Being autistic and random stuff

[Strixaluco]

After a lifetime of accepting other people's version of normality, the joy and validation of hearing the views of someone like you is a real buzz. I'd simply accepted that everyone felt and thought the same as me, but no one else thought to talk about it.
I'm glad you're still enjoying the process

I've also had a lot of this classic "so you mean other people don't do this???"

 

[PMarky2]

Flexible mode is often necessary, but it's damn draining. We need to get to that safe mode regularly, often enough.

I'm convinced flexible mode is three to five times the battery load of safe mode.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm convinced flexible mode is three to five times the battery load of safe mode.

In safe mode, if you have the possibility to indulge in special interests, it may even be like rest.

 

[Strixaluco]

And that is why having at least some part special interest in your job is a very good idea.

 

[PMarky2]

And that is why having at least some part special interest in your job is a very good idea.

Definitely. I love teaching early modern history and a couple of theology courses which key into my special interests, though I think it is more sharing what I have discovered that I enjoy than teaching. I now have enough seniority that I don't have to teach the courses which leave me an unmotivated mess. I used to cop for a couple of American history courses that bored the living shit out of me I found uninteresting.

BFOTS/Crush is trying to turn her special talent into a business but periodically has to go and work retail when there is a cash crunch. She is so happy when she can ditch the retail for a while and go back to concentrating on what really fires her up.

 

[PMarky2]

I had to go away for a week to take care of some family stuff, so now I am having difficulty adjusting back to 'home.' Being on my own in a fairly tidy environment where I could follow my routine, go hiking when I needed to de-stress, and not have to worry about unscheduled interruptions was pure bliss. Jetlag has left me tired, and that just makes my NT wife's 'randomness' harder to cope with because I am trying to cling to routine while I recover from the trip. I am probably driving her up the walls as much as she is driving me.

The other thing that is disturbing my tranquility is that although I picked that she is very judgmental/Miss Suburbia 1968 about folks who are on the Spectrum a long time ago, it has begun to bother me quite a lot recently mainly because I am picking up on it more than I used to.

Update 6/9/24: Finally over the jet lag and starting to cope. Been a rough 'reentry' this time.

 

[stickygirl]

Fucking anxiety!!
I've been in 'fight or flight mode' for about 4 days, because something is coming up that requires my brain to juggle with different outcomes/scenarios/possibilities. I understand why I'm doing it, but it's exhausting. Hopefully at the weekend the whole event will be passed and one of the million alternative outcomes will have taken shape.
It's not even anything to be stressed about - actually a theoretically fun event, but fuck.
No wonder auties die early - burnt out wrecks.

 

[Strixaluco]

Fucking anxiety!!
I've been in 'fight or flight mode' for about 4 days, because something is coming up that requires my brain to juggle with different outcomes/scenarios/possibilities. I understand why I'm doing it, but it's exhausting. Hopefully at the weekend the whole event will be passed and one of the million alternative outcomes will have taken shape.
It's not even anything to be stressed about - actually a theoretically fun event, but fuck.
No wonder auties die early - burnt out wrecks.

*hugs* (if those are OK for you)

 

[stickygirl]

*hugs* (if those are OK for you)

Ta. Happy to accept cyber hugs
Also happy to accept hugs from friends but not from assuming men or people with strong perfume

 

[Escierto]

Ta. Happy to accept cyber hugs
Also happy to accept hugs from friends but not from assuming men or people with strong perfume

Is that a problem with men? I never hug anyone.

 

[stickygirl]

Is that a problem with men? I never hug anyone.

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

 

[Escierto]

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

Wow, that's shocking. I don't want anyone touching me, even an attractive woman. I don't like massages either. No touching!

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm different, I like going to balls. Aka being very close to even men I don't know.

But it doesn't mean I'll accept just any hug at whatever occasion.

 

[SmokingFap]

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

I think men have been conditioned to never initiate a hug, outside of family or significant other and really close friends. I do find the acceptance and popularity of the "bro hug" to be rather enlightened. It gives guys the freedom to express themselves without coming off as gay, if they're not, or don't want to appear to be. I have been known to hug female co-workers, if I considered them friends, and a couple times I've hugged women I wasn't all that familiar with who were just in desperate need of a hug, a show of empathy and support in a bad moment.

