BDSM Discussion: Body Image

[AlwaysFara]

I have have seen you up close and personal.

You are lovely. Beautiful. Cute. Pretty. You do NOT need botox. If ya did, I'd tell ya. Ok? Ok.

I love you. Come visit.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Had a small victory today. Indulging him in what he likes and stopping second guessing. It allowed me to do some things I normally wouldn't. I'm a work in progress but today felt like a win.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Had a small victory today. Indulging him in what he likes and stopping second guessing. It allowed me to do some things I normally wouldn't. I'm a work in progress but today felt like a win.

Little wins can mean the world! It certainly isn't easy. Good on you for stepping outside of your comfort zone and enjoying yourself. I'm sure he was happy too

 

[AveryElle]

In other news, an amazingly beautiful friend of mine is getting Botox.

Again. I don’t know how to feel. It’s her face. But I wish she didn’t think she needs it. But part of me thinks I need it.

Ah Botox! My absolutely gorgeous spin instructor gets it. For his laugh lines. WE ALL LAUGH!! I don’t get it. It’s totally his body and his choice, but I sometimes feel like if a person that good looking can’t be happy with his appearance, is there any hope for any of us?

I’m lucky that I’ve had a spouse love my body through thick and thin. Literally. At my thinnest, I was addicted to working out and had distorted eating that I was able to hide fairly well. At my heaviest, I had horrible PPD/PPA but was alone enough, it wasn’t apparent to everyone. I live a life, now, where I’m fat but fit. I work out A LOT, but my body is probably where it’s going to be, possibly because of some of the damage I’ve done to it in years past. But if my gorgeous instructor can’t be OK with himself without Botox, I feel like I’m doing ok.

I went to a play party the other week and for the first time in a LONG time, wore no makeup and no Spanx. I am what I am. People need to do what makes them feel good, but it’s very hard to feel that way most of the time.

 

[cookiecat]

Ah Botox! My absolutely gorgeous spin instructor gets it. For his laugh lines. WE ALL LAUGH!! I don’t get it. It’s totally his body and his choice, but I sometimes feel like if a person that good looking can’t be happy with his appearance, is there any hope for any of us?

I’m lucky that I’ve had a spouse love my body through thick and thin. Literally. At my thinnest, I was addicted to working out and had distorted eating that I was able to hide fairly well. At my heaviest, I had horrible PPD/PPA but was alone enough, it wasn’t apparent to everyone. I live a life, now, where I’m fat but fit. I work out A LOT, but my body is probably where it’s going to be, possibly because of some of the damage I’ve done to it in years past. But if my gorgeous instructor can’t be OK with himself without Botox, I feel like I’m doing ok.

I went to a play party the other week and for the first time in a LONG time, wore no makeup and no Spanx. I am what I am. People need to do what makes them feel good, but it’s very hard to feel that way most of the time.

Super true. Good on you for going as just you.

You're right - I'm always feeling like that's just not quite enough.

 

[Acktion]

Question

Scenario: Dominant tells submissive that she is beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, desirable, wanted. Often. Submissive never fails to argue that s/he is not and proceeds to highlight perceived flaws that are then shot down. In flames when necessary.

Question: At what point does this become disrespect on the part of the s-type toward the D-type? Does the s-type really think so little of the D-type as to think that They would settle for them if they didn't have to, if They didn't want them just as they are?

-OR-

Is it not the D-types fault in some way that the s-type continues to consider their own self-perception as more important than the D-type's?

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Question: At what point does this become disrespect on the part of the s-type toward the D-type? At the point in time that the D-type determines it does. Disrespect may not be intended, but it is a result, so if you feel disrespected and you have explained that you feel disrespected and it continues to happen... then it is disrespect. If, however, you judge by intent and you know that she has no intention of being disrespectful then it is not, it is simply a mark of her enduring self esteem issues (or a misplaced way of showing gratitude, humility, or any number of other emotions which I'll get to in a moment.)


