Being autistic and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

I also take care over my appearance

This is indeed a very typical example of a current stereotype. 100 years+ earlier this wouldn't have been crossing any lines at all, as men indeed took care of their appearance.

But very many of the stereotypes are just artefacts of culture and don't hold over eras and across the globe too well.

 

[PMarky2]

This is indeed a very typical example of a current stereotype. 100 years+ earlier this wouldn't have been crossing any lines at all, as men indeed took care of their appearance.

But very many of the stereotypes are just artefacts of culture and don't hold over eras and across the globe too well.

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

 

[Strixaluco]

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

I tend to do cherry picking with eras.

 

[stickygirl]

In some respects Crush and I do belong to another age - probably that of Jane Austen, to be honest. But then I would not have Wagner's music as a consolation.

Jane Austen

 

[PMarky2]

Jane Austen

Yes, I was ready to escape into Persuasion or Northanger Abbey last night as I had had an uncomfortable day. Crush got called into work at the last minute, so I did not get to see her. Not only did that disrupt the routine, but I really needed to ask her opinion on a couple of things. The rules of the game really do not allow me to phone or email her randomly about my concerns because I am trying to pretend that I am not crazy about her. See sig. line for why.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, I was ready to escape into Persuasion or Northanger Abbey last night as I had had an uncomfortable day. Crush got called into work at the last minute, so I did not get to see her. Not only did that disrupt the routine, but I really needed to ask her opinion on a couple of things. The rules of the game really do not allow me to phone or email her randomly about my concerns because I am trying to pretend that I am not crazy about her. See sig. line for why.

As distraction escapes Jane Austen's works are pretty wholesome. I'm lazy and do the same but with the 1995 version of P&P with Jennifer Ehle

 

[PMarky2]

Some of the appeal of Austen with me is the degree to which her characters are constrained by convention, and have to wait not only to admit their feelings, but also to confess them. That resonates with me. I was lazy last week and watched the 1983 BBC adaption of Mansfield Park and got very caught up in the undertow between Edmund and Fanny which is depicted very well in that version. The constraints imposed by Fanny's social position and their cousinage, and all the various entanglements that produced throw up an invisible barrier until the folly of others makes it impossible for Edmund to ignore it any longer.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

 

[PMarky2]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

Oh dear, that all sounds so familiar. Ambiguity in particular throws me for a loop.

 

[Paradox]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

I'm getting closer and closer to that self diagnosis.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm pretty sure 75% of Tumblr users are auties. Here's a quote from a post on my dash today

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.
In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.
But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.
"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?
"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.
Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?
It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

Perfect!

Oh dear. THIS, so much this!

Oh and for anyone going to be examined for autism - that kind of confusion about the questions may actually tell the examiner more than the answers themselves.

 

[PMarky2]

One of the major problems in our marriage is communication. My wife forgets that ambiguous communication tends to lead to things not getting done. Earlier this year she was planning a vacation - not one of my favourite things as it disrupts the routine, but I know it is important to her - and wanted me to plan transportation to/from. I had it in my head that she was taking care of it all, and did nothing. She said nothing, just got frustrated, and then decided we were not going on the trip because I was 'not interested' whereas the problem was lack of clear communication. Yes, I could have asked, 'what do you need me to do?' but it did not occur to me; neither did giving me clear instructions occur to her with the result that it went on the list the next time we had a 'spirited disagreement.'

 

[PMarky2]

My form of stimming is humming - generally pieces of music I am fond of. Anyway, whatever witch-doctor website my wife reads about autism has given her the advice, 'you need to draw the attention of your ASD child/spouse/ etc. to the fact they are stimming, and encourage them to stop.' Not a helpful piece of advice to use on a stressed out Aspie!

 

[Strixaluco]

My form of stimming is humming - generally pieces of music I am fond of. Anyway, whatever witch-doctor website my wife reads about autism has given her the advice, 'you need to draw the attention of your ASD child/spouse/ etc. to the fact they are stimming, and encourage them to stop.' Not a helpful piece of advice to use on a stressed out Aspie!

Oh dear. Sounds like ABA or something

But humming, that sounds nice!

 

[PMarky2]

Oh dear. Sounds like ABA or something

But humming, that sounds nice!

Yep - that sounds like my better half - fix it rather than live with it. Actually, one needs a little of both, IMHO. Tomorrow is another bummer Sunday as my best Autie friend has to work again.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yep - that sounds like my better half - fix it rather than live with it. Actually, one needs a little of both, IMHO. Tomorrow is another bummer Sunday as my best Autie friend has to work again.

As if everything was fixable...

 

[Strixaluco]

And as if stimming was a problem.

