BDSM Discussion: Body Image

[KimGordon67]

Jeez, and there I thought you were late 20's KG.

In fairness, I have BEEN in my late 20s once upon a time.

 

[twister947]

This comment absolutely baffles me. I can't see how dying your hair is being dishonest. Is it dishonest only when you dye your hair after you've started going gray or is it dishonest in your 20s, too?

Being attracted to women who don't dye their hair is fine and dandy, I just really don't understand what honesty has to do with it.

Sorry, maybe honest was a poor choice. Confident? Fearless? Or perhaps it's just a choice. Anyway, if I offended, I'm sorry; that was not my intent.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I think I see both sides of this. Frankly, some women in their 40s or 50s look great in grey hair. On some women it makes them look much older. Most of the women I know over about 40 dye their hair. Half of the women younger than that do was well. I know a stunningly beautiful woman of Chinese decent who has always had blonde hair. I don't think anyone assumes it is her natural colour, but most would agree she looks great with it.

I would love my almost white hair (I'm only 60) to be the colour of new pennies again. But that sounds like an awful lot of work, especially given how fast it grows.

 

[seela]

I at least wasn't offended. I don't dye my hair but probably will have to because I'm not thrilled about the prospect of having gray hair in my 30s...

I've had a conversation here on Lit before about how wearing make up is a form of lying and the wording of gray hair being "honest" just gave me a similar, weird vibe.

I didn't understand how make up would be lying, I don't understand how not dying your hair would be especially honest. But then again what do I know. If I had my way and had sufficient funds to do it, I'd have my face done and the rest of my body too and I'd look absolutely nothing like I do now. So maybe that makes me more understanding of that sort of "lies" than most people.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I at least wasn't offended. I don't dye my hair but probably will have to because I'm not thrilled about the prospect of having gray hair in my 30s...

I've had a conversation here on Lit before about how wearing make up is a form of lying and the wording of gray hair being "honest" just gave me a similar, weird vibe.

I didn't understand how make up would be lying, I don't understand how not dying your hair would be especially honest. But then again what do I know. If I had my way and had sufficient funds to do it, I'd have my face done and the rest of my body too and I'd look absolutely nothing like I do now. So maybe that makes me more understanding of that sort of "lies" than most people.

I agree.

Twisty, I didn’t take offense either. I know what you mean. There’s a certain FUCK THE WORLD aspect about a woman going grey.
I would look like a hag.
The reaction would be more, WTF is that?

But yeah. People know my age despite my Oh So Clever covering of my greys.

 

[twister947]

Y'all ignore me...I'm still stuck in the 60s.

https://youtu.be/MzdvQOXxRD4

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Y'all ignore me...I'm still stuck in the 60s.

https://youtu.be/MzdvQOXxRD4

Nope.

Did you see all the "I'm not offended" stuff? We can TALK about this and have opposing views and come to an understanding. Unless you're a Boston Bruins fan or don't put raisins in your butter tarts. (Sorry, I'm really Canadian).

Great tune.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Y'all ignore me...I'm still stuck in the 60s.

https://youtu.be/MzdvQOXxRD4

Nope.

Did you see all the "I'm not offended" stuff? We can TALK about this and have opposing views and come to an understanding. Unless you're a Boston Bruins fan or don't put raisins in your butter tarts. (Sorry, I'm really Canadian).

Great tune.

This.

 

[KimGordon67]

I agree.

Twisty, I didn’t take offense either. I know what you mean. There’s a certain FUCK THE WORLD aspect about a woman going grey.
I would look like a hag.
The reaction would be more, WTF is that?

But yeah. People know my age despite my Oh So Clever covering of my greys.