Does the s-type really think so little of the D-type as to think that They would settle for them if they didn't have to, if They didn't want them just as they are?

This is not even a thing. This may be how dudes think... but this is not in any chick's mind that I've ever encountered. I'm not even going to play like you don't know me well enough to know this was an issue for me as well. No one thinks you would "settle" but we also know that you are not more swayed by the PHYSICAL than you are the mental/emotional/spiritual self. If she were a nasty PERSON and a gorgeous BODY you wouldn't even be looking her direction. so, no, it isn't about would you settle... it is the concept that familiarity breeds contentment. Think Shallow Hal here. You (and most good men and women) see past the external flaws in favor of the internal beauty, that doesn't mean the external flaws magically go away. Plus we always think you (our D-type person of note) is AWESOME and deserve the best (or we wouldn't be with you)... to those ends most of us arent conceited to believe we are the best you could do

-OR-

Is it not the D-types fault in some way that the s-type continues to consider their own self-perception as more important than the D-type's?
Nope. Never, this just takes some working to get to. It took a lot of concerted work on one specific *cough* D-type's part for me to grok that when I try to judge myself be it how well I did or didn't do a thing, or my own self worth... that I'm stealing from him. I'm usurping his authority over me to do just that. *cough* couldn't imagine WHO did THAT work... no... no clue.

To those ends... there is an option C here. Option C is that the person has been taught that humility is important, as is gratitude. Their background has taught them that accepting a compliment outright is haughty and conceited. This is an attitude drilled into a ton of women and girls, to deflect compliments. It took me a long time to learn that apologizing was one way that I was trying to express gratitude. Instead of saying "thank you for spending time on me" I would say "I'm sorry to bother" similarly I would deflect a compliment instead of thanking the person for their acknowledgement.
(yes, I'm aware you know, but this is for people who *don't* know me like that.)

You know how to break through these walls.... suss out the root and deal with it. Whether you need to address past tapes and lies, or address an underlying thought pattern/behavior pattern... you can get there. If anyone can, you can. *thumbs up*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk <<< please watch this.
https://youtu.be/2FtFwAaCjrM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPjeelgG9Cg <<< and this. My favorite body part: my tiny hands. I have hands and feet the size of a 4th grader. My short stature, and my little nose. I love my eyes too. I've killer eyes.

And for all you did to help me with my own gratitude/self esteem issues... Thank you.

~Angie/Faith

 

[AlwaysSoaked]

my thoughts on the questions

I know my opinion was not solicited here but lit is part of a free country so I'll give it anyway. There are people who had the opposite experience of littlebirdjoy in the long run with the same arrangement of sorts. I have now been blocked by that person for having opinions and needs. However, I have found a Dominant Man who tells me i am more beautiful than any model and I believe Him because He has NEVER lied to me. i believe him so deeply that i say, "Thank You", every time he says it, no matter what else i was going to say. There is the best kind of love out there and sometimes it is found by accident. Thank you to littlebirdjoy for the inspiration she gives me.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I'm so glad that you did join the conversation, Alwayssoaked <3 (and I'm honored by your comment. Truly) you are absolutely right that the best kind of love can be found by accident, and it is absolutely the kind that makes you feel:
loved, seen, appreciated, acknowledged, desired, wanted, needed, cherished, and in my case, useful. I'm so glad you have that, and that He makes you believe you are beautiful. <3

*cheers to the awesome Ones out there who put in the work each and every day.*

 

[Dardesstra]

Ok so my question may fall under multiple topics but I'm hoping to get some clarity on it here.

