Concerned husband needs advice - Set up wife with her cousin?

[curioustxn]

With her cousin's birthday coming up, she wants to go a short trip with him on that weekend. We're still debating if that's a good idea, in case they run into someone familiar. But the fact that they are cousins, shouldn't raise any eyebrows if they're cautious.

Having sex with him is one thing, but going away for the weekend could take their relationship to another level of intimacy. Maybe not a good idea. You gave your wife the privilege of having a lover for a specific reason, not the right to do as she pleases. She is your wife, not his.

Just my opinion.

 

[Pete69USE]

Having sex with him is one thing, but going away for the weekend could take their relationship to another level of intimacy. Maybe not a good idea. You gave your wife the privilege of having a lover for a specific reason, not the right to do as she pleases. She is your wife, not his.

Just my opinion.

I agree this is how open marriages like this fall apart she is more than likely falling for the cousin if this keeps up now talking about vacation later what else? i know of 1 open marriage irl that ended this way first just sex later hanging out more with the other partner then vacation and sometime later a bitter divorce not good at all. OP is clearly jealous about not hearing about them that is the first thing in a situation like this if at any part jealousy happens that relationship will most likely fail again speaking from a limited but very brutal real life experience of someone else (glad i didn't join them in their activities) it is never a good sign. On the other hand i know of another couple with open marriage only hung out with them once never participated but they have been together for 19 years with kids in colleges they made it work by keeping it just about sex no dating they contact the sex friends at a place of their choosing and both know at each time where another person is they share every single details of their lives all social media phones comm etc no secrets in the OPs version that does not seem to be the case so idk about this situation for him he needs to clear boundries and get a post nup if possible never know where things will head. if the wife agrees to a post nup it will alleviate some fears the op has if not trouble might be coming.

 

[LordRahl2]

Having sex with him is one thing, but going away for the weekend could take their relationship to another level of intimacy.

I agree this is how open marriages like this fall apart she is more than likely falling for the cousin if this keeps up now talking about vacation later what else?

Thanks for the advice! I guess I am too new and naive to all this. The vacation idea seemed harmless to me at first, but your posts made me think harder. Even if my wife doesn't intend to get romantically involved with her cousin, she may inadvertently end up doing so given the right situations. Afterall, we don't really control how we feel.

I had a discussion with her about this and opened up about these concerns. I requested her to reconsider about going on a trip with him. She was slightly hesitant to call it off, having already told him yes. After our discussion, she thought about it and agreed that a vacation with him would be taking things away from the strictly sexual arrangement we had initially agreed upon. She called him and cancelled the trip.

Since he's also a good friend of mine, I called him up later and explained to him, which he understood. This is all new for the three of us and I don't think there's any intention to hurt each other. We just need to be honest with ourselves and keep the communication open.

 

[LordRahl2]

It'll take some time for me to get used to it. I guess, it'll be for the best if they got together at his apartment instead of ours. Also, I realised I may not be comfortable with hearing about their sexual activities in detail, so that's something to discuss this weekend as well.

And yes it is awkward in the beginning. It's not the easiest thing to sit down and have dinner with the man who just fucked your wife, but in time, it will get more comfortable. After all, this is family, and family looks out for each other.

Her cousin and I still hangout for drinks, although we avoid talking about him having sex with her. I had told them both that I don't want to hear about the details, when the three of us had sat down for our first discussion.

Slowly and steadily I am getting used to the arrangement. Initial days were awkward and I hadn't wanted to hear or talk about it. This had started to affect my friendship with my wife's cousin the most. We'd get together for drinks but consciously avoid talking about him having sex with her. That was the elephant in the room and not acknowledging it made things more awkward.

The three of us recently had a chat at my house one evening. Turns out, both he and my wife had been feeling apprehensive around me. My initial insistence about not hearing/talking about them made them tiptoe their conversations around me. It also made them feel like they were cheating behind my back. With their every action and word they constantly had to check if they weren't unintentionally hurting me. Both of them reaffirmed their love and care for me and wanted me to fully embrace this as a part of our lives.