 

[stickygirl]

Gah - I hate having unknowns. I find them so stressful. Waiting to hear back from people, asking people for help, hoping the weather will be okay on Friday, needing an agreement with a boatyard plus I have to got to work. I guess this is what it's like having kids and another reason I won't be having any! So stressful.
I wonder if I can trick myself to sleep tonight?
Sorry - bit of a blurt but sometimes seeing your blurt written down can help!

 

[Strixaluco]

Gah - I hate having unknowns. I find them so stressful. Waiting to hear back from people, asking people for help, hoping the weather will be okay on Friday, needing an agreement with a boatyard plus I have to got to work. I guess this is what it's like having kids and another reason I won't be having any! So stressful.
I wonder if I can trick myself to sleep tonight?
Sorry - bit of a blurt but sometimes seeing your blurt written down can help!

I saw this years and years ago: "Think aloud. Who knows - you might be listening!"

Writing does it perhaps even better.

 

[PMarky2]

I saw my best Autie friend for the first time in four weeks yesterday. The reconnect was a little awkward, but we chattered a lot about things that matter, so we are good. It was really good timing on her part, as with us having caught the edge of Helene here, I needed a calming presence. Too much uncertainty at the moment.

 

[stickygirl]

I saw my best Autie friend for the first time in four weeks yesterday. The reconnect was a little awkward, but we chattered a lot about things that matter, so we are good. It was really good timing on her part, as with us having caught the edge of Helene here, I needed a calming presence. Too much uncertainty at the moment.

and we all love uncertainty...

 

[PMarky2]

Special treat last night - a couple of hours of my best Autie friend, who brought along one of her 'waifs and strays' to talk history, theology and culture with me. It was great! She arrived without saying 'hi' and left without saying 'bye!' which is normal enough for her. The conversation was the usual effortless double act, and we take one another's more 'out there' opinions in good part.

It is a pity I did not find her in my mid-20s (she wasn't even born then) so I could marry that woman and raise a brood of kids with her. There is a massive intellectual connection there, and we seem to really dig each other in that no matter how weird the other one is being, the first is cool with it, and knows that normal service will resume shortly. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, but we have a whole bunch of issues thrown up by her being a Normie, and not really wanting to deal with my Asperger's, but rather fix it.

Helene kind of shorted my Aspie brain out with things needing emergency repairs, and all the row and disruption. It was bad enough here on the very edge. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for those who caught it full in the face.

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a thing and I don't know for certain it's an autie thing. It ought to be imo

So I was driving along, the traffic was calm and moving nicely. The sun was shining, the roads dry. I could let my mind wander a little from what a good day I'd had to an in-brain theatrical that was pure fiction. Earlier I'd brushed off a call from someone and our last conversation had been a little prickly.

So the brain decided to come up with a fiction about what he could be calling for, including referring back to the last call but also bringing up a new topic and ... and... then I realised my heart rate had near doubled and my blood was awash with adrenaline.... over NOTHING ffs. I had a full soap-opera argument about nothing and I HATE arguments so why does my brain do it?!

I think I understand why, which is to prepare every conceivable conversation in advance so I don't get caught out by a tricky question. It's so stressful.

I'm glad you have one female friend PMarky2

 

[Strixaluco]

Here's a thing and I don't know for certain it's an autie thing. It ought to be imo

So I was driving along, the traffic was calm and moving nicely. The sun was shining, the roads dry. I could let my mind wander a little from what a good day I'd had to and in-brain theatrical that was purely fictional. Earlier I'd brushed off a call from someone and our last conversation had been a little prickly.

So the brain decided to come up with a fiction about what he could be calling for, including referring back to the last call but also bringing up a new topic and ... and... then I realised my heart rate had near doubled and my blood was awash with adrenaline.... over NOTHING ffs. I had a full soap-opera argument about nothing and I HATE arguments so why does my brain do it?!

I think I understand why, which is to prepare every conceivable conversation in advance so I don't get caught out by a tricky question. It's so stressful.

I'm glad you have one female friend PMarky2

I don't think that's an exclusively autism thing, but autistic people are more prone to such.

 

[Strixaluco]

But even the opposite can happen! We were discussing (not on Lit) about people who avoid saying a clear no and just try to get by with "maybe", "we'll see" etc. And it's utterly frustrating.

My late husband was one of of those people, big time. It made my life difficult. And now, thinking back to those moments, my mind made up a discussion where I tried to tell him it's not ok today keep me hanging on a loop like that, that it's the opposite of being nice and polite. And he got angry and defensive, yelled me that I can then always assume that he doesn't want to join me when going places etc . To which I reacted by asking if he even wants to live with me anymore - and without thinking he answered "No!" - took which I replied "Ok then. I will start selling this house tomorrow." He tried to take it back but it was too late. He accidentally admitted it, and I took him by his word.

And damn was that cathartic as anything! Even if it was totally made up. I think I finally got free from something.