First: Can't you think you're pretty or beautiful or sexy and at the same time believe there's a part of you that could use some work? Overall, I think I have a pretty damn good body for someone who's a month shy of 50, if I didn't, I'd use something else for my avatar. But, I've had two kids and a nearly 9 hour surgery during which I was sliced open from my bellybutton down and my stomach was removed for over an hour. The surgery left me in a wheelchair for over a year. It took me eight years to go from wheelchair to walker to two canes, then one cane and finally cane free. I'm 5'1" (5'2" on my longer leg) and after the surgery my weight got up over 180lbs. Over the years, slowly, I got back down to 125-130. And, like I said earlier, I'm pleased with my body, except for my tummy. My tummy is a potbelly and I wish it wasn't. I have sexy legs, a cute and perky little ass and great tits. So, is it really necessary for my self esteem that I love my potbelly? That I believe and say every single part of me is beautiful and perfect? I wear sexy clothes that show off my tits, legs, ass, just not ones that leave my midriff bare. I'm comfortable making love with the lights on. Overall, I think my body is quite good. So what's wrong with me also acknowledging that there's something about it I don't like?

And that leads to my second question. First a little background... Two years ago I was widowed. I met my husband when I was 18 and we were together for 30 years. I was a stay at home Wife/Mom ( quite happily) while he worked. He was the head of the household, and while i was always free to give my opinions, ideas and advice, if we disagreed, he had the final say. He was very protective and possessive, which made me feel free and safe at the same time, and I enjoyed things like stopping what I was doing when he'd get home to bring him a cold drink, listen to his day and get some before dinner. I loved when he'd look at me or slap my ass while declaring "Mine". As for the sex, well, what I took as normal (bondage, blindfolds, having a crop and paddle hanging on hooks beside the bed) turned out to be a bit more on the kink side of things. Anyway, he died and now, two years later, I find myself in a D/s relationship where most things are going great but get stuck on a few points. Here's the scenario: "D" has said to "s" over and over that he gets everything from her, the good and the bad, no matter what and that he always wants the truth. While video chatting he asks her what's wrong and she replies that she doesn't like being completely nude and eating, while video chatting, it makes her uncomfortable. "D" tells "s" she's beautiful, she smiles and says thank you. However, a few minutes later "D" notices she's pulled her shirt across her belly to cover it and he tells her to uncover herself, that she is perfect. "D" then asks "s" why she wants to cover her/his belly and "s" replies that she doesn't like her tummy, that it looks fat. "D" answers that He says her tummy, His tummy is perfect and beautiful. Is she saying that she knows better than him? That he is wrong? And then he asks what are you, including your tummy? "s" sighs and answers "beautiful and perfect". Now, here's my problems with this... after being told to tell him everything, good and bad, she tells him what she's thinking, but then feels like she's been reprimanded for her thoughts and wonders if she should keep quiet next time. My other problem is more straight forward... She's been told to never lie to him and yet feels she is forced into lying when saying she is perfect (no one is perfect) and that her tummy is beautiful and perfect. Most of us have flaws and imperfections that we don't find beautiful.

I'm sorry if this came out rambling and a bit convoluted. This is my first attempt at asking a serious question and seeking answers from an outside source. Thanks, in advance, for any and all answers.

 

[Erotic69er]

That’s a really great reply Tan

Thanks for this PLP.

I think people with body hang ups likely don't enjoy sex of any kind as much as they could. Get over it. If you are lucky enough to be with someone who floats your boat and shares your kinks, just get naked and get freaky.

I'm a big guy. Six feet, 300 pounds. Yeah. Big equals fat. I look more like Santa Claus every day.

My wife is curvy. She's always been curvy. A bit more now. She is still as beautiful as the day we met. When I take her clothes off (just a minor kink we share), she still takes my breath away. Her boobs aren't as firm and her gorgeous ass is a little broader, but I'm getting hard just thinking about her. (If that offends you: sorry, not sorry: I wish everyone the gift of being able to conjure your lover's image clearly enough to get aroused).

I love her in lingerie and leather and rope. I will get naked at the drop of a thong (who wears a hat inside?). I even wear things. You can say its gross, I don't care: you don't get to participate. I have a couple of black satin jock straps that I wear all the time. She likes them too, and that is all I care about. Well, that and how she chooses to remove them. Everyone else can go fuck themselves, assuming they can get aroused enough given their assured imperfections. All I care about during any aspect of our play is how much enjoyment she and I are getting at a given time.