I realised that even though I had given them my blessings, I had closed myself off. So now, I have started to open up and talk to both of them freely. It started when her cousin joked about my wife being ticklish around her inner thighs, which I already know. She squirmed in embarrassment and hit him lightly on the shoulder. All three of us had a laugh. It was the first time he had acknowledged about having intimate knowledge of my wife's body and I was fine with it.

 

[colddiesel]

Hello everyone,

Wanted to share my current situation with you all and get some opinions, advice, thoughts etc.



What do you all think of this? How can I make this happen? Or am I overthinking this?

Why give her away when you could rent her out by the hour?

 

[curioustxn]

Slowly and steadily I am getting used to the arrangement. Initial days were awkward and I hadn't wanted to hear or talk about it. This had started to affect my friendship with my wife's cousin the most. We'd get together for drinks but consciously avoid talking about him having sex with her. That was the elephant in the room and not acknowledging it made things more awkward.

The three of us recently had a chat at my house one evening. Turns out, both he and my wife had been feeling apprehensive around me. My initial insistence about not hearing/talking about them made them tiptoe their conversations around me. It also made them feel like they were cheating behind my back. With their every action and word they constantly had to check if they weren't unintentionally hurting me. Both of them reaffirmed their love and care for me and wanted me to fully embrace this as a part of our lives.

I realised that even though I had given them my blessings, I had closed myself off. So now, I have started to open up and talk to both of them freely. It started when her cousin joked about my wife being ticklish around her inner thighs, which I already know. She squirmed in embarrassment and hit him lightly on the shoulder. All three of us had a laugh. It was the first time he had acknowledged about having intimate knowledge of my wife's body and I was fine with it.

Your marriage was monogamous, and transitioning to a new way of being married is never easy. Considering your original post, what you are doing now is probably your best option. Considering your original problem, it's better than your wife being unhappy, and in turn, you being unhappy. And being your wife and her cousin grew up together, I'm sure he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her or her marriage. And as they say, communication is the key. It's better to talk about your feelings, than let them fester.

 

[Pete69USE]

Slowly and steadily I am getting used to the arrangement. Initial days were awkward and I hadn't wanted to hear or talk about it. This had started to affect my friendship with my wife's cousin the most. We'd get together for drinks but consciously avoid talking about him having sex with her. That was the elephant in the room and not acknowledging it made things more awkward.

The three of us recently had a chat at my house one evening. Turns out, both he and my wife had been feeling apprehensive around me. My initial insistence about not hearing/talking about them made them tiptoe their conversations around me. It also made them feel like they were cheating behind my back. With their every action and word they constantly had to check if they weren't unintentionally hurting me. Both of them reaffirmed their love and care for me and wanted me to fully embrace this as a part of our lives.

I realised that even though I had given them my blessings, I had closed myself off. So now, I have started to open up and talk to both of them freely. It started when her cousin joked about my wife being ticklish around her inner thighs, which I already know. She squirmed in embarrassment and hit him lightly on the shoulder. All three of us had a laugh. It was the first time he had acknowledged about having intimate knowledge of my wife's body and I was fine with it.

I would still advice to be careful keep an eye on them from a distance snoop on them without them knowing if you can just to be sure and try to get a post nup if possible but do it by making your wife fully comfortable around you about the situation this is to make yourself be as safe as possible like i said i saw an relationship like this blow up in a very ugly way it started similarly like yours so just be careful make sure you understand what you are getting into they might say they did not want to hurt you but that is what the couple i saw did as well the husband like you did accept it but then somehow it started to go downhill attraction to other man was growing more he did start to replace the husband not intentionally at first but like you said feelings can't be controlled and sex with another person is intimate it is never just a physical thing yes over time you can get over it but it is still on some level a very personal thing so be careful and update if things are going good or you can DM if not comfortable texting here.

