Chastity, forced male chastity, and Eroticism.

[AlinaX]

A few interesting links, starting with male chastity:
What spending two weeks in a chastity device taught me about my sexuality and my marriage

Locked Up: Inside the Community of Gay Men Who Are Into Chastity

"Being caged for so long gives you a lot of energy, stamina, and testosterone build-up," CJ says. "You have all of this sexual energy you cannot release, so you go to the gym." For john, that's an unending process of building a better body as a tool of service to men, while CJ has goals set out for him by an owner that pays for fitness classes. The result turns some caged boys into Adonises with cages where you'd expect to see genitals

Some accounts from women here about female chastity..
What Makes Female Chastity Interesting To You?

There are a pile of theories on why female chastity play is substantially more rare than male chastity, but a starting point is that females typically just don't have the same hormonal drive and when sex is deprived for long periods of time they are more likely to shut down that need rather than creating a large buildup of desire as seen on the male side.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Some accounts from women here about female chastity..

There are a pile of theories on why female chastity play is substantially more rare than male chastity, but a starting point is that females typically just don't have the same hormonal drive and when sex is deprived for long periods of time they are more likely to shut down that need rather than creating a large buildup of desire as seen on the male side.

[citations please - so many citations]

Emily

 

[ElectricBlue]

Can I ask the women of AH if this is a kink that any of them share, or is it just a guy thing?

Emily

Not "just a guy thing" I'll jump in to clarify.

The whole notion of chastity and denial is as perplexing to me as it is to you. It's the complete opposite of my sexuality, which is very male organ oriented - but note, I'm not saying male orgasm oriented as the primary erotic objective. For me, it's always been the woman's pleasure before mine - and if that means a sustained erection, so be it. I can cope with that.

But the idea of locking my cock in a cage is, for me, very odd. I can't imagine I'd ever want to do it.

This thread has been fascinating for that reason, very informative, hearing from those who do have it in their erotic repertoire.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Not "just a guy thing" I'll jump in to clarify.

The whole notion of chastity and denial is as perplexing to me as it is to you. It's the complete opposite of my sexuality, which is very male organ oriented - but note, I'm not saying male orgasm oriented as the primary erotic objective. For me, it's always been the woman's pleasure before mine - and if that means a sustained erection, so be it. I can cope with that.

But the idea of locking my cock in a cage is, for me, very odd. I can't imagine I'd ever want to do it.

This thread has been fascinating for that reason, very informative, hearing from those who do have it in their erotic repertoire.

I often find myself lost. I guess people do with my kinks. I just find sex erotic, non-sex seems, well, non-erotic.

I mean I get a little teasing. Removing the wand and slapping you instead. Then putting the wand back. But that’s just for a short period. And the slapping is physically arousing too. It’s replacement more than denial. And it’s only ever for a matter of minutes.

Emily

 

[Dearelliot]

"It's a matter of taste," said the old lady as she kissed her cow.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I often find myself lost. I guess people do with my kinks. I just find sex erotic, non-sex seems, well, non-erotic.

Yep, I agree. These folk have thought into it more than I'll ever do, and if it works fire them, way to go!!

 

[Norway_1705]

I have had guys in that age bracket ask if I want to see them in their cage.

The girls who work where I work (both younger and my age) show off their tattoos and piercings to anyone.
Not vaginal piercings (those, only to women) but nipples and tongues we all saw them, male and female.
Why make a lasting thing on one's body, and then never show it to anyone? It doesn't work that way.

