BDSM under 40 ?

[Netzach]

Most youngsters who feel the urge to be the D in their D/s relationship are driven by the misunderstanding that the sub is their to see to their needs

I'm 35. I've been doing this, holy shit, 12 years. I intend to labor under this misunderstanding for the rest of my life.

The things that interest me, culturally, tend to put me with the under 35 set. I process the world more as they do. I don't think it's age but generation at work. The over 40's who I hang with tend to have similar worldview. They tend to listen to new music and read new books, and not just re-hash the same things that inspired them at 20.

 

[Primalex]

I am really enjoying my experiences so far....and it can only get better from here!

That's what you think, but I'm still around.

 

[Homburg]

I'm 35. I've been doing this, holy shit, 12 years. I intend to labor under this misunderstanding for the rest of my life.

The things that interest me, culturally, tend to put me with the under 35 set. I process the world more as they do. I don't think it's age but generation at work. The over 40's who I hang with tend to have similar worldview. They tend to listen to new music and read new books, and not just re-hash the same things that inspired them at 20.

I'm trying to think about the music and books that inspired me when I was 20, and I look at them now as another filler in my playlist. I enjoy it, but am not stuck on it. Admittedly, it is getting tougher for me to find the sort of thing I dig, but that is because of a paucity in some of the genres I dig. Add in the cultural black hole that is the music industry, and it's tough to find surcease from my musical sorrows in the "new music" section.

Thank providence for the internet in that sense. There's good stuff out there. The challenge is finding it.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm 35. I've been doing this, holy shit, 12 years. I intend to labor under this misunderstanding for the rest of my life.

The things that interest me, culturally, tend to put me with the under 35 set. I process the world more as they do. I don't think it's age but generation at work. The over 40's who I hang with tend to have similar worldview. They tend to listen to new music and read new books, and not just re-hash the same things that inspired them at 20.

I probably aped 40 year old behavior (if that makes any sense - behaved, in some ways, in the way a 20 year old would envision a 40 year old behaves) at 20, which means I don't have a lot of nostalgia for when I was 20. It was an odd time for me when things sort of stood still.

I don't really relate to 20 year olds all that well, but I find that late 20something stage to be kind of an interesting time.

Generally it's hard for me to relate to people in the scene who party a lot, because I can't. I don't have the free time and I don't like being that exhausted. And that is the defining feature of a lot of 20-25 year olds in the scene. So I don't hang with them. Generally my friends are btwen 35 and 45, but there aren't a lot of people over 45 in the scene that I've met. I think it just depends on who you happen to meet. There is a ton in my area too (more now than ever it seems) and I just happen to meet who I meet.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

You are too kind. Honestly, that picture is a particularly flattering one. I chided my buddy AP initially for trying to be artsy with the camera angles. Then I got to that photo and was elated by the whole thing. The composition couldn't be better if it had been planned. And my lovely assistant does her part in making me look better than I am.

Seriously though, I've always looked older than I am. Now I can apparently add "sounds older than I am" to that list

*grins*

Well, I couldn't say something about sounding wiser than your years cos that's offensive to EVERYONE, and I'm trying real hard to stop doing that.

But I agree, the best pictures often happen by accident.

 

[MisterSir]

I have been fortunate in my short life (still only 25) to have had a few individuals who are naturally sub teach me the correct way of things.

Oh, there's a correct way of doing things? This should be good. Enlighten us.

 

[00Syd]

I probably aped 40 year old behavior (if that makes any sense - behaved, in some ways, in the way a 20 year old would envision a 40 year old behaves) at 20, which means I don't have a lot of nostalgia for when I was 20. It was an odd time for me when things sort of stood still.

I don't really relate to 20 year olds all that well, but I find that late 20something stage to be kind of an interesting time.

Generally it's hard for me to relate to people in the scene who party a lot, because I can't. I don't have the free time and I don't like being that exhausted. And that is the defining feature of a lot of 20-25 year olds in the scene. So I don't hang with them. Generally my friends are btwen 35 and 45, but there aren't a lot of people over 45 in the scene that I've met. I think it just depends on who you happen to meet. There is a ton in my area too (more now than ever it seems) and I just happen to meet who I meet.

Hmmmm.... the 20-somethings in the scene do party a lot. I would say I fit into that category pretty well (wooooo paaartyyyyy). There are older-type folks (in their 40s) who run with my circle of friends (who are primarily in their 20s) and its probably because they party a lot as well, and still relate well to our 20-something shenanigans. I've noticed that a lot of what defines who is friends with who isn't age but how early you go to sleep. There are younger folks that we aren't great friends with 'cause they go to sleep around 10pm while we're still going at 4am, and lots of older folks we hang out with a lot because they're still up and going when we are.

