Being a submissive...

[ecstaticsub]

I did misunderstand your post then, I'm sorry, please excuse me.

No problem

 

[slavemarissa]

I've never done the online thing so I can't really comment on it, but I have done LDR and am now in 24/7 M/s and I can tell you there is a world of difference. When I was LDR there were so many things that I just did on a daily basis without thinking about it. Now that Master is here with me all the time, he has a lot more input on what I'm doing, even simple things like taking advil for a headache. But, it all depends on the relationship and what your Master would expect of you in r/l.

In my relationship being a slave means I'm not allowed to have limits, and I'm not allowed to say no. I'm free to let him know if I don't like something, but if he still wants me to do it..I do.

I'm curious about an LDR relationship... about how that worked. Like did he control certain aspects of your life when you were away from him and did the more kinky side when you were together???

Sorry, i'm just wondering about it all....

 

[nh23]

I'm curious about an LDR relationship... about how that worked. Like did he control certain aspects of your life when you were away from him and did the more kinky side when you were together???

Sorry, i'm just wondering about it all....

Yeah pretty much. I talked to him on the phone a lot when we were apart, and he gave his input on some things, but not being with me all the time it was a lot less than what I have in my current relationship. When we were together which was only about once a month or so, it was mostly kink.

 

[Keroin]

this is not true for us all. i have been a slave for 9 years now, and "no" is certainly not and never has been an option for me in this household. but it would never occur to me to ever refuse him anyway, regardless of whether or not i wish to do or be subjected to something.

I'm sorry, I really fought to resist the urge to respond to this but I can't.

This statement is insulting to the millions of women and children who are, in fact, slaves and for whom "no" is not an option. For these people, (victims), saying no can mean serious injury, torture or death for them and/or their families. They're not in it for fun.

You have a choice. You have chosen to be a slave and you've chosen to surrender your rights but the option to say no still exists whether you acknowledge it or not. If your master decides that beating you badly enough to put you in the emergency ward makes him happy, you have the option to call the police, you have the option to leave him/her, you have the option to say "no, I won't tolerate that".

I understand part of the charm of pretend slavehood is making the fantasy as real as possible but I think it's important to always keep at least one toe in the real world. To do otherwise is to spit on the people who live this life against their will.

OK, hackles down, stepping away.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm sorry, I really fought to resist the urge to respond to this but I can't.

This statement is insulting to the millions of women and children who are, in fact, slaves and for whom "no" is not an option. For these people, (victims), saying no can mean serious injury, torture or death for them and/or their families. They're not in it for fun.

You have a choice. You have chosen to be a slave and you've chosen to surrender your rights but the option to say no still exists whether you acknowledge it or not. If your master decides that beating you badly enough to put you in the emergency ward makes him happy, you have the option to call the police, you have the option to leave him/her, you have the option to say "no, I won't tolerate that".

I understand part of the charm of pretend slavehood is making the fantasy as real as possible but I think it's important to always keep at least one toe in the real world. To do otherwise is to spit on the people who live this life against their will.

OK, hackles down, stepping away.

Keroin, I'd like to introduce you to OSG; OSG, this is Keroin.

 

[Keroin]

Keroin, I'd like to introduce you to OSG; OSG, this is Keroin.

Did I just open a worm can, CM?

 

[intothewoods]

Did I just open a worm can, CM?

Ha. Yes. I have said something similar to OSG, but I will say that I think she agrees that the initial choice to be come a slave was hers.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'm sorry, I really fought to resist the urge to respond to this but I can't.

This statement is insulting to the millions of women and children who are, in fact, slaves and for whom "no" is not an option. For these people, (victims), saying no can mean serious injury, torture or death for them and/or their families. They're not in it for fun.

You have a choice. You have chosen to be a slave and you've chosen to surrender your rights but the option to say no still exists whether you acknowledge it or not. If your master decides that beating you badly enough to put you in the emergency ward makes him happy, you have the option to call the police, you have the option to leave him/her, you have the option to say "no, I won't tolerate that".

I understand part of the charm of pretend slavehood is making the fantasy as real as possible but I think it's important to always keep at least one toe in the real world. To do otherwise is to spit on the people who live this life against their will.

OK, hackles down, stepping away.

wow, my goodness.

first of all, i do not live "pretend slavery." slavery is not defined by consent, it is defined by being the property of and/or completely subject to the will of another. so a person can indeed make the conscious choice to become a slave, and this makes them no less slave than someone who was forced into the situation...just far more fortunate.

secondly, as we are strangers, you have no idea of the things i have gone through in my lifetime. i am all too familiar with physical abuse, psychological torture, suffering...all of the nonconsensual variety. the difference between then and now is consent, i chose this path not knowing what could happen down the road or what could possibly become of me. i chose it with the understanding that it would be the last choice of such magnitude that i would ever have the power to make. this is not the realization of some hot fantasy for me, this is not "for fun," it is real life with all of its beauty and all of its pain, a long hard neverending journey that i need because for me nothing else is worthwhile.

so i will say again, "no," to my Master is absolutely not an option for me. and death would be the least of my worries if i ever lost my mind and decided to test my Master by refusing him anything.