Of course, you can object to me that a tongue piercing is purely cosmetic and has no relation to sexual activities done with that tongue. ... oh, Okay.
After this premise, let us keep in mind that a man who has chosen to lock his penis with a padlock is aware that he has made an "important" gesture. It is not just an earring, it is giving up a part of himself and his identity. Mind you, I continue to be a man, a family man, a biological father, a decent worker, and an honest taxpayer. However, when the penis is imprisoned by a padlock, it means so much to the man, and, understandably, he would like to show it to the people he admires (or perhaps, would like to love). Not on the first day, perhaps. However, if you have ever bought a pair of earrings and felt the irresistible desire to show them to an important person, perhaps you can understand what kind of impulse is triggered when a man sees the padlock locked in the mirror.
Also -- for some people, it's a horrible image, and I understand that. But for some, it is a cute, pretty image, almost a Security Blanket (Linus from "Peanuts" of course); both with or WITHOUT sissyfication (I do not judge those who like sissification, but it is not my cup of tea: I have a beard like Freddie had a mustache. In my stories a few rare times a husband wears an apron and once a short French Maid skirt, but only because it is the uniform of service: like a woman wearing a fireman's uniform.
In addition, (IMHO) wearing the cage decreases the perception of "dangerous male" (in a century when we are told that all males are rapists, metoo, etc.) and also the pressure of "performing male" because there is no penetration to evaluate.
And I think many, if not all, of the cage men who do not yet have a trusted Keyholder, would like to meet a woman who loves them and encourages them to be a better man.

 

[EmilyMiller]

The girls who work where I work (both younger and my age) show off their tattoos and piercings to anyone.
Not vaginal piercings (those, only to women) but nipples and tongues we all saw them, male and female.
Why make a lasting thing on one's body, and then never show it to anyone? It doesn't work that way.

Of course, you can object to me that a tongue piercing is purely cosmetic and has no relation to sexual activities done with that tongue. ... oh, Okay.
After this premise, let us keep in mind that a man who has chosen to lock his penis with a padlock is aware that he has made an "important" gesture. It is not just an earring, it is giving up a part of himself and his identity. Mind you, I continue to be a man, a family man, a biological father, a decent worker, and an honest taxpayer. However, when the penis is imprisoned by a padlock, it means so much to the man, and, understandably, he would like to show it to the people he admires (or perhaps, would like to love). Not on the first day, perhaps. However, if you have ever bought a pair of earrings and felt the irresistible desire to show them to an important person, perhaps you can understand what kind of impulse is triggered when a man sees the padlock locked in the mirror.
Also -- for some people, it's a horrible image, and I understand that. But for some, it is a cute, pretty image, almost a Security Blanket (Linus from "Peanuts" of course); both with or WITHOUT sissyfication (I do not judge those who like sissification, but it is not my cup of tea: I have a beard like Freddie had a mustache. In my stories a few rare times a husband wears an apron and once a short French Maid skirt, but only because it is the uniform of service: like a woman wearing a fireman's uniform.
In addition, (IMHO) wearing the cage decreases the perception of "dangerous male" (in a century when we are told that all males are rapists, metoo, etc.) and also the pressure of "performing male" because there is no penetration to evaluate.
And I think many, if not all, of the cage men who do not yet have a trusted Keyholder, would like to meet a woman who loves them and encourages them to be a better man.

I don’t follow the logic and it seems to me you are piling one false equivalency on top of another.

I’m gonna bow out of this convo and leave it to people who get off on this stuff. That is so not me.

No hard feelings I hope (just realized that’s kinda appropriate).

Emily

 

[Norway_1705]

early to declare victory.

"early to declare... victory?" Oh, please forgive me, I am a non-violent pacifist. Metaphors about "Victory" I do not appreciate either in Homer or in the newspapers, and they make me fear that you perceive the coexistence of men and women as a "War" in which sooner or later you will "declare victory" (spoiler: it is not a war that anyone can "win").
I am familiar with Biology. The statistics you propose are about three age groups: older men who will soon retire, a group in the middle, and a flood of young girls, all females. Guess who will be Rector and Dean in twenty years....
Smart, studious girls who have had the opportunity to study many years-many more than their peers.
School dropout is a phenomenon that plagues males. Family, teachers, even girlfriends, tell boys "stop studying and go to work now" (then wonder why they are stuck in dead-end jobs).
The sisters of those drop-out boys are allowed to study longer, encouraged by women teachers, women school counselors, and quotas reserved for girls in STEM faculties (absurd, right? Yet it happens).
Have you ever heard "the girl works so her boyfriend can study"? Never. Have you ever heard the opposite? Hundreds of times.

