**Confessions of a Wife**

I have been asked a few times if I would cheat again.

The truth is I don't know. I have currently been involved in a few light flirting exchanges with a bar owner.

It's exciting and it's become my go to bar. (And not for the complimentary free drink)

By the time I get home, I am extremely horny and my husband has been the getting a few treats.

Is it bad that I'm not thinking of my husband at the time?

I am trying to stay loyal, however I can't stop thinking about being unfaithful again.
 
I have been asked a few times if I would cheat again.

The truth is I don't know. I have currently been involved in a few light flirting exchanges with a bar owner.

It's exciting and it's become my go to bar. (And not for the complimentary free drink)

By the time I get home, I am extremely horny and my husband has been the getting a few treats.

Is it bad that I'm not thinking of my husband at the time?

I am trying to stay loyal, however I can't stop thinking about being unfaithful again.
The lust is real!! 😵‍💫
 
I have been asked a few times if I would cheat again.

The truth is I don't know. I have currently been involved in a few light flirting exchanges with a bar owner.

It's exciting and it's become my go to bar. (And not for the complimentary free drink)

By the time I get home, I am extremely horny and my husband has been the getting a few treats.

Is it bad that I'm not thinking of my husband at the time?

I am trying to stay loyal, however I can't stop thinking about being unfaithful again.
You are so hot and sexy. If I were your hubs, I would not give a damn if you fucked another man, as long as not divorce and dont overdo it. To hell with jealousy. Hubs knows you are a hottie, and men will hit on you. That's the risk of being married to a hotwife.
 
I have been asked a few times if I would cheat again.

The truth is I don't know. I have currently been involved in a few light flirting exchanges with a bar owner.

It's exciting and it's become my go to bar. (And not for the complimentary free drink)

By the time I get home, I am extremely horny and my husband has been the getting a few treats.

Is it bad that I'm not thinking of my husband at the time?

I am trying to stay loyal, however I can't stop thinking about being unfaithful again.
Truthfully, it's obviously not ideal to be thinking of someone else. But, frankly, the alternative is either a) forcing yourself to think purely about him, in a way that makes it far less enjoyable for you and may even have you resenting him, or b) actually doing something with someone else, which obviously is cheating mentally and physically, which is a whole world worse.

You can never be sure what's going through his mind too - maybe he's thinking of someone else on occasion; would you feel so terrible about it?

My view is that what you're doing is better than the alternatives for now - don't feel too guilty about what gets you there. You're clearly going through mental turmoil at the moment (not necessarily unpleasant mental torment..) and I'm not sure that the current situation is sustainable, necessarily. But it's a journey, mentally. I think it will become more obvious to you in coming weeks and months whether your current feelings are just a phase, and you return to feeling more committed to your husband (and grateful that you didn't fall down a rabbit hole in the meantime), or whether they are emblematic of a deeper problem/malaise.

But in the meantime, don't make yourself feel too guilty about it - on the contrary.
 
You are so hot and sexy. If I were your hubs, I would not give a damn if you fucked another man, as long as not divorce and dont overdo it. To hell with jealousy. Hubs knows you are a hottie, and men will hit on you. That's the risk of being married to a hotwife.
I wish. He is too jealous and far too conservative. I have cut off alot of my male friends years ago because he couldn't get handle it. At the time I just wanted to make him happy. I feel bitter about it now though.
 
I have been asked a few times if I would cheat again.

The truth is I don't know. I have currently been involved in a few light flirting exchanges with a bar owner.

It's exciting and it's become my go to bar. (And not for the complimentary free drink)

By the time I get home, I am extremely horny and my husband has been the getting a few treats.

Is it bad that I'm not thinking of my husband at the time?

I am trying to stay loyal, however I can't stop thinking about being unfaithful again.
It seems to me that you’re channelling that desire in a good way and making sure your husband feels the benefit.

You can’t “fix” how you feel and it seems everyone is benefitting from the refreshed version of you - us on here, your husband and especially you!
 
Truthfully, it's obviously not ideal to be thinking of someone else. But, frankly, the alternative is either a) forcing yourself to think purely about him, in a way that makes it far less enjoyable for you and may even have you resenting him, or b) actually doing something with someone else, which obviously is cheating mentally and physically, which is a whole world worse.

You can never be sure what's going through his mind too - maybe he's thinking of someone else on occasion; would you feel so terrible about it?

My view is that what you're doing is better than the alternatives for now - don't feel too guilty about what gets you there. You're clearly going through mental turmoil at the moment (not necessarily unpleasant mental torment..) and I'm not sure that the current situation is sustainable, necessarily. But it's a journey, mentally. I think it will become more obvious to you in coming weeks and months whether your current feelings are just a phase, and you return to feeling more committed to your husband (and grateful that you didn't fall down a rabbit hole in the meantime), or whether they are emblematic of a deeper problem/malaise.

But in the meantime, don't make yourself feel too guilty about it - on the contrary.
Thanks for that.

I'm being strong but yes, the feeling of that night doesn't leave me.