Reading what I just wrote, I can't tell if this is a "well, duh" post or not. I hate when that happens.

 

[Primalex]

Oh, there's a correct way of doing things?

Of course. It's the opposite way of David Carradine's way.

 

[MisterSir]

Of course. It's the opposite way of David Carradine's way.

Well, yes, generally not being killed by a secret ninja death cult is a good thing. I know when I go to bed each night, I think "well, today sucked but at least I wasn't assaulted, abducted and made to look like I'd accidentally committed suicide during a session of autoerotic asphyxiation".

 

[intothewoods]

Hmmmm.... the 20-somethings in the scene do party a lot. I would say I fit into that category pretty well (wooooo paaartyyyyy). There are older-type folks (in their 40s) who run with my circle of friends (who are primarily in their 20s) and its probably because they party a lot as well, and still relate well to our 20-something shenanigans. I've noticed that a lot of what defines who is friends with who isn't age but how early you go to sleep. There are younger folks that we aren't great friends with 'cause they go to sleep around 10pm while we're still going at 4am, and lots of older folks we hang out with a lot because they're still up and going when we are.

Reading what I just wrote, I can't tell if this is a "well, duh" post or not. I hate when that happens.

I don't mean that as a negative. I realize I did say that I acted age 40 at age 20, but ok, I did do my fair share of partying as well. And that's what your twenties are for! I have the occasional late night out these days - whether talking friends or even at a play party - but I can't do that every weekend and I can't do it every night of a weekend. I think it would be weird for my priorities to be the same as when I was 20. I think it would be a little weird for a 20 year old to have my priorities too. It's all good.

 

[intothewoods]

Also, I'm a little sensitive about keeping certain things private. Lots of young people have their face all over the internet in connection with kink stuff. I don't. I don't need the people I work with knowing my sexual interests. And since I have a kid, certain parts of my life are off limits, unless I really know you well. I don't care what anyone else does, btw. It's just that I approach a lot of things differently than the person who is out to the entire world as kinky. I'm much more guarded.

 

[00Syd]

I don't mean that as a negative.

I didn't think you did It just made me think about my group of friends and why we enjoy each others company.

 

[bruisedangel]

I really think that I just live in the wrong area! I'm 30, and I can't seem to find a soul around here who doesn't seem to think that I'm just a bit warped. Then again, I have very little idea how to bring about the idea of being dominated to someone, without flat out saying it. Hints seem to be of no use. Honesty scares them off!

 

[Etoile]

I really think that I just live in the wrong area! I'm 30, and I can't seem to find a soul around here who doesn't seem to think that I'm just a bit warped. Then again, I have very little idea how to bring about the idea of being dominated to someone, without flat out saying it. Hints seem to be of no use. Honesty scares them off!

Whereabouts in PA are you?

 

[bruisedangel]

Nearish to the Pittsburgh area. About 45 minutes south thereof, unless I'm crazy enough to try and drive during rush hour. I'm not even THAT much of a masochist!

 

[Etoile]

Blah...yeah I can see how that would be a semi-dismal area for kinky people. Cities are the places to meet people. Pittsburgh surely has plenty of folks, but you'd be in for some driving.

 

[Homburg]

Nearish to the Pittsburgh area. About 45 minutes south thereof, unless I'm crazy enough to try and drive during rush hour. I'm not even THAT much of a masochist!

I know a wee bit about that region. Unfortunately, I know nothing at all kinky about it. Thankfully. About half of my relatives live in the 45-60 minutes south of Pittsburgh area. While I have at least one cousin that just screams kinky, I do NOT want to know.

 

[Keroin]

I'm trying to think about the music and books that inspired me when I was 20, and I look at them now as another filler in my playlist. I enjoy it, but am not stuck on it. Admittedly, it is getting tougher for me to find the sort of thing I dig, but that is because of a paucity in some of the genres I dig. Add in the cultural black hole that is the music industry, and it's tough to find surcease from my musical sorrows in the "new music" section.

Thank providence for the internet in that sense. There's good stuff out there. The challenge is finding it.

You need to come listen to some island drumming and singing.

Hmmmm.... the 20-somethings in the scene do party a lot. I would say I fit into that category pretty well (wooooo paaartyyyyy). There are older-type folks (in their 40s) who run with my circle of friends (who are primarily in their 20s) and its probably because they party a lot as well, and still relate well to our 20-something shenanigans. I've noticed that a lot of what defines who is friends with who isn't age but how early you go to sleep. There are younger folks that we aren't great friends with 'cause they go to sleep around 10pm while we're still going at 4am, and lots of older folks we hang out with a lot because they're still up and going when we are.