 

[Norway_1705]

. I’ll focus on Biology

At the risk of getting off topic, a few words about the Wage Gap.
Only now do I realize that you, EmilyM, live in the US. In Europe it doesn't happen that way: there are workers' Unions. A teacher earns a teacher's salary, whether male or female. A mayor, a governor, a senator, a pianist, or a doctor, earn the same paycheck, male or female.
But, because of the impact it has on writing erotic stories (good or bad), I have begun to take this ingredient into account. The husband earns less than the wife: this did not happen before, in families of origin, so the two spouses have to "invent" a new way of being a family, new and different from the traditional one.
The flattest solution is the reversal of roles: the father breastfeeds while the mother comes home at 10 p.m., after her late meeting with the office boys and her personal secretary (!). But it seems too flat to me.
I don't know if I can express it, but I am trying to write a story, in which the husband is a man respected by everyone (but submissive in the bedroom) and the wife is faithful and loving (but Keyholder in the bedroom).
I understand that the mainstream trend reduces everything to "since he doesn't have erections, then IPSO FACTO his wife will have other men give her the dick" but it seems to me too mechanically copied from GAY BDSM stories or the need for movie directors, to frame a copious cumshot because "it's always been done that way."
However, I have already said and I repeat, male devices are for sale in the tens of thousands, from the cheapest to the most expensive. It is implausible that only gay men use them. I think it is plausible that heterosexual men wear them. This is a market sector that will expand, and they will be eager to read stories with which they can identify.

 

[Norway_1705]

To return to the topic.
In my opinion the chastity cage is likely worn by a man, who when he was young lived a very chaste life.
If this "hypothesis" of mine is true (and I don't think there are any scientific studies or surveys on this issue), at least in part, I would like to ask: could the chastity cage function as a Security Blanket in the sense of "an object that remembers something," and precisely remembers how that guy felt when, for example, he came home with blue balls because he had kissed his girlfriend and done hard petting, but he hadn't cum? Or perhaps, he had cum, but under less than ideal conditions, e.g. dry humping while he rubs against her pussy inside his jeans?
And I say jeans on purpose, to make it clear that this was not a free and sexually fulfilling situation.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I think we should also agree that chastity doesn't mean the same thing even to those who like the kink. Many kinks are like that. For example, foot fetish for some people is just about that, the allure of women's feet and whether they like to fondle them, kiss them, suck them, or prefer a footjob, their kink stops there. For others, it's also a sign of worship or submission. For some, it's a sign of degradation and humiliation. My point is, any kink is what we make of it - it means a different thing to each of us.
We are all different kinds of pervs here, so we should embrace this diversity in seeing certain kinks and sexual themes. It's good to talk about them and to broaden our horizons.

 

[John_Vandermeer]

I think we should also agree that chastity doesn't mean the same thing even to those who like the kink. Many kinks are like that. For example, foot fetish for some people is just about that, the allure of women's feet and whether they like to fondle them, kiss them, suck them, or prefer a footjob, their kink stops there. For others, it's also a sign of worship or submission. For some, it's a sign of degradation and humiliation. My point is, any kink is what we make of it - it means a different thing to each of us.
We are all different kinds of pervs here, so we should embrace this diversity in seeing certain kinks and sexual themes. It's good to talk about them and to broaden our horizons.

A propos, there was recent knews of the Pope washing women’s feet, photos of him kissing women’s feet, and my dirty fetishistic mind could not help immediately race to… his Holiness is getting it on!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

A propos, there was recent knews of the Pope washing women’s feet, photos of him kissing women’s feet, and my dirty fetishistic mind could not help immediately race to… his Holiness is getting it on!

If that becomes a part of regular church rites, I will definitely have to rethink my agnosticism!

