Being autistic and random stuff

[stickygirl]

I'm following, I have an almost adult child with severe ADHD and ASD and he hasn't even held a girl's hand. I'm nervous on his behalf for the most intimate parts of any future relationship because the "tism" is strong with this one. Interested to read what everyone has to say.

Owch. I don't think you could provide a meaningful suggestion to a NT person, given how varied personalities are. Maybe you need to ask yourself if a relationship is what he wants or needs? He may feel he ought to have a relationship if that's an expectation he's acquired. Depends, depends.

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Owch. I don't think you could provide a meaningful suggestion to a NT person, given how varied personalities are. Maybe you need to ask yourself if a relationship is what he wants or needs? He may feel he ought to have a relationship if that's an expectation he's acquired. Depends, depends.

I meant more that I want to have a better understanding.
He's openly talked about wanting a gf and he feels like he's broken because he hasn't. I'm trying to be reassuring and supportive, hence my interest here.

 

[stickygirl]

Sorry - I'm up to speed now
The only suggestion I have is to see if there's a local autism family group you could talk to. You're not the first to go through this but I can understand how distressing it must be.

 

[butters]

this is so so sad, and wrong—fucking florida, fucking 'religion'

A time that is meant to bring awareness about those who are on the autism spectrum was canceled at a private school in Palm Beach County, Florida, leaving some parents heartbroken and full of questions.

An email from the lead pastor at Trinity Christian Academy described recognizing Autism Awareness Week as "demonic."

Gallik said she was left in tears, and she'll be pulling her kids out of the school.

"The email comes, and I feel like my heart stops beating because not once but twice he says that wearing this title of autism is demonic. And my mouth was on the floor," Gallik said. "I'm offended as a Christian because I feel that he is using the Bible for his own interpretation. And his interpretation is offensive. Not just to my son but to any child, adult afflicted with autism. Breaks my heart. It breaks my heart."

the activities planned that got stopped?

"We were supposed to have 'wear blue' for World Autism Day. We were going do tie dye for celebrate neurodiversity, all fun things that just would have had kids learning a little bit more about autism and how to speak and act with their friends who have it," Gallik said. "Miles has started saying he doesn't belong in his class, and I just tell him that God made him perfectly. And this was a plan all along, and we just have to walk in it and know he's a smart boy and everyone who meets him loves him."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/p...p&cvid=eab4df6388d14a13cc289b173676b4c1&ei=54

 

[Escierto]

this is so so sad, and wrong—fucking florida, fucking 'religion'



the activities planned that got stopped?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/p...p&cvid=eab4df6388d14a13cc289b173676b4c1&ei=54

There is definitely something demonic going on but it's in the heads of these religious assholes. Every time I read something like this about one of these Christian idiots, I think, "Awesome, maybe another group of people will drop out of Christianity as a result."

 

[stickygirl]

Religions, yea. I don't think I know any autistic christians so I guess we are demonic after all... or logical.

There's humour to be found in the Bible... Here's Sara Pascoe reading out a letter

 

[Maturelickr]

Religions, yea. I don't think I know any autistic christians so I guess we are demonic after all... or logical.

There's humour to be found in the Bible... Here's Sara Pascoe reading out a letter

O, just more attuned to nature and what you want/need. Bravo to your strength

 

[stickygirl]

I just had one of those ridiculous convos on whatsapp - a medium that confounds meaningful discussion and is fraught with misunderstandings. However... the brief few lines did throw light on something I've experienced and then thought "It's probably just me". If I had an ASD tutor they'd give me a D- for that thought "just me". Turns out my whatsapp friend is getting therapy for exactly the same problem, namely 'Once you've been diagnosed, your autism gets worse.'
I did not know that, but why should I be unique in the magical world of ASD to think I was the only one to have noticed that effect?!
I'd better stop as I have a visual migraine starting, which are a blast but makes typing tricky.

ETA
Now supper is done and vision returned to normal, I can explain a little more.
In the light of my ASD diagnosis it took me around 18mths to process my memories in particular. Since then I've begun to give myself permission to do what suits me, rather than squeezing myself into NT expectations.
So now, if I feel uncomfortable about going to a gathering where there will be crowds of people doing what they do, then I'll simply say 'Nope, sorry.' Before I might have felt obliged to go out of politeness. That doesn't mean I go round being blunt and rude but if it takes me two days to recover from being in that people-breathing-on-me-hellhole then too bad: I know what makes me happy and my happiness is more important than a host who won't even notice I'm not there.
I'll let myself play in a less constrained way too. If I'm on my own and feel like stimming, then I will. Previously I would have worried I was going mad or that someone might see me. I still worry a little I might be seen, but fuck em.

