that opens in my city on Friday about the civil war in Rwanda in 1994. It's a subject that sets him off and I wasn't expecting the heated, CAPITALIZED phraseology I saw on my screen (not directed at me, but at the subject of the movie).

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening grumpy, frustrated and a bit churlish toward the rest of the human race. I turned in to bed at the ungodly early hour (for me) of 10:30, too lethargic to study, read a non-school book or even jill off. Bad, bad mood.

Just after I slumped off to bed, he sent a more composed response which I read this morning. I guess maybe he was thinking a little more clearly and wanted to give me a more thoughtful and researched response. I'm glad he did.

I've seen him be surly and dismissive with stupid questions in class, and I've seen him relaxed and utterly charming. I've seen how tender he is when he's watching his son play rock-paper-scissors with another faculty member. I've seen him angry at the all the injustice in the world, hurtby the vote of no-confidence of his colleagues, tired and worn out. I've seen him with other students one-on-one, regarding them as future peers and encouraging them to keep working on their own thinking. His shy smile and easy laugh melts me.

He's so passionate about his work. He doesn't suffer fools gladly. I don't care how this sounds, but when I look in his eyes, I see so many of my values reflected back at me.

I want this man.

 

[sassy_girl1963]

A glimmer ............................

I want this man.

I envy you that you are meeting up on Monday with this guy - have been thinking of you and how you will be preparing over the weekend - know sending good thoughts and a wishes your way Eudaemonia!

And if you do get to do the Swoon with the kissing (as I posted in the poll thread) - please I would like some details - pretty please? It's been way too long since I've been in that position....

 

[eudaemonia]

I envy you that you are meeting up on Monday with this guy - have been thinking of you and how you will be preparing over the weekend - know sending good thoughts and a wishes your way Eudaemonia!

Well, I don't know that we're meeting Monday ... or ever. All he said was "OK Next week is good."

So axshully, if you could channel your thoughts his way (to, like, get off his sweet posterior and LMK), I'd appreciate it!

And if you do get to do the Swoon with the kissing (as I posted in the poll thread) - please I would like some details - pretty please? It's been way too long since I've been in that position....

"The Swoon." I like it!

At the risk of turning this into a blog, I just need to vent that I've been in heightened angst mode for much of the week. I go from being annoyed by him, concerned for him, frustrated and sad for myself ... even shed a few tears last night. And also hopeful in that there's nothing obvious to prevent anything from happening (like a spouse, incompatible sexual orientation, geographic distance, etc.). It's just a matter of putting it on the table at this point.

Journaling for about an hour last night I came to some resolution about what it is that I fear. What I don't fear is:

• Rejection. I know that not everyone in the world is going to love me, but a few do and a few more will in the future (if the trend holds <g>). If he's not all that into me, then I certainly wouldn't want him as a lover, now would I? I only want this if it's reciprocal. So if it's not ... I'm an adult, I can handle it.
  
  
• Being alone, feeling lonely. I've been alone almost my whole life (little family, no sibs, no kids) so maybe I'm just used to it. Loneliness is sometimes painful and can be accute on occasion, but generally the feelings pass quickly. Besides, once you've been lonely in a relationship, being alone or being alone and lonely is not nearly as bad. I can handle this, too.
  
  
• Feelings reciprocated, but the timing just isn't right (there's someone else, he's scared about his future, kids/ex issues, etc.). Even this I can handle. There's always that chance that a little further in the future there is possibility, although I wouldn't just pine away for him forever. But knowing there's reciprocity is everything to me.

So, I guess what it really is, is that I can't handle not knowing either way; this limbo dragging on very much longer. I need resolution. Yes or no, I can handle it. Not knowing is what I can't live with for very much longer.

Does this make sense?

 

[Guest]

 

[sassy_girl1963]

Absolutely makes sense to me. I always thinks it's better to know, even if you won't like the answer, then to not know at all. Anticipation can be so brutal.

Best wishes.

Oh it all makes sense to me too - so much so - it could have been me that was writing your post!

Let us know what happens...

Good luck!

 

[Cathleen]

E, you make total sense. I so enjoy your writing, it's just great.

I can relate to the points you made as well. We can handle anything, pain is part of life, suffering can be minimized. I'm enjoying (and learning) from your experience. Thanks for continuing to share.

 

[sassy_girl1963]

E, you make total sense. I so enjoy your writing, it's just great.

I can relate to the points you made as well. We can handle anything, pain is part of life, suffering can be minimized. I'm enjoying (and learning) from your experience. Thanks for continuing to share.

Yes count me in on the learning from your posts. One thing that has really changed how I look at things is that I choose daily to look upon this life here on earth as a celebration. It is just sometimes the celebration is a sad one - but it is still a celebration of this life.

 

[eudaemonia]

E, you make total sense. I so enjoy your writing, it's just great.

Wow... thank you.

We can handle anything, pain is part of life, suffering can be minimized.

Absolutely!

I'm fascinated by how you answered this. The implication of "pain is a part of life" leads me to wonder about whether the opposite is true for you: "joy is a part of life." Is that also a part of your thinking? Or are the different expreriences of life (pain vs. joy) mutually exclusive? If so, why so?

Sorry for turning philosophy geek on everyone! However, my job (in the future) is to present my students with their unstated premises. In general, I don't think other people go that far with it consciously. But I know some do with less-than-full consciousness, and that's what I'm curious about.

