Begging

[Netzach]

I find that a Dominant should also be training the sub, if begging is where it's at.

Most people can't just jump into it without feeling stupid. You should develop cues and find ways to verbally steer and condition. Submissives in subspace don't tend to be at their most articulate, a few times while bottoming I found my ability to answer the simplest question completely ripped from me, and an amusing five minutes of uhhhhh uhhhhh.....um.....uhhh....ensued.

I like to hear what it would take, what the sub would do to get X. Even unusual unrelated stuff is good enough, yes Mistress, for a taste of your tit I'd let you scold me in the aisle of PetSmart or ration my coffee or whatever.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Begging does seem somewhat unnatural to me, but there are definately times when i HAVE to have whatever it is that I want/need/desire and that becomes very clear through my intonation rather than my words...

I have been told my whole voice changes when I begin to enter my little "subspace" but Sir does an excellent job of coaching me in the right direction of what He wants.

Often He will ask me a series of questions...insisting on an answer...sometimes a specific answer...so I am slowly learning what He wants from me...

I find myself too often in the "ummmm" "uhhhh" stage still though.

The thing I find most difficult is perhaps the words themselves...asking for what I want...describing it.

It is almost as if I get shy! Imagine that!

 

[FungiUg]

I love havind a submissive beg, so I think it's only fair that I add something to the conversation detailing what it is I like about begging, and what I want to hear.

s'lara said:

i don't think begging is about being creative or flowery in the way you plead. Begging, iMHO, is about the intonation of your voice, the desperation that is reflected in your repeated requests for something you are not allowed to have.

I agree, 100%. In fact, a submissive can beg and plead without saying a word. Imagine if you were gagged -- and all you had to beg with was the look in your eyes. That same look should be in your eyes when you can use your voice.

Netzach said:

Most people can't just jump into it without feeling stupid.

Again, I agree. Particularly, when the first thing that springs into a submissive's mind is likely some flowery speech designed to convince the dominant. In fact, the "art of begging" is often the opposite, and should be simple, not something elaborate that will result in both the dominant and submissive giggling!

I think the most effective form of begging I have heard to date was simply the word "please." The poor submissive got to the point where she was desperate to cum, but without permission to orgasm... all she could do was beg desperately with a "please!" And from the tone in her voice, the fact that it was all she could bear to say... it was an honest, heart-felt plea.

That is begging. And that's what I love to hear. And of course, it's what I reward and encourage. Although I will admit, often I will extend the period before the reward simply because I love to hear a submissive beg.

Another effective beg is simply "Sir" or "Master"... one I've enjoyed hearing is "Sir, I'm your slut, please let me cum?" But after a while of not being given permission, that one normally just devolves into "Sir?" or "Please?"

I also enjoy hearing things like "Please Sir? Please spank me? Please?" Again, body language and tone are what makes it work. So a submissive placing herself across my lack, looking me in the eye with a pleading look, so I can see she is desperate, and begging me with a simple "Please Sir, please spank me?" is likely to be rewarded!

(Although I have been known to tease...)

So for me, begging need not be complex. It need not be flowery. It need not be anything more than just a repeated word. But is must be heart felt, it must use the right tone, and it must echo a submissive's desperation.

 

[Netzach]

Heh, another thing about groundwork.

If you can't create desperation, why should the sub beg?

It's the Dom's job to have something so good, a carrot so big, as it were, that a person doesn't just have the "I'll pass" reaction vixenshe talked about.

 

[FungiUg]

If you can't create desperation, why should the sub beg?

It's the Dom's job to have something so good, a carrot so big, as it were, that a person doesn't just have the "I'll pass" reaction vixenshe talked about.

Too true! Just out of interest, the last submissive who told me "I'm terrible at begging" ended up doing a most excellent job of begging, once she was given the motivation.

With the right motivation, I can usually count on a submissive begging!

Although I have also seen a submissive in a total quandrary, desperate to beg, but desperate not to say the wrong thing so I won't give her what she needs.

But hey, I enjoy that too!

 

[lilredwolph]

Although I have also seen a submissive in a total quandrary, desperate to beg, but desperate not to say the wrong thing so I won't give her what she needs.

But hey, I enjoy that too!

thats me and i end up not saying a word and going without. He said i need to be more vocal, he can read my eyes but unless my mouth follows than it's just to bad for me

 

[FungiUg]

thats me and i end up not saying a word and going without. Daddy says i need to be more vocal, he can read my eyes but unless my mouth follows than it's just to bad for me

You may want to try saying the words out loud in private, so you can get over feeling silly saying them while there is no one to listen to you or laugh at you.

Try saying them loudly, even yelling them. So when it comes time, you can open your mouth and just allow the words to escape.

