BDSM Discussion: Body Image

[sally_sparrow]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body? When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc) Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

Thank you for this post, PLP.

I used to think that no one would accept me for myself and the way that I look but I know that is my own judgement shining through. I have always wanted to be thinner and my hair less curly because that is what was shoved into my face as a child. Be beautiful. Be perfect. Don't be ugly. Don't be fat. I was never made to feel bad about myself from family or friends, but I come from a line of women who are notorious for picking apart their own faults and endlessly complaining about them. When I started becoming sexually active, and then involved in the kink scene I was extremely self-conscious. I assumed that it was only beautiful people and I was an odd duck. It took a long time for me to realize that when we find a partner we click with and we trust one another, it doesn't matter. Once that relationship is established, I am able to let myself go.

When I had a cesarean with my first child it changed my body and it has taken me *years* to accept that it will never be the same. I hated the scar it left. I hated how my abdominal muscles were lax and leaving me with an "apron". I hated everything about my physical self. I was also experiencing major postpartum depression. It took years to remove that hate. I still look at myself and wish my thighs were less plump and my stomach was more toned, but I am who I am and I grew and birthed two beautiful children from my body, so I think that's pretty amazing. I am doing everything now to take care of myself due to ongoing health issues so my main focus is feeling good and not so much what I look like on the outside.

No, I do not think my body type is portrayed well in porn, especially BDSM. I don't let it get to me anymore. I know that whomever I am with, if we connect and feel comfortable together and make each other feel good, nothing else matters. Looks of the other sex (or same sex) have never been a deal breaker for me or even that important. I appreciate more on what is on the inside more than anything else. When that beauty shines through, then everything about that person is beautiful. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

 

[Bramblethorn]

It doesn’t always matter how they see us. It’s how we see ourselves. I think that’s the point and I also think that we as women forget that men have body issues as well.

I feel this. My partner is bigger than I am and would never ever make me feel bad about my weight (she's one of nature's "I will feed you" people) but when we're bombarded every day by messages about how skinny is the only acceptable way to be, it's hard not to internalise a bit of that.

 

[gracie920101]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body? When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc) Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

When I was super active in the lifestyle, I was young, short and skinny and couldn't gain weight if I tried. I looked a little funny in the face but that was handled by some expensive orthodontia as an adult since the folks couldn't afford it-however it never stopped an orgasm. Although I do know there were some really brave souls that enjoyed a little oral servitude during that time
I never thought about how my body looked, I only worried about when my next orgasm would come.
But then, I started being passed over for younger blonder subbies and I suddenly was made painfully aware that I was too old at 38 for some of the guys.
Then I found a few greys in my butt length brunette locks and I got worried.
Then menopause came early.
I struggled with suddenly weighing 30 lbs more than I ever thought about. And by sudden, I mean within a 4 month period. I was miserable and hated my body and had stretch marks without ever giving birth. Not fair by any means. This has continued to this day some 20 years later. That 30 lbs has now doubled but I started to change that about 3 months ago and I have some hope to regain some of my positive body image that I lost.
The best thing about it all is J. He was there for the early menopause and tantrums, despair, anger and all the trials that go along with it. To this day, he still sees me through 30 years ago eyes with or without my clothes. Who am I to argue with that?
We discussed this just a couple of days ago. I have come to the realization that deep in me is anger that I'm older, still get passed over and my body doesn't cooperate with certain positions or reactions as it once did. I'm working on the anger now and trying to change or redirect it into a healthier place in my head.
Sorry for the long ramble but the first question just kinda caused a blurt since we're dealing with it in our home at the moment. I know I didn't answer the other questions. Maybe later.
Whether all of this stays up or not will depend on what he says after he gets a chance to read it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

gracie

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body? When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc) Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

Some of you asked about the male perspective....

I know Lit isn't the real world, but since joining I've been surprised how many attractive young women appear open to a larger, older man like me. Since my last, 10 year, relationship ended due to changed circumstances, I've felt like I'm going to be alone forever. My job involves sitting for 8 to 12 hours per day and without the motivation (and serious exercise) that lady provided, I've put on 3 stones (40 pounds) in 5 years. That's the other problem. I met her at 39 and now I'm in my fifties.

The younger women I meet offline just aren't interested, perhaps I'm a hypocrite because I'm not looking for someone with a similar body type? How does an old man approach a young woman and ask: "are you mildly submissive and do you want children?"

Those three (size, age, gender) are the only ones on PLP's list that concern me. Lime green skin with purple hair, if that's the natural, unfaked you then I'm happy. There's a seriously fit one-armed weather girl on UK TV.... Yes, I would.

