cheatin' subbie

[rosco rathbone]

It depends. It could be ultimatum-y or non punishing as in "I have boundaries, you have found them, sorry we cannot play."

That is why I left myself waffle room.

 

[JMohegan]

"That's what the front door is for" seems somewhat ultimatumish to me. It's like saying "I will withdraw my love if you hurt me".

Understandable? Totally. Most of us feel the same desire to do something in reaction. I know I do.

That was my response to your hypothetical question.

I only see that as an ultimatum if I deliver the threat to a partner in advance. Which is something I've never done, for the simple reason that it's never occurred to me that it would be necessary, in the context of a committed relationship.

 

[Netzach]

That is why I left myself waffle room.

Yup. It's so hard to tell. When I issued my ultimatum I thought I was doing one and the reaction settled in and I realized I was doing the other.

 

[rosco rathbone]

That was my response to your hypothetical question.

I only see that as an ultimatum if I deliver the threat to a partner in advance. Which is something I've never done, for the simple reason that it's never occurred to me that it would be necessary, in the context of a committed relationship.

So you never have those what-if conversations?

 

[JMohegan]

So you never have those what-if conversations?

What-if conversations about infidelity, in the context of a committed relationship? No.

 

[Primalex]

It depends. It could be ultimatum-y or non punishing as in "I have boundaries, you have found them, sorry we cannot play."

So it's better to mention those boundaries afterwards than before?

 

[Netzach]

So it's better to mention those boundaries afterwards than before?

Not in my opinion, no.

 

[ataxia.girl]

That was my response to your hypothetical question.

I only see that as an ultimatum if I deliver the threat to a partner in advance. Which is something I've never done, for the simple reason that it's never occurred to me that it would be necessary, in the context of a committed relationship.

i hate to break the news to you but my husband didn't either nor would it would have mattered. When we got married a decade earlier neither did i. At that time we were aligned by virtue of our similar religious upbringing. When the religion crumbled the values we were left with did not so easily align.

People change. It doesn't necessarily mean you stop loving them.

i was a man pleaser for a very long time until i got angry. i'm still a man pleaser but now i have a private life... which often entails a man taking his pleasure.

Nothing like a paradox to keep life interesting.

 

[JMohegan]

i hate to break the news to you but my husband didn't either nor would it would have mattered. When we got married a decade earlier neither did i. At that time we were aligned by virtue of our similar religious upbringing. When the religion crumbled the values we were left with did not so easily align.

People change. It doesn't necessarily mean you stop loving them.

i was a man pleaser for a very long time until i got angry. i'm still a man pleaser but now i have a private life... which often entails a man taking his pleasure.

Nothing like a paradox to keep life interesting.

What goes on in your marriage is your business, but this is not news.

I have already acknowledged that statistics make my certainty seem foolish to others. But certainty it has always been, nevertheless.

 

[Primalex]

which often entails a man taking his pleasure.

Damned, now I'm horny again.

 

[ataxia.girl]

What goes on in your marriage is your business, but this is not news.

I have already acknowledged that statistics make my certainty seem foolish to others. But certainty it has always been, nevertheless.

i'm willing to give up the fairytale i was sold for a life long partner but i insist he must give up his fairytale as well. It goes both ways.

Like i said, when i'm 80 i intend to be sitting on the porch holding hands with the man who took my virginity. i guess i took his too. He and i will have fallen in and out of love many times by then i am sure.

 

[rosco rathbone]

What-if conversations about infidelity, in the context of a committed relationship? No.

I think we are talking incommensurables then.

 

[JMohegan]

i'm willing to give up the fairytale i was sold for a life long partner but i insist he must give up his fairytale as well. It goes both ways.

Like i said, when i'm 80 i intend to be sitting on the porch holding hands with the man who took my virginity. i guess i took his too. He and i will have fallen in and out of love many times by then i am sure.

Whatever works for you, I say rock on.

I think we are talking incommensurables then.

*opens dictionary*

I agree. In fact, that's what I've been trying to say.