Bring it on

[Magnetron]

@ Normal Jean

I have no useful suggestions regarding Red Bricks. It took me numerous passes to come to a conclusion that it *might* be about anger management. I have no idea if it is.

what I hate about a city does work for me, nothing overly critical to suggest, comments left.

clear as a bell is too brief for my tastes.

Interaction, storm and pine is bizarre to me. One tree suffers injury and it is put out of your misery. The second tree survives unscathed, but is cold heartedly terminated. Yet it is the death of the shade that is portrayed as agonized, as if it was the only living creature.

 

[twelveoone]

1201-
I saw the comment, and thank you. I agree. I have the gist of what I want to say, but I hate how it is right now. I have switched stanzas, words, length, pared it way down from original. The word choices are even bugging me, you hit the one particular nail right on the head. I have put it aside for a long while and maybe it wasn't in the cubby long enough. But it's important to me, so I can't just delete it.

As for the other one, it is my morbid sense, how horrible that sight actually was and I couldn't help but think of that snippet. Rabbit ears...it still just kills me.... I think Eve said, oh, a bunny died for my poem. I think of it at odd times, and I laugh, and appear slightly insane, keeps the stalkers away

Thank you for your time, advice and perusal of my works. It is much appreciated.



~ nj

omg
i am so fucking dense
rabbit's foot

 

[twelveoone]

I really can't make much of clear as a bell, I most be missing something. although it looks like my wise-ass brother hit it.
.

oh fucking rabbit ears
most digital Antenna have no resemblance...
can the poem, rewrite as Mr. Lucky only frame it with a cover story, with a guy driving distracted by a falling joint or a falling St. Christopher statue