Coming to terms with the new version of me is an ongoing process. It hasn't taken over my life with self-adsorbed navel-gazing. Ultimately it's about being happy and carefree.

 

[coati]

Coming to terms with the new version of me is an ongoing process. It hasn't taken over my life with self-adsorbed navel-gazing. Ultimately it's about being happy and carefree.

Tell us the secret when you find "carefree", but happy is definitely the right goal. Every happy person makes the world happier.

 

[stickygirl]

Hurray! I've just read that someone else thinks that Jane Austen's character, Mr Darcy, is autistic. I've often thought she does a great job of characterising a person's awkwardness, sense of justice and his need to define people. Unfortunately the device open to him for that is class/money/breeding.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Hi
I've just stumbled across this thread and intend to have a good read through at some point.
I am waiting to be assessed (6 months and counting) so I hope it's ok to be here without being "official"

 

[stickygirl]

Hi
I've just stumbled across this thread and intend to have a good read through at some point.
I am waiting to be assessed (6 months and counting) so I hope it's ok to be here without being "official"

There's no need to be official - the badges can be expensive. My therapist pointed out the obvious to me and I went from there. I'm fortunate that I don't need specific accommodations from my employers, but being able to understand who I am and reassessing all my memories was such a weight off my shoulders.
I'd be more than happy to point you to some online resources. If nothing else, it's taught me to be more forgiving in how I regard other people with mental health issues.
The key in researching and indeed getting first hand counselling is to choose pathways that suit you and your temperament. For maybe the first time in your life, you'll be deciding what you would like and not making shapes to fit other people's expectations. Be bold!
Here's one vlogger I found recently - Mom on the Spectrum
and
Autism from the inside ( because I think he's cute )

 

[RosewoodTulip]

There's no need to be official - the badges can be expensive. My therapist pointed out the obvious to me and I went from there. I'm fortunate that I don't need specific accommodations from my employers, but being able to understand who I am and reassessing all my memories was such a weight off my shoulders.
I'd be more than happy to point you to some online resources. If nothing else, it's taught me to be more forgiving in how I regard other people with mental health issues.
The key in researching and indeed getting first hand counselling is to choose pathways that suit you and your temperament. For maybe the first time in your life, you'll be deciding what you would like and not making shapes to fit other people's expectations. Be bold!
Here's one vlogger I found recently - Mom on the Spectrum
and
Autism from the inside ( because I think he's cute )

Thank you.
Once I've slept and can string two thoughts together again I'll be back to check those out and catch up with the rest of the thread

 

[stickygirl]

Thank you.
Once I've slept and can string two thoughts together again I'll be back to check those out and catch up with the rest of the thread

Sorry - I realise I was a bit blurty. I guess that's a thing!
Remember this is your show. You get to decide.

 

[RosewoodTulip]

Sorry - I realise I was a bit blurty. I guess that's a thing!
Remember this is your show. You get to decide.

Oh no problem. I want ALL the info and I'll be back to inhale it.

It's more clues to try and make sense of the world and how I've been struggling to figure it out

 

[stickygirl]

The thread title says '...and other random stuff'. Genius provision if I must say so myself, because no one else will.

Other random stuff must include OCD and a movie, Turtles All The Way Down. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I've read the book and like all John Green's novels, I found myself stumbling between crying and laughter throughout. I swear my copy of The Fault in Our Stars is blotched with my tears, quite enough for someone to gather the DNA and clone me (which would be a mistake).

Back to Turtles... Here's a delightful chat with John Green talking about the condition and how it has impacted his life. If you know only the stereotypes of OCD, or even if you live with the condition yourself, this will feel like a big comfort hug.

 

[PMarky2]

This is a thread I could have fun with. I have always been 'a little weird,' but only recently discovered that I'm on the mild end of ASD. I'd have to say that ASD is both a positive and a negative experience. On the one hand, it gives me the skills and the focus that I need to do my job, but socially, I am a bit of a disaster. I hate parties, loud noise, multiple conversations, and lots of people. As a result, I have been known get quietly and solidly drunk to shut down the overload.

Other problems: Bright lights, loud repetitive noises, any sort of chaotic noise stress me. I hate most artificial scents and there should be a special place in hades for those who splash Fabuloso all over the place. I am currently wondering whether I should complain about the new cleaning contractor in the department using it. It really gets to me. Having to sit in my office with all the windows open in 20F weather is not good. I've not been much given to stimming since I got into my teens, though I will start pacing, or tidying up, or go for a long walk when I start to overload. I do need significant slices of time alone to decompress, and not have to worry about what other folks are thinking.

