Can some be taught sexy?

[hpycpl]

No prob. She may like that sort of stuff but it annoys me because I think that the other person didn't bother to take the time to get to know what I like.

no offense taken.

maybe they will pay attention and get you something you like!! hahaha

be a little more optimistic. that is coming from a life-lone pessimist (me) sometimes I need to take my own advice!

 

[Jada59]

no offense taken.

maybe they will pay attention and get you something you like!! hahaha

be a little more optimistic. that is coming from a life-lone pessimist (me) sometimes I need to take my own advice!

I'm very optimistic but sometimes that doesn't come across online because the smart ass in me takes over!

 

[Damned_But_Not_Forgotten]

I'll leave the "sub" part in there 'cos it is funny - but may actually work for you in negotiations - what are you going to give back in return?

Yes, I do believe that how you present yourself here was coming with a selfish attitude in regard to your "I want". That is why I was pushing back hard with the "communication and respect".

You want your partner to try something adventurous, but you have to allow her to discover what is in it for her. For it to actually mean something, for both of you, she will need to feel this is special for her as well. Special for both of you.

Positive relationships are about respectful communication (don't forget the listening) and compromise. Going in with a "I want" attitude may only at best get a superficial play acting "I'll do it to please him" or just put up barriers and create negativity.

Perhaps start your negotiations with "can we try something that might be fun, it can be just around home when we are alone..." along with "what ideas do you have to make this fun?". Allow and encourage her to be an equal participant in this fantasy, don't impose it.

Let it be a discovery that both of you can enjoy and participate in and not "I want, come over here and be my slutty bitch".

You mentioned she had a bad marriage so the greatest gift you can offer her is space for her to find her wings. Don't try to impose them. Don't be domineering (unless that is a negotiated play).

Allow yourselves the opportunity to play and laugh with life together. If you both agree to play things up a little make sure you can indeed have a laugh at yourselves if it all goes awkward and not as planned. Trying, failing and laughing together is still a win.

Communication with respect from both sides, that is how you start.

Have fun together and remember it is just not all about you.

____________________
Edit:
If she is willing to give your idea a go you have to allow her the opportunity to come up with her own ideas and you equally be willing to follow through.

You could always open up your Literotica writings for her to share in. We may suggest pegging as something she may wish to try

Thank you NightL. I think you nailed with this post.

 

[NightL]

Thank you NightL. I think you nailed with this post.

I'm glad it resonated for you. I have one more suggestion, go back and read my previous posts on your thread here again then reflect on why you got defensive.

In hindsight were they really different than the last? The point I am attempting to make here is of that message again about how important listening is to communication.

Ultimately my suggestions may or may not be a fit for you, but it seemed you had a predetermined thought of what the golden solution should be and you had focused so much how this idea would benefit you that you instantly closed off to "have you considered the other person in this".

Listening does not have to mean instantly agreeing or even agreeing at all, but making an effort to hear the message of the other person, offering considered thought then providing a reasoned response.

Ask yourself how well you listen to your partner?

If you have that level of communication with her and she jumps on board for your idea then it would seem you may be both in for a fun time. She will judge your actions against her former husband, so don't con, don't manipulate, don't bribe, don't impose. Offer your fantasy ideas and listen carefully to her response.

The more care you put into listening the higher consideration your partner may place on some fun time suggestions or be willing to negotiate something that works for both of you.

Who knows the doors of new experiences you both may open together? I wish you both fun times ahead.