I've been thinking of growing mine out to see how it looks now - last time I saw it natural it was sort of 'dirty grey', that isn't even slightly attractive, but I suspect it's a lot whiter ... but now matter how cool you are in wearing grey hair, it just does have the 'age' thing attached to it ... and I'm so ambivalent about that. I'm fine with being 52, but not with people expecting me to be 'like a 52 years old' should be. One of the quite young people I work with was really surprised when I told her how old I am - she literally said 'But that's how old my PARENTS are - you're NOT that old'. Obviously I actually am.
And, to bring it around to the original post, I guess that's one of the things about porn etc - everyone is very young. (I know there's the whole 'MILF' thing, but those women don't really look over 35, and are super heavily made up.) When there are older women, them being older is a big 'thing', rather than just being normal.

 

[dashie33]

As I was saying on the Chubby Tummies thread on the AmPics forum, I've never once given thought to what someone else looked like; I've always been way more interested in personality than looks, so I sometimes have difficulty in saying anything beyond the generic/obvious when presented with photos/videos of people (which is why I don't comment much there).

For myself, however, I'm acutely aware of the fact that I'm pretty much an outlier and my body-type doesn't get all that much representation; I was once overweight, but I'm not now, yet the scars - loose skin, stretch-marks - remain and I basically have zero self-esteem. 99% of the feedback I've received on here has been pretty positive, though, so that is helping.

 

[twister947]

My hair is mostly grey, I think. I buzz it all off once a week...free of the tyranny of the barbershop!

 

[AlwaysFara]

My hair is mostly grey, I think. I buzz it all off once a week...free of the tyranny of the barbershop!

I was afraid to grow my pubes in. I was full smooth 2 years ago. I was afraid of grey.
Nothing grey so far...


Yet. I think that’s fucking sexy on others.

 

[KimGordon67]

I was afraid to grow my pubes in. I was full smooth 2 years ago. I was afraid of grey.
Nothing grey so far...


Yet. I think that’s fucking sexy on others.

Mine are absolutely grey - as a wise friend of mine once said, most guys are so happy to be close to a vagina and don't really care that much about the aesthetics. The thing I most hate is my eyebrows going grey - not something you really consider until it happens.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I am not comfortable in my body at all. I don't see anything attractive, only that there is too much and ohsomany flaws. However, I find it easy to look away other women of any size and see nothing but beauty. I am incredibly self conscious when it comes to getting naked with someone for the first time. Let's turn off the lights, get under the blankets, and don't try to uncover my tummy, okay? How sexy is that?

I find it easier to show myself online because I am in control of what is seen, what angle it's seen in, and who sees it. In person, I'm a fucking wreck. It's hard for me to find my body type well-represented. There's plenty smaller and larger, but to find sexy gifs of a body I can relate to is damn near impossible.

I find myself attracted to a variety of people for a variety of reasons. It sometimes surprises me because what might have been a turn off with one person might be a turn on with another. It's definitely about the person as a whole.

As I was saying on the Chubby Tummies thread on the AmPics forum, I've never once given thought to what someone else looked like; I've always been way more interested in personality than looks, so I sometimes have difficulty in saying anything beyond the generic/obvious when presented with photos/videos of people (which is why I don't comment much there).

For myself, however, I'm acutely aware of the fact that I'm pretty much an outlier and my body-type doesn't get all that much representation; I was once overweight, but I'm not now, yet the scars - loose skin, stretch-marks - remain and I basically have zero self-esteem. 99% of the feedback I've received on here has been pretty positive, though, so that is helping.

The obvious answer to both of you (and others) is to stop beating yourselves up and listen to the positive feedback from people on Lit. We're a pretty discriminating group. We appreciate anyone willing to drop their clothes and show off. You will rarely get a negative. Don't confuse this as some do as "white knights" or "leg humpers".

Litsters understand a basic truth of life:

There are like a dozen Super Models at any given time, a handful of "Perfect" Hollywood starlets and a few "She looks great for her age" celebs.

The rest of us have body fat, hair where it doesn't belong, or a lack where it does, sagging skin, scars, stretch marks, "saggy" boobs, whatever. The list goes on and on.

