Cock Talk

[darkelf9]

Okay, Muscles. I am getting ready to do yoga. As these things seem important, I will do it nude. No videos, mind!!

But I will report back as to the overall experience.

Don't forget to crack a window.

 

[darkelf9]

No. Who taught you that nonsense?
There is likely gonna be overlap. Statistically speaking. But syncing periods is not a thing.

I always thought men sync women's periods with a golf trip.

 

[darkelf9]

Let’s clarify, a little, as I don’t want it to seem like a weird conversation. The discussion was about, if I was in a bed and there was another guy in the bed with me, how many women do you need to make it not awkward.

The discussion originally started off by saying 0 women was the most awkward and as the number of women increased linearly, the level of awkwardness decreased exponentially.

Mathematically is would be:

a = 1/(n^2 + .0001)

a = awkwardness
n = number of women (where n is an integer)

However, I then realized that there is a much more awkward situation where n is somewhere between 0 and 1. Me, another guy and somewhere between 1/4 to 1/2 is the most awkward situation.

It’s a good discussion for Halloween time.

We're doing maths. WTF! Let me break out my abacus...nope, it's fucked, can't get a signal.

 

[darkelf9]

Fun fact.
I've dissected a penis. I could assemble one like an infantryman (and now infantrywoman) can assemble their rifle.
I'm cool like that.

So the date didn't go well I take it?

 

[darkelf9]

Struts through the kitchen as if I ooze smut

(Even if I'm crying and stink of onions at this exact moment)

Don't worry the onions sacrificed themselves for the common good, just let it all out.

Now brussel sprouts, they are the enemy of the people, give them no quarter.

 

[darkelf9]

What is purpose of guys getting their bits waxed?

Are they hoping to get into the porn industry or do they define their self worth by how their dick looks in a photo? Why would you let anyone put warm wax on your balls then let them rip is off? I get why porn actors get their bits waxed. It makes their dicks look bigger and so the camera gets better vision of the action. But if you aren't in the porn industry and just an every day guy, waxing your balls doesn't seem to make sense, given the pain involved. Men in general are more hairy than women. And I'm assuming the wax job doesn't get all the hair off so they must use tweezers as well. I understand professional athletes shaving their body hair off. But if you are only going to the gym, why are you shaving your chest hair? I have chest hair, but I'm not hairy all over. I was once told I should shave my chest hair if I'm going to wear an open neck shirt with a couple of buttons undone. This was from a guy who couldn't grow chest hear. But hey I grew up in the '70's and '80 where chest hair was the fashion statement with an open neck shirt. So nope I don't get the purpose of waxing the male crotch area. Not referring to the dick. Although touching the dick is the only way to wax the crotch, so are these guys going in for a hand job under the pretext of getting a wax?

 

[Mo_Bandy]

My cock still talks to me every morning.

 

[hotwords229_A]

What is purpose of guys getting their bits waxed?

Are they hoping to get into the porn industry or do they define their self worth by how their dick looks in a photo? Why would you let anyone put warm wax on your balls then let them rip is off? I get why porn actors get their bits waxed. It makes their dicks look bigger and so the camera gets better vision of the action. But if you aren't in the porn industry and just an every day guy, waxing your balls doesn't seem to make sense, given the pain involved. Men in general are more hairy than women. And I'm assuming the wax job doesn't get all the hair off so they must use tweezers as well. I understand professional athletes shaving their body hair off. But if you are only going to the gym, why are you shaving your chest hair? I have chest hair, but I'm not hairy all over. I was once told I should shave my chest hair if I'm going to wear an open neck shirt with a couple of buttons undone. This was from a guy who couldn't grow chest hear. But hey I grew up in the '70's and '80 where chest hair was the fashion statement with an open neck shirt. So nope I don't get the purpose of waxing the male crotch area. Not referring to the dick. Although touching the dick is the only way to wax the crotch, so are these guys going in for a hand job under the pretext of getting a wax?

I blowtorch mine off like a real man.

 

[deft]

I blowtorch mine off like a real man.

Blowtorch? Pussy. I dive into an active lava floe and get a full-body job.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Blowtorch? Pussy. I dive into an active lava floe and get a full-body job.

Eyebrows too? That’s just weird.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Eyebrows too? That’s just weird.