 

[curioustxn]

I would still advice to be careful keep an eye on them from a distance snoop on them without them knowing if you can just to be sure and try to get a post nup if possible but do it by making your wife fully comfortable around you about the situation this is to make yourself be as safe as possible like i said i saw an relationship like this blow up in a very ugly way it started similarly like yours so just be careful make sure you understand what you are getting into they might say they did not want to hurt you but that is what the couple i saw did as well the husband like you did accept it but then somehow it started to go downhill attraction to other man was growing more he did start to replace the husband not intentionally at first but like you said feelings can't be controlled and sex with another person is intimate it is never just a physical thing yes over time you can get over it but it is still on some level a very personal thing so be careful and update if things are going good or you can DM if not comfortable texting here.

I agree, even when the original intent was honorable, this kind of relationship can go downhill. However, the strong point of this relationship(s) is that LordRahl and his wife's cousin were good friends before. Men have a way of working out their differences, *if* they keep their friendship open and honest, and don't let their feelings fester. When there is true friendship and honesty, men can talk out their problems. When two men are true friends, they can share the same woman. It's just in our nature. What we can't tolerate is being deceived by a friend. I have no doubt that her cousin may fall in love with LordRahl's wife; however, what the cousin has to understand is that he can't take his friend's wife, he can only share. It's not up to LordRahl to keep his friend straight, it's up to his wife to keep her lover straight. If it were me, I would make the point to my wife that she belongs to two men, not just one, and it's up to her to keep things straight. A woman can encourage a relationship to escalate, or discourage it. I would make the point that if she wants a marriage and a lover, she has to abide by the limits she agreed to in the beginning. She is in the middle, and she is the one who has to keep the relationship(s) balanced.

I have known situations like this where the woman wouldn't behave herself, and wanted one man over the other, and where the men were good friends, the woman was the one that ended up getting dumped. A man can always find another wife/woman, but can't always find a good friend. Good friends can be hard to come by.

Just because she is a woman, doesn't mean that she doesn't have a responsibility to both men.

Just my opinion..............

 

[LordRahl2]

Thanks for all the concern and suggestions. I really appreciate it. I am not too worried about them falling in love and my wife leaving me for him. Here, in our culture and society, extra-marital affair and divorce are still highly frowned upon. And being cousins, it's very difficult for them to publicly get married or openly be in a non-platonic relationship. I know my wife loves me a lot. I also know that her cousin has had a few girlfriends in the past but has no interest or inclination to get into a serious romantic relationship or marriage.

Now, few updates about us. My wife has recently resumed her birth control pills. She hates condoms. Since we rarely had intercourse over the last few years, she had stopped taking her pills and I'd pull out when we had sex. With her cousin, she had him wear condoms all this time for safety reasons. Now that they have been together for some time, we know he's clean plus he's not sleeping with anyone else. She wants to have him bareback and let him cum in her. She discussed this with me and I was fine with it. Afterall it's mainly about her pleasure and enjoyment.

We may also need to make some changes to this arrangement. There are some nosy neighbours in her cousin's apartment and he heard some unsavory gossips about them. Unfortunately, some people just can't keep themselves out of other people's business! My wife had also mentioned getting some weird vibes from his neighbours. We're discussing about the possibility of them using the spare bedroom in our house or to go some place else. They can still use his apartment but don't want to go there every weekend and raise suspicion. We'll have to discuss and decide on this.

 

[curioustxn]

Thanks for all the concern and suggestions. I really appreciate it. I am not too worried about them falling in love and my wife leaving me for him. Here, in our culture and society, extra-marital affair and divorce are still highly frowned upon. And being cousins, it's very difficult for them to publicly get married or openly be in a non-platonic relationship. I know my wife loves me a lot. I also know that her cousin has had a few girlfriends in the past but has no interest or inclination to get into a serious romantic relationship or marriage.

