Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

Ultimately, I had to acknowledge the fact I cannot do everything, and round up some folks I can trust to work without detailed instructions to take jobs over and give me a breathing space. Thus, I was up at 4am writing emails and delegating jobs the other morning, which has averted the immediate crisis. Now if one person will leave me along for a few days until I get the bids back from a couple of contractors, I'll be fine. Not seeing much of my 'special friend' this weekend did not help. She's on the spectrum too, and it helps to talk to her.

We're a close second to your bff but sound off here if it helps.

I love delegating, although I never point and say "Do that". Somehow I make it feel a team effort which makes it more rewarding for everyone. People like to be given clearly defined roles, just like we do I suppose!

 

[PMarky2]

We're a close second to your bff but sound off here if it helps.

I love delegating, although I never point and say "Do that". Somehow I make it feel a team effort which makes it more rewarding for everyone. People like to be given clearly defined roles, just like we do I suppose!

I love delegating if I know it will get done! If I suspect nothing is going to happen then it becomes another source of anxiety, and I am already rolling in that stuff anyway.

The good side at the moment is that there is a distance between me and the edge of the burnout hole. Admittedly not a large one, but a space nonetheless. I may get through this without a shutdown.

 

[PMarky2]

Still maintaining a margin between me and the burnout hole, so all is good, and I am beginning to think I will not shut down this time. My Autie buddy was away at the weekend, so I did not see her, which left me feeling short-changed. My normie better half is off my case at the moment, which is good.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm struggling with not having energy to do stuff. Sometimes being too much on overdrive and that consuming my every, sometimes not even starting up.

And having hypermobility syndrome on top of autism does not help it at all.

 

[Maturelickr]

Sounds like you may also have POTS

 

[Strixaluco]

I might have POTS symptoms occasionally, but mostly nothing specific to that. They don't really even consider POTS when it's not for common for me to e.g. get dizzy when standing.

AuDHD can be enough to mess up with energy levels. Then add muscles working extra with HSD. And asthma.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm just going to drop this thought in here before I forget it.
Anyone else feel awkward introducing themselves then forget to mention ones own name? I chose my name so it's not the name itself but an odd sense on ... I dunno maybe feeling unimportant? irrelevant? apologetic? "Just ignore me but I know have to do this introduction thing, so..."

I did it this morning but later had a chance to speak to them again, apologise and say my name out loud.
Crash n burn

 

[PMarky2]

I'm just going to drop this thought in here before I forget it.
Anyone else feel awkward introducing themselves then forget to mention ones own name? I chose my name so it's not the name itself but an odd sense on ... I dunno maybe feeling unimportant? irrelevant? apologetic? "Just ignore me but I know have to do this introduction thing, so..."

I did it this morning but later had a chance to speak to them again, apologise and say my name out loud.
Crash n burn

That is something that I have trouble with. I have to give myself a bit of a flow chart on this one, and remember to give them my name early on in the conversation because (a) the likelihood is it will be a short conversation anyway, and (b) if it does turn interesting, I probably will forget all about the social niceties.

I have been way too busy and stressed this week, and was rewarded with a bad migraine today which it during a meeting a was chairing. It is quite strange looking at the words in front of you understanding them, and not being able to make your mouth work to read them aloud.

 

[Melody_Lightdraft2]

Nothing wrong with lists but the next step along is to describe how one of those traits has affected a relationship or lack of one. Maybe how you felt if you made an idiot of yourself on a thread and why ( I've faceplanted many times here ).

The common perception is that we're unfeeling, geeky people who are happy on our own. Some are, but then that's true of allistic people too. Some autistic people are great at math but then people assumed we're all like that.

To kill off one myth is that 'it's a super power'! I wish it fucking was - most of the time it feels like I put my shoes on the wrong feet again today.

There is a saying, "If you want to understand me, walk a mile in my shoes."
Without dialogue there is no progress, it's a common courtesy to listen.

 

[Melody_Lightdraft2]

Also stimming because of clothes, materials, and temperature.
Subjectives thinking people on the spectrum are not allowed relationships, or can't do them or want.
We just want love and to be loved.
Relationship wit the body is often destroyed thrugh shamming a bullying; am I ugly, is is/are they too small.

Sorry about the bullet point styleof reply but I just wanted to ge ideas out.
thanks for posting.

Everyone deserves to be loved, and involved in discussions that affect them. Why shouldn't you have a relationship?
As for breast size, one of my characters, Olivia has a saying, "Bigger gets you noticed." She knows certain men stare at her chest rather than her face. Carrying DD's apparently gives you backache when you're older, at least that's what my wife tells me.

 

[Strixaluco]

Carrying DD's apparently gives you backache when you're older, at least that's what my wife tells me.

Even before getting old, it's not an age question. A middle-aged colleague had hers reduced.

 

[Escierto]

Even before getting old, it's not an age question. A middle-aged colleague had hers reduced.

My daughter had hers reduced when she was still a young woman. She has never regretted it.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Everyone deserves to be loved, and involved in discussions that affect them. Why shouldn't you have a relationship?
As for breast size, one of my characters, Olivia has a saying, "Bigger gets you noticed." She knows certain men stare at her chest rather than her face. Carrying DD's apparently gives you backache when you're older, at least that's what my wife tells me.

Interestingly little boobs get my attention.

 

[Melody_Lightdraft2]

Interestingly little boobs get my attention.

Never attracted me, growing up with two younger siblings.

 

[PMarky2]

Interestingly little boobs get my attention.

The girl who makes me crazy (in a good way) is flat chested and Autie.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Everyone deserves to be loved, and involved in discussions that affect them. Why shouldn't you have a relationship?
As for breast size, one of my characters, Olivia has a saying, "Bigger gets you noticed." She knows certain men stare at her chest rather than her face. Carrying DD's apparently gives you backache when you're older, at least that's what my wife tells me.

