Dear X,

[Lord Pmann]

Dear nose and adjoining sinus cavities,

If you do not quit misbehaving by either being stuffed up so badly breathing is impossible, or running like a river, I am going to have you all surgically removed and reattached to Justin Beiber's butt. How do you like that? That would teach you.

cutting off nose to spite face,
Minxy

Bwhahahaha. Oh shit that was awesome.

 

[smallgirl]

Dear beloved family member,
I cannot stand you. You are such a fake, a put on...you are not more Christian than the Devil is.

I really do not think you have thought this through, and if you think you can continue with your lifestyle and rip and run 24/7 while providing care for your dad you are crazier then I thought you were.
Moving a parent in and becoming a care giver becomes your life. I saw my own mother do it with her mother...I have lived it, but oh no, I am stupid and don't know anything.
Well, fuck you. We will see wont we? When you are wanting to go camping for a week every other week and you cant because everyone has to work, and he is living in your home, then we will see how long you are willing to take him.

I'm sitting anxiously waiting for the fallout from your selfish and irrational decision. He has the money to pay for care-you just want that big inheritance check and as far as me and hubby? We want to use that money to pay for his care till he dies.

Me,
Your stupid sister in law who maintains a 4.0...so I'm probably not THAT stupid.
OH! fuck off too.

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear sweet adorable lovely friend of my son who has helped us move,

You are wonderful. You worked like a champ, and I love you to pieces but you have been here since Thursday and I really think it is time for you to go to your home now.

No, really.

Love you,

Your other mother


PS Get your nasty ass feet off the top of my couch or I will rip them off and stuff them up your nose.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Rainshine,

I'm still laughing at your cheesy arse joke.

Love,

Me

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear You,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sincerely,

Me

 

[unregistered]

 

[Emerson40]

Dear urinal,

Why do you fuck with my khakis like that.

Your innocent "who, me?" schtick and unassuming glazy, holey bowl isn't fooling me. Your schadenfreude can't be hidden by some pink, cinnamon-scented puck.

Fucker.


Awkwardly,

Drying more than my hands at the dryer

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear urinal,

Why do you fuck with my khakis like that.

Your innocent "who, me?" schtick and unassuming glazy, holey bowl isn't fooling me. Your schadenfreude can't be hidden by some pink, cinnamon-scented puck.

Fucker.


Awkwardly,

Drying more than my hands at the dryer

You can shake it, wiggle it,
Even make it dance,
But the last drop
Always ends up on your pants

 

[NightL]

Dear urinal...

Drying more than my hands at the dryer

and airport hand basin with the dodgy tape (ok faucet) - FUCK!

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Pet Rescue,

I understand the need to be cautious when allowing a pet to be adopted. There are many crazy people out there. I filled out your application, came for an interview, met the pets, found one my son is head over heels for, and I would think, that with an appropriate exchange of monies, this deal should be done.

Really? 2 approvals and we now need approved by the executive director? Um ok. Fine. Let's keep it moving shall we? And if I see the guy who lets you in/out the doors ever nearly kick an animal in the face again to get it out of his way, I will knock out more of his teeth than he is already missing.

Finally, a tip for you--Don't put both genders of cats of kitten producing age in the same room until they have been spayed/neutered. That adorable little black cat who I would have taken home in a moment? Yeah --buns in the oven friends. Not even remotely spayed as you stated on your website, unless your vet is an incompetent moron. I don't know for sure, but I will probably have to meet with him next week.

Give me the fucking cat.

Love and kitty litter,
Me

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Rainshine,

I will miss you desperately whilst I'm sailing the high seas learning how to fold towels and scrapbook and such. I already do miss you.

(And guys... Hands off. She belongs to me)

I miss you dearly.

Love,

pmann

 

[Saucyminx]

Soggy

Dear Weather,

Please, enough with the precipitation of all sorts. I feel like I'm in a 10,000 Maniacs song.

Too moist,
M

 

[Miles Long]

Dear Universe,

Please help me make this a good spring.

Thanks,
Miles

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Funny Face,

I miss you loads. But my towel folding apprenticeship is halfway done.


Pmann

 

[DirtySecrets11]

Dear X,

I'm sorry.

Love,
Me

 

[Miles Long]

Dear Scrotum,

The sweet caress!

Love,
Me

 

[Miles Long]

Dear Mildly Disturbed,

As to my words: I wouldn't've wrote 'em
Without the agreement of my happy Scrotum.

Love,
Miles

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Rainshine,

You are missed terribly. I am scrapbooking pics of how much my face misses you.

Love,

pmann

 

[Emerson40]

Dear pmann,

Quit dickin' about. Release one of those wee life boats hanging over the side, or better yet, abscond from the the SS Seersucker Princess with onr of the tenders, and shake your ass to the land of rooos and drop bears.

What the Edmund Fitzgerald are you waiting for?



Your alibi, if required,


E

 

[NightL]

Dance ti' thy daddy, sing ti' thy mammy,
Dance ti' thy daddy, ti' thy mammy sing;
Thou shall hev a fishy on a little dishy,
Thou shall hev a bloater when the boat comes in

..."bloater"?

 

[NightL]

just looked up - pmann - looks like you will have a smoked herring down there until the boat comes in

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Miles,

The best lips on the internet, Mouth instrumentals, and now poetry, is there anything you can't do?

Love,
Rainshine

Apparently scrotum caressing is up there on the list too. *looking mildly confused*

Dear Owner of large, angry, hungry Mountain Lion,

Hey, um, can I borrow that for an hour?

Sincerely,
She who is still without cat

Dear Em,

Gordon Lightfoot is the shiznit.

Me

 

[Emerson40]

Dear Keeper of the Kitties,

Who does a girl gotta do to get some pussy already?


Meow,

Now.

 

[Saucyminx]

Dear Keeper of the Kitties,

Who does a girl gotta do to get some pussy already?


Meow,

Now.

Dear Em,

Seriously. And I've never been asked to pay for it before either--maybe that is the problem. Nah, probably not.

From Missingpussyopolis,
M

 

[BurningMonkey]

Dear Menopause God:

Please reverse the terrible curse you have placed upon us and give the wife back her libido.
I will sacrifice a yearling ram, clean and without blemish, at noon every second day if it will make any difference.

Monkey