Haven't watched much live porn since I was a teenager. These days I tend to read it rather than look at it (hence, Literotica).

Rethinking? No, I used to be fairly attractive and very confident. The opinions of the mindless herd didn't concern me too much. As an intelligent and curious scientist, motorcyclist and scale modeller, I've never fit into the conventional UK mould anyway. The past few years have knocked me a little and I'm more aware of the image I present, more conscious of the differing outlook of a new generation. I had thought that perhaps I needed to hide or change some of who I am to regain companionship. Your online company has helped me realise I can still be me. Perhaps Leonard and Penny don't have to be the same age.

Thank you, ladies.

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body?

This has been all over the place for me. Surprisingly at one time in my life, I was very VERY self-conscious of my body. I got dressed and undressed in the dark but as certain things happened in my life over time I got comfy in my own skin per se. Then the big D happened and after all the hurt, lies and mental abuse I was put through from my ex I was totally ashamed of myself again and all the little dark thoughts entered back in my head. But come 2019 I found myself again and sorry, not sorry got daring and started showing off. I was totally scared of doing it and thought it wouldn't amount to anything. Just another failed attempt on my part to find me after everyone saw my 1st picture. Since it seemed like I failed at everything else in life. There are days that I still get down and filled with self-doubt but I have some good people in my life now that help me through these periods.

When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc)

None of this affects me. I'm a lover of all.

Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

Is anything actually portrayed accurately in porn? Who wouldn't want to have sex with the perfectly amazing hot male or female that has perfectly done hair, lips, nails, and ass? Don't we all look like that? Does it bother me? Maybe a little but I have to remember these people are getting paid to do porn. That's one of the reasons I do enjoy lit - seeing real people here.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

This has been all over the place for me. Surprisingly at one time in my life, I was very VERY self-conscious of my body. I got dressed and undressed in the dark but as certain things happened in my life over time I got comfy in my own skin per se. Then the big D happened and after all the hurt, lies and mental abuse I was put through from my ex I was totally ashamed of myself again and all the little dark thoughts entered back in my head. But come 2019 I found myself again and sorry, not sorry got daring and started showing off. I was totally scared of doing it and thought it wouldn't amount to anything. Just another failed attempt on my part to find me after everyone saw my 1st picture. Since it seemed like I failed at everything else in life. There are days that I still get down and filled with self-doubt but I have some good people in my life now that help me through these periods.




None of this affects me. I'm a lover of all.



Is anything actually portrayed accurately in porn? Who wouldn't want to have sex with the perfectly amazing hot male or female that has perfectly done hair, lips, nails, and ass? Don't we all look like that? Does it bother me? Maybe a little but I have to remember these people are getting paid to do porn. That's one of the reasons I do enjoy lit - seeing real people here.

I recently posted some pics in AmPics, after looking and commenting on pics there since I joined Lit (including Renee's beautiful pics). The feed back was very positive. It did quite a lot to allay my body image issues. I know I am still a big fat guy, but some people still find me attractive.

Seeing real people flashing their bits is perhaps not unique to Lit, but it is one of the things I love the most about Lit.

The people of AmPics are beautiful, despite their universal self-doubts.

Think on that a bit.

 

[KimGordon67]

I recently posted some pics in AmPics, after looking and commenting on pics there since I joined Lit (including Renee's beautiful pics). The feed back was very positive. It did quite a lot to allay my body image issues. I know I am still a big fat guy, but some people still find me attractive.

Seeing real people flashing their bits is perhaps not unique to Lit, but it is one of the things I love the most about Lit.

The people of AmPics are beautiful, despite their universal self-doubts.

Think on that a bit.

Seconds before I read this and Renee's post, I was wondering if the AmPics threads on here were one way of coming to terms with one's body. There is context to this ... when I was younger - a LOT younger - and already had relatively low self esteem, I ended up in a relationship with a guy who had a real thing about 'fat' women - like, not a thing where he liked them, but where he constantly referred to women on the basis of their weight. It was a terrible relationship for a number of reasons, and only last six months, but it really shattered what little self confidence I had at the time. A bit after that, I realised I'd stopped looking at myself in the mirror naked - like, utterly avoided even seeing myself. So I start modelling for art classes - portrait classes as first, but then I screwed up the courage to do life modelling. And it was amazing - to see the lovely lines that people saw when they looked at me was really liberating.
Thinking about it now, it's so easy to see how one ends up feeling like this ... we're surrounded by imagery of skinny = beautiful, even more so now than when I was 20. And we're often the only people who see our naked bodies, so if we're our own worst critics, and there's no alternative assessment, it's difficult to fight that image.
I have been really heartened by how positive the AmPics threads are. It obviously takes people a lot of guts to post in there (and having taken my clothes off in front of a bunch of amateur artists, I totally get that). And it's just lovely to see something that counters the 'how to get a beach body for summer' discourse. So maybe developing a bit of exhibitionism is something to consider ...

