Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

I am very bad at making eye contact.
Unfortunately, my default for where to look is slightly downward. At the boobs.
Needless to say, I have to actively not do that.

Boobs are a problem in that respect. I find myself acting a bit - you know how people look away when they're trying to think of the right word or pluck an idea from the air? That's what I do.

The exception being if the person I'm speaking to needs to be heard?- like if they're distressed. I've had to deal with that situation quite a bit, so I'll take one of their hands and focus on that so they're anchored and can get their words out. Or if that's too intrusive, I'll maybe sit next to them and nod at their feet as they talk. Sorry - that was a slight sidetrack.

I'm sure autie men have a harder time with it. They have fewer social skills to draw on and end up monologuing or clamming up altogether. I can see that in men generally - I get the impression it's like they're on the other side of an emotional glass door. As woman I have more freedom and cheats to get by and so avoid the dreaded humiliation of looking weird... I have other ways of looking weird

 

[stickygirl]

Here's an old one. I shared an exchange with another autie lady on a thread at Lit. We had both gone through the exact same childhood experience of having to write cards and thank you's. The problem arose when our mothers insisted we signed off 'with love'.

The other Litster describe how she ended up with tears rolling down her face, the pen shaking in her hand, because she didn't actually 'love' Auntie May so she was being forced to lie! We laughed so much when we realised we'd been through the same ritual of having to lie about 'loving' someone.

We hate lying and being insincere, which sounds admirable except when you have to share the world with NTs who have a different take on lying. I guess auties have no stretchy ruler to measure a lie: it's either true or not.

Since then, I written Xmas cards and emails to friends and made a point of signing off 'with love' or 'much love'. I had to add a note explaining to them that I was claiming the word for my own and that I didn't actually love them (and wasn't going to start stalking them). The problem right now is that I've forgotten who I told this to, so I risk being accused of loving people out of the blue, with no warning or explanation. Xmas 2023 is going to be tough again...

 

[saintcero]

Here's an old one. I shared an exchange with another autie lady on a thread at Lit. We had both gone through the exact same childhood experience of having to write cards and thank you's. The problem arose when our mothers insisted we signed off 'with love'.

The other Litster describe how she ended up with tears rolling down her face, the pen shaking in her hand, because she didn't actually 'love' Auntie May so she was being forced to lie! We laughed so much when we realised we'd been through the same ritual of having to lie about 'loving' someone.

We hate lying and being insincere, which sounds admirable except when you have to share the world with NTs who have a different take on lying. I guess auties have no stretchy ruler to measure a lie: it's either true or not.

Since then, I written Xmas cards and emails to friends and made a point of signing off 'with love' or 'much love'. I had to add a note explaining to them that I was claiming the word for my own and that I didn't actually love them (and wasn't going to start stalking them). The problem

Here's an old one. I shared an exchange with another autie lady on a thread at Lit. We had both gone through the exact same childhood experience of having to write cards and thank you's. The problem arose when our mothers insisted we signed off 'with love'.

The other Litster describe how she ended up with tears rolling down her face, the pen shaking in her hand, because she didn't actually 'love' Auntie May so she was being forced to lie! We laughed so much when we realised we'd been through the same ritual of having to lie about 'loving' someone.

We hate lying and being insincere, which sounds admirable except when you have to share the world with NTs who have a different take on lying. I guess auties have no stretchy ruler to measure a lie: it's either true or not.

Since then, I written Xmas cards and emails to friends and made a point of signing off 'with love' or 'much love'. I had to add a note explaining to them that I was claiming the word for my own and that I didn't actually love them (and wasn't going to start stalking them). The problem right now is that I've forgotten who I told this to, so I risk being accused of loving people out of the blue, with no warning or explanation. Xmas 2023 is going to be tough again...

Right there with you about who gets an “L” word (Love, love or luv) from me. I briefly switched to “and I am appropriately fond of you too” but it wasn’t well received.

 

[stickygirl]

Right there with you about who gets an “L” word (Love, love or luv) from me. I briefly switched to “and I am appropriately fond of you too” but it wasn’t well received.

Which is why 'Live long and prosper' makes so much sense!

 

[twister947]

Which is why 'Live long and prosper' makes so much sense!

Saying "I love you" is not the same as sending something with love. You're on solid ice.

 

[stickygirl]

Anyone else want to chip in? I don't want this thread to end up a me, me, me whine!

Since I'm here, this may be another shared experience. An old man died in his sleep two doors down and a neighbour told me. After commenting that he was nice person, if a bit of a character and that his family had always looked in on him, making sure he was okay, which was good. I then said 'I wonder who we'll get as neighbours' and I was given a bit of a look.