The area in which my Autism really seems to show up is my need for rules in order to be able to function. My days tend to run on a rigid agenda, and get very upset when the usual routine is upset at short notice, though full meltdowns are rare. My wife finds my rigidity and love of routine very irritating, though on the up-side, she usually knows where I will be. Travelling is a weird one for me. I find it stressful, I think most people to, but it is a lot easier for me if I am using a scheduled service - train or flying - rather than driving.

As someone who is a Christian, I find the moronic attitudes of some 'Christian' groups towards things like ASD extremely irritating. My own religious environment is well away from the fever swamps of Dispensationalism, the Holiness Movement, and Pentecostalism, so I have not run into those attitude much myself. I've just had to deal with the normal 'NTs-do-not-get-it' stuff in Church just I have had to deal with it everywhere else over the years.

I only really got clued into the fact I might be ASD about three or four years ago when I struck up a friendship with a young woman who is also on the spectrum. Besides shared interests, there were a lot of 'you too?!' moments about likes/dislikes, what makes us crazy, going down rabbit holes, and all that. For a while we became very, very close, so much so that my wife, who is NT, got quite upset because she thought we were having 'an emotional affair.' We try and keep it between the lines now, but sometimes it is hard as she is someone with whom I do not have to conform to NT norms.

On the whole, diagnosis was a 'ah - ok - that explains that' experience. For example, it explains why just functioning can be so bloody exhausting for me. In a sense, even the wife was relieved as she now has a label for what she is dealing with, and she finds that useful as she can now use her scientific background to read up on how to deal with the weirdo she is married to. That said, it does not stop us driving one another crazy from time-to-time, but we both understand that in a very real sense we do not think alike, and that helps us both to cope.

 

[stickygirl]

This is a thread I could have fun with. I have always been 'a little weird,' but only recently discovered that I'm on the mild end of ASD. I'd have to say that ASD is both a positive and a negative experience. On the one hand, it gives me the skills and the focus that I need to do my job, but socially, I am a bit of a disaster. I hate parties, loud noise, multiple conversations, and lots of people. As a result, I have been known get quietly and solidly drunk to shut down the overload.

Other problems: Bright lights, loud repetitive noises, any sort of chaotic noise stress me. I hate most artificial scents and there should be a special place in hades for those who splash Fabuloso all over the place. I am currently wondering whether I should complain about the new cleaning contractor in the department using it. It really gets to me. Having to sit in my office with all the windows open in 20F weather is not good. I've not been much given to stimming since I got into my teens, though I will start pacing, or tidying up, or go for a long walk when I start to overload. I do need significant slices of time alone to decompress, and not have to worry about what other folks are thinking.

The area in which my Autism really seems to show up is my need for rules in order to be able to function. My days tend to run on a rigid agenda, and get very upset when the usual routine is upset at short notice, though full meltdowns are rare. My wife finds my rigidity and love of routine very irritating, though on the up-side, she usually knows where I will be. Travelling is a weird one for me. I find it stressful, I think most people to, but it is a lot easier for me if I am using a scheduled service - train or flying - rather than driving.

As someone who is a Christian, I find the moronic attitudes of some 'Christian' groups towards things like ASD extremely irritating. My own religious environment is well away from the fever swamps of Dispensationalism, the Holiness Movement, and Pentecostalism, so I have not run into those attitude much myself. I've just had to deal with the normal 'NTs-do-not-get-it' stuff in Church just I have had to deal with it everywhere else over the years.

I only really got clued into the fact I might be ASD about three or four years ago when I struck up a friendship with a young woman who is also on the spectrum. Besides shared interests, there were a lot of 'you too?!' moments about likes/dislikes, what makes us crazy, going down rabbit holes, and all that. For a while we became very, very close, so much so that my wife, who is NT, got quite upset because she thought we were having 'an emotional affair.' We try and keep it between the lines now, but sometimes it is hard as she is someone with whom I do not have to conform to NT norms.

On the whole, diagnosis was a 'ah - ok - that explains that' experience. For example, it explains why just functioning can be so bloody exhausting for me. In a sense, even the wife was relieved as she now has a label for what she is dealing with, and she finds that useful as she can now use her scientific background to read up on how to deal with the weirdo she is married to. That said, it does not stop us driving one another crazy from time-to-time, but we both understand that in a very real sense we do not think alike, and that helps us both to cope.

Yup, yup
Same, same
I have a bf who already knew a little about ASD and is a scientist like me, so we take a pragmatic approach to our relationship and wrinkles that my quirkiness throws up. Like he bought a s/h car but they must have cleaned the interior with men's aftershave - I call the Rep car because it smells like an insurance salesman.