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

Seconds before I read this and Renee's post, I was wondering if the AmPics threads on here were one way of coming to terms with one's body. There is context to this ... when I was younger - a LOT younger - and already had relatively low self-esteem, I ended up in a relationship with a guy who had a real thing about 'fat' women - like, not a thing where he liked them, but where he constantly referred to women on the basis of their weight. It was a terrible relationship for a number of reasons, and only last six months, but it really shattered what little self-confidence I had at the time. A bit after that, I realized I'd stopped looking at myself in the mirror naked - like, utterly avoided even seeing myself. So I started modeling for art classes - portrait classes as first, but then I screwed up the courage to do life modeling. And it was amazing - to see the lovely lines that people saw when they looked at me was really liberating.
Thinking about it now, it's so easy to see how one ends up feeling like this ... we're surrounded by imagery of skinny = beautiful, even more so now than when I was 20. And we're often the only people who see our naked bodies, so if we're our own worst critics, and there's no alternative assessment, it's difficult to fight that image.
I have been really heartened by how positive the AmPics threads are. It obviously takes people a lot of guts to post in there (and having taken my clothes off in front of a bunch of amateur artists, I totally get that). And it's just lovely to see something that counters the 'how to get a beach body for summer' discourse. So maybe developing a bit of exhibitionism is something to consider ...

I can only speak for myself that - I was totally scared to post that first picture. I thought others would click on it and go ewww and that would be it. Granted we are on a sex site! But there are some truly genuine people here and those are the ones that really helped me see that I am beautiful. Of course, you get a few not so nice people out there that saw some really mean and hurtful things. So maybe exhibitionism wasn't so bad!

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

I recently posted some pics in AmPics, after looking and commenting on pics there since I joined Lit (including Renee's beautiful pics). The feed back was very positive. It did quite a lot to allay my body image issues. I know I am still a big fat guy, but some people still find me attractive.

Seeing real people flashing their bits is perhaps not unique to Lit, but it is one of the things I love the most about Lit.

The people of AmPics are beautiful, despite their universal self-doubts.

Think on that a bit.

huggles!!! I for one are happy to see you!

 

[Mei5ter]

Who wouldn't want to have sex with the perfectly amazing hot male or female that has perfectly done hair, lips, nails, and ass? Don't we all look like that?

No, thank God.

If I wanted bored, empty-souled people with fake body parts who have been made up and airbrushed so as to be barely recognisable, there are plenty of sites I can go to.

Keep posting, please

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

No, thank God.

If I wanted bored, empty-souled people with fake body parts who have been made up and airbrushed so as to be barely recognisable, there are plenty of sites I can go to.

Keep posting, please

Well the only thing fake about me is one knee and my hair color. Lol

 

[AlwaysFara]

I love this thread.

gracie...

 

[cookiecat]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body? When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc) Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

I've allowed weight to prevent me from doing a lot of things in life. It makes me sad. Like gracie, I had a really good man who loved what I saw as flaws. He got tired of me pointing them out or shrinking away, especially when he was trying to tie me down and do lewd, lovely things. I wish I had trusted his boner and his words and said fuck yes!

I notice a trend in porn toward celebrating chubby women, thick thighs, tummies. A part of me loves this. Another part of me is bummed that we actually have to devote a thread to say this is beautiful.

My husband lost the use if his hands/arms and was eventually in a wheelchair so I became acutely aware of kink / sex / affection and disability. It's rarely shown in any pictures ever about anything anywhere. (sidenote: Target had a cool ad using a woman in a wheelchair a few seasons back like it was just no big thing. I loved that!)

We went back and forth about having a spanking / flogging / kinky proxy. We tried a few times to invite someone to play with me but it was weird for him just to sit and watch. Our play became more mental/emotional instead of physical, which was pretty nifty.

Now that I'm single and thinking about "getting out there" again - ugh. The whole naked thing scares me. I suppose I think too much about it. I don't want to spend any more time missing out on anything because I think I'm too fat. I'm a whole bunch of other things that trump fat.

The thing I do miss in porn is a dad body. Now that heavy women are showing up naked, I think it's time for some big men to get naked too. The only time I see a chubby guy is in gay porn related to bears. I want a furry naked dude with a tummy and thighs!