So I spent the next hour working in the garden, going over what I'd said and wondering what the rule was for saying something like that. I'm guessing most people wouldn't give their words much thought, but here I am, feeling troubled and worrying that I said the wrong thing.

I'm not looking for support, but only pointing out that I think auties do this a lot - re-examining and fretting over their words and actions.

 

[Escierto]

Anyone else want to chip in? I don't want this thread to end up a me, me, me whine!

Since I'm here, this may be another shared experience. An old man died in his sleep two doors down and a neighbour told me. After commenting that he was nice person, if a bit of a character and that his family had always looked in on him, making sure he was okay, which was good. I then said 'I wonder who we'll get as neighbours' and I was given a bit of a look.

So I spent the next hour working in the garden, going over what I'd said and wondering what the rule was for saying something like that. I'm guessing most people wouldn't give their words much thought, but here I am, feeling troubled and worrying that I said the wrong thing.

I'm not looking for support, but only pointing out that I think auties do this a lot - re-examining and fretting over their words and actions.

I think what you said was perfectly normal in the circumstances. I would have wondered the same thing - who would replace him as a neighbor.

Even people who are not autistic often ruminate on things that they have said and wonder if they should have said something else - it really seems to depend on the person’s personality. Some people are given to a lot of introspection while others do very little.

 

[Escierto]

Talking about the L word reminded me of a conversation I had with my girlfriend the other day. She said that she had said, “I love you” to various guys over the years but it was really just an expression of affection and no more. She had never been in love with any man.

She said that when I appeared in her life, saying “I love you” meant so much more. Her feelings were so much deeper and saying those words truly expressed how she felt.

 

[Noor]

Here's an old one. I shared an exchange with another autie lady on a thread at Lit. We had both gone through the exact same childhood experience of having to write cards and thank you's. The problem arose when our mothers insisted we signed off 'with love'.

The other Litster describe how she ended up with tears rolling down her face, the pen shaking in her hand, because she didn't actually 'love' Auntie May so she was being forced to lie! We laughed so much when we realised we'd been through the same ritual of having to lie about 'loving' someone.

We hate lying and being insincere, which sounds admirable except when you have to share the world with NTs who have a different take on lying. I guess auties have no stretchy ruler to measure a lie: it's either true or not.

Since then, I written Xmas cards and emails to friends and made a point of signing off 'with love' or 'much love'. I had to add a note explaining to them that I was claiming the word for my own and that I didn't actually love them (and wasn't going to start stalking them). The problem right now is that I've forgotten who I told this to, so I risk being accused of loving people out of the blue, with no warning or explanation. Xmas 2023 is going to be tough again...

I think it’s because we are very literal. It gets confusing because if we say we love someone, we absolutely mean it. Our relationship with that person may change, but the love still endures.
It’s hard when someone you care about very much asks you if you love them and you reply I hadn’t considered it, meaning of course that you hadn’t considered them with those words, not that you don’t care about them or possibly love them but you’d have to think about it because it’s not something that pops out at you.
We can talk about emotions if we have thought about them, and considered or translated our feelings into nt language. The conversation between two people on the spectrum can sound quite weird to those not on it.
Our saying we like someone can be as powerful as many nts use of the word love, but really, we want to know what it means. Does it mean they will repeatedly stay next to you in the casualty/ER for 6 hrs while doctors work to stabilize you, making sure nothing you will react to is being used or is “love” just a word, an idealized statement of some sort?

 

[stickygirl]

I think it’s because we are very literal. It gets confusing because if we say we love someone, we absolutely mean it. Our relationship with that person may change, but the love still endures.
It’s hard when someone you care about very much asks you if you love them and you reply I hadn’t considered it, meaning of course that you hadn’t considered them with those words, not that you don’t care about them or possibly love them but you’d have to think about it because it’s not something that pops out at you.
We can talk about emotions if we have thought about them, and considered or translated our feelings into nt language. The conversation between two people on the spectrum can sound quite weird to those not on it.
Our saying we like someone can be as powerful as many nts use of the word love, but really, we want to know what it means. Does it mean they will repeatedly stay next to you in the casualty/ER for 6 hrs while doctors work to stabilize you, making sure nothing you will react to is being used or are is “love” just a word, an idealized statement of some sort?