Porn? no. You don't see guys like me in porn. Well, Ron Jeremy, except the dick. Let's face it, if he wasn't a porn star, he might have a lot of trouble getting laid. (DISCLAIMER: He's a Goddamn National Treasure and a hero to all us fat guys, even if we aren't carrying eleven inches)

Attraction is a funny thing. I like women. Lots of different kinds. On any day my PornHub search will be for big tits or small tits or big butts or redheads or ebony beauties or Asians or BBWs or Chubby MILFs or long legs or pretty feet or tall women or FBBs or GILFs or slender women or...well you get the idea.

The two most attractive qualities in a woman are confidence and enthusiasm. I think they go hand in hand.

If you reply, don't quote this: I may not leave it up long.

Edit: I'm leaving it up. Thanks you beautiful pervs!

I could not have said it better. It’s all about being comfortable in your body and embracing your sexuality, kinks and fetishes. Through away your doubts and live in the moment. There are so many things that turn us on and I think women can be like good wine. They get better with age.

 

[AnnieLit]

Question: Does the s-type really think so little of the D-type as to think that They would settle for them if they didn't have to, if They didn't want them just as they are?

Yes, unfortunately exactly this
On the other hand, as soon as this thought became the main on my mind, it was the end of my submission to this particular D-type. I want to be wanted for my own sake, not to be a cancellation prize. If you can't make me feel this way, well, too bad.

Only, I am not so sure that "think so little" is the right way to put it. Of course I could be wrong, but I still think that it really what had happen. Does this mean that he was less of a Dom? Not really... Just a very busy guy that did not have time for an involved relationship, so he settled for what happened to fall into his lap and hoped that it would be enough for me too. It was not, but neither of us could have known that, so I don't really blame him.

Re: no woman ever will think this.
Well, I am a woman, always was, always will be.

 

[AnnieLit]

When it comes to sex/kink how do you feel about your body?

I am cautiously comfortable with it. Meaning that I need reminders from time to time that I am beautiful, desired, wanted, craved, etc., but in general I am OK with how I look.

When it comes to sex/kink, does it affect how you feel (e.g. size, age, race, disability, gender, etc)

My size/age/race etc. or my partner's? I can't change who I am, so no, it does not affect me. As for affecting my choice - yes, it does.
Age. I will not even talk to a man more than 10 years me younger, it is an automatic no. Why? Because there is very little chance of me submitting to him, but rather big one of him submitting to me. Since I am not looking for a sub, I don't even want to start this conversation.
Gender. I am neither bi, nor bi-curious, so yes, gender does matter!
If by gender you mean gender at birth... This is a bit more difficult question that I am not sure I can answer as I have absolutely no experience here.
Size - could not care less as long as he can actually move around. And this brings the question of disability... I don't think a wheelchair bound man would be my first choice, but would I let us try it out if everything else was perfect and he had at least some ideas about how to make it work? Sure, why not.
Race. Yes, it matters to me to some degree. I would say that cultural experiences and expectations are much more so than race itself, but since it is almost impossible to figure those out without very lengthy conversations, I would prefer to stick with the people that look like me.

Do you feel like your body type is portrayed or portrayed accurately in porn? Does it bother you? Have you ever seen something represented in a way that made you rethink an attraction?

I don't watch much porn, but from what I have seen, yes, there is some representation of plus sized older women. Not huge, but if somebody really wants to, they can find it. Should there be more of it? I am not so sure... After all, this is a classic supply and demand situation. I am sure if porn films with XXL 50 y.o. models were selling at the same rate as those with the XS 25 y.o., studios would be shooting many more of those.

 

[cookiecat]

Scenario: Dominant tells submissive that she is beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, desirable, wanted. Often. Submissive never fails to argue that s/he is not and proceeds to highlight perceived flaws that are then shot down. In flames when necessary.