Now, few updates about us. My wife has recently resumed her birth control pills. She hates condoms. Since we rarely had intercourse over the last few years, she had stopped taking her pills and I'd pull out when we had sex. With her cousin, she had him wear condoms all this time for safety reasons. Now that they have been together for some time, we know he's clean plus he's not sleeping with anyone else. She wants to have him bareback and let him cum in her. She discussed this with me and I was fine with it. Afterall it's mainly about her pleasure and enjoyment.

We may also need to make some changes to this arrangement. There are some nosy neighbours in her cousin's apartment and he heard some unsavory gossips about them. Unfortunately, some people just can't keep themselves out of other people's business! My wife had also mentioned getting some weird vibes from his neighbours. We're discussing about the possibility of them using the spare bedroom in our house or to go some place else. They can still use his apartment but don't want to go there every weekend and raise suspicion. We'll have to discuss and decide on this.

You have a legitimate concern. Neither of you need nosy neighbors sticking their nose into your business.

Since you are more comfortable with your wife having a lover, my suggestion would be to let them use your spare room. It might seem a little uncomfortable with your wife fucking her cousin in the next room in the beginning, but just as you adjusted to your wife having a lover, you will adjust to this also. And in time, it wouldn't surprise me if the three of you became closer because of it. Also, if you are home when *your friend and her cousin* is there, the neighbors would think nothing of it.

As far as ditching the condom? If your wife is going to take him bareback, (and she will enjoy it so much more), I would insist that he makes a commitment of monogamy to your wife. She cannot take the chance of him picking up an STD from someone else. He has a good thing going, and if he doesn't want to fuck-it-up, he needs to take it seriously.

You and he share something in common, and there is no reason that you and he shouldn't be best friends. You mentioned in another post that your wife wanted to go away with him for the weekend. Next time it comes up, why not the three of you go?

Just my opinion.

 

[NewOldGuy77]

Thanks for all the concern and suggestions. I really appreciate it. I am not too worried about them falling in love and my wife leaving me for him. Here, in our culture and society, extra-marital affair and divorce are still highly frowned upon. And being cousins, it's very difficult for them to publicly get married or openly be in a non-platonic relationship. I know my wife loves me a lot. I also know that her cousin has had a few girlfriends in the past but has no interest or inclination to get into a serious romantic relationship or marriage.

Now, few updates about us. My wife has recently resumed her birth control pills. She hates condoms. Since we rarely had intercourse over the last few years, she had stopped taking her pills and I'd pull out when we had sex. With her cousin, she had him wear condoms all this time for safety reasons. Now that they have been together for some time, we know he's clean plus he's not sleeping with anyone else. She wants to have him bareback and let him cum in her. She discussed this with me and I was fine with it. Afterall it's mainly about her pleasure and enjoyment.

We may also need to make some changes to this arrangement. There are some nosy neighbours in her cousin's apartment and he heard some unsavory gossips about them. Unfortunately, some people just can't keep themselves out of other people's business! My wife had also mentioned getting some weird vibes from his neighbours. We're discussing about the possibility of them using the spare bedroom in our house or to go some place else. They can still use his apartment but don't want to go there every weekend and raise suspicion. We'll have to discuss and decide on this.

Thank you for the update. Please do more when the opportunity presents itself.

 

[LordRahl2]

As far as ditching the condom? If your wife is going to take him bareback, (and she will enjoy it so much more), I would insist that he makes a commitment of monogamy to your wife. She cannot take the chance of him picking up an STD from someone else. He has a good thing going, and if he doesn't want to fuck-it-up, he needs to take it seriously.

My wife and I were discussing the other day. She had this thought when she rejected his offer for a weekend trip earlier. She doesn't want her cousin to be with her exclusively. She wants him to have a girlfriend who can fulfill his other companionship needs which would ensure he doesn't get too attached to my wife. I think this is a good idea and I really liked her line of thought.

