Being a woman in geek culture

Stand there. If I squint, I can just make out where to punch you. Stop moving.

I'll hold him down and you can punch him.

That's not fair but neither is coming in and being a bag of dicks to people being vulnerable and open to each other. :cool:
 
I'll hold him down and you can punch him.

That's not fair but neither is coming in and being a bag of dicks to people being vulnerable and open to each other. :cool:

I guess you gotta act like one if you don't got one.

Zing! :D
 
I'll hold him down and you can punch him.

That's not fair but neither is coming in and being a bag of dicks to people being vulnerable and open to each other. :cool:

Thank you for the sincere offer of support.

I'm grateful to have you as a wing lady.

Focusing on healing works for me, so mostly I don't take attempts to cut me down seriously, I just note when someone fails to help. Vulnerability isn't hard to do, but you might be the only one doing it. That's okay because I think it's good for the soul and it doesn't hurt to look hard at something painful and name it for what it is or even what it might be if you're not all the way clear. Doing it over and over makes it come clear.

Over time the patterns of life become more clear and I can navigate through them with better nuance and understanding.

I pity people that can't grasp the place of vulnerability and consider it to always be weakness. If they make fun of me for doing it...it deepens the pity.
 
Thank you for the sincere offer of support.

I'm grateful to have you as a wing lady.

Focusing on healing works for me, so mostly I don't take attempts to cut me down seriously, I just note when someone fails to help. Vulnerability isn't hard to do, but you might be the only one doing it. That's okay because I think it's good for the soul and it doesn't hurt to look hard at something painful and name it for what it is or even what it might be if you're not all the way clear. Doing it over and over makes it come clear.

Over time the patterns of life become more clear and I can navigate through them with better nuance and understanding.

I pity people that can't grasp the place of vulnerability and consider it to always be weakness. If they make fun of me for doing it...it deepens the pity.

Yep. These are the folks who think you don't need to wash the rice before cooking it.

What kind of sad person takes pride in not having feelings anyways? The kind of person that needs to see a therapist way more than me, I think. :p
 
Yep. These are the folks who think you don't need to wash the rice before cooking it.

What kind of sad person takes pride in not having feelings anyways? The kind of person that needs to see a therapist way more than me, I think. :p

I think a lot of people believe that emotions are a bad thing and a trick from the devil or something. We've all seen the argument. I also do think that there are a lot of things going on. To define emotional as unstable is to take a dig at a woman's wheelhouse. To glorify its absence is to try to remake people in that image. I don't want to be that person, male or female.

I feel incredibly sorry for them. It's like foot binding in my opinion. "I have this great thing and I'm going to atrophy it completely to make some sort of useless point that should be admirable. I should hear the intake of breath at my beauty and dedication to my culture!"

I just feel incredibly sorry at the loss of potential for no good reason but pride or culture.

No, I'm not jealous and I'm not angry. I do...however...experience a certain level of Schadenfreude when someone comes after my emotional diversity as if it were weakness.

Nope, I'm still doing fine, they're still proud of the sacrifice of one of the most important parts of themselves. Aight.

I can't give them their emotions back any more than I can give a woman her feet back.
 
It's the whole manly-man masculine ideal of being a Hulked out robot. Ignoring your feelings makes you the perfect, complacent, unit of labor for the capitalist machine; there's a reason being a coal miner and being a derivatives trader are both the epitome of manliness. One involves throwing other people under the bus, and the other involves throwing yourself under. If it has no use in a Walmart warehouse, it should have no use for anyone.

If that's your ideal... go you? :I

But yeah, I'm not going to go on about hegemonic masculinity. There's a jillion books about it out there already.
 
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It's the whole manly-man masculine ideal of being a Hulked out robot. Ignoring your feelings makes you the perfect, complacent, unit of labor for the capitalist machine; there's a reason being a coal miner and being a derivatives trader are both the epitome of manliness. One involves throwing other people under the bus, and the other involves throwing yourself under. If it has no use in a Walmart warehouse, it should have no use for anyone.

If that's your ideal... go you? :I

But yeah, I'm not going to go on about hegemonic masculinity. There's a jillion books about it out there already.

Yeah, for me it works out to be fairly simple.

As an ideal, to have no emotion means nothing important can be taken away from you. This is true. But you also lose any moral compass, compassion and ability to care for things. You have nothing to live for. You become without mooring in morality or humanity.

"The Heart and the Fist" was a great book by a guy who was in the Peace Corps and then the Navy SEALs. “As warriors, as humanitarians, they've taught me that without courage, compassion falters, and that without compassion, courage has no direction.”

