Clicking off the safety

[Private_Label]

PL, were you attacking Betticus with that phrase 'a violent piece of shit . . .', or was that general?

And I have to say that when you are attacked you have to fight back. When I was a child my mom said that if you ignored attackers they'd go away. It's not true. That tells them that you're an easy mark, and they keep coming back.

I'm sorry if it came across as a slam against Betticus. It was meant as a a general steryotyping comment.

Betticus, I did not mean to hurt your feelings, my response was a knee jerk reaction, but you did ask for opinions.

To me, the phrase 'letting go' means you no longer care about the other person's ability to accept and manage the pain. It means that the safe word/phrase/place no longer exists. If someone were to do that to me, I do not think they would be my SO for very long after that. I would most likely press charges.

You and your SO may have a different relationship and that may be an acceptable behavior.

I only want to point out that by letting go there are things that you could damage beyond repair and after care, that would not show on the surface. Some things may not show until it is too late to get assistance for as well.

If you want to beat up on some random schmuck who attacks you first, that is entirely a different kettle of worms, and not a relationship issue. Sir. If some stupid asshole tries to mug me on the street you can bet I will kick him in the balls at least once before I go down.

Graceanne, thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify my position.
Is there any rule that states "if you break the new subbie, you are responsible for their aftercare?"

 

[graceanne]

I'm sorry if it came across as a slam against Betticus. It was meant as a a general steryotyping comment.

Betticus, I did not mean to hurt your feelings, my response was a knee jerk reaction, but you did ask for opinions.

To me, the phrase 'letting go' means you no longer care about the other person's ability to accept and manage the pain. It means that the safe word/phrase/place no longer exists. If someone were to do that to me, I do not think they would be my SO for very long after that. I would most likely press charges.

You and your SO may have a different relationship and that may be an acceptable behavior.

I only want to point out that by letting go there are things that you could damage beyond repair and after care, that would not show on the surface. Some things may not show until it is too late to get assistance for as well.

If you want to beat up on some random schmuck who attacks you first, that is entirely a different kettle of worms, and not a relationship issue. Sir. If some stupid asshole tries to mug me on the street you can bet I will kick him in the balls at least once before I go down.

Graceanne, thank you for giving me the opportunity to clarify my position.
Is there any rule that states "if you break the new subbie, you are responsible for their aftercare?"

Well, it didn't sound to me like you were trying attack anyone.

Also, Betticus doesn't have an SO, that's why he's worried, and talking to us about it. He's hopefully about to get one, and he doesn't want to screw up.

 

[Betticus]

Is there any rule that states "if you break the new subbie, you are responsible for their aftercare?"

Yes, I think there is. *hugs* *patpatpat*. I apologize for going off on you like that. I was in a lot of pain, on drugs and I thought you were a man. Not that it matters much. I am highly intolerant of other men with a few exceptions of the ones that I respect. I have never lost control with a woman before, ever. Not physically. Gracie has a firm understanding of what it is that I am asking for here. It was just a misunderstanding. It won't happen again.

 

[canadiancutie]

I'll never figure out why people get so heated online.

What are you going to do, email them a cyber-punch?

I like you.

 

[Marquis]

Spoken like a true Jedi Zen Master.

In true moments of weakness I still have to shout when I meet honest to God stupid. Willful stupid, not just ignorant or limited.

Hey, and I'll still trade fists with an assclown on parole if pushed far enough. I try not to, but I sometimes scratch my mosquito bites too.

 

[Marquis]

I like you.

Go away!

 

[canadiancutie]

Go away!

haha ouch

 

[Aeroil]

Go away!

awww, flirting is cute.
*runs before Marquis can find an implement to hit him with*

 

[catalina_francisco]

Admittedly I have only skimmed quickly through the thread as the past week has been devoid of time for anything much outside what we had to do.....that being said, what comes to mind for me is there is a need to separate sadism from anger and/or agression issues as in a D/s scenario they are not a good mix, nor IMO are they the same. From exploring my own sadistic tendencies I know it is far from healthy to scene with anyone with thoughts of letting out agression and anger in the form of sadistic behaviour...it is a recipe for disaster and misplaced.

F has often spoken of both issues with anger management and his need to express his sadistic tendencies, but I get from him a need to keep the two separate. He maintains control even when I am willing to push the limits further, but he has had earlier times where it concerned him as to whether that would always be possible, and he still keeps the awareness reality based. I think for us we look at it realistically in that we both try to maintain that control, but are also aware that in rare circumstances there may be moments where the control is not judged as accurately as normal. One of the things which can make that a risk is denying the urges when they begin to scream to be let out.....we both experience it and early in our relationship soon found it meant hell for our daily relationship to deny it, and risk for our play to try and cork it too long. We also have maintained the SSC rule of not playing when angry. Over time we have both pushed the limits and gone places we never thought possible, and continue to do so. To be asking about it Betticus shows a responsibility that is within you and will under the best circumstances keep you from creating that which you fear.