 

[Escierto]

I think men have been conditioned to never initiate a hug, outside of family or significant other and really close friends. I do find the acceptance and popularity of the "bro hug" to be rather enlightened. It gives guys the freedom to express themselves without coming off as gay, if they're not, or don't want to appear to be. I have been known to hug female co-workers, if I considered them friends, and a couple times I've hugged women I wasn't all that familiar with who were just in desperate need of a hug, a show of empathy and support in a bad moment.

You sound very sensible and aware about it. Many people are not.

 

[SmokingFap]

You sound very sensible and aware about it. Many people are not.

There will always be assholes who will never respect other people's boundaries and may use a hug just as a way to feel a woman's tits against their own chests. And there are many sociopaths out there who just don't give enough of a fuck about anyone else to ever give a hug. But I think there are still quite a few of us decent people out there, as well.

 

[stickygirl]

There will always be assholes who will never respect other people's boundaries and may use a hug just as a way to feel a woman's tits against their own chests. And there are many sociopaths out there who just don't give enough of a fuck about anyone else to ever give a hug. But I think there are still quite a few of us decent people out there, as well.

The problem with hugs is the offence they cause if they're declined. Take the setting when there's a merry go round of hugs among a group, but one person doesn't feel comfortable with that. It puts them is a very difficult position socially.
It happened to me recently and it felt as awkward as hell.

 

[coati]

Social hugs can sometimes be pretty shallow, or as mentioned here, presumptuous. As a man I never initiate a social hug, but I'll go along if someone else initiates and they are not getting grabby with me.

Hugs with your closest friends who are affectionate can consistently be absolutely electric! Such hugs acknowledge that we are thrilled to be with each other in that timeless zone.

But I also have close friends who are not huggers. They express love in other ways that are equally satisfying.

 

[Escierto]

Social hugs can sometimes be pretty shallow, or as mentioned here, presumptuous. As a man I never initiate a social hug, but I'll go along if someone else initiates and they are not getting grabby with me.

Hugs with your closest friends who are affectionate can consistently be absolutely electric! Such hugs acknowledge that we are thrilled to be with each other in that timeless zone.

But I also have close friends who are not huggers. They express love in other ways that are equally satisfying.

Well stated.

 

[PMarky2]

Not as a rule because most men don't assume or expect hugs. Some do though. It's a personal space and I get to decide who is welcome. I guess I'm thinking of a couple of men in particular.

You pretty much have to tell me 'I need a hug' before I would presume. I hate people getting into my personal space as my brain is shouting 'you do not have an invitation - clear off!' I tend to treat others the same way. That said, there are some folks who have a free pass and do not know it. Everyone who knows me is a bit shocked when I let my cousin hug me, but we have an unspoken closeness. Otherwise, it is my Aspie friend and her sister that have that privilege but have never used it.

 

[stickygirl]

You pretty much have to tell me 'I need a hug' before I would presume. I hate people getting into my personal space as my brain is shouting 'you do not have an invitation - clear off!' I tend to treat others the same way. That said, there are some folks who have a free pass and do not know it. Everyone who knows me is a bit shocked when I let my cousin hug me, but we have an unspoken closeness. Otherwise, it is my Aspie friend and her sister that have that privilege but have never used it.

TY - that's affirming. We have the same hug rules

 

[PMarky2]

Ta. Happy to accept cyber hugs
Also happy to accept hugs from friends but not from assuming men or people with strong perfume

Someone else who says 'Ta' -

 

[Strixaluco]

Someone else who says 'Ta' -

I find that very confusing. (English is my 3rd language and can't fathom where it comes from.)

 

[PMarky2]

I find that very confusing. (English is my 3rd language and can't fathom where it comes from.)

It is a northern English dialect word. Due to its similarity to the Danish/Norwegian 'tak'/'takk' I am tempted to think that it might be a left over from the Danish migration of the 9th/10th century.

 

[Strixaluco]

It is a northern English dialect word. Due to its similarity to the Danish/Norwegian 'tak'/'takk' I am tempted to think that it might be a left over from the Danish migration of the 9th/10th century.

Thanks! That explains it. In Swedish it's 'tack'.