Question: At what point does this become disrespect on the part of the s-type toward the D-type? Does the s-type really think so little of the D-type as to think that They would settle for them if they didn't have to, if They didn't want them just as they are?

-OR-

Is it not the D-types fault in some way that the s-type continues to consider their own self-perception as more important than the D-type's?

A million times this.

I've mentioned this before -- my husband thought I was amazing and beautiful. I pointed out to him I wasn't, I pointed out each flaw. He got tired of arguing with me.

How shitty of me not to trust that's what he saw. It's part of why he picked me.

Why didn't I trust his boner, fall to my knees, kiss his cock and say thanks? Or simply just trust him, his heart and try to see myself through his eyes. He was the smartest, kindest, kinkiest guy I knew. But I didn't love myself enough to trust that he loved me enough.

What a hard lesson to learn. Especially now that I can no longer fling myself on his boner or feel safe in his love.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

cookie!

 

[littlebirdjoy]

cookie!

^this

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Ok so my question may fall under multiple topics but I'm hoping to get some clarity on it here.

First: Can't you think you're pretty or beautiful or sexy and at the same time believe there's a part of you that could use some work? Overall, I think I have a pretty damn good body for someone who's a month shy of 50, if I didn't, I'd use something else for my avatar. But, I've had two kids and a nearly 9 hour surgery during which I was sliced open from my bellybutton down and my stomach was removed for over an hour. The surgery left me in a wheelchair for over a year. It took me eight years to go from wheelchair to walker to two canes, then one cane and finally cane free. I'm 5'1" (5'2" on my longer leg) and after the surgery my weight got up over 180lbs. Over the years, slowly, I got back down to 125-130. And, like I said earlier, I'm pleased with my body, except for my tummy. My tummy is a potbelly and I wish it wasn't. I have sexy legs, a cute and perky little ass and great tits. So, is it really necessary for my self esteem that I love my potbelly? That I believe and say every single part of me is beautiful and perfect? I wear sexy clothes that show off my tits, legs, ass, just not ones that leave my midriff bare. I'm comfortable making love with the lights on. Overall, I think my body is quite good. So what's wrong with me also acknowledging that there's something about it I don't like?
Much respect sweety. No one is saying that you aren't entitled to your own self evaluation, your own autonymous appraisal and your own thoughts and feelings. YOU ARE. Whether you are Dominant, submissive, slave, pet, or vanilla. You are entitled to your own thoughts and feelings. HOWEVER, when you submit part of yourself to your Dominant what you submit is the right to put your own decision making to them in the areas you so chose. Have you truly given your Dominant the right to judge you? Your physical self? Your worthiness? Your beauty? If so, then you still retain the right to have your own opinion, but you have given him the right to take precedence. His opinion outweighs yours. The problem is that he thinks you have... but your actions say that that is only lip service. (This is not a cut down! I'm going through the same thing with trust! We all have areas that are HARD to truly surrender!) When you truly submit this part of yourself, the right to appraise you to your Dominant then it will take that anxiety away. Those feelings of unhappiness and discomfort with showing your tummy to him will go away. It is that freedom that is the gift he is trying to give you. Please try to see it that way. He will always support you in the goal of self improvement. If you want to continue to improve yourself in any way you see fit, he will be your biggest cheerleader... but that anxiety and discomfort those have no place in your relationship or your mind. He is trying to give you the gift of acceptance and love. (mine is trying to help me understand that fear is the root of my anxiety, and freedom from that exists in my ability to truly trust him. These are the real gifts our Dominants seek to give us, if they are the good ones)