 

[smexygirl]

Hmmm...not to sure how to ask this and there are probably similar thread knowing my terrible researching skills, but I was basically wondering "what do you think it is to be a submissive or a slave?"

At the moment I'm an online slave, but i'm quite knew to it and i was just wanting to know what it actually means to be a slave or a submissive in real life to people who have or are doing it.

Also, i'm sorry at how vague this is, but if there's any information or tips about being a slave or a submissive that either i, or anyone else reading may find useful, i would be very greatful to know.

Sorry about the vagueness and rambling again, but thanks in advance....

marissa
xxxx

I am actually glad you asked this question, so I didn't have to.

 

[Adakgirl]

One of the basic differences between a submissive and a slave, this is my opinion only, is that: A slave gives over, submits, by their own free will, control of all of their possessions, all of their personal decisions as well as control over their, mind, body and soul (if giving up ones soul is possible) to their Dominant.

All of the relationship negotiations, limit setting, making of all agreements (say keeping control of their possessions for example) between them is done BEFORE the slave becomes owned. Once owned then there are no negotiations, no argument, no question about how that Dominant will use that submission. The slave is now his/hers to do with what they please, when they please, and how they please. There is little or no flexibility for the slave built into relationship. It is done and said.

It is one of the most extreme expressions of trust there is.

A submissive is very close to a slave, they also set limits, make agreements before entering into a D/s relationship, only they can, if agreed upon, retain certain rights like control of their possessions , the right to re-negotiate limits and the right to ask for permission to speak freely, and keep control of various other aspects of their lives. Once they give their submission to a Dominant he/she can also do what they please when they please and how they please with what has been given them. But there is more flexibility built into the relationship.

Did I get that right?? lol I may have confused myself there...heh

 

[JMohegan]

'No' is always an option. Period, full stop.

If someone has the capacity to speak, he or she can form the word "no." If left alone and not chained to the bed, he or she can escape from an unlocked room. If ordered to make salad for dinner, he or she can refuse. That's all true, for everyone. You're right.

The question is: What are the perceived consequences of refusal?

In any relationship, of any flavor, there are consequences. For example, refusal of a request to take out the trash in an egalitarian relationship can prompt a reaction ranging from annoyance to shouting match, with retribution possible in myriad petty or significant forms. On the other end of the spectrum are situations in which refusal might lead to severe beatings, torture, or death.

I am not interested in M/s, because I am not interested in controlling all aspects of a partner's life. However, for those aspects over which I do exert control, I would say that "no" is not an option for the s within the context of the relationship.

What I mean by that is: The consequence of refusal would be my assumption that the s is no longer interested in continuing the relationship, because she had violated the terms on which the relationship itself is based.

 

[JMohegan]

All of the relationship negotiations, limit setting, making of all agreements (say keeping control of their possessions for example) between them is done BEFORE the slave becomes owned. Once owned then there are no negotiations, no argument, no question about how that Dominant will use that submission. The slave is now his/hers to do with what they please, when they please, and how they please. There is little or no flexibility for the slave built into relationship. It is done and said.

It is one of the most extreme expressions of trust there is.

Once you send him that nude photo, or join him alone in his basement, all those negotiations, limits, and agreements mean *nothing* unless he chooses to grant them credence.

It doesn't matter if you define your relationship as M/s, D/s, or non-kinky. Same thing holds true.

I'm not saying that negotiations, etc., are pointless. In honorable hands, they are key. I'm just urging people to realize that the "expression of trust" is in the sending of the photo or the walking down those basement stairs, not in the making of any agreement.

 

[eastern sun]

In some ways, being a slave and being a submissive are very similar. A slave is a submissive. The difference lies in the expressed commitment on the part of the slave not to leave/break off the relationship, no matter how much they dislike or fear the experience.

 

[JMohegan]

In some ways, being a slave and being a submissive are very similar. A slave is a submissive. The difference lies in the expressed commitment on the part of the slave not to leave/break off the relationship, no matter how much they dislike or fear the experience.

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

Lots of people, in relationship flavors of all kinds, make that type of commitment.

Many people, including some who embrace consensual slavery, break that type of commitment.

I'm not trying to disrespect your level of commitment as an individual, ES. I'm just saying that defining relationship flavors by level of expressed commitment doesn't make sense to me.