A support worker actively sabotaged mine.

 

[stickygirl]

Gender Non Conformity
Autism from the Inside is a useful YT site that I follow and in this video is titled Gender Non-Conformity is Cisgender Autistic People so that was a red rag to me and I had to watch.

He talks a lot of sense, though from my POV I can see how he too is constrained by his cisgender outlook. He acknowledges this is passing 'I have no idea how other people might feel...'
The key point was his last one, so watch it right through - 10mins - to being Authentic to yourself. That was a massive kurching for me even if I didn't necessarily agree with everything else, but he's talking about people's pov so that's okay.

As a child I scrutinised other boys to figure how to get through a day at school without being teased or embarrassed. It made me a clever actor and mimic but all those layers of masking took some time to untangle. Underneath I knew I was a girl but htf was I going to tell the world when I had a weaner and did a believable impression of being a boy. Self-harming was the route that worked for me, but thankfully now, kids have better access to the language of being transgender.

 

[stickygirl]

If Gender isn't a hot topic for you, then "How Are You?"

How are we supposed to answer that everyday question?! The same Autism from the Inside vlogger tackles that stupid question - How Are You? and why we can find it so difficult to answer

 

[Strixaluco]

If Gender isn't a hot topic for you, then "How Are You?"

How are we supposed to answer that everyday question?! The same Autism from the Inside vlogger tackles that stupid question - How Are You? and why we can find it so difficult to answer

That's somewhat easier here, because even neurotypical people in my culture tend to answer it at least somewhat honestly. The expectation isn't to say something extra positive.

 

[Strixaluco]

video is titled Gender Non-Conformity is Cisgender Autistic People so that was a red rag to me and I had to watch.

He talks a lot of sense, though from my POV I can see how he too is constrained by his cisgender outlook. He acknowledges this is passing 'I have no idea how other people might feel...'

Well, he also acknowledges his cis-gender outlook already in the title. I think it's ok to choose a point PT view and not to try cover everything at once.

I also find he has a point in discussing how even 100% cis-gender autistic people very often don't conform to the expectations of the said gender. I don't, either. I do look very, very feminine, and I am interested in sewing and knitting, and interior decor - but also building, mathematics, physics, and I am an engineer. Also my way of thinking is probably more male-like. I'm not that physical, but otherwise I felt more at ease with boys when I grew up. That has evened out later on, but sometimes I feel that's just because I still get many stereotypical female experiences in the world, which men just don't run into, and that adds to the feeling of having things in common with women.

 

[stickygirl]

The variations in characteristics can seem so diverse, you wonder how a recognisable pattern can emerge for a diagnosis! Of course, gender expression plays a supporting role in one's make up adding a twist, but not changing the central charms that autism brings.

People have anticipated that because I am trans that I would be a girlie girl, as if to compensate for my assigned-at-birth gender. I've seen it in other trans women and I admit it has made me question their presentation was just a phase. There's an accepted phrase 'baby-trans' when people initially come out and it takes them a while to settle down and find themselves.

I'm a roll-your-sleeves-up kind of girl and happy with science-based employment... but I scrub up okay too. I've my sister to thank for the fashion tips!

 

[Escierto]

Well, he also acknowledges his cis-gender outlook already in the title. I think it's ok to choose a point PT view and not to try cover everything at once.

I also find he has a point in discussing how even 100% cis-gender autistic people very often don't conform to the expectations of the said gender. I don't, either. I do look very, very feminine, and I am interested in sewing and knitting, and interior decor - but also building, mathematics, physics, and I am an engineer. Also my way of thinking is probably more male-like. I'm not that physical, but otherwise I felt more at ease with boys when I grew up. That has evened out later on, but sometimes I feel that's just because I still get many stereotypical female experiences in the world, which men just don't run into, and that adds to the feeling of having things in common with women.

Very interesting. I am somewhat the opposite, a man but with the heart of a woman. I have never identified as anything other than male but my version of masculinity is that of a caretaker. I am an animal lover and I adore my children and grandchildren. Taking care of them has always been all that mattered to me in life.

For a couple of years when she was small, one of my children called me Mommy. I have always considered being called Mommy an honor really and I have always remained especially close to her.

 

[stickygirl]

That's somewhat easier here, because even neurotypical people in my culture tend to answer it at least somewhat honestly. The expectation isn't to say something extra positive.

I think it was in his video he recalled a reply to How are you? as
'still clinging to the wreckage'
which tickled me.

 

[Strixaluco]

The variations in characteristics can seem so diverse, you wonder how a recognisable pattern can emerge for a diagnosis! Of course, gender expression plays a supporting role in one's make up adding a twist, but not changing the central charms that autism brings.

Maybe they can some day scan the brain to see the difference there. Because it's after all the brain that is different, and the visible traits are just that - visible traits of something that isn't in itself directly seen.

 

[PMarky2]

There is a lot of line crossing in my circle, but I think it is more a case of 19th century gender stereotypes being muted, and 'who is good at what' taking the driving seat. I love to cook, will arrange flowers if I have to, and have an unusual concern for aesthetics compared to most straight men. I also take care over my appearance - hair kept short, facial hair clipped, clean shirt, tie, shoes polished, etc.. Best Girl, Crush's sister, builds custom kitchens for a living and is outdoorsy to the point of spending 8 hours in a deer stand, but when she chooses she sheds the jeans and sweat shirt, and scrubs up real good. She is pretty too, in a very wholesome sort of a way. Crush is a girlie girl, but has an almost masculine mind - calm, clear, logical - but she is a bundle of contradictions - very opposed to co-ed schools, because they do not allow boys or girls to thrive, etc..