And that leads to my second question. First a little background... Two years ago I was widowed. I met my husband when I was 18 and we were together for 30 years. I was a stay at home Wife/Mom ( quite happily) while he worked. He was the head of the household, and while i was always free to give my opinions, ideas and advice, if we disagreed, he had the final say. He was very protective and possessive, which made me feel free and safe at the same time, and I enjoyed things like stopping what I was doing when he'd get home to bring him a cold drink, listen to his day and get some before dinner. I loved when he'd look at me or slap my ass while declaring "Mine". As for the sex, well, what I took as normal (bondage, blindfolds, having a crop and paddle hanging on hooks beside the bed) turned out to be a bit more on the kink side of things. Anyway, he died and now, two years later, I find myself in a D/s relationship where most things are going great but get stuck on a few points. Here's the scenario: "D" has said to "s" over and over that he gets everything from her, the good and the bad, no matter what and that he always wants the truth. While video chatting he asks her what's wrong and she replies that she doesn't like being completely nude and eating, while video chatting, it makes her uncomfortable. "D" tells "s" she's beautiful, she smiles and says thank you. However, a few minutes later "D" notices she's pulled her shirt across her belly to cover it and he tells her to uncover herself, that she is perfect. "D" then asks "s" why she wants to cover her/his belly and "s" replies that she doesn't like her tummy, that it looks fat. "D" answers that He says her tummy, His tummy is perfect and beautiful. Is she saying that she knows better than him? That he is wrong? And then he asks what are you, including your tummy? "s" sighs and answers "beautiful and perfect". Now, here's my problems with this... after being told to tell him everything, good and bad, she tells him what she's thinking, but then feels like she's been reprimanded for her thoughts and wonders if she should keep quiet next time. My other problem is more straight forward... She's been told to never lie to him and yet feels she is forced into lying when saying she is perfect (no one is perfect) and that her tummy is beautiful and perfect. Most of us have flaws and imperfections that we don't find beautiful.

I'm sorry if this came out rambling and a bit convoluted. This is my first attempt at asking a serious question and seeking answers from an outside source. Thanks, in advance, for any and all answers.

OH do I relate here!!! GREAT question to point out! No. You are not being reprimanded for being honest about your thoughts and feelings. You did RIGHT for expressing them, and I guarantee that your Dominant agrees. He is stressed and feeling a bit helpless to overcome the tape in your head and that is frustrating to him... but no. What IS happening.... your Dominant feels that you have submitted the right to him to judge you... but your actions show that you keep taking that right back. That is frustrating to a Dominant type. Never hide these things, but at the same time you have to make a decision in here... either you are going to fish or cut bait. If you are going to allow him to truly help you, to truly have sway over your heart and mind? or is it just fun kinky fuckery? Nothing wrong with fun kinky fuckery! But if you are going to give him dominion over your heart and mind then you have to LET HIM and step 1 means that you surrender your fight and accept that his reality in this is what you need to see. Like Cookie said, "Or simply just trust him, his heart and try to see myself through his eyes." The way I phrase it is that I need a different rubric and compass... mine are flawed.

You are loved.

~Faithfully His,
Angie

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Here is what you're up against. This is a pic from a nude model named Rachel Aldana. She has perhaps thousands of pictures out there. She is, according to Boobepedia 5'-6", 145 lb and measures 42-26-36.

https://cdn.pornpics.com/pics/2017-06-23/270885_01big.jpg

In most of her photo sets she is described as some variation on "fat"

I don't get it. You could reasonably describe her lots of ways, but "fat" isn't one of them, unless your idea of "average" is an anorexia victim.

I'm going back to AmPics to Google real women...

 

[AnnieLit]

Here is what you're up against. This is a pic from a nude model named Rachel Aldana. She has perhaps thousands of pictures out there. She is, according to Boobepedia 5'-6", 145 lb and measures 42-26-36.

https://cdn.pornpics.com/pics/2017-06-23/270885_01big.jpg

In most of her photo sets she is described as some variation on "fat"

I don't get it. You could reasonably describe her lots of ways, but "fat" isn't one of them, unless your idea of "average" is an anorexia victim.

I'm going back to AmPics to Google real women...

I wonder how much of those 145 is in her boobs...