Wow . Thanks Noor - that resonates with me on so many levels. So many in fact I need to think it over. I'm thinking of about five different scenarios where that has had relevance to me.
The one that's up there is the way I'm always anxious/uncertain about starting a new relationship

 

[twister947]

The passing of Jimmy Buffett just reminded me. I used to have a stepdaughter who was a parrot head. She was also on the Spectrum. She had other issues but was generally just a hot mess. I was with her one time in Denver and she had a meltdown. Jimmy Buffett was my secret sauce I would begin to sing Cheeseburger in Paradise, and she would join right in. Fixed for at least a little while.

 

[Noor]

Wow . Thanks Noor - that resonates with me on so many levels. So many in fact I need to think it over. I'm thinking of about five different scenarios where that has had relevance to me.
The one that's up there is the way I'm always anxious/uncertain about starting a new relationship

I totally get that, or changing them. Sometimes I’d almost rather not, even with great people because it’s a lot of work or I’m tired. It’s hard to explain that it’s not personal, it’s just timing.

 

[juttjaw]

Anyone else want to chip in? I don't want this thread to end up a me, me, me whine!

Since I'm here, this may be another shared experience. An old man died in his sleep two doors down and a neighbour told me. After commenting that he was nice person, if a bit of a character and that his family had always looked in on him, making sure he was okay, which was good. I then said 'I wonder who we'll get as neighbours' and I was given a bit of a look.

So I spent the next hour working in the garden, going over what I'd said and wondering what the rule was for saying something like that. I'm guessing most people wouldn't give their words much thought, but here I am, feeling troubled and worrying that I said the wrong thing.

I'm not looking for support, but only pointing out that I think auties do this a lot - re-examining and fretting over their words and actions.

I would of said those exact words, had I been in the same situation. The emotions involved with death, are complex. Not everyone feels reverence for someone they barely knew. Yes, they died, yes, they may have been a nice person, but death happens to everyone. The "rules" of grief are not something set in stone, nor are the "rules" of having grief for someone who has died. A life ends, but yours will continue, wondering about that next step is logical and not at all troublesome. If anything, the look of the other person is the odd thing. I my opinion.

 

[stickygirl]

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

NTs gonna NT. It would be healthier if they just stimmed like sane people.

 

[stickygirl]

NTs gonna NT. It would be healthier if they just stimmed like sane people.

A little knowledge...

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

I am very bad at making eye contact.
Unfortunately, my default for where to look is slightly downward. At the boobs.
Needless to say, I have to actively not do that.

Who doesn't like looking at boobs. LOL,

 

[stickygirl]

Who doesn't like looking at boobs. LOL,

Quite

 

[coati]

Boobs are a problem in that respect. I find myself acting a bit - you know how people look away when they're trying to think of the right word or pluck an idea from the air? That's what I do...

I'm sure autie men have a harder time with it. They have fewer social skills to draw on and end up monologuing or clamming up altogether. I can see that in men generally - I get the impression it's like they're on the other side of an emotional glass door. As woman I have more freedom and cheats to get by and so avoid the dreaded humiliation of looking weird...

I heard the singer-songwriter Namoli Brennet talk about her anxiety of being on the road alone and interacting with potentially judgmental people at rest stops and gas stations and such. She summarized her aproach in the lyric, "I been around almost everywhere, become a connoisseur of the casual stare."

And you are right, men in general have a limited emotional vocabulary relative to women, so they tend to be more walled off. I really appreciate it when I can be around the exceptions to that generalization.

 

[stickygirl]

"I been around almost everywhere, become a connoisseur of the casual stare."

Great line. I may borrow that!

 

[coati]

Great line. I may borrow that!

It's copyright Namoli, but you know how it is with lyrics that strike home.

BTW, it's a joy to listen to her interviews.

 

[stickygirl]

I’ve just stared coming to terms at 60 that I am very likely neurodivergent. My oldest son (adopted) was diagnosed as such years ago, and my wife has often suggested that I must be too. I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but before I started seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression I decided to find a reliable site that had a questionnaire which I took, and the results indicated I was on the spectrum, although I don’t show the most commonly known signs (for example, I have a pretty wide range of interests), there are some that I should have recognized earlier (I like having things done a certain way around the house… like not waiting until we are completely out of something before letting me know, since I do the shopping).

That probably had a huge impact on my lack of a sex life until I met my first wife. I had a few short term partners after she passed before meeting my second wife, but all of that was initiated on line. As the students at the schools I sub at would say, I don’t have “game.” It’s always been challenging and stressful for me to get anything started with someone just in person.

I love sex, and I love a lot of the variety that can come with that, but I strongly suspect my being neurodivergent has gotten in the way of that, and wish I could have been identified a long time ago and got the proper counseling for it. Maybe that’s a part of why my wife and I haven’t had sex in way too long and I’m now here, talking about all I want to do without doing it.