 

[twister947]

Early in the morning, one cup in, clear-eyed and honest, one fact stands clear: my weight affects my health. I can't run fast enough to get away from that.

 

[KimGordon67]

I've allowed weight to prevent me from doing a lot of things in life. It makes me sad. Like gracie, I had a really good man who loved what I saw as flaws. He got tired of me pointing them out or shrinking away, especially when he was trying to tie me down and do lewd, lovely things. I wish I had trusted his boner and his words and said fuck yes!

I notice a trend in porn toward celebrating chubby women, thick thighs, tummies. A part of me loves this. Another part of me is bummed that we actually have to devote a thread to say this is beautiful.

My husband lost the use if his hands/arms and was eventually in a wheelchair so I became acutely aware of kink / sex / affection and disability. It's rarely shown in any pictures ever about anything anywhere. (sidenote: Target had a cool ad using a woman in a wheelchair a few seasons back like it was just no big thing. I loved that!)

We went back and forth about having a spanking / flogging / kinky proxy. We tried a few times to invite someone to play with me but it was weird for him just to sit and watch. Our play became more mental/emotional instead of physical, which was pretty nifty.

Now that I'm single and thinking about "getting out there" again - ugh. The whole naked thing scares me. I suppose I think too much about it. I don't want to spend any more time missing out on anything because I think I'm too fat. I'm a whole bunch of other things that trump fat.

The thing I do miss in porn is a dad body. Now that heavy women are showing up naked, I think it's time for some big men to get naked too. The only time I see a chubby guy is in gay porn related to bears. I want a furry naked dude with a tummy and thighs!

'Getting back out there' is so bloody daunting, eh? I have a date next week. Argh!

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I wish I had trusted his boner and his words and said fuck yes!
!

'Getting back out there' is so bloody daunting, eh? I have a date next week. Argh!

Let that line be your guide. Everything else will work out (I'm not saying you have to have sex on the first date. It can be a metaphorical boner).

Oh, and on behalf of furry (often) naked dudes: we're ready.

 

[cookiecat]

Early in the morning, one cup in, clear-eyed and honest, one fact stands clear: my weight affects my health. I can't run fast enough to get away from that.

You know, I've been thinking lots of this as I tip-toe back in to getting my kink on again. That whole bending over, head down, ass up thing --- my first thought isn't really geez this makes me wet. Instead, it's "will I be able to get up."

I'm not so much worried about the chub stuff as I am that healthy part.

 

[cookiecat]

'Getting back out there' is so bloody daunting, eh? I have a date next week. Argh!

I'm glad you're sharing your stuff in your thread. Super daunting!!!!!

Let that line be your guide. Everything else will work out (I'm not saying you have to have sex on the first date. It can be a metaphorical boner).

Oh, and on behalf of furry (often) naked dudes: we're ready.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

You know, I've been thinking lots of this as I tip-toe back in to getting my kink on again. That whole bending over, head down, ass up thing --- my first thought isn't really geez this makes me wet. Instead, it's "will I be able to get up."

I'm not so much worried about the chub stuff as I am that healthy part.

LOL. Been there, regularly (well, not precisely).

Her: spread eagle, legs up, wetter than Niagara Falls.

Me: LEG CRAMP!!!! ARGHHHH!

That's just "creeping age". Sorry.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Her: spread eagle, legs up, wetter than Niagara Falls.

Me: LEG CRAMP!!!! ARGHHHH!

That's down to preparation: make sure you're warm and well hydrated. Difficult when you're frolicking in the snow, but....

 

[twister947]

I am attracted to women honest enough to let the gray show. My non-sequiter for the night...as you were.

 

[seela]

I am attracted to women honest enough to let the gray show. My non-sequiter for the night...as you were.

This comment absolutely baffles me. I can't see how dying your hair is being dishonest. Is it dishonest only when you dye your hair after you've started going gray or is it dishonest in your 20s, too?

Being attracted to women who don't dye their hair is fine and dandy, I just really don't understand what honesty has to do with it.

 

[KimGordon67]

This comment absolutely baffles me. I can't see how dying your hair is being dishonest. Is it dishonest only when you dye your hair after you've started going gray or is it dishonest in your 20s, too?

Being attracted to women who don't dye their hair is fine and dandy, I just really don't understand what honesty has to do with it.

LOL - I literally just dyed my hair yesterday in preparation for a date. I don't think it's going to fool him into thinking I'm 23.

 

[Dreamliner]

LOL - I literally just dyed my hair yesterday in preparation for a date. I don't think it's going to fool him into thinking I'm 23.

Jeez, and there I thought you were late 20's KG.