In coming days we might be suggesting this idea to him, so we can't ask him to be monogamous too. The most we can do is to have him commit to safe sex when he gets a girlfriend. He's a responsible adult and understands the risks of STD. I think we can impress upon him the fact that having my wife bareback is a privilege that should be respected.

You mentioned in another post that your wife wanted to go away with him for the weekend. Next time it comes up, why not the three of you go?

That's a good idea! Like you mentioned, I need to get used to seeing them together and get comfortable with them having sex in the adjoining room. We can think of a weekend trip after that.

 

[curioustxn]

My wife and I were discussing the other day. She had this thought when she rejected his offer for a weekend trip earlier. She doesn't want her cousin to be with her exclusively. She wants him to have a girlfriend who can fulfill his other companionship needs which would ensure he doesn't get too attached to my wife. I think this is a good idea and I really liked her line of thought.

I understand your wife's compassion for her cousin, wanting him to have a girlfriend on the outside; however, they are having sex outside the home now, but when he starts making love to your wife in your/her home, it's going to change the emotional dynamics of the relationship for all of you.

In the beginning, it's going to feel a bit odd with him making love to your wife in the next room, but in time, you will become comfortable with it, just as you became comfortable with their sexual relationship as it is now. When the three of you adjust, and become comfortable with this arrangement, if he is a *true* friend, the relationship may start feeling more like family than friends.

We most often think of polygamy as a man with two wives; however, there are cases where a wife has two husbands. Often they are brothers, but there are cases where they are not directly related. It's not common, but in my experience, it does happen.

 

[curioustxn]

LordRahl

You should turn on your PMs

 

[LordRahl2]

Last night was a profound experience for me. My wife and her cousin had sex in our guest bedroom. It hit me in several different ways and I really came to terms with it.

Earlier, she used to leave with him one evening and back home the next morning. Last night, I retired to my bedroom and watched her put on a sexy nightgown and some make-up. She kissed me goodnight and went to the guest bedroom. I wished her goodnight and told her to have fun. That's when it truly hit me that my wife is going to sleep with another man.

Later in the night, I got up to pee and heard them. She was moaning loudly, with passion that I had never heard before. It was also the first time they were having sex without condoms. Curious, I stood outside their door and listened to their moans and grunts for a few minutes. It was a bittersweet moment of realisation that I'd never been able to truly satisfy her but glad that she was getting her desires fulfilled now.

She was positively glowing this morning as the three of us had breakfast. We all spoke, joked and laughed. I can feel the happiness, love and gratitude from my wife everyday and glad that we decided to take this route.

 

[NewOldGuy77]

Once he left, how did she act towards you? You've made a huge sacrifice so she could be happy - did she make an effort to be tender/loving with you to stay connected?

 

[LordRahl2]

Once he left, how did she act towards you? You've made a huge sacrifice so she could be happy - did she make an effort to be tender/loving with you to stay connected?

Absolutely! She prepared my favourite dish for dinner as her way of showing her love. Later in the night, we enjoyed some sexual intimacy in our bedroom where she gave me a nice, prolonged blowjob. And the best part - she let me cum in her mouth for the first time ever!

 

[maybe_iwill]

Is your wife still enjoying her sex partner? You should join them.

 

[NewOldGuy77]

Bump - Any updates from @LordRahl2 ?

 

[LordRahl2]

Is your wife still enjoying her sex partner? You should join them.

Yes, she is and yes, I did!

Off late, my wife and her cousin have become quite uninhibited infront of me. The three of us are very comfortable with each other now.

We were all having a drink, few nights back. Had a nice buzz going on when they started getting intimate on the living room couch. I got up to leave when they started undressing, but my wife asked me to stay. It felt awkward at first, as I had never seen them naked together before.

He went down on her as she fished out my cock from my pants. They proceeded to have sex on the couch while she gave me a blowjob. I didn't last long and came in her mouth. Then I sat and watched them. Have to admit, it was a surreal experience!