I value both the heart and the fist. I think both are needed, and I'm inexpressibly sad to see one forsaken for the other, it's ultimately a mistake.
 
I'll hold him down and you can punch him.

That's not fair but neither is coming in and being a bag of dicks to people being vulnerable and open to each other. :cool:
Consider how much time Primalex spends looking for opportunities for dickbaggery. How many times he's tried to pry open a crack in complete stranger's armor. His comment didn't surprise or phase me in the least, because I'm not open or vulnerable to him.

I am willing to be open and vulnerable to Recidiva because she matters to me.
 
Consider how much time Primalex spends looking for opportunities for dickbaggery. How many times he's tried to pry open a crack in complete stranger's armor. His comment didn't surprise or phase me in the least, because I'm not open or vulnerable to him.

I am willing to be open and vulnerable to Recidiva because she matters to me.

Not to say that my introspection or self analysis or conversation is a great gift...

I can show you some respect by looking twice, thinking carefully and trying to be honest, because I think you do the same and it does matter. Not in a "we're saving the world here" way, but in a give as good as you get way.

Many, many people will just say the laziest thing to say in any situation and not give it any thought at all. That ain't you.
 
Yeah, for me it works out to be fairly simple.

As an ideal, to have no emotion means nothing important can be taken away from you. This is true. But you also lose any moral compass, compassion and ability to care for things. You have nothing to live for. You become without mooring in morality or humanity.

See also, The Problem of Being Cool

Funny how being cool either means you're a total shitstain or a total pushover... actually, no. The "cool pushover" was basically invented by the shitstain, nvm.
 
See also, The Problem of Being Cool

Funny how being cool either means you're a total shitstain or a total pushover... actually, no. The "cool pushover" was basically invented by the shitstain, nvm.

Good articles, thanks.

I am not cool. I mean, there are some things I'm cool about, but it's probably because I really don't care. Want me to do some weird thing you like but I don't care about? Sure, let's do that, I'm cool.

But if I care? I am not cool, I'm passionate. And I'm not giving up my passion about it to make someone else like me more because they will then think I'm cool. Manipulative trade. I have every opportunity to manipulate the everloving hell out of people. They even ask it of me. "You should be like this and people would like you more." If my goal were getting people to like me more, I'd be doing that already and you wouldn't know I was doing it because I GET what it brings in the social sense. I used to do it. A lot. Wasn't worth it. I thought I was surrounded by disingenuous idiots, so I changed my style and suddenly there are all these cool people doing the same thing. Changing my behavior changed my environment and my company. It was there all along.

No, I won't take a stupid dare because you think if I don't that makes me a coward. I don't do appearances on purpose because they're ridiculously deceiving and I'd rather challenge someone's sense of what they think is "proper" or "cool" compared to what is right.

Bill O'Reilly was just on "The Daily Show" and Bill O'Reilly was talking about how the world thinks Obama is weak. John Stewart said really well what I thought.

"That's a high school mentality for running a country. I don't care if [Obama] put on a dress and lipstick and sashayed his pretty little ass around the White House."

It's the wrong mentality for running a life as well. Be cool when you're cool, be passionate when you're passionate, and don't manipulate people by pretending to be one when you're the other, or fall for thinking you have to do it to suit cultural fashion.
 
Maybe I'm being overly PC here, but I think using "dickless" as an insult has problematic implications.

You know what's funny, I try not to say dick, but I still do. Dick is a physical concept in the same way that pussy is a physical concept. "Hard and intrusive" versus "soft and giving."

But I've tried to switch to asshole and douche as less gender specific.

But you know what, I do say dick and I don't say pussy and that's on me.

I'm trying to change.
 
If I use a dick joke to make a jab at someone, it's done with deliberation.

Calling someone a dick has nowhere near the same weight as does calling someone a pussy, bitch, or cunt. It has no history of being used in conjunction with systemic oppression or blatant backlash against anyone's rights. Yes, patriarchy hurts men too, but having a small penis doesn't quite have the same negative side-effects as having an F-assigned body. It's not a disability, it's not a career-killer, you're not going to get assaulted on the street for having a small dick, and it's not even a love-life killer if you know what kind of partner to look for. The implications are literally nothing but damaged egos all the way down.

If I feel you're the kind of man who is actually somewhat aware that he is a man-fish breathing dirty patriarchy-water, I'm not going to make the jab at you. If you're a fuckwad who gets off on making fun of all those things that penis-worshiping (no homo) western culture says are lowly, weak, and frivolous, I'm not going to waste my time even going outside of the system to insult you. You love your dirty water so much, here, have more.
 