Between LIT and my imagination I am keeping sane. ... somehow. Sustainable it may not be but I'm just coping at present.

I do have my doubts about his faithfulness at times. I think either now or in the past, he has cheated too. However, then I think it's easier for me to think that way to make me feel less guilty.

We look for excuses to justify our own behaviours.
 
It seems to me that you’re channelling that desire in a good way and making sure your husband feels the benefit.

You can’t “fix” how you feel and it seems everyone is benefitting from the refreshed version of you - us on here, your husband and especially you!
I think that's true.

This is a new me. I came here confused, with some self loathing at times. But the more I talk to people on here I have come to realise that actually, these feelings and emotions are normal.
 
I wish. He is too jealous and far too conservative. I have cut off alot of my male friends years ago because he couldn't get handle it. At the time I just wanted to make him happy. I feel bitter about it now though.
Doesnt look like he will change; and you are stuck. I date a granny from my high school days, who wont let hubs touch her. I am the only man to touch her in 20 years. She cant afford to leave hubs..
 
I think that's true.

This is a new me. I came here confused, with some self loathing at times. But the more I talk to people on here I have come to realise that actually, these feelings and emotions are normal.
Very normal and in my eyes, come with an excessive level of guilt and judgement. These things do happen.

Do you wish the bar man could see this thread and this side of you?
How do you think he’d react?
 
Thanks for that.

I'm being strong but yes, the feeling of that night doesn't leave me.

Between LIT and my imagination I am keeping sane. ... somehow. Sustainable it may not be but I'm just coping at present.

I do have my doubts about his faithfulness at times. I think either now or in the past, he has cheated too. However, then I think it's easier for me to think that way to make me feel less guilty.

We look for excuses to justify our own behaviours.
I very much get the sense of all of this from you. That night clearly had a profound effect on you - I can see how, for some people, it would be an 'OK, that was clearly a mistake, I'm wracked with unalloyed guilt and never again. Let's put it down to sowing wild oats and be a caring, fully committed wife again'. That patently hasn't been your sole reaction here.

And yes, you're keeping it together because you have enough of an outlet. Thank goodness for that imagination of yours.. ;) For now I would take solace and heart from the fact that you are indeed coping - maybe not much more than that, and you'll know whether the feelings are getting stronger or staying the same. But take heart from the fact you're showing resilience and not needing further excuses to justify further behaviour (I really love that phrase and it's so true).

So yes, I'd maybe accuse him of cheating less, internally, but I'd also dampen down your own feelings of guilt about the status quo. It's OK to have fantasies, and to enjoy them ;) Stay doing what you're doing, and it'll give you a bit of time to process what you're feeling and what, ultimately, you want in the long term
 
Very normal and in my eyes, come with an excessive level of guilt and judgement. These things do happen.

Do you wish the bar man could see this thread and this side of you?
How do you think he’d react?
I think he would be shocked. We have only had brief exchanges a few times. Most of it are the soft intense glances across the bar and smiles.

We have talked abit. He knows I'm married. I have a tendency to say this quite quickly in an exchange with a strange man.
 
I think he would be shocked. We have only had brief exchanges a few times. Most of it are the soft intense glances across the bar and smiles.

We have talked abit. He knows I'm married. I have a tendency to say this quite quickly in an exchange with a strange man.
I’m sure those smiles are saying a lot! And as we all know, a glance at you shows plenty…

That’s probably a defence mechanism 😂 I’m sure he’s smart enough to know it’s not a happy, Hollywood marriage if you’re sitting in the bar!
 
I very much get the sense of all of this from you. That night clearly had a profound effect on you - I can see how, for some people, it would be an 'OK, that was clearly a mistake, I'm wracked with unalloyed guilt and never again. Let's put it down to sowing wild oats and be a caring, fully committed wife again'. That patently hasn't been your sole reaction here.

And yes, you're keeping it together because you have enough of an outlet. Thank goodness for that imagination of yours.. ;) For now I would take solace and heart from the fact that you are indeed coping - maybe not much more than that, and you'll know whether the feelings are getting stronger or staying the same. But take heart from the fact you're showing resilience and not needing further excuses to justify further behaviour (I really love that phrase and it's so true).

So yes, I'd maybe accuse him of cheating less, internally, but I'd also dampen down your own feelings of guilt about the status quo. It's OK to have fantasies, and to enjoy them ;) Stay doing what you're doing, and it'll give you a bit of time to process what you're feeling and what, ultimately, you want in the long term
Yes, I agree with what you are saying. I have come to the realisation that if I was happy, it wouldn't have happened. In truth, it could have happened years ago but I resisted. I just couldn't cope anymore and gave in finally.

I do suspect that my husband has had his fun down the line genuinely, I'm not saying this as an excuse. It drove me insane thinking about it for years and I was too scared to check his phone or do some detective work because thinking and not knowing he was unfaithful was a better reality for me.

Marriage is hard. People may judge me( like on other sites) but it's my reality not theirs.
 
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