ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[KimGordon67]

My uh...
Well I guess the gender inverse (if I were the sender) would be to grab a magnifying glass so I can celebrate the successful response.

These guys NEVER need magnifying glasses ... their throbbing members are always fully engorged and tumescent with need.

 

[Farawyn]

These guys NEVER need magnifying glasses ... their throbbing members are always fully engorged and tumescent with need.

...4 u baby. Need 4 u.

 

[KimGordon67]

...4 u baby. Need 4 u.

*snigger*

 

[cookiecat]

Not a Lit PM, but I saw this and thought of y'all.

https://twitter.com/thejenlife/status/817103618578923520

omg this was hilarious.

...4 u baby. Need 4 u.

Always sent by someone named bigthick69teninch. Or Gordie (see Bramblethorn's post)

 

[seela]

I think I have gotten my very first proper, mouth breather asshat messages.

The first one I got when I posted the pic where you could see my whole body in the face pic thread:

Hey you are so curvy.. I want to kiss your whole body, lick your pussy and byte your ass. I have a big dick also. You will love that. Let's feel each other lets have some international love

I didn't respond.

Yesterday I posted another pic, and I guess that prompted the same person to approach me again:

Oh my fucking GOD ... babe your body made me wild .. just fucking crazy wild.. Babe i must fuck this pussy... I want to eat this pussy .. I want make the pussy wet.. wet and wet.. I want to put all of my BBC inside this pussy.. I want to fill the pussy with my dick.. I want to make you scraem, i want make you tired.. I want to die fucking this pussy.. I want to make your pussy make sound.. I want to pound you... hard hard hard.. babe come to my bed for the good time

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[seela]

Even though I think seela is gorgeous....it wasn't me. .

Is anyone else finding volume up recently? With seela mentioning it coinciding with her picture, I noticed it increasing over holiday season plus with a straight hair av but still, av changing necessity.

So you don't want to meet your maker assisted by my vagina? Fancy that.

Like I mentioned, those really are pretty much the only proper asshat PMs I've ever gotten. Usually my veil of boredom protects me from such silliness.

Meeks once mentioned that posting a pic of yourself confirms your vagina holder status and that makes you more prone to asshattery. Makes sense, sad but true.

 

[Cumference]

XXX double post XXX

 

[Cumference]

I have not been asshatted for a very long time.

It is due to pure plunger magic!
(or maybe it is my nose scaring them)

 

[KimGordon67]

My reply: No, I threw up in my mouth a little reading that.

I was thinking about this while I was lying in bed this morning, and you should really send it back to him, slightly re-written:

What would you think about playing a young personal assistant. Trying to work his way up the corporate ladder. His boss hand picked him to be her assistant. He knows if he does right by her - working hard and being more than just 'competent' - that he will by pass most of the younger workers such as himself because he is working directly for the CEO of the COMPANY. However, he soon finds out that boss woman is incredibly intelligent, and a skillful manager, more so than anyone else in the COMPANY. Closing deals and increasing profit margins exponentially, while also maintaining ethical employment practices and environmentally sound production methods. Having him watch in awe while he briefs her on the day and for upcoming meetings ... he finds it incredibly attractive to observe a woman so powerful and adept at managing high level finances. Yet he knows if he screws up by trying to grope her, he will be fired and blow his chance of ever working in the big city again! So he just knuckles down and gets on with doing the actual job he was hired for as well as he possibly can, and eventually he gets promoted.

Does that intrigue you at all?

 

[cascadiabound]

I was thinking about this while I was lying in bed this morning, and you should really send it back to him, slightly re-written:

What would you think about playing a young personal assistant. Trying to work his way up the corporate ladder. His boss hand picked him to be her assistant. He knows if he does right by her - working hard and being more than just 'competent' - that he will by pass most of the younger workers such as himself because he is working directly for the CEO of the COMPANY. However, he soon finds out that boss woman is incredibly intelligent, and a skillful manager, more so than anyone else in the COMPANY. Closing deals and increasing profit margins exponentially, while also maintaining ethical employment practices and environmentally sound production methods. Having him watch in awe while he briefs her on the day and for upcoming meetings ... he finds it incredibly attractive to observe a woman so powerful and adept at managing high level finances. Yet he knows if he screws up by trying to grope her, he will be fired and blow his chance of ever working in the big city again! So he just knuckles down and gets on with doing the actual job he was hired for as well as he possibly can, and eventually he gets promoted.

Does that intrigue you at all?

Love this. Do it Meeks!!!