Reading what I just wrote, I can't tell if this is a "well, duh" post or not. I hate when that happens.

Just the other day I was having the "Remember when..." discussion with one of my old fogie friends (she's 37). Comparing twenty-something stories, we both couldn't believe we were physically capable of the level of partying we once indulged in. It was nothing to party until 5am, get a few hours of sleep, go to work all day, catch a cat nap, shovel down some food, shower, and head out for another night of partying.

Warning young people! At some point, your body will say, "You know what, I'm farking tired, I need some sleep" and you will have no control over that. Enjoy the all-nighter-energy while it lasts.

Also, it's funny because I remember the "older" people who partied with us when I was in my 20's and how cool I used to think they were. Now I see those people and I generally think they have no life. The party scene, IMO, gets old. But maybe I'm the one with no life? (I like my 10pm bed time).

Well, yes, generally not being killed by a secret ninja death cult is a good thing. I know when I go to bed each night, I think "well, today sucked but at least I wasn't assaulted, abducted and made to look like I'd accidentally committed suicide during a session of autoerotic asphyxiation".

You too? Wow, I thought I was alone on that.

 

[bruisedangel]

LOL! The problem with that is, -I- know nothing kinky about the area, either! For all I know, your poor relatives live in the same place I do. And, as to the above message posting, what about all those poor ninja death cult members who are now out of a job, having killed no one today. A moment of silence for their plight is needed!

 

[Netzach]

I always needed my eight hours as long as I can remember.

I'm much more liable to stay up past my bedtime working than partying.

 

[Sayyid]

I suppose there might be some truth to the notion that older people are more experienced, but it depends on the individual person as well. I just got into the scene fairly recently and my education has been swift. (I've had the fantasies a lot longer and experimented with spanking, biting, rape fantasies and other forms of what would commonly be termed "rough sex.") On the contrary a guy could be 45 and totally new to this stuff.

 

[Homburg]

You need to come listen to some island drumming and singing.

I would probably dig that. I despise most "world music" because it always sounds to me like some style appropriated by people that shouldn't, and used for purposes that are musically nefarious. But I tend to dig the source material more often than not.

Just the other day I was having the "Remember when..." discussion with one of my old fogie friends (she's 37). Comparing twenty-something stories, we both couldn't believe we were physically capable of the level of partying we once indulged in. It was nothing to party until 5am, get a few hours of sleep, go to work all day, catch a cat nap, shovel down some food, shower, and head out for another night of partying.

Warning young people! At some point, your body will say, "You know what, I'm farking tired, I need some sleep" and you will have no control over that. Enjoy the all-nighter-energy while it lasts.

While I didn't party per se (I still don't have a clue what the attraction is to non-kink parties), I did pull many an all-nighter and stayed up to crazy hours. I'm still quite capable of staying up til 3-4am and working the next day. I'm not worth a whole lot when I do it, but I am functional.

Interestingly, I am better at it than MIS is. Barring nights when I go to bed because I have no work to do, and going to bed when the girls do is entertaining, I still tend to stay up later than she does.

Also, it's funny because I remember the "older" people who partied with us when I was in my 20's and how cool I used to think they were. Now I see those people and I generally think they have no life. The party scene, IMO, gets old. But maybe I'm the one with no life? (I like my 10pm bed time).

I pretty much always felt like they had no life. Like I said though, I don't really get the "cool" behind partying. I don't drink or dance though, and that apparently is core to the experience.

 

[MALIBUMAN666]

Perhaps it's just that people who are older are more confident of what they are doing? I think we will see the whole spectrum of kink moving to a younger audience now though as it seems to be a lot more acceptable these days.

On a seperate note, every time me and my wife have considered going to a fetish club, we are always put off by the ridiculous hours they keep. If I stay up til 2 I am usually knackered for the next two days. So the though of getting to a fetish club at 1 in the morning and possibly going on somewhere else at 5am..... not a chance.

 

[Sayyid]

I'm a veritable night owl, so that suits me fine. Give me some coffee and I'm good.

 

[00Syd]

I pretty much always felt like they had no life. Like I said though, I don't really get the "cool" behind partying. I don't drink or dance though, and that apparently is core to the experience.

As far as my comments in this thread goes, I'm speaking about "parties" in the scene sense of the word, so not too much drinking or dancing going on. Lots of hitting and rope into the wee hours of the morning, though.