I can sometimes cope with changes to a plan, but not if I'm tired. If an overall plan for a w/e is 'be flexible to change' then I'm okay... In fact "embrace change" is one of my life memes. Maybe you could try to view change in a different light... but it's usually when people and not circumstance force change that I get stroppy.

Interesting that you're religious. I'm not at all.

Yes, losing 'best mates' who understand you unconditionally is tough. I think NTs folk have best mates too though... it doesn't always have to end up in bed, but of course often does.

Feel free to post here. Lots of people lurk and it may help them to read about NDs and autism from a grass roots level.

 

[Strixaluco]

problem, namely 'Once you've been diagnosed, your autism gets worse.'

I don't call it a problem, just a phenomena. And it happens with self diagnosis, too.

It's actually quite logical. You start to notice tendencies and traits you had been unaware of. And while before you were probably masking all you could, now you do less of it. Even the subconscious one that has been masking autism from yourself.

I was only vaguely aware how for example sensory stimulation is exhausting. Got home and pretty much dropped on the bench in hey foyer, as the exhaustion washed over me. Now I can feel it creeping already along the way, and it makes me irritated at the stimuli that do it, because I am aware of it all.

I've known for some 18 months now. My life has changed with that knowledge - for the better, as the challenges were always there anyway, now I just know what I'm dealing with so I have more tools to survive.

I'll come back for the relationship & sexual side of it when i have more time (this thread looks nice!), but I have to say that's the one area I can't complain about... And somehow the bdsm scene is full of ND's. Like, almost packed full. The overrepresentation is overwhelming.

 

[PMarky2]

Yup, yup
Same, same
I have a bf who already knew a little about ASD and is a scientist like me, so we take a pragmatic approach to our relationship and wrinkles that my quirkiness throws up. Like he bought a s/h car but they must have cleaned the interior with men's aftershave - I call the Rep car because it smells like an insurance salesman.

I can sometimes cope with changes to a plan, but not if I'm tired. If an overall plan for a w/e is 'be flexible to change' then I'm okay... In fact "embrace change" is one of my life memes. Maybe you could try to view change in a different light... but it's usually when people and not circumstance force change that I get stroppy.

Interesting that you're religious. I'm not at all.

Yes, losing 'best mates' who understand you unconditionally is tough. I think NTs folk have best mates too though... it doesn't always have to end up in bed, but of course often does.

Feel free to post here. Lots of people lurk and it may help them to read about NDs and autism from a grass roots level.

My Autie best mate is still around. We see one another nearly every week, but we are more careful these days. I think we both realized we needed to cool it as we were talking about subjects like raising kids, and how many she would like, etc.. We discovered we were on the same page there too. We tend to stick to safer subjects these days, but still tend to gravitate together. Having to cool it has not been all bad as I've struck up a friendship with her very practical younger sister who presents as NT, but is as obsessive and perfectionist about the things she is interested in as her sister and I are. However, she is the one I usually end up in the kitchen with when events get too peoply.

ASDs and religion tends to be an all-or-nothing proposition. I suspect that like so many other things we are either into it or we are not. I've always been vaguely religious, and discovered that I found Christianity fascinating and intellectually satisfying. On the other hand I need to steer clear of crazy liberals, fundamentalists, Liberty University types, and anyone else whose religion is mainly emotional. The structure helps me enormously. I'm an Early Modern History specialist, so I got hooked on the Reformation era debates.

Big yep on the tiredness and stress levels making a big difference to how flexible I will be thing. If I am on the bottom 15% of my battery - forget it!

 

[Strixaluco]

Big yep on the tiredness and stress levels making a big difference to how flexible I will be thing. If I am on the bottom 15% of my battery - forget it!

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

 

[stickygirl]

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

I follow Mom on the Spectrum

 

[Strixaluco]

I follow Mom on the Spectrum

I'm still in the phase where I keep coming across "oh this is related too!* She has helped with many of those.

 

[EndCreditsPart2]

There's even a concept flexible mode vs safe mode. I don't think it's official, might be made up by Mom on the Spectrum (her YouTube channel is good), but it's a practical one.

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

What a coincidence, I was planning on asking my therapist about this today.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm still in the phase where I keep coming across "oh this is related too!* She has helped with many of those.

After a lifetime of accepting other people's version of normality, the joy and validation of hearing the views of someone like you is a real buzz. I'd simply accepted that everyone felt and thought the same as me, but no one else thought to talk about it.
I'm glad you're still enjoying the process