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

awww, flirting is cute.
*runs before Marquis can find an implement to hit him with*

Pesky Canadians.

 

[jasonlf]

Pesky Canadians.

Yeah, I'm celebrating July 4 by burning Maple Leafs.

 

[Private_Label]

Yes, I think there is. *hugs* *patpatpat*. I apologize for going off on you like that. I was in a lot of pain, on drugs and I thought you were a man. ... It was just a misunderstanding. It won't happen again.

I would have thought that the fact that you were here and asking meant that you do have control of your impulses. It's the ones (male or female) that don't bother to find out the tolerances of their subs, or the ones that beat on their SO's (again, male or female) without having been granted permission at any point. If you are asking, then you are not a "violent piece of shit."

As for thinking I'm a man... well, unfortunately, I get that a lot all over the internet, and a few times in RL (hairdresser, from the back). I pick gender neutral nicks on purpose. Keep me from getting spammed by wankers on the other BB where I am not looking for play friends. I'd rather have the ones who pay attention to what I'm saying than rather than ones who are only looking beneath my chin(s). Gekken, stop drooling. I'm already a member of the harem.

Does this mean I don't get your address after all?

OK, how about if I tell you I am an assertive bitch that won't crawl off with her tail between her legs and I demand the satifaction of a stare-down?

No? Oh well it was worth a try. I'm making misirable first impressions all over the place it seems.

 

[Private_Label]

awww, flirting is cute.
*runs before Marquis can find an implement to hit him with*

I'll hold him dow for you Sir, Marquis, Sir!
*chases after Aeroil*

 

[canadiancutie]

Yeah, I'm celebrating July 4 by burning Maple Leafs.

Someone should burn you. Or hit you in the face with fireworks. Could work just as well.

 

[IronCraft]

Control

My first post here. I am going to address the op only.

Baggage involving anger towards someone you are hurting as a *Sadist*,is a perfectly bad idea. If you feel you have issues with this,seek professional help to get over it. THEN go and beat someone,it is much safer for BOTH of you.

Now realize that I say this in the sense of my understanding of Myself as a Sadist, in the most practical definition of it. I really don't care if the one I am topping enjoys it all that much-I prefer girls who enjoy suffering for a Master.

Tears and screams are like wine to me-intoxicating.

But being realistic,I WILL cater to the pleasure side of it quite well. I want the bottom to come back for more. I just won't get a hell of a lot out of doing it.

My "safety" is always on,I know where boundaries lie quite clearly-but it takes time to know just how far you can push someone. So I really don't care how much experience someone says they have..I will go at my own pace and treat everyone like they are a total newbie-until they prove themselves otherwise.

I have no worry about myself and my safety-I have an impeccable record with SM play.

If YOU worry about yourself,perhaps you have reason to.

Realizing and admitting it is the first step to overcoming it. What you choose to DO about it is entirely up to you. Unless of course,this whole thread was merely about be dramatic over how "edgy" you can be.

 

[caela]

My first post here. I am going to address the op only.

Baggage involving anger towards someone you are hurting as a *Sadist*,is a perfectly bad idea. If you feel you have issues with this,seek professional help to get over it. THEN go and beat someone,it is much safer for BOTH of you.

Now realize that I say this in the sense of my understanding of Myself as a Sadist, in the most practical definition of it. I really don't care if the one I am topping enjoys it all that much-I prefer girls who enjoy suffering for a Master.

Tears and screams are like wine to me-intoxicating.

But being realistic,I WILL cater to the pleasure side of it quite well. I want the bottom to come back for more. I just won't get a hell of a lot out of doing it.

My "safety" is always on,I know where boundaries lie quite clearly-but it takes time to know just how far you can push someone. So I really don't care how much experience someone says they have..I will go at my own pace and treat everyone like they are a total newbie-until they prove themselves otherwise.

I have no worry about myself and my safety-I have an impeccable record with SM play.

If YOU worry about yourself,perhaps you have reason to.

Realizing and admitting it is the first step to overcoming it. What you choose to DO about it is entirely up to you. Unless of course,this whole thread was merely about be dramatic over how "edgy" you can be.

Just a question...did you read the whole thread? Or did you simply skim through it? I ask because I thought that Betticus made it quite clear that he wasn't talking about a situation in any way concerning a submissive under his care.

