Asphyxia: Absolute Control

[bettiboop]

I'm definitely a newbie. I take it Etoile is not a fan of breath-play?

I suppose there is always going to be debate about how much trust you can build with someone online, especially if they're o/s. Most of this stuff I've never considered. The double-bluff call thing made me think. Personally I'm new to the net as a whole as well as BDSM and it'll be a long while before I start flying partners in from around the globe.

Thanks to Shy for telling me more about her relationship. In that situation I think I'd have been more than reassured. It demonstrates that it is possible to be safe if you bother to put all these precautions in place. Stuff like this needs a lot of forethought.

 

[graceanne]

I'm definitely a newbie. I take it Etiole is not a fan of breath-play?

That's a humoungous understatement. Like the biggest in the whole world.

 

[bettiboop]

So are we! Welcome to the forum, by the way

Thanks yourself have been waiting all my life to finally talk about and engage in stuff I have fantasised about forever.

 

[bettiboop]

That's a humoungous understatement. Like the biggest in the whole world.

Ok. I guess I should leave it at that then?

 

[DVS]

I'm against it, but that's only my opinion. Everybody has their kink and I can't say someone shouldn't do something, just because I woudln't.

I'm into electroplay, but I don't think just anybody should attempt it, without first understanding the rules of electricity. But, even then, it's very safe, as long as you follow those rules. I'll be the first to say I'm sure there are those out there playing with electricity that know nothing of the rules.

I'm sure there are rules and safety measures for breath-play? And, everybody involved is educated about these before hand?

 

[shy slave]

I'm definitely a newbie. I take it Etoile is not a fan of breath-play?

I suppose there is always going to be debate about how much trust you can build with someone online, especially if they're o/s. Most of this stuff I've never considered. The double-bluff call thing made me think. Personally I'm new to the net as a whole as well as BDSM and it'll be a long while before I start flying partners in from around the globe.

Thanks to Shy for telling me more about her relationship. In that situation I think I'd have been more than reassured. It demonstrates that it is possible to be safe if you bother to put all these precautions in place. Stuff like this needs a lot of forethought.

LOL Betti I am so glad I am not alone in the spelling dept lol

As for flying partners in around the globe, well I never imagined that would happen to me either but I now know to 'never say never'

Have fun at Lit, we are odd, but not necessarily bad

 

[bettiboop]

I'm sure there are rules and safety measures for breath-play? And, everybody involved is educated about these before hand?

Catalina has recently posted some really good stuff in another thread on this forum called "Our bodies, our brains - the most valuable tools in BDSM play" Sorry, haven't figured out how to post links yet! There's stuff on electro-play too if I'm not mistaken. Never fancied the idea myself.

 

[FurryFury]

What I like about this thread so far is that people are at times disagreeing BUT as far as I know they are not getting all angry about it. I like it when we can talk and be adults listening to one another, that is waaaay cool to me.

Fury

 

[graceanne]

What I like about this thread so far is that people are at times disagreeing BUT as far as I know they are not getting all angry about it. I like it when we can talk and be adults listening to one another, that is waaaay cool to me.

Fury

Us be adults? HEAVEN FORBID! Quick, someone insult someone else, or we'll ruin our reputation!

 

[Pure]

shy,

i'm very impressed by the measures you took, including getting name and home addy. i have held those (of strangers) for friends meeting strangers.

generally you did what i recommend. (once I and Etoile wrote a safety guide, but i seems to have fallen through the cracks.) i like the calls, etc.

so while i'm quite convinced of your safe attitudes, i'm more concerned about some of the 'feels right' or 'i need it' responses of your 'backers.'

the point of all precautions is that 'feels right' on its own is very bad insurance. 'feels right' plus a Xerox of a passport-- that's my idea of spontaneity when the person wants to live. *possibly it's your family that makes you take precautions that are apparently being treated lightly by others who may be in a different setting.

 

[graceanne]

I am just so glad that I'm married to my dom. I've known him since I was fifteen, and known his family longer than that. If I had to suddenly start dating again (God forbid) I think that fear of the weirdo's would have me scared stiff. As it is I can't watch the news or those true crime things cause then I WON'T leave my house and I can't sleep.

 

[jadefirefly]

Us be adults? HEAVEN FORBID! Quick, someone insult someone else, or we'll ruin our reputation!

Your cookies taste funny.





