LallyH
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2013
- Posts
- 10,804
I get 'regulars' who send me the same message after a couple of months that I didn't reply to the first time. They must have a rota...
ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received
- Thread starter h_i_s
- Start date
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I get 'regulars' who send me the same message after a couple of months that I didn't reply to the first time. They must have a rota...
Que
aʒɑ̃ prɔvɔkatœr
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Posts
- 39,882
I think one of the reasons PMs can get so tedious for women on here is the sheer volume of essentially the same approaches done so poorly.
We guys get so few unsolicited PMs that we contort ourselves trying to find the bit of gold in the Dross.
I can only think of one in recent memory that I deleted without any reply at all. Even then.... I was still tempted to make something of it. It purported to be from a wife of a couple that was just then starting to consider playing well with others. On the surface I was booking my ticket.
The opener was adequate. Meaning it was from a chick, and she wanted to talk to me... -We have sorta low standards.
It said something like "You seem interesting, what would you want to do to me?".
Pretty generic. Probably, on reflection, as inane as the sort that women typically get. But in a traditional context of the girl batting eyelashes across the bar, and the guy charging in response to the display, not horrible. The Doe flicks her tail and flits off; the Buck ruts off after her...
Wanting to chase down and mount with efficacy, I went to profile first. That was mildly encouraging, that is where I garnered the detail about the couple aspect above. OK, I'm not shy...I'm in...
Nothing really to give me windage or what sort of arrow to nock, to mix a metaphor...
So I go to post history...all the posts were basically personal ads saying in essence, "Tell me what you would do TO me."
So I am to unleash a fusillade into the breeze at random, and if it happens to tickle her ...er... fancy, then I'm in? No, thanks.
...Look at the long, deliberative process before I give up at the futility.
In the other Asshat thread, a sincere-sounding bloke was making inquiries about how to take tepid responses to his PMs. I think it was decided that mostly it's best for all concerned if you just drop the ones that don't sparkle.
We guys get so few unsolicited PMs that we contort ourselves trying to find the bit of gold in the Dross.
I can only think of one in recent memory that I deleted without any reply at all. Even then.... I was still tempted to make something of it. It purported to be from a wife of a couple that was just then starting to consider playing well with others. On the surface I was booking my ticket.
The opener was adequate. Meaning it was from a chick, and she wanted to talk to me... -We have sorta low standards.
It said something like "You seem interesting, what would you want to do to me?".
Pretty generic. Probably, on reflection, as inane as the sort that women typically get. But in a traditional context of the girl batting eyelashes across the bar, and the guy charging in response to the display, not horrible. The Doe flicks her tail and flits off; the Buck ruts off after her...
Wanting to chase down and mount with efficacy, I went to profile first. That was mildly encouraging, that is where I garnered the detail about the couple aspect above. OK, I'm not shy...I'm in...
Nothing really to give me windage or what sort of arrow to nock, to mix a metaphor...
So I go to post history...all the posts were basically personal ads saying in essence, "Tell me what you would do TO me."
So I am to unleash a fusillade into the breeze at random, and if it happens to tickle her ...er... fancy, then I'm in? No, thanks.
...Look at the long, deliberative process before I give up at the futility.
In the other Asshat thread, a sincere-sounding bloke was making inquiries about how to take tepid responses to his PMs. I think it was decided that mostly it's best for all concerned if you just drop the ones that don't sparkle.
Misshotndeep
Site Tumbleweed.
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2013
- Posts
- 33,031
I think that guy pm'd me. Lol
Last_Sunrise
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2014
- Posts
- 303
I just got one a bit ago that the title was: you might and then the entire body of the message was: be into me. No punctuation, no info about him or anything. So much effort put into it. 
Que
aʒɑ̃ prɔvɔkatœr
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Posts
- 39,882
I just got one a bit ago that the title was: you might and then the entire body of the message was: be into me. No punctuation, no info about him or anything. So much effort put into it.
You into him? Maybe he was wanting a little strap-on action?
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2014
- Posts
- 15,042
From him, and out of the blue, of course...
Hi. Send me anus photos.
Soooooo tempted to pull some truly nasty anal prolapse, hemorrhoid ridden, frightening disgust pictures of the internet and post them to his inbox, but I'm really not a cruel person...
Instead, welcome to the asshat thread, dickhead.
*Does the triumphant iggy dance over asshattery*
Hi. Send me anus photos.
Soooooo tempted to pull some truly nasty anal prolapse, hemorrhoid ridden, frightening disgust pictures of the internet and post them to his inbox, but I'm really not a cruel person...
Instead, welcome to the asshat thread, dickhead.
*Does the triumphant iggy dance over asshattery*
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Posts
- 5,366
Really? When he could just go take a look in the mirror.
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2014
- Posts
- 15,042
Loverskitten
I bite
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2011
- Posts
- 2,186
From Fet
"I'd just like to say that you are very beautiful! I absolutely love your nasty, bitchy, pornstar look."
Is that a compliment?
"I'd just like to say that you are very beautiful! I absolutely love your nasty, bitchy, pornstar look."
Is that a compliment?
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 11,904
Monica_112
Switch
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2014
- Posts
- 513
Just now
Titled:urgent
=username ending in dick
I see you are still mad that I fucked your mom and dad. Get over it.