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Consider how much time Primalex spends looking for opportunities for dickbaggery. How many times he's tried to pry open a crack in complete stranger's armor. His comment didn't surprise or phase me in the least, because I'm not open or vulnerable to him.

I am willing to be open and vulnerable to Recidiva because she matters to me.

Yeah, he's a special kind of creep that always reads like he tries to act like an asshole on the net because in meat life he's sad and probably takes upskirt pictures of women to jerk off to and cry at the same time.

I should get him one of those anime pillow girls for Christmas. :D At least he'd have something female to talk to that wouldn't recoil in disgust 2.2 minutes in.

I take heart that he still stalks me in half my threads, though, it's consistent. If he suddenly up and turned nicey-nice that's when I'd freak.

Ko Pilot knows all about those implications. It's funny to aim that shit at the femophobes though.

Are there any social implications to calling someone a bag of dicks?
 
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I want one of those anime pillow girls for Christmas!

And I've been a good boy. Girl. Whatever.


:D
 
Because Amanda Palmer rocks, (literally and figuratively).

http://amandapalmer.net/blog/20131003/

I was just on the phone talking to my sister about roles in life, our husbands, my kids, our mom...

I talked about this thread, about the women here, about my arguments and friendships and vulnerabilities and strengths.

It appears that no matter what I do, it opens me to criticism and praise, sometimes criticized for the wrong things, or even more weirdly, praised for the wrong things.

But you know what? I love that you guys are here, I love that I disagree, I love that I get to do what Amanda said...crack open her brain. I agree with Amanda. It'd be as interesting if I didn't agree, I'd get to think about why.
 
If I use a dick joke to make a jab at someone, it's done with deliberation.

Calling someone a dick has nowhere near the same weight as does calling someone a pussy, bitch, or cunt. It has no history of being used in conjunction with systemic oppression or blatant backlash against anyone's rights. Yes, patriarchy hurts men too, but having a small penis doesn't quite have the same negative side-effects as having an F-assigned body.

TBH, I probably wouldn't have responded if you'd just called the guy a "dick". I try to avoid gendered insults but, as you say, that one's relatively mild.

The part that provoked my response was the "if you don't got one", which I interpret as using lack-of-dick as an insult. That, IMHO, is in the same problematic territory as using "pussy" the same way.

It's not a disability, it's not a career-killer, you're not going to get assaulted on the street for having a small dick, and it's not even a love-life killer if you know what kind of partner to look for. The implications are literally nothing but damaged egos all the way down.

It wasn't "small dick", it was "if you don't got one", and the implications of that can be quite serious - just ask Brandon Teena. At the milder end, I've got a couple of trans/gender-non-conforming friends who would be a lot more secure in their careers right now if they "got one". Dickless-presenting-male may not be as bad as AMAB-presenting-female, but it's still not a picnic.

If I feel you're the kind of man who is actually somewhat aware that he is a man-fish breathing dirty patriarchy-water, I'm not going to make the jab at you. If you're a fuckwad who gets off on making fun of all those things that penis-worshiping (no homo) western culture says are lowly, weak, and frivolous, I'm not going to waste my time even going outside of the system to insult you. You love your dirty water so much, here, have more.

I understand the satisfaction in inflicting poetic justice on somebody who undoubtedly deserves it. The problem is that in doing so you risk reinforcing that culture and causing collateral damage.
 
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I understand the satisfaction in inflicting poetic justice on somebody who undoubtedly deserves it. The problem is that in doing so you risk reinforcing that culture and causing collateral damage.

I get where you're coming from in the rest of your post, and there we're going to have to agree to disagree.

But here, I really disagree. It's like saying you can't use violence to defend yourself, because that's what the oppressors do. There comes a point where yes, sometimes you end up using the same tactics that fuck you over. We're not all pacifist buddhist monks who practice complete non-resistance. I mean, if you go back a dozen pages or so, you'll see the discussion we had with BrightlyGo in which he accused us of being just as bad as the people we were complaining about because this was a space primarily for women and the female-assigned rather than a completely "egalitarian" space. How far you personally distance yourself from the thing you hate isn't any of my business.

And at the end of the day, the dick is a symbol of the power of violence, and lots of people are complicit and in agreement with that symbolism. Trans* men are capable of being just as sexist and loudly misogynistic as any cis man, and as soon as they pass, they wield male privilege from the assumption that they were born with a dick.

In this situation, I used the dick joke in the same way that I would prod at someone's whiteness. And as somebody that's read as white but isn't, I can tell you that there's a difference between making someone's whiteness the subject of a jab, and their lack of whiteness as the same. A huge difference.
 
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