Will that work?

 

[chris9]

I thought Shy's post was good, not necessarily because of the feeling, trust, picture of both of them it conveyed. I found it good because it told me (again) to not rule out anything. I'm not in a position to start any serious play. But breath play never entered into my fantasy life. It's a kink I don't understand. Still, if I got Shy right, it wasn't on her list of most wanted things to do. Which tells me that even though it's not any priority at all at present and I'd rather leave it than take it, I won't rule it out as a hard limit.

As for safety, if someone you're meeting wants to kill you he/she won't wait till you allow them to get their hands around your neck. So it's not deliberate murder you're protecting yourself from by not doing it for quite some time but accidents. And since it's a risky activity (see Catalina's links) it's advisable to learn about it and making sure the choker knows something about it, too. Starting slowly, for very tiny short periods, choking lightly might help, too.

 

[graceanne]

Your cookies taste funny.





Will that work?

Yeah? Well your mama dresses you funny!

Dunno - guess it's worth a try.

WAIT A MINUTE? HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW MY COOKIES TASTE? YOU'VE BEEN EATING MY COOKIES HAVEN'T YOU?THIS MEANS WAR!

 

[Andante]

Crud. Well it starts with the same letter. *sigh*

I know what you mean, like Afghanistan and America, right? Or Israel and Iran, perhaps? All countries are pretty much the same anyway, aren't they?
And now I am in that mood, why do you consistingly call me 'Adante'? Is there a point? Is it perhaps an insult I am too thick to catch? Andante has a meaning to it. I'm not aware 'Adante' does...
Well, rant over!

 

[His_pita]

Have to say though I am not picking on shy or anyone as I think this is a bigger issue than one or two random posts, I do support what I think Pure is getting at and why. There seems a lot of this fading away, misty eyed, romanticised posting lately of actions without any of the hard facts reality can require taken into account, perhaps because it spoils the story being told...and is followed then by adoration and sentiments expressing these depictions as highly desireable and utterly 'to die for', though not meant literally but which could in reality become so if acted on with the wrong person/s, and advocation of unsafe play simply because it is considered hot...seriously speaking, how many here really think it is hot to wind up dead, especially if it were easily preventable? Can't press the replay button and come back from the dead with a sigh of relief and a giggle to carry on the next day.

I think Catalina made an excellent point here. I was one that made a rather romantic post concerning breath play. Hey, I'm newly, madly in love so it happens! Anyway, I would totally agree that anyone doing breath play or any other high impact play had best learn what they are doing!!

I knew I liked breath play from a past relationship. My Dom had never done it before, but was willing to do it to please me and thought the idea of it was stimulating. So, he tasked me to find all the info I possibly could on the subject and give it to him. He then spoke with another dominate that had years of experience with it. There are a lot of risk when engaging in this activity and since learning all we could we now have a greater respect for the danger and make sure we do play it as safely as we can.

 

[Netzach]

did you get into breath play with this fellow in the first three days you knew him. This is what shy slave's account says.**

Catalina's account suggests some months or years.

what is the timing in your case? just curious. what would you suggest to readers of this thread and new bdsm forum persons?



**correction; it was in the first three days of meeting him in person.

Actually I've done breath control with people I'd met in the last 10 minutes. Being in love adoration and trust with someone who doesn't know what he or she is doing is not going to help you much.

I choose never to constrict an airway with pressure. (People need that carotid artery.)

I use bags, hoods, hands over mouth, pinching of the nose, tubes, all kinds of mechanical means to create the *implication* of smothering, the brief (25 seconds or so, fast, not "one mississippi" seconds) deprivation of air, and to reinforce the concept that I *can* suffocate my victim if I so desire. In theory, if not in actuality.

That's really the erotic charge for me, and those who bottom to me can live with that.

 

[shy slave]

i'm very impressed by the measures you took, including getting name and home addy. i have held those (of strangers) for friends meeting strangers.

generally you did what i recommend. (once I and Etoile wrote a safety guide, but i seems to have fallen through the cracks.) i like the calls, etc.

so while i'm quite convinced of your safe attitudes, i'm more concerned about some of the 'feels right' or 'i need it' responses of your 'backers.'

the point of all precautions is that 'feels right' on its own is very bad insurance. 'feels right' plus a Xerox of a passport-- that's my idea of spontaneity when the person wants to live. *possibly it's your family that makes you take precautions that are apparently being treated lightly by others who may be in a different setting.