@deft earlier

 

[deft]

View attachment 2416114

@deft earlier

Rifling through my sent items folder again? Rude!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Does it make any more sense that women wax?
I mean, if we're being completely honest...
No

Everything is stupid. We're a weird mob.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Rifling through my sent items folder again? Rude!

You look surprised

 

[subdudeme13]

Why was I called needle dick the bug fucker?

 

[deft]

You look surprised

I do send quality selfies, I suppose

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I do send quality selfies, I suppose

I think it's the eyebrows

 

[deft]

I think it's the eyebrows

You should see them when I'm really surprised!

 

[Lmizzler]

You should see them when I'm really surprised!

I assumed them at was your “O” face.

 

[Cardinal]

Sounding is the worst kink (or whatever it’s called) I’ve ever run into. I’ve never seen anything so painful looking.

Nah, just use plenty of lube and feel that cool stainless rod slide down your urethra. Breathing

 

[darkelf9]

Why was I called needle dick the bug fucker?

The title of spider fucker was taken

 

[darkelf9]

Frank’s Crank

Do you think Dr. Frankenstein picked a good dick for the Monster, or do you think he went with whatever was attached already?

If you were sewing a man together from other parts, would you search for a nice penis, or would that not matter to you?

What body parts would you focus on?

Never thought I'd doing a post on Frankenstein's Monster's dick choices by hey, it's Lit.

'Clever Dick' - Monster distils every conversation down to a maths problem. "Did Dick?" , 'Dick Did"

'Happy Dick' - Monster is too busy chasing butterflies and thinks the villagers who showed up with pitch forks, axes and torches are there to throw him a BBQ

'Social Dick' - Monster pretends to empathize with women to get them into bed.

'Monster Dick' - Monster sits in a corner trying to cum in his own mouth and doesn't notice his surroundings.

'Ethnic Dick' - Monster goes to Florida, gets racially profiled and put on a bus to New York.

'Sad Dick' - Monster realises he will never fit into society and turns vegan.

'Ken Dick' - Monster supports Barbie in all her careers even though there is no documented evidence she is qualified for any of them. (Where's the documentation Mattel?)

'Average Dick' - Monster doesn't use a measuring tape to evaluate his self worth.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Let me pencil you in

Do you have a date night with your partner?
Do you/should you have a “let’s try something new” sex night scheduled in a relationship?
Do you regularly have a conversation (feedback, etc.) about sex with your partner?
If you told your partner “Anything goes” for sex one night, what do you think they would come up with?
What would you come up with?
What is a sexual act you want to try, but you’re too shy, concerned, hesitant or embarrassed to bring up with your partner now or in the past?
How do you keep sex alive and well in a relationship?

 

[hotoldrguy]

Let me pencil you in

Do you have a date night with your partner?
Do you/should you have a “let’s try something new” sex night scheduled in a relationship?
Do you regularly have a conversation (feedback, etc.) about sex with your partner?
If you told your partner “Anything goes” for sex one night, what do you think they would come up with?
What would you come up with?
What is a sexual act you want to try, but you’re too shy, concerned, hesitant or embarrassed to bring up with your partner now or in the past?
How do you keep sex alive and well in a relationship?

no partner

 

[MischiefMakerAlways]

Let me pencil you in

Do you have a date night with your partner?

Not anymore.

Do you/should you have a “let’s try something new” sex night scheduled in a relationship?

Should we? Maybe. That something new would be little any sex though.

Do you regularly have a conversation (feedback, etc.) about sex with your partner?

Tried to, "back in the day." Reception was not good despite all attempts and gentleness.

If you told your partner “Anything goes” for sex one night, what do you think they would come up with?

Back when sex did happen a couple times a month, "anything goes" would end up being the same basic stuff. Nothing new or interesting.

What would you come up with?

That my partner would agree to? Spiciest would be anal. She believes erotica to be a sin, nevermind anything else. She's not comfortable walking into a sex toy store or even going to Pure Romance's website.

What is a sexual act you want to try, but you’re too shy, concerned, hesitant or embarrassed to bring up with your partner now or in the past?

I'm open to more that most, so my list is pretty much all of the above. Merely sharing fantasies offends her.

How do you keep sex alive and well in a relationship?

I await the replies from those with a healthy sex life. Or any sex life.