One of the exercises I have done with a submissive is to require her to vocalise everything I am doing with and to her -- to tell me what I am doing. And if she stops talking, I stop doing.

It helps get through that barrier of "I sound silly".

 

[Ebonyfire]

Have you noticed that the best loves songs are the ones that involve begging?

"Oh baby pleaseeeeeee don't leave meeeee"

 

[FungiUg]

"Please release me" might be a better example!

 

[Ebonyfire]

"Please release me" might be a better example!

I was not giving an example. Besides anyone who does not recognize a do wop beg is just pitiful!

 

[FungiUg]

I was not giving an example. Besides anyone who does not recognize a do wop beg is just pitiful!

And now we tune in to Eb, for classic "hits"...

 

[Ebonyfire]

And now we tune in to Eb, for classic "hits"...

There is nothing better than some men begging in four part harmony!

 

[FungiUg]

There is nothing better than some men begging in four part harmony!

I remembered to put my coffee down first!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I remembered to put my coffee down first!

Should I have added a spew alert?

 

[bunny bondage]

Should I have added a spew alert?

yes! *wipes off keyboard*

 

[Croctden]

Beggers can't be choosers

Similar to FungiUg in that I love begging (I love so many aspects of BDSM). To me the key to getting someone to beg is to be firm. I can be patient. If you want something that is onerous for me you will beg. If you don't we wait until next time. I'm perfectly content to bid my time. Usually the first few times she gets pissed, then she starts to negotiate, and finally she begs. Using the desert example, if you have not had a sweet in a month...

Sometimes a sub has to learn over time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Seems begging is an issue for many of us, and there seems to be heaps of good discussion on why and how to overcome it. IMHO there are often several valid reasons, which make it much harder to overcome than one, clear and concise issue. I would hazard to guess many of us have difficulty in asking for anything at all, so to beg is 1000 times harder to accomplish. That is impacted on from my perspective as a slave anyway, that my purpose is about serving his needs, his desires, his wants, not my own, and though in one part of the creaking cogs of the brain I am acknowledging it is going to please him to hear me beg successfully and with true conviction, that other voice is reminding me that not only may I be begging for something I want, but reminding me that even my desire to please is self motivated to an extent, so I get shot in both feet and the process becomes grinding.

I also know for myself it is an act which I find demeaning in many ways, not all of them appealing to my masochistic slave spirit. So that aspect brings about issues of appropriate levels of humility which I should exhibit, but don't always succeed at....and once again comes back to self accusations of looking to my needs, not his, but being stuck. I think maybe in this what I should concentrate on is my knowledge that Master's intention in guiding me through my difficulties with begging is not to demean me, but to help me grow as a person, and deal with much larger problems in my life than this issue.

There is also the issue of how much do I want what I am begging for...I like to have authenticity. Basically I can be downright stubborn and deny myself anything if pushed to, sometimes even falling foul to denial and convincing myself I never really wanted or needed it anyway. So then I realise I am being rebellious and beat up on myself again, which then makes any change near on impossible at that point. I realise my authenticity must in the end rest in the fact this is what he wants, and is his right to demand and receive.

Solution? Mmmm...well for me it is to keep trying, spend more time meditating on why I can't give something so simple to please the one who is the centre of my universe, discuss the issue with him if I find I have anything concrete we can work with, and continually reminding myself of who I am, why I am a slave, and what that means to both of us and our relationship, but most of all concentrating on how blessed I am to have been chosen to be his and therefore how much I owe him which will hopefully make this seem a miniscule problem in the future.

Catalina

 

[AngelicAssassin]

i also need to know this, begging is a stumbling block for me. usually i end up laughing more than begging

And what is wrong with laughter?

One of two things happen ...

You both end up laughing yourselves off the bed, or

You end up with a tail so red and resembling a Chilean road map that you

DO

end up begging.

For your partner to stop, or not, your choice.

 

[Zaudika]

For me, like so many of the rest of us.. begging is hard for me to do. Other than as il mio angelo says, when I want to have an orgasm. In that circumstance, the desperation is *really* there and my body just takes over the begging aspect as I don't need to think about it.

But when asked to beg for something out of the blue, it's totally difficult to come up with the words it seems.

One thing that was interesting at one point for me, is a Dom that I casually dated while back in Seattle, didn't like begging,.. at all. It really bothered him. He was a very wonderful man, but very firm about no begging at all. In a way.... this almost helped me with my begging issue. Because it was *very* difficult for me to supress begging at times for things from him. Something about knowing I couldn't, almost brought more words to me. It gave me more ideas on how I might put things, if that makes sense...

I suppose it was overall, another step for me in my growing process..