 

[Dearelliot]

I'm a Femdom worshipper, and the older I've gotten it seems the kinkier I get, and although I've had tried almost all of the kinky things as a younger man, I seem to really desire them today, anal oral, women's wine, and others too iffy to mention, but I have never tried a chastity device. I do find the thought appealing but with a few caveats. I am sure I would find it sexually exciting to be made to wear such a device in front of a dominant woman but only if she at least made believe she was enjoying it. I like the idea of being vulnerable to the whims of a dominant maybe sadistic woman and forced to accept abuse, punishment, and humiliation, and the thought that she would decide when or even if I may be allowed to orgasm, is something I would like to experience but I wonder if I'd enjoy the idea of wearing a chastity device without the input of a Mistress, say alone while watching porn. I do use E stim alone and with professional Mistresses so maybe masturbating with a chastity cage might work.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I'm a Femdom worshipper, and the older I've gotten it seems the kinkier I get, and although I've had tried almost all of the kinky things as a younger man, I seem to really desire them today, anal oral, women's wine, and others too iffy to mention, but I have never tried a chastity device. I do find the thought appealing but with a few caveats. I am sure I would find it sexually exciting to be made to wear such a device in front of a dominant woman but only if she at least made believe she was enjoying it. I like the idea of being vulnerable to the whims of a dominant maybe sadistic woman and forced to accept abuse, punishment, and humiliation, and the thought that she would decide when or even if I may be allowed to orgasm, is something I would like to experience but I wonder if I'd enjoy the idea of wearing a chastity device without the input of a Mistress, say alone while watching porn. I do use E stim alone and with professional Mistresses so maybe masturbating with a chastity cage might work.

Not my style, but there's a real solid story idea - a cage with a time lock. I'll have to think on that.

 

[Norway_1705]

but there's a real solid story idea - a cage with a time lock. I'll have to think on that.

OMG Penny! the whole world craves for a delightful tale of yours, with an unmarried male playing with a cage while the only key is inside a box that will open only after a predetermined time....
already just imagining all the thoughts that will come to his imprisoned mind....
(hey, it reminds me of Stephen King's "The Gerald's Game," a case of "Closed Room" with an imprisoned person....

 

[Norway_1705]

the Pope washing women’s feet

Some newspapers commented that Jesus had only washed the feet of apostles (male) and that therefore the pope traditionally washed the feet of priests or seminarians (male).
"honi soit qui mal y pense" = "shame on anyone who thinks evil of it."
Magdalene, she had washed Jesus' feet, I saw it in a Broadway Musical some years ago, although Judas disagreed.

 

[Norway_1705]

chastity doesn't mean the same thing even to those who like the kink

sure thing. Indeed! The main feature of the "Fetish" category is that you can find anything in it, and the opposite as well!
For example, the "Anal" and "Incest" categories leave no room for surprise: you will find, exactly, a lot of anal and a lot of incest in there.
In contrast, the Fetish category is multifaceted and contradictory. One keyholder wife never allows her beloved husband to cum, another makes him cum often, yet another tries to take his cock elsewhere from strange men while her husband listens or watches (which I don't write about, but I find that many do).
Each of these behaviors contradicts the others. The only detail in common is that there is a man with a lock on his penis: then we don't know "Why," because of "Who," if and "When" he will get a release (and "Where") to do "What," and we still don't know "How" (with a helping hand, a magic wand, a ruined orgasm, a milking, or what else)

 

[TarnishedPenny]

sure thing. Indeed! The main feature of the "Fetish" category is that you can find anything in it, and the opposite as well!
For example, the "Anal" and "Incest" categories leave no room for surprise: you will find, exactly, a lot of anal and a lot of incest in there.
In contrast, the Fetish category is multifaceted and contradictory. One keyholder wife never allows her beloved husband to cum, another makes him cum often, yet another tries to take his cock elsewhere from strange men while her husband listens or watches (which I don't write about, but I find that many do).
Each of these behaviors contradicts the others. The only detail in common is that there is a man with a lock on his penis: then we don't know "Why," because of "Who," if and "When" he will get a release (and "Where") to do "What," and we still don't know "How" (with a helping hand, a magic wand, a ruined orgasm, a milking, or what else)

'Rule 34' covers a lot of ground.