 

[oldsub]

I am a submissive. It is my nature. I aspire to be a slave, It is my kink, my fetish, my desire. I believe in every type of relationship vanilla , D/s, BDSM, Love and trust are the keys. I must admit to being a little jealous of OSG that she has found, not someone, but "the one" that has made her so confident in those aspects of her relationship that she can say with conviction that no is not an option.

 

[ownedsubgal]

In some ways, being a slave and being a submissive are very similar. A slave is a submissive. The difference lies in the expressed commitment on the part of the slave not to leave/break off the relationship, no matter how much they dislike or fear the experience.

i would disagree with this also. a slave is not necessarily a submissive, and a submissive can be a slave. i am one of the latter. and i know of many very much unsubmissive slaves. now...the difference between being an unowned submissive in a D/s relationship and a slave in a M/s relationship? imo, nothing except that one person is owned and the other is not. it is the difference between being free and able to shape your own destiny, and having those things in someone else's hands. what this translates to in day to day life can vary greatly depending on the individual dynamic/relationship. but that is the core of it...not any level of commitment, not trust...just ownership.

 

[ownedsubgal]

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

Lots of people, in relationship flavors of all kinds, make that type of commitment.

Many people, including some who embrace consensual slavery, break that type of commitment.

I'm not trying to disrespect your level of commitment as an individual, ES. I'm just saying that defining relationship flavors by level of expressed commitment doesn't make sense to me.

well put JMohegan, it does not make sense to me either. many non-slaves (unowned submissives, vanilla wives, etc.) make lifelong commitments to their relationships...and keep them. and many slaves either make no such commitment or make one and break it. if my own slavery were defined by my level of commitment, all it would take to end my relationship with my Master would be a lack of commitment on my part...the power would essentially be in my hands, to continue to be a slave or not. sorry but it's just not that easy, and if it is, i would seriously question that M/s dynamic.

 

[Keroin]

CM, forgive my weakness.

"No" is not an option. Very well. I accept that.

Master orders you to kill the next door neighbour's puppy? Yes. Done.

Master orders you to kill the next door neighbour's baby? Yes. Done.

Master orders you to cook up the baby and the puppy and serve them for dinner? Yes. Done and done.

"No" is not an option, after all.

 

[ownedsubgal]

CM, forgive my weakness.

"No" is not an option. Very well. I accept that.

Master orders you to kill the next door neighbour's puppy? Yes. Done.

Master orders you to kill the next door neighbour's baby? Yes. Done.

Master orders you to cook up the baby and the puppy and serve them for dinner? Yes. Done and done.

"No" is not an option, after all.

cooking and eating babies, how original, lol. i love how these odd and completely irrational (not to mention impossible) scenarios are only thrown out when discussing M/s. i wonder why it is so bothersome to so many that there are those of us who do take this way of life seriously, who are not playing a game. i suppose that's the only way that slavery would be tolerable to those like yourself...if it were securely couched in fantasy and roleplay.

so i will repeat, in my relationship with my Master, "no" is NOT an option. now does this make me a mindless robot with no human emotion or feeling? an otherwordly being with superpowers? of course not. theoretically, my Master could give me an order that would be physically and/or psychologically impossible for me to obey. lifting a volvo and murdering and cooking up a toddler would fall under that realm. does that mean he would be refused? absolutely not. i would make the attempt and fail, and failure is okay (punishable, but okay)...refusal is not.

now of course for the sake of this discussion we are ignoring all of those silly little facts like my Master never issuing such commands, not simply because of their heinous nature but because they involve others and he has no power over others...and also because they would involve my being very much UNsubmissive to others, taking power over them, something he does not allow and would find utterly revolting.

 

[Keroin]

cooking and eating babies, how original, lol. i love how these odd and completely irrational (not to mention impossible) scenarios are only thrown out when discussing M/s. i wonder why it is so bothersome to so many that there are those of us who do take this way of life seriously, who are not playing a game. i suppose that's the only way that slavery would be tolerable to those like yourself...if it were securely couched in fantasy and roleplay.

so i will repeat, in my relationship with my Master, "no" is NOT an option. now does this make me a mindless robot with no human emotion or feeling? an otherwordly being with superpowers? of course not. theoretically, my Master could give me an order that would be physically and/or psychologically impossible for me to obey. lifting a volvo and murdering and cooking up a toddler would fall under that realm. does that mean he would be refused? absolutely not. i would make the attempt and fail, and failure is okay (punishable, but okay)...refusal is not.

now of course for the sake of this discussion we are ignoring all of those silly little facts like my Master never issuing such commands, not simply because of their heinous nature but because they involve others and he has no power over others...and also because they would involve my being very much UNsubmissive to others, taking power over them, something he does not allow and would find utterly revolting.

Well, I am completely wrong. Sincerest apologies.

 

[Keroin]

c i suppose that's the only way that slavery would be tolerable to those like yourself...if it were securely couched in fantasy and roleplay.