I say, simply, "Yes! There's the possibility of pleasure, fulfillment, happiness ... " and given that, which values are more worth pursuing?"

I'm enjoying (and learning) from your experience. Thanks for continuing to share.

Oh!!! You have no idea how much you (Cathleen) and all of you are helping *me*. Not only will I try to be a better lover, but I think I'll be a better philosophy teacher, too.

Seems to me that much of teaching is disspelling erroneous notions about beliefs that ultimately don't serve one's best inerest, which is all based in knowledge. Here, in Literotica, knowledge about human sexuality seems to be the common aim: doesn't nearly everyone here want to really get at what's essential about our own and others' sexuality?

 

[Cathleen]

Wow... thank you.



Absolutely!

I'm fascinated by how you answered this. The implication of "pain is a part of life" leads me to wonder about whether the opposite is true for you: "joy is a part of life." Is that also a part of your thinking? Or are the different expreriences of life (pain vs. joy) mutually exclusive? If so, why so?

Sorry for turning philosophy geek on everyone! However, my job (in the future) is to present my students with their unstated premises. In general, I don't think other people go that far with it consciously. But I know some do with less-than-full consciousness, and that's what I'm curious about.

I say, simply, "Yes! There's the possibility of pleasure, fulfillment, happiness ... " and given that, which values are more worth pursuing?"



Oh!!! You have no idea how much you (Cathleen) and all of you are helping *me*. Not only will I try to be a better lover, but I think I'll be a better philosophy teacher, too.

Seems to me that much of teaching is disspelling erroneous notions about beliefs that ultimately don't serve one's best inerest, which is all based in knowledge. Here, in Literotica, knowledge about human sexuality seems to be the common aim: doesn't nearly everyone here want to really get at what's essential about our own and others' sexuality?

Now you're talking my language woman!! (If a few people come in here saying I've got a pondering problem, pay them no attention. I'm just here for the philosophy discussions. I can't help it if a question or thought leads to another and another and ... well enough said already. )

To answer your question about joy being part of life - no doubt about it. Both are intergral to life's experiences. I'm not sure they are mutally exclusive but both are sort of foundation feelings. I suppose it could be just that simple - without joy you wouldn't know pain and vice versa. I also find them to be a core for life's lessons and growth.

Disspelling our personal beliefs is a tough haul for many of us. Maybe because there is fear of what really is inside our minds. It is a long process sometimes (other times done in the blink of an eye - depending on the stimuli), but the first step is to become willing to look at ourselves, our behaviors, thoughts, attitudes, etc. Willingness is perhaps one of the most difficult things to overcome. Overcome isn't the right word - willingness requires strength, honesty and bravery.

There is so much buried inside us that we are not even aware resides in us, our spirit/soul. Much happens while we are young, too young to know but also too young in our physical development - brain development. Having studied Piaget's theory of development and being a primary grade teacher I agree with his thoughts. Our brain/mind isn't capable of conceptualizing until around the age of 8-9ish given individual rates of development.

So, to me it is easy to understand how much we absorb before we even have a slight ability to question it. Therein is one starting place for becoming aware and challenging our beliefs. There are lots of starting places I think - no one right place. The key is to begin. I also think to do that work we need a teacher or guide. We won't hear our own beliefs, those that are so ingrainded, until another points them out for us. I've been lucky to have a few wonderful guides to help me.

It's work too. Becoming willing is hard and maintaining the willingness when the road might get tough can be difficult too. Fortitude is needed in my opinion. So with willingness on board the next essential thing for me is awareness. That can take years - it all can take years (an entire life time I hope). We don't have a list of these beliefs that we can just refer to and check off as we go. They reveal themselves to us. Sometimes many times over too.

In my mind I picture the three dimensional view of the DNA Helix. We spiral, there is no end, but we do have different views of ourselves as we move on the spiral. I may be able to grasp part of a life lesson today, but I might also get another chance at the lesson when I pass by again. Each lesson builds off another - just as many times a belief might build off a previous one - right or wrong, good or bad.

Each of us has the ability, in my mind we have an obligation or responsibility to grow and learn in our human existence. The distance, the feelings, thoughts, experiences - all those are variables or opportunities.

See, you really shouldn't have got me started! I want to be in your class, you'd probably kick me out by the third class because by then I'd have blow your entire syllabus.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

Oh!!! You have no idea how much you (Cathleen) and all of you are helping *me*. Not only will I try to be a better lover, but I think I'll be a better philosophy teacher, too.

Seems to me that much of teaching is disspelling erroneous notions about beliefs that ultimately don't serve one's best inerest, which is all based in knowledge. Here, in Literotica, knowledge about human sexuality seems to be the common aim: doesn't nearly everyone here want to really get at what's essential about our own and others' sexuality?

Ah, but what is knowledge? Plato spelled out the problem in the Theaetetus and it hasn't been solved since. Representationalism, coherentism. Neither works. Sounds like you have Pragmatist leanings, Eudaemonia. Of course, if we are pragmatists, then we can't believe in classic essentialism at all, I wouldn't think. Perhaps it is what is most useful or important to us about our own sexuality?

Hee, hee. I didn't say anything interesting above. I was just happy to have a chance to whip out silly epistemology references. It's been several years since I read any of that though.