Those of you who are having a great sex life and are on the spectrum, i am very happy for you!

Sex is important but it can't be unlinked from good mental health. IMO it's better to understand yourself and why you keep battling anxiety and depression than 'getting your leg over'.

Don't let your age be a disincentive by thinking 'well, I've gotten this far, I can't be that bad' because we are constantly changing, like our environment is changing and what might not have been problem when you were 21 has a new importance now.

Be kind to yourself and why not get that counselling? You've nothing to lose and if you find a good one, you might end up re-energised and happier - that's the whole point! Get someone else's opinion of you from a neutral standpoint.

 

[lanceGibs]

I've been thinking about starting this for a while, not as a vanity thread, but because there isn't one at Lit. So this is a first for Lit AFAIK.

Being autistic doesn't mean we like sex more or less than anyone else, but we probably think about it more, because we think about everything more. I've only said that because there are plenty of autistic forums online at reddit etc, but auties can be a bit prime and proper and seldom mention 'a slow tendril hung from the heat of her sex, thick with lust and hungry for his hard flesh to consume her' without a librarian Mod jumping in to censor you... true story btw.

I keep finding out new things about being autistic, usually through someone else's experience or remarks. Here's a couple of facts I discovered recently -

• Autistic people represent a disproportionate number of victims of sexual abuse
• Alexithymia can leave you suddenly fighting back tears because you don't understand your own emotions.

Like the internet in general, Lit gives you the opportunity of walking away from a question, thinking about it for an hour, then coming back with a well thought out answer. It can also mean you totally misunderstood a nuance in the discussion, the topic has moved on and your carefully written response was a wasted effort. My trash is full of brilliant and entirely irrelevant replies to the question I only thought I'd been asked.

TLDR
Just post stuff about autism

Thank You for the thread
As someone who recently started working with special children/peope ,I have read the posts here like I have never read anything on Literotica before

 

[stickygirl]

Who to trust?
There are dozens, hundreds maybe, of bogus and untrustworthy autism 'charities' and websites. Frequently they simply want your money, but more sinister ones offer 'cures' and 'treatments' for autism wrapped in plausible language like caring, concern and compassion. There is no 'cure' any more than there is a cure for being brunette or left-handed.

The big one to avoid is Autism Speaks - they're the one with the cute coloured jigsaw pieces logo.
"Autism Speaks Inc. is the largest autism advocacy and research organization in the United States. Its status means that many are unaware of the controversy surrounding it. On the surface, it’s a nonprofit organization that seeks to provide support for individuals with autism and their families, raise awareness for autism, and further research on autism and its causes, but a deeper look takes a troubling turn."
If you prefer here's a PDF fact sheet to download

If you're in any doubt, stick to official health websites like the NHS in the UK, or CDC in the US. The NHS one is good because it has links to trusted partners, like the National Autistic Society, who I see have a page for women and girls!

In short - BE SUSPICIOUS! I'd welcome links to sites that others have found helpful or other ones to avoid. In general I find one-to-one convos to be the most helpful. Some of my cousins are on the spectrum or have kids that are, so they've always been a good place to share.

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

Who to trust?
There are dozens, hundreds maybe, of bogus and untrustworthy autism 'charities' and websites. Frequently they simply want your money, but more sinister ones offer 'cures' and 'treatments' for autism wrapped in plausible language like caring, concern and compassion. There is no 'cure' anymore than there is a cure for being brunette or left-handed.

The big one to avoid is Autism Speaks - they're the one with the cute coloured jigsaw pieces logo.
"Autism Speaks Inc. is the largest autism advocacy and research organization in the United States. Its status means that many are unaware of the controversy surrounding it. On the surface, it’s a nonprofit organization that seeks to provide support for individuals with autism and their families, raise awareness for autism, and further research on autism and its causes, but a deeper look takes a troubling turn."
If you prefer here's a PDF fact sheet to download

If you're in any doubt, stick to official health websites like the NHS in the UK, or CDC in the US. The NHS one is good because it has links to trusted partners, like the National Autistic Society, who I see have a page for women and girls!

In short - BE SUSPICIOUS! I'd welcome links to sites that others have found helpful or other ones to avoid. In general I find one-to-one convos to be the most helpful. Some of my cousins are on the spectrum or have kids that are, so they've always been a good place to share.

Autism speaks is cancer; I along with some other people on the spectrum are in the process of setting up self run outfit.
One of the big problems is that the council and other parts of the establishment insist on been "certified" fore witch has ideas that we wish to destroy, and base things on our own ideas and experience.