Oh and, yes, this is completely true of me. I am not ashamed to admit it. On behalf of all the "less fortunate" slaves out there, I am not ashamed at all.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

...

so i will repeat, in my relationship with my Master, "no" is NOT an option. now does this make me a mindless robot with no human emotion or feeling? an otherwordly being with superpowers? of course not. theoretically, my Master could give me an order that would be physically and/or psychologically impossible for me to obey. lifting a volvo and murdering and cooking up a toddler would fall under that realm. does that mean he would be refused? absolutely not. i would make the attempt and fail, and failure is okay (punishable, but okay)...refusal is not.

Well said osg, and I have to add to this:

I am a slave. I am owned by my Master and submit to his will, his judgments and his desires. He owns me body, mind and soul, and while at present I am not home with him, we are still 24/7.

He controls damn near every aspect of my life: he knows who I speak to and send an email or PM to, when I go to the doctors and why, and what balances I have on my credit cards. He even knows what grades I have in school and how much I spend to run my magazine. He does not control how I dress but that is because he trusts my judgment on always looking like a lady when I am out in public.

When I move home, this will not lessen and even more expectations will be placed on me; I will even be on an allowance and have specfic tasks that I will be expected to take care of.

Can I say no to anything he wants? Sure I can, as long as I can give Master a reasonable explanation as to why I said no- I can't just say no because I don't feel like sucking his cock that day or giving him his bath. If I do, I should expect that if my ass isn't beaten black and blue or my hair pulled forcing me into kneeling position to take him in my mouth, I will be properly punished.

Would I say no? Probably not because I serve him without reservation. There are very few things that I would not do for Master. The things that I have set as limits have either been turned into non limits because of something I mentioned to Master as maybe wanting to try, or because something he has said has had a decidedly erotic effect on me. The things I would absolutely say no to, Master would never ask for.

And I agree with JM, my slavery to Master is not only an expression of my love and devotion to him, but also an expression of total trust. I trust that he will not harm me or cause me to damage myself in anyway, that he will respect me and that he will see to my every need- even the ones I don't realize I have. I trust that he will watch over me, protect me, love me, teach me and guide me to become the best woman I can be.

I can also be assured that he will push me when I need pushing, praise me when I have done well, correct me when I have done wrong, love me unconditionally no matter what and no matter how angry I make him or whatever I have done wrong. In turn I do what I must to make sure he is happy, even if it means that I am not so happy, because my sole purpose in life is to serve him.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Oh and, yes, this is completely true of me. I am not ashamed to admit it. On behalf of all the "less fortunate" slaves out there, I am not ashamed at all.

well then that is a shame. it is a shame that myself, my Master and the many others like us will forever be intolerable and distasteful to you. it is also a shame that you feel that consensual slavery makes a mockery of nonconsensual slavery.

 

[Keroin]

well then that is a shame. it is a shame that myself, my Master and the many others like us will forever be intolerable and distasteful to you. it is also a shame that you feel that consensual slavery makes a mockery of nonconsensual slavery.

Wrong and wrong. I find nothing about your lifestyle or about consensual slavery distasteful, whatsoever. I'm endlessly tolerant of people's choices, (key word, choices).

My issue is with the assertion that "no" is not an option. Just because you, or anyone else, chooses for it not to be an option, does not change the fact that it is. This is what I find insulting in regards to those for whom "no" - to any request, however impossible or horrendous - is actually not an option.

Now, you have explained that there are acts you would find physically or psychologically impossible and that, however absurd the notion, if you were ordered to perform them you would attempt and fail. To quote you, "...failure is okay (punishable, but okay)...refusal is not." Therein lies the difference between you and the less fortunate slaves - for them, failure is not an option. When you know members of your family will be beaten, tortured, or murdered, you do what you're told, even if that means committing an act you find psychologically impossible. Savvy?

Every consensual slave has made a choice. And, whether you want to believe it or accept it, every consensual slave has the "option" to say no. That you choose to ignore the existence of that option is your prerogative. Of course, saying no would likely end the consensual slavery but that doesn't mean the option does not, hypothetically, exist.

Saying the only difference between you and the poor girl from Nepal, sold off by her family, raped and forced into slavery for the rest of her life is that you chose your lifestyle and she didn't is...wow...my heart is bleeding.

Keroin, walk away!

But...

Walk away, it's not worth it.

You're right.

 

[intothewoods]

Well, choice is the heart of the matter, isn't it? There are also women in the world who are not called slaves but have no way of leaving their husbands, and are living in luxury. Their lives might appear a heck of a lot different than someone sold into slavery and abject poverty, but they didn't choose their husband, their home or much of anything about their life.

If OSG is making a mockery of real slavery, then everyone who considers themselves M/s is too. I mean, I don't see why anyone else should get a free pass.