 

[Betticus]

This thread has turned into an interesting situation. My initial posting was quite clear about what I was thinking and what I was asking for. It was very specific.

I have gotten some good and honest responses and I would like to thank those of you who responded in a positive manner. Your experience and insight is very welcome.

It also seems that this topic has degraded into an outlet for people who have no knowledge of me and who seem to be titillated by the thought of baiting or insulting me.

I am not here simply for your amusement or as a way to try and make yourself feel superiour.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hi Betticus

 

[Betticus]

Hi Betticus

Hi there tasty little girl!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Hi there tasty little girl!

 

[graceanne]

Yeah, I'm celebrating July 4 by burning Maple Leafs.

LOL You better be careful. Snowy doesn't share cookies with people who bash Canada. And her mom makes them, so they're yummy.

 

[Betticus]

I want a little taste of Snowy's cookie.

 

[pandoravampire]

its 2.53 and ive read the whole thread and been enthralled/confused/disgusted/horny, cheers you lot! its gonna be ages till i sleep now

thankyou for sharing.

I have a intrigued side to SM. But know i lack the control (and opportunity)required to play in this area.

Someone said a safegaurd would be to ensure you dont play when angry-but if i get into a situation where i do get that sort of rush/primordal instinctual arousal, i displace anger from other situations into the current one. Therefor, might that not happen in SM play?

Im a sub, who's PYL is not sadistic, does not go for inflicting pain. But enjoys watching me struggle to not retaliate to that which he does. My pain threshold is miniscule. Or more accurately, would be to say, my ability to be given pain is very low indeed. Pain invokes rage in me, i want to rip the fucking whip out of his hand and kill. <see, thats why i leave it alone! But the rush is so bloody heady! I KNOW i cant trust myself to remain in control when that aroused, or aroused like that. So i dont go there willingly. He plays with fire as he skirts along the edge of his safety, and my sanity.

Having been a victim of a bum who thought i looked like a good time, with or without my consent on my way home, i lost the plot, i couldnt stop. The high was sooooo high, the sickened thoughts of what id done after though were equally low. I sickened myself.

Although i am fully aware that anger and SM are not related. Im sure i would not be able to keep them separate, so i try to avoid the dark places.

I have a low tolerance level for fools, but do not have a anger management problem, other than this one occasion, ive never been in a fight. I tend walk away, rather than get into arguments.

I for one Betticus, am glad you raised this thread, its given me much to mull over, during my insomnia.

 

[Betticus]

its 2.53 and ive read the whole thread and been enthralled/confused/disgusted/horny, cheers you lot! its gonna be ages till i sleep now

thankyou for sharing.

I have a intrigued side to SM. But know i lack the control (and opportunity)required to play in this area.

Someone said a safegaurd would be to ensure you dont play when angry-but if i get into a situation where i do get that sort of rush/primordal instinctual arousal, i displace anger from other situations into the current one. Therefor, might that not happen in SM play?

Im a sub, who's PYL is not sadistic, does not go for inflicting pain. But enjoys watching me struggle to not retaliate to that which he does. My pain threshold is miniscule. Or more accurately, would be to say, my ability to be given pain is very low indeed. Pain invokes rage in me, i want to rip the fucking whip out of his hand and kill. <see, thats why i leave it alone! But the rush is so bloody heady! I KNOW i cant trust myself to remain in control when that aroused, or aroused like that. So i dont go there willingly. He plays with fire as he skirts along the edge of his safety, and my sanity.

Having been a victim of a bum who thought i looked like a good time, with or without my consent on my way home, i lost the plot, i couldnt stop. The high was sooooo high, the sickened thoughts of what id done after though were equally low. I sickened myself.

Although i am fully aware that anger and SM are not related. Im sure i would not be able to keep them separate, so i try to avoid the dark places.

I have a low tolerance level for fools, but do not have a anger management problem, other than this one occasion, ive never been in a fight. I tend walk away, rather than get into arguments.

I for one Betticus, am glad you raised this thread, its given me much to mull over, during my insomnia.

I'm glad that you got something out of this post. I figure that if it is a question in my mind that it might also be a question some others have.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

[minor hijack]

Snowy doesn't share cookies with people who bash Canada.

What happens if you bash her in a way she likes? Isn't that bashing a bit o' Canada by default?

[/minor hijack]

BOT

... But know i lack the control (and opportunity) required to play in this area.

Therein, you said all that you needed to say. In doing so, you illustrated a needed point of view on this topic. Recognizing a lack of control, perhaps desire to/for control, in the S/M arena would keep many out of trouble if they thought the subject out as you have.

i have.

*click*