Dear X,

[Saucyminx]

Dear Pet Shelter,

Upper respiratory infections in cats are NOT caused by spaying them. They are caused by the crappy conditions of your shelter, and putting a bunch of cats together, whether they are sick or not. (You know, like pregnancy in cats is caused by putting un-spayed/un-neutered cats together in a room and letting them get down.)

I will bring you a book on cat care, when you finally, GIVE ME MY FUCKING CAT. You are welcome to read it while being chased by the mountain lion I'm bringing along to help make my point. Reading is fundamental!

Yours in literacy,
M

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Rainshine,

I'm not mad at you. Life is really painful some days. I'm here for you.

Love,

Cap'n pmann

 

[bailadora]

Dear Universe:

Last year really sucked. The first part of this year hasn't been exactly stellar, either. Really, could you just ease up for a bit? It's bad when you start dreading phone calls from home, afraid to find out what else has gone to shit. Enough already.

Me

 

[ebunny15]

Hanging by a thread

Dear Employment God,
Enough already! Nobody thinks I'm worth it; message received. Stop cramming it down my throat every five seconds.
The worst part of it all, I'm damn good at what I do. But I'm completely at a loss as to how I can make the powers that be see past the end of their noses...or the number at the bottom of a balance sheet. 11 years of this crap. ELEVEN YEARS! And each time being told "it's not your performance, it's the budget". Thanks for such a back-handed compliment.
Jerks.
Being fired would be been more merciful than what has come to pass. Being set up for failure is slowly killing my spirit one week at a time.
Me

 

[Eilan]

Dear X,

I'm sorry you're hurting today.

Hugs and kisses,

Me

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Dear X,

Saw your look-alike while shopping today. I did a double-take he was so close. This really made me realize how long it's been. So much for friendship. I guess you're just somebody that I used to know.

I actually blanked for several seconds over my log-in info for this me. A much bigger sign, huh?

Hope you're well and all that jazz.

 

[Que]

An Open Letter to all 23 policing authorities sited between me and my kids:

Dear Gentlemen:

A toll booth would be both more moral and more effective at achieving your goal of justifying your existence and supporting your City, County, State, Federal Agency and Sovereign expenses.

Or legalize gambling. My friends on the reservation seem a LOT less interested in my travels since that new, bigger casino went in.

Sincerely,

Not fooled by "Serve" "Protect" or "Safety" in the crest on your door.

 

[JustSkye]

Dearest Q,

I miss you still.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

Dear Skye,

 

[elocin13]

Dear X,
You're still a f'ing douchebag. Enough already with dragging this shit out. Be an agreeable non-ass for once in your life and FINISH this damn divorce.

 

[Acktion]

Dear X,

You owe me nothing and I owe you nothing. What we each give, we give because we want to. What we each carefully, tentatively accept, we do so because we need to.

Although I may never share the same air that you breathe or be able to feel you upon my skin or smell the scent of you nearby, but only have the words that we share and perhaps the occasional picture to affix an image of you to the soul you share in those words... Still, if this is not friendship, then it is close enough for me.

And never doubt for a moment that your presence, or your absence, and the words that we share and the words that we don't, do shape me and my world in ways both large and small.

Sincerely,
Me

 

[Eliphaz]

Dear X,
No, I am not just being "game" - fulfilling your kinks is making them my kinks too. More, please!

 

[NippleMuncher]

Dear X,
No, I am not just being "game" - fulfilling your kinks is making them my kinks too. More, please!

Funny how that works, huh?

 

[Eliphaz]

yup. it's pretty great how that works!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Dear X,

Doing quite well, and it's been a while, months, since I've had to force you from my mind. And now this. For fuck's sake this has to be an addiction. I'm going to soak up the memory and let you and me play around in the safety of my imagination for a little while, then back you go.

Once yours,
B

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Sorry for the length, but I REALLY needed to vent!

Dear X,

Look up the concept of CFO and start acting like one. Those of us trying to MAKE the company money would like to do our jobs. Your cost saving measures will save us right into oblivion. Great job, bitch!

Pissed.



Dear same X,

I'm real sorry the software YOU reviewed, approved and bought without consulting your IT guy doesn't do what you want it to do. Claiming I'm incompetent at my job because I can turn a turd into a diamond ain't gonna go far. Thank you for including my boss in your email as you tried to blame "deficiencies" in the software YOU reviewed, approved and bought on me. In the morning, after I calm down, I'll enjoy replying to you (and him) explaining in very easy to understand terms why software designed to track hours doesn't track dollars. It's like complaining that you can't paint with the box of crayons you bought. Don't worry, I'll be sure to hit "reply all" when I compose my reply.

Pissed.



Dear same X,

Great job turning off my corporate card because I was two days late with my expense account report. Yep, you really showed who has the bigger balls in the office. Certainly NOT the guy (me) who invented a new product line. Certainly NOT the guy who saved the company $525 on that last purchase. Oh wait, that purchase didn't go through. Why? Because some dipshit with tits didn't bother to turn my corporate card back on so she could prove she had bigger balls. Instead, you turned a simple purchase into one that involved two other people, and doubled the shipping costs, turning a $75 purchase into $150 purchase and wasting the valuable work time of two other people. And YOU'RE the CPA? Having a corporate card IS a responsibility. It's also something that I use for the convenience of the company and NOT for my personal use. You did a GREAT job at proving that, didn't you?

Pissed.



Dear same X,

Lovely little policy you invented for "handling" paid days off for our store managers. It's great how it makes NO damn sense. Here's a clue that it's too involved - when it required inventing a spreadsheet to convince our owner it was a good idea. The holes in the program, as you wrote it, are absolutely EPIC. I've spoken with three regional managers, two human resource people and outside associates, asking them to help me explain it to my managers. They couldn't make heads or tails out of it either. Most questioned the legality of it. That's something I'll leave to managers to discuss with the Dept of Labor. I'm sure that will be a phone call you'll enjoy.

Pissed.



Dear same X,

Thanks for taking maintenance of the Operations Manual off my plate so you can update it instead of me. Sure, it's the same Ops Manual I've been asked to write and re-write half a dozen times in the last fifteen years. It's a thankless job that I enjoyed doing because of my passion for writing. You're right, I do have a "gift" for words, don't I? I get how you're trying to marginalize me. Piece by piece, you've seen to it that I have less to do.

Except, with that "free" time, I invented a new product line. Oh, and I've been able to save the company thousands of dollars by figuring out the software and register system you bought, but never learned. Must have sucked for you that I pieced together complete register systems for three new stores from broken parts instead of needing to spend thousands of dollars more on new equipment. Gosh, so far this year, I've SAVED the company my