 

[sexy_louise]

I was introduced to the concept maybe 2 years ago now, and learning more about it only makes it sound hotter to me. I've always adored being in control, but this is so much more intense AND a lot more appealing than plain old orgasm control. Having someone at my mercy 24/7 would be intoxicating. Some of my other reasons:

Let's face it, the world is pretty phallocentric and any norm will inspire people to deviate from it, solely for the fun of it. That's why you have crossdressers, for example. And I know men who thought of their penises as the center of their masculinity, perhaps even the only thing that allowed them to call themselves men, sadly. So in a way, this could encourage them to seek a different source of validation.

There are countless erogenous zones on the body, why limit yourself? Tons of guys never received any attention on their thighs, earlobes, armpits, even nipples. I'm super into body worship and would often place kisses on every inch of my partners' bodies during play and outside of it.

I don't think I'm in the minority when I say I have had religious trauma from purity culture, so reliving that in a controlled setting might actually be healing. And I can't think of a bigger, more powerful "I trust you" than giving up total control over something so intimate.

 

[Norway_1705]

religious trauma from purity culture, so reliving that in a controlled setting might actually be healing.

Thank you! From what I understand, there are no images of male chastity devices prior to 1999, so yes, it is a new theme for everyone.
I also believe that so many people have been, so to speak, "influenced" by family and religion toward "will-based" chastity (such as, "I agree to kiss your mouth, but under no circumstances will the penis touch the vagina before Marriage").
Without any scientific evidence, I wonder if that effort that some of us made as teenagers or young adults, to resist with Will the urge to fuck, was not a "forced male chastity" that (forty or fifty years later) the mature man relives in the form of "surrender of Will/Exchange of Power" in favor of a woman whom he trusts very much.
Aware of the fact that his will is now insufficient to resist, and only a material device can hold him back.
I wonder if for some among the caged men, this is a kind of time machine, making him relive the same frustrations, the same insatiable desire, that he had when he was a virgin of 18 yo or 22 (or 26, or 40!), with unsullied girlfriends who teased him but would not allow him to... just fuck.
Whether even that feeling of "blue balls" is not a way to regain endorphins, oxytocin and serotonins without waves of prolactin sadness and disgust and sadness (as Galen of Pergamus wrote, post coitum omnis animal tristis est: after ejaculation, every mammal is sad).
Perhaps we try to avoid that particular sadness, choosing instead that particular prolonged arousal? And how many of the men who beg their reluctant wives to be the stern sweet Keyholder come from a "culture of chastity" that goes back long before Christianity, to monks in East Asia thousands of years earlier? (I don't know anything about it).

 

[Norway_1705]

I know men who thought of their penises as the center of their masculinity...

I fully agree. But there are also many women who seem convinced of the same phallocentrism: even authors of erotic tales, who focus on a thousand aspects of female pleasure, and then, without any symmetry, confine the attention on males only to the penis and ejaculation (the former always "Huge" and "far above average in length, girth and stamina," the latter always "Oceanic" with the ballistic range of a mortar and the same flow rate as Niagara Falls).
This would seem to be an exemplary case of... double standards.

 

[sexy_louise]

I fully agree. But there are also many women who seem convinced of the same phallocentrism: even authors of erotic tales, who focus on a thousand aspects of female pleasure, and then, without any symmetry, confine the attention on males only to the penis and ejaculation (the former always "Huge" and "far above average in length, girth and stamina," the latter always "Oceanic" with the ballistic range of a mortar and the same flow rate as Niagara Falls).
This would seem to be an exemplary case of... double standards.

Well, yeah, I never said that wasn't the case, that's why I stated "the world" not "men". It rubs off on everyone in different ways and such literary works are the result. I feel like people are slowly realizing that bigger isn't better and as such, there's less focus on "longest and girthiest I've seen" trope (or is it because I avoid stories like that?), but most people sadly aren't less phallocentric overall.

 

[sexy_louise]

In my post however, I was specifically referring to the average male perspective in order to explain why the receiver would want to be in a chastity cage long or short term, and why I as the giver-keyholder would find that hot.