 

[MeekMe]

I was thinking about this while I was lying in bed this morning, and you should really send it back to him, slightly re-written:

What would you think about playing a young personal assistant. Trying to work his way up the corporate ladder. His boss hand picked him to be her assistant. He knows if he does right by her - working hard and being more than just 'competent' - that he will by pass most of the younger workers such as himself because he is working directly for the CEO of the COMPANY. However, he soon finds out that boss woman is incredibly intelligent, and a skillful manager, more so than anyone else in the COMPANY. Closing deals and increasing profit margins exponentially, while also maintaining ethical employment practices and environmentally sound production methods. Having him watch in awe while he briefs her on the day and for upcoming meetings ... he finds it incredibly attractive to observe a woman so powerful and adept at managing high level finances. Yet he knows if he screws up by trying to grope her, he will be fired and blow his chance of ever working in the big city again! So he just knuckles down and gets on with doing the actual job he was hired for as well as he possibly can, and eventually he gets promoted.

Does that intrigue you at all?

I like this. I cut all communication with such people though. For my sanity I just can't continue communication with those I find repulsive.

 

[Farawyn]

I like this. I cut all communication with such people though. For my sanity I just can't continue communication with those I find repulsive.

There are a couple of guys here, that even seeing their user names makes me sick.

 

[MeekMe]

There are a couple of guys here, that even seeing their user names makes me sick.

Sooooo many. That and AVs creep me out. Nope, don't want to see your genitals in your AV all mashed up like chicken parts in a bag.

 

[hotoldrguy]

Sooooo many. That and AVs creep me out. Nope, don't want to see your genitals in your AV all mashed up like chicken parts in a bag.

LMAO......just got the image of pulling the neck and giblets out of a turkey

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Farawyn]

LMAO......just got the image of pulling the neck and giblets out of a turkey

Like your new AV, by the way. But your old one was good, too.

Ass shots, boxer shots in an AV are fine. Good, even.
I won't even talk to a Cock shot AV. I don't care who you are.

 

[MeekMe]

I am insatiable for the cock of someone I love. Cannot get enough . I am friendly and pleased towards cocks of people I am attracted to. I am not bothered by genetalia of people I am friendly with, or friendly aquaintces with, and nudity is not disturbing to me, I am comfortable with and pro naturism but I would love to know what is behind the decision of a cock av. it is as alluring to me as three week old porridge

If I'm not in a relationship with you I don't want to see your gentitals or have them near me without some kind of barrier between them and me. I find cocks attractive on the people I like, anything else is subject to my critical judgement.

 

[Blue]

I won't even talk to a Cock shot AV. I don't care who you are.

I am comfortable with and pro naturism but I would love to know what is behind the decision of a cock av. it is as alluring to me as three week old porridge

I can't believe how judgemental you're all being. What did I ever do to you?
I guess I'll take my agricultural business elsewhere.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cascadiabound]

I can't believe how judgemental you're all being. What did I ever do to you?
I guess I'll take my agricultural business elsewhere.

Love your new AV. THAT is the best cock AV I have ever seen.
beautiful Con. I cannot stop staring at your lovely cock.

*I dare you to put that as a quote in your sig line*

 

[HisArpy]

I can't believe how judgemental you're all being. What did I ever do to you?
I guess I'll take my agricultural business elsewhere.

GO GET 'EM CON!

Show them what it's like to have a man with a REAL cock around the house.

 

[KimGordon67]

during excitement
ever dripped a little warm pee on a lover when very excited with a full bladder? Nothing better than a woman thinks she's cumming, and drips pee all over my dick or tongue at the same time.

I responded with 'ah ... no' ... because surprisingly I never have. Two minutes later received this, from the same guy:

tribbing
bouci curls posted at 12:27 am 2 post under tribbing. Pretty hot action.

I'm really not sure what to make of any of this ... am I meant to be flattered? Intrigued? Titillated? Does Emily Post provide any advice on the appropriate response in such situations?

He came back! In spite of me totally ignoring him:
"hope you had a good holiday and are doing well.Learned anything new to share?"

Does he want a nice salad recipe? Maybe to know where there's some good fishing spots?

 

[ElsieElsewhere]

He came back! In spite of me totally ignoring him:
"hope you had a good holiday and are doing well.Learned anything new to share?"

Does he want a nice salad recipe? Maybe to know where there's some good fishing spots?

I wonder if some of these dildos realize they're coming off as beyond creepy. one guy pm'd me the other day wanting to talk to me about me being dirty at work. he knew I work in an elementary school. Vile af scum. he was complaining about having to go so deep into my post history to even find anything hinting at sex. like, idiot, if you can't find anything sexual in my posts, then chances are, I'm not going to talk dirty to your dumb ass.