Titled:urgent
=username ending in dick
I see you are still mad that I fucked your mom and dad. Get over it.
StrayKat
Conquered By A Tiger
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2009
- Posts
- 3,645
Primalex
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2007
- Posts
- 6,109
Just bad taste.
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
Got this one from a loser who joined May 2013 has 0 posts and doesn't even reveal their gender in their profile.
Title: Duh
Message:
YOLO
Duhmericah
I hve no idea what this was about. Never even heard of this person before. LOSER...
Title: Duh
Message:
YOLO
Duhmericah
I hve no idea what this was about. Never even heard of this person before. LOSER...
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
Another loser spamming every lady with one message.
Hi,
My name is Robert. Saw you posting and hoping to catch you around. I'm on yahoo and Skype. Let me know what works. Shoot me a message sometime.
All the best,
R
Problems with this
1. read my sig below.
2. How can someone contact you if you don't tell them your user name.
3. Not even a mention of what post he saw or an attempt to connect with me on a personal level.
4. R? Really. Too lazy to type your nake and you want to chat with someone who asks you to use words not letters.
Later loser...
Hi,
My name is Robert. Saw you posting and hoping to catch you around. I'm on yahoo and Skype. Let me know what works. Shoot me a message sometime.
All the best,
R
Problems with this
1. read my sig below.
2. How can someone contact you if you don't tell them your user name.
3. Not even a mention of what post he saw or an attempt to connect with me on a personal level.
4. R? Really. Too lazy to type your nake and you want to chat with someone who asks you to use words not letters.
Later loser...
Erochic
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2013
- Posts
- 2,498
This came completely uninvited. In no place do I say that I'm looking for any kind of online relationship, let alone that I'm looking for a Dominant or "Daddy"
hey babygirl
I am a caring and nurturing mature daddy. I like to take care of baby-girls in moments when they need daddy's warm strong arms hugging them to his strong chest...murmuring soothing sweet nothings in their ears...not realizing that his THICK DADDY COCK rubbing against her...as if having a mind of its own...is growing harder. What he thinks is that DADDY's COCK being the MAST OF CREATION for baby-girl...it is something that baby-girl needs to worship...on her knees...with DADDY's THICK POLE swinging in front of her face...as she looks at it... mesmerized and thankful for bringing her in this world. Are you the girl i am looking for?
hugs,
DADDY
My answer
No
hey babygirl
I am a caring and nurturing mature daddy. I like to take care of baby-girls in moments when they need daddy's warm strong arms hugging them to his strong chest...murmuring soothing sweet nothings in their ears...not realizing that his THICK DADDY COCK rubbing against her...as if having a mind of its own...is growing harder. What he thinks is that DADDY's COCK being the MAST OF CREATION for baby-girl...it is something that baby-girl needs to worship...on her knees...with DADDY's THICK POLE swinging in front of her face...as she looks at it... mesmerized and thankful for bringing her in this world. Are you the girl i am looking for?
hugs,
DADDY
My answer
No
Aphro
Femme du monde
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2013
- Posts
- 8,493
He wants to hypnotize you with his MAST OF CREATION.
I've heard a lot of euphemisms for cock, but this certainly one of the most creative, so I give him brownie points for that. Going to have to remember that one. Perhaps you should have just asked him to set sail on his mast and tack to starboard?
Proximus
Redneck Genius
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Posts
- 3,297
Saw this online today, and I knew it belonged in this thread. Have a good laugh ladies. These freaks are out there!!!
Creepy Text Theater
Creepy Text Theater
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
I'vce actually seen some messages like that on here...
daus42
Carpe Vino
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2006
- Posts
- 9,490
He wants to hypnotize you with his MAST OF CREATION.
I've heard a lot of euphemisms for cock, but this certainly one of the most creative, so I give him brownie points for that. Going to have to remember that one. Perhaps you should have just asked him to set sail on his mast and tack to starboard?
No trimming of the jib either!
Aphro
Femme du monde
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2013
- Posts
- 8,493
That makes me worried for the future of humanity.
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
dude said:
Me: On occasion I have been known to pretend to be someone I'm not.
Dude said:What roles do you like? My cock is hard and covered in precum
Me: Wow, that happened fast. Didn't even discuss a scenario and your telling me about your cock. Did you even look at my profile or sig...
Have a nice night, and welcome to the asshat thread.
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
After telling this user several times in the forums and PM's that Lit doesn't allow underage play, and I don't participate in any RP where any character who has or witnesses sex is under 18. He sends me this message:
I would know, and I reported you. Hope you get arrested before you hurt a kid.
I would know, and I reported you. Hope you get arrested before you hurt a kid.
L
Ldy_Sea
Guest
Yet another individual who makes me weep for humanity...
Subj: mmmm
Msg: We will have about 25 guys in on the thread gang bang.
The address is:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1106831
I looked t the thread and it's 6 guys all saying Hi. Not one of them has ever interacted with me before. So glad they didn't take teh time to read my profile and sig. SMH.
Subj: mmmm
Msg: We will have about 25 guys in on the thread gang bang.
The address is:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1106831
I looked t the thread and it's 6 guys all saying Hi. Not one of them has ever interacted with me before. So glad they didn't take teh time to read my profile and sig. SMH.
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