That is what a normal person looks like. By all means, lose weight for your health. Don't PLEASE get on a crazy diet or impossible exercise regime to get a 22-inch waist or to fit on the jeans you wore in high school.

A couple of people have provided positive feedback on my overweight hairy chest in AmPics and a couple of private pics. I wouldn't have sent / posted if I thought I was just going to get my ego stroked. (In fact I expected some negativity). I am encouraged to post more (soon). A burly hairy guy isn't for everyone. Neither is a curvy woman, or a slender one or a tall skinny guy or gal. Red hair. Black hair. No hair. We all have turn-ons and preferences. It kinda makes life worth living that we aren't all the same.

Dashie: Keep on being you. You may not be everyone's cup of tea, but you are an amazing person with style and a sense of both adventure and humour (and perky tits).

Oh, and Indie: Turn. The. Lights. On. Trust me. I am a pervert and I know what looks good in the bedroom. Or the TV room. The den. The kitchen. The garage...

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

Indie: Turn. The. Lights. On. Trust me. I am a pervert and I know what looks good in the bedroom. Or the TV room. The den. The kitchen. The garage...

I'll second ThereAin'tNo.... here, Indie. I've only seen a few quick snaps of you but what I've seen is damn good. Remember that a man worth holding on to is looking inside your skin, not just outside. Beauty shines in all sorts of ways and often it's most radiant when it comes from the heart.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Mine are absolutely grey - as a wise friend of mine once said, most guys are so happy to be close to a vagina and don't really care that much about the aesthetics. The thing I most hate is my eyebrows going grey - not something you really consider until it happens.

I think *I* said that.

And it’s true.

They are just happy to be there.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Mine are absolutely grey - as a wise friend of mine once said, most guys are so happy to be close to a vagina and don't really care that much about the aesthetics. The thing I most hate is my eyebrows going grey - not something you really consider until it happens.

I think *I* said that.

And it’s true.

They are just happy to be there.

Can confirm. Absolutely.

 

[Threadbare42]

Beauty shines in all sorts of ways and often it's most radiant when it comes from the heart.

How true this is, and so eloquently worded. I totally agree

 

[cascadiabound]

Did you see all the "I'm not offended" stuff? We can TALK about this and have opposing views and come to an understanding. Unless you're a Boston Bruins fan or don't put raisins in your butter tarts. (Sorry, I'm really Canadian).

The butter tarts with raisins got me Tan. Love love love a good Canadian butter tart! - please send me a dozen ASAP.

body stuff.

1) I am pretty uncomfortable with showing myself in pictures (am pics style) Idk - maybe that is not the right kind of exhibitionism for me. i feel rather fortunate in that I have generally liked my body pretty well for general purposes, whatever weight I have been. And I have never been willing to hide under the covers or turn the lights out as a must have.

2) are there things I don't like about my body? sure. I wish my tummy was flatter (but I thought that when I weighed 120 # in HS) - so I think that women just tend to be self conscious about their female soft tummies no matter what size or weight we are. I recall reading some post somewhere here where a woman talked about her male partner just loving on her tummy (because he loved her AND her tummy) and how that helped her become less self conscious about that part of her anatomy. I could do with a little of that kind of love therapy.

I dislike the extra lumps on my hips that just feel like "saddle bags" even though I *know* I am ridiculous to even think of them as saddle bags in any world that is remotely objective.

3) hair and makeup etc: I wear makeup - not very much and not all the time, but I like it and it makes me feel, idk, more grown up, dressy, deliberate. It is not lying to put a bit of blush on, eye liner and mascara. It is just an accessory like jewelry or anything else. There is nothing about makeup that is "lying" I do worry about people who are afraid to have their loved ones see them without their make up... taking it off after he is in bed and making sure the lights are off.... just makes me so sad.
hair... I think people should do whatever they want with their hair. It is another form of personal expression. Long short, dyed, permed, whatever. I have a whole thread about hair. For myself, I have had my hair almost every length (never shaved bald, but I have had it very very very short) and I have had perms and henna rinses (purple of course). These days it is long and streaked with white. More all the time. My friends tell me it is becoming and I kinda like that my white/grey hair is evidence of having lived and earned each and every one of those strands. I have no inclination to dye it (really can't imagine dying it tbh), but women who are more comfortable dying should do that. (Fara - I am SURE you could never look like a hag).