 

[catalina_francisco]

For me, like so many of the rest of us.. begging is hard for me to do. Other than as il mio angelo says, when I want to have an orgasm. In that circumstance, the desperation is *really* there and my body just takes over the begging aspect as I don't need to think about it.

But when asked to beg for something out of the blue, it's totally difficult to come up with the words it seems.

One thing that was interesting at one point for me, is a Dom that I casually dated while back in Seattle, didn't like begging,.. at all. It really bothered him. He was a very wonderful man, but very firm about no begging at all. In a way.... this almost helped me with my begging issue. Because it was *very* difficult for me to supress begging at times for things from him. Something about knowing I couldn't, almost brought more words to me. It gave me more ideas on how I might put things, if that makes sense...

I suppose it was overall, another step for me in my growing process..

Maybe a bit of the old challenge theory...when told you can't have or do something, you want to challenge that so much more. I find it has been one of the things in life which have helped me survive.

Catalina

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Ok I've been thinking about this since I saw this thread go up....

My problem is not begging for what I "need", I can beg to be fucked, spanked, orgasm, etc. My problem is trying to make myself articulate what I think I need. It seems to come off as wants instead. Not that I feel there is anything wrong with me asking for what I want, but the "feeling" isn't in it.

I think what others have said about the feelings behind it are most correct. If you don't feel it you can't do it, and you come off to yourself and most likely to your Dom/me as sounding insincere.

Just a few thougts anyway.

dixi

 

[Ms_Black]

a question on non-verbal begging

I've been thinking on this thread quite a bit over the weekend and was curious what people thought of non-verbal begging as far its usefullness, effectiveness, and timeliness. Do you feel it gets the point across as well or better? Do you feel that for certain circumstances it is more effective?

For Subs, would you be more comfortable if your Dom allowed you to use non-verbals all or part of the time? Or would you feel like it just didn't convey enough of your emotions and thoughts?

Dom(me)s, When would you consider it appropriate for your sub to use non-verbals over verbals? Would you ever not allow a sub to use them?
----------------

This is really just a curiosity on my part. As i've mentioned before, I am fan of begging and believe that it exists on several levels.

Although my Dom insists that I vocalize my specific wants and desires, I usually use kissing of the palms or arch of the foot to show that I would like some attention (of the general affection vs. sexual kind).

If we are at a get-together or party and something upsets me, and I don't want to make a show of it, I have some body cues that explain that I would like some alone time with him because I'm upset or not feeling well.

I also have a rather simplistic set of hand gestures for gagging that allow me to beg with my eyes for what I want.

I suppose I am just curious how other people use the body cues in there play and what they may be.

Ms_Black

 

[cellis]

i also need to know this, begging is a stumbling block for me. usually i end up laughing more than begging

I am so bad at this... both Himself and I agree on this... I need practice so He has been making me ask ie "beg" for an orgasm lately!

 

[BlueSugar]

Out of the bedroom I don't ask for things, I'm self sufficent, a women doing her thing, when it comes to the bedroom I can be one whorey little sub wanting only to please. (we don't have a dom/sub relationship but we are into bdsm and i am definetly the submissive no questions asked and he loves, loves to dominate)

I've wanted only to please, only to do what was asked, I've thought about why I want to do _______. Whatever it is at the time, and I have great "begs" in my mind... but I can't push them past my lips unless it is in the high heat of the moment and even then I sound like a repeating fool. I don't know if its that I don't have the courage, if the words just sound funny coming out of my mouth, if it was part of my upbringing and I just can't ask/beg, but whatever the reason he told me that I sound and he knows that I want, I need, that he knows I want to say and please, and knows of the "begs" in my mind and would love to hear them echoing off the walls, said through tears, etc...

I've written stories, I can type it, I can say them in pillow talk type situations... is my problem repitition and baby steps?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... Do you feel that for certain circumstances it is more effective? ... Ms_Black

Not to be flippant, but if i have my cock buried in her throat, i understand her non-verbal cues more effectively.

... Dom(me)s, When would you consider it appropriate for your sub to use non-verbals over verbals? Would you ever not allow a sub to use them? ... I also have a rather simplistic set of hand gestures for gagging that allow me to beg with my eyes for what I want. Ms_Black

i can appreciate a silent sub. i use silence as an effective means of training. Silence forces a partner to think.

i wouldn't allow it if i damn well didn't want any type of begging.

Eyes will always give away what a person feels. You've picked a good way to get your point across.

...
I suppose I am just curious how other people use the body cues in there play and what they may be.

Ms_Black

As you've mentioned, i watch my partner's eyes, listen to her breathing, inhale her fear and desire, and feel her heart rate.

Yes, i left out taste. i reserve taste for me, and me alone.