I mentioned at the start of this thread about my health issues. I am on a new diet plus workout routine. Feeling fitter than before but still long ways to go. My sex drive is usually much lower than my wife's but I can join them occassionally based on everyone's mood.

 

[longboy2022]

Take control. Get a strap on and do her front and rear. Then you do the cousin.

Hello everyone,

Wanted to share my current situation with you all and get some opinions, advice, thoughts etc.

I am a 40 year old man. My wife is 35. We’ve been married for the last 10 years. She’s a very sexual person. It’s been difficult for me to keep up with her, but I have tried to keep her satisfied. Unfortunately, about 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with severe diabetes and hypertension. My physical ailments coupled with my stressful job has led to an embarrassing decline in my performance in bed. I haven’t been able to get erections. When I do, it’s been difficult to sustain it.

My lovely wife has been patient with me and has been very loving and caring, but I can sense her frustration. I do take care of her needs through my fingers, tongue or a vibrator. It can’t replace the feel of being fucked by a hard cock, though. I know she misses it and that makes me feel guilty of not being able to satisfy her through intercourse.

One of my wife’s distant cousin moved into our city few months back. He is 36 and unmarried. My wife and he are very close having grown up in the same neighborhood. She speaks very fondly of him and had even admitted to having a crush on him during her college years. I’ve seen a twinkle in her eyes when he’s around. She still looks at him that way when he visits us.

He and I have become good buddies ever since he moved into the city. He comes over every Saturday evening for a drink and both of us talk about several topics of mutual interest. Over the past couple of months, we’ve spoken a few times about my wife. With the buzz of alcohol, he has confessed about finding my wife very attractive and told me how lucky I am. He even lightly flirts with her and I’ve seen her enjoy the attention.

This has got me thinking. My wife’s sexual needs are not being fully satisfied. I don’t want to push her to desperation where she may be tempted at having an affair. I am not selfish to keep her caged while not being able to satisfy her myself. I never had much libido to begin with. If she and her cousin get together, if they want to, it’s completely fine with me, they’d have my blessings. He’d be a much better choice to satisfy her sexually without any romantic entanglement. He’d be a much safer choice from a privacy and social secrecy aspect too.

What do you all think of this? How can I make this happen? Or am I overthinking this?

 

[LordRahl2]

Last weekend the three of us went on a trip. It was a long weekend. We drove to a tourist place 6 hours away. I and my wife's cousin alternated as driver while my wife sat in the back. We kept her occupied with our fingers and tongues while she did the same to whoever was with her. None of us ever had any sexual encounters in the backseat of a moving car before.

In public, my wife and I acted as a regular couple. But she spent all three nights with him in his room. I joined them briefly one night and left them alone the other two. Overall it was a good fun experience and we all hope to take another trip soon.

 

[NewOldGuy77]

Last weekend the three of us went on a trip. It was a long weekend. We drove to a tourist place 6 hours away. I and my wife's cousin alternated as driver while my wife sat in the back. We kept her occupied with our fingers and tongues while she did the same to whoever was with her. None of us ever had any sexual encounters in the backseat of a moving car before.

In public, my wife and I acted as a regular couple. But she spent all three nights with him in his room. I joined them briefly one night and left them alone the other two. Overall it was a good fun experience and we all hope to take another trip soon.

Thank you for the wonderful update. Hope your health continues to improve!

 

[FantasySharer1]

Does the fact that they are related make this hotter for you? That they share genes and are from the same family and have grandparents in common? That in some ways, they are more connected to each other than you are to her.

She is BOTH his lover AND his family member, just one relation away from being his sister. I love the pretending that there's a principle that a family member has more "rights" than an unrelated man to her pussy.

 

[LordRahl2]

Does the fact that they are related make this hotter for you?

Not really, this is more of a convenient coincidence. They're far removed on the family tree that it makes it acceptable, atleast to me and my wife. They're more friends than cousins and we're all comfortable with each other. The best thing for me is that since they're related, I know she'll not leave me for him, as they can't be publicly together as a couple.