4) I am mostly oh so grateful that I have a body that works. That mostly doesn't hurt and is able to do the work and activities that I demand of it. Over the past 18 mo or so I have changed my eating habits etc in part to be healthier in general and lose weight in order to have a better quality of life. I do feel better and I objectively look better and it is more fun to try on and buy clothes. But this project has been much more about being a healthier person who might live longer than about being more height weight proportionate.

5) I like porn (I am here after all), but I prefer porn that is more suggestive. I love honey's vintage thread. I don't really think that I am particularly represented in porn - I am too regular looking and too old for any kind of mass consumption porn.

I appreciate each and every one who has posted here and shared their thoughts on this topic. It is a deeply vulnerable topic.

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm not a small girl in stature, and I definitely would like to lose some weight, but I'm also spectacularly crap at doing anything about it. A few years back, I had breast reduction surgery, and I kind of loved my body for a while, but then the weight started (I'm 52, and this is part of aging, and also part of just general lifestyle changes), and that's stopped again. However, my BF adamantly adores me regardless. It took probably a year or two, maybe more, before he could touch my belly - I hadn't realised it, but I was so clearly uncomfortable with it that he just avoided the whole area. One day he told me, and I finally got the courage to let him ... this is turning into a long rambly comment, but to cut to the chase ... I think porn has screwed up my body image because I already lacked confidence. I don't know that it's kink related, although I think maybe the sex that comes under the general bdsm umbrella can be more 'physical' and you can end up in some less-than-flatting positions. I'm not worried about that with my current guy ... but I'm also not monogamous and (for involved and irrelevant reasons) have only just started acting on that, so NOW I'm very aware of my body and all its flaws because I'm probably going to end up exposing it to some new eyes sometimes soon. To someone else who also watches a lot of porn (because who doesn't).
And I'm fucking terrified. Like, actually terrified.

Update on this ... turns out a lovely guy and a reasonable amount of vodka can deal to that terror. (Does it help when the lovely guy also has a bit of a dad bod? Probably.)
I think for some fairly significant parts of the fairly recent and totally new sex with the said guy, I forgot I even HAD a tummy ... so that's the trick, just make her cum so much that's ALL she can think about ... if 'thinking' is even a thing at that point.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Update on this ... turns out a lovely guy and a reasonable amount of vodka can deal to that terror. (Does it help when the lovely guy also has a bit of a dad bod? Probably.)
I think for some fairly significant parts of the fairly recent and totally new sex with the said guy, I forgot I even HAD a tummy ... so that's the trick, just make her cum so much that's ALL she can think about ... if 'thinking' is even a thing at that point.

Glad to hear the happy update!

 

[KimGordon67]

Glad to hear the happy update!

I think the fact that after dinner he said 'right, let's got to a DESSERT restaurant now' was a good indicator that enjoying food was probably a slightly higher priority than worry about tummies.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think the fact that after dinner he said 'right, let's got to a DESSERT restaurant now' was a good indicator that enjoying food was probably a slightly higher priority than worry about tummies.

That's fantastic! Congrats, Kim!


I like what you said about forgetting you had a tummy. Very relateable. By the time a man is peeling my panties down off of my legs, I've pretty much forgotten about any body issues i might have walked in the door with.

 

[KimGordon67]

That's fantastic! Congrats, Kim!


I like what you said about forgetting you had a tummy. Very relateable. By the time a man is peeling my panties down off of my legs, I've pretty much forgotten about any body issues i might have walked in the door with.

Exactly that.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Meanwhile... one of my friends is having her flap from her C-section removed today and I’m jealous.