Google knows everything! Each one is 14 lb, so that's 28lb total. A B cup is 1lb each, so with normal for her frame breasts she would be 26 lb lighter, which is 119 lb. Yep, definitely a fat 5'6" woman.

 

[twister947]

28 pounds? That gives me sympathetic back pain. Ouch!

 

[AnnieLit]

28 pounds? That gives me sympathetic back pain. Ouch!

Yes, she talks about that a bit. This would be the main reason for a reduction surgery, if she ever decides to do it.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

That is kinda what I decided to do for my 40th birthday present in a couple years. If I can manage to get my weight down and keep it down for 3 years (I'm hoping to take it down over the next year) then I'm getting a reduction. Mine apparently weigh a bit over 10lbs (5lbs2oz each or more). Back pain is not a thing, but I think neck and shoulder pain is.

 

[Dardesstra]

but at the same time you have to make a decision in here... either you are going to fish or cut bait. If you are going to allow him to truly help you, to truly have sway over your heart and mind? or is it just fun kinky fuckery? Nothing wrong with fun kinky fuckery! But if you are going to give him dominion over your heart and mind then you have to LET HIM and step 1 means that you surrender your fight and accept that his reality in this is what you need to see. Like Cookie said, "Or simply just trust him, his heart and try to see myself through his eyes." The way I phrase it is that I need a different rubric and compass... mine are flawed.

You are loved.

~Faithfully His,
Angie

Okay, please don't take this as sarcastic, this is a genuine question...

Are you telling me that if I want this relationship, want this to work, I'm not allowed my own opinions, if they differ from his. Am I allowed them, but not allowed to speak them? When he has expressed a point of view or opinion, am I to then make that and only that, my opinion also. Forming and having my own opinions only on matters where he hasn't yet told his and then change mine accordingly if it differs.

If he says I am perfect, am I not allowed to try to improve or better myself because I'm already perfect. He loves me and thinks I'm perfect, flaws and all. If I know this, believe this, doesn't that mean that while I don't need to change for him, he won't love me any less if I were to change something as trivial as losing some tummy? My husband used to tell me I was adorable, hot and sexy, that he loved my body and got turned on just thinking about me. I know he felt and saw me that way and I know I looked good, was sexy. I also wanted to lose a little of the wheelchair pudge i still had. I lost about six pounds and felt sexier and more importantly, pleased and proud of myself for accomplishing it. (even though that may sound, to some,like a ridiculous thing to be proud of) My husband didn't love me any less due to my body change. There was something about myself that I wanted to change, that change would require things that were good for me; a little more exercise and a better diet, also less fast food (which was good for our budget). Instead of saying "I love you, you're perfect I don't understand why you can't see that"; he said "I love you, I love your body and I don't think you need to change a thing. But if this is something you want, something that would make you happy to do, then go for it." He never pushed either way yet with each pound, each inch I happily announced I'd lost, he would see my smile and congratulate me, and my smile would get bigger.

Maybe I just make a better wife than I do a sub. Maybe I compare, too much, between the two. I believe my "D" loves me, loves who I am, body and mind. If i were to change my thinking, so that it only mirrored his, would that not change, on a fundamental level, who I am? Change who he loves?

 

[Dardesstra]

That is kinda what I decided to do for my 40th birthday present in a couple years. If I can manage to get my weight down and keep it down for 3 years (I'm hoping to take it down over the next year) then I'm getting a reduction. Mine apparently weigh a bit over 10lbs (5lbs2oz each or more). Back pain is not a thing, but I think neck and shoulder pain is.

Seeing this post from you further confuses me. If your "D" has told you that you're beautiful the way you are, and you have completely submitted and accepted his opinion as your own, why are you trying to lose weight?

 

[littlebirdjoy]

Bcause of my own health.
I'll reply to the rest later. I'd ask you to reread where I began by stating that you were more than allowed your own thoughts and feelings. I even reiterated it 6 different ways.
:/