Just to set the record straight, my family are NOT the people I would listen to about anything, in any situation.
It was at Andantes insistance that made me email those documents to my sister.

I have been in many unsafe situations and bluntly, my family are the last people I would turn to if I was in a life/death situation.
Families are emotive subjects for many people

 

[Pure]

shy, i was referring to your son as a possible reason for safety, i.e., you stay alive so he'll have a mom.

yes, my note should have mentioned the key and admirable role of Mr. Andante in making things safe for you.

 

[shy slave]

shy, i was referring to your son as a possible reason for safety, i.e., you stay alive so he'll have a mom.

yes, my note should have mentioned the key and admirable role of Mr. Andante in making things safe for you.

Oh Pure, in hindsight staying alive for my sons is funny in an odd sort of way

 

[Pure]

clarification?

Hi Netz,

Actually I've done breath control with people I'd met in the last 10 minutes.

The original issue I was addressing was choking [of a woman by a man], by someone she didn't know well, to which I added, on his territory and without safety precaution (like phone calls).

So would you clarify the context of these 10 minute adventures? Are you saying you'd meet a male, a stranger (not a friend of a friend) who wants to 'top' you, you find out in 10 minutes of conversation. After that, since you've gotten a 'good vibe, ' you go to his place (when no one knows his name or address) and soon get into a 'play' scene with him choking you? or how about just smothering with a holeless, airtight leather hood?

 

[Masters_aphrodite]

This is something that i truly enjoy with Master.

I am incredibly turned on by having my breathing restricted or temporarily prevented by my Dom. It heightens sensation indescribably and the ensuing euphoria really intensifies my climax. I would never advocate restricting one's own breathing while alone as this is quite clearly dangerous.

I was fortunate in that my Dom monitored me and my signals very carefully and this became a part of our lovemaking. I just wondered what people's views are as subs that I have chatted to are mostly apprehensive about or disagree with asphyxia. This surprised me to be honest. One sub said that she sees it as beyond the sub/dom relationship as at that point, consent or refusal of anything else is a moot issue and therefore the sub cannot be said to be consenting to anything that occurs while she unable to breathe.

I understand this point of view and obviously it comes down to trust but I want to see what people's opinions are.

 

[jadefirefly]

Oh Pure, in hindsight staying alive for my sons is funny in an odd sort of way

In a "I shouldn't find this funny but I do anyway" sort of way, right?

 

[Netzach]

Hi Netz,

Actually I've done breath control with people I'd met in the last 10 minutes.

The original issue I was addressing was choking [of a woman by a man], by someone she didn't know well, to which I added, on his territory and without safety precaution (like phone calls).

So would you clarify the context of these 10 minute adventures? Are you saying you'd meet a male, a stranger (not a friend of a friend) who wants to 'top' you, you find out in 10 minutes of conversation. After that, since you've gotten a 'good vibe, ' you go to his place (when no one knows his name or address) and soon get into a 'play' scene with him choking you? or how about just smothering with a holeless, airtight leather hood?

That is probably the definition of a bad idea.

However I will bet that none of the people I've done this with have my address, have notified their spouses where they are, and that it makes no difference that you've got a 135 pound chick with your airway in her hand once you are tied up.

People do insane shit. It amazes me all the time, in kind of a beautiful way.

That said, I would never advocate to a girlfriend that she get into a heavy scene with some hot new guy she just met in private. I'm a HUGE believer in the public scene and in the accountability being part of a community *can* provide. (NOTE does not *automatically* provide - but it's better than nothing.) If I wanted to get to know someone in a beating kind of way, I've always made a point of playing at a party or a club or over with friends who play first - this was written in stone for me for a very long time and has taught me to quickly size people up very well.

 

[FurryFury]

Hmm, are we saying that breath play done by a female to a male isn't just as potentially dangerous as the other way around?

It's all dangerous in my book. That is why I said in my first post that I've never done it. I also said I believe that it would be possible with the right person at the right time. (Having the stars align like that, is not likely.)

Yes, in theory, safety protocols should always be in place both by individuals and by the venue but the reality is that just like telling kids to "just say no" or "always use a condom," people do dangerous stuff in life. I'm not advocating it, I'm just admitting I've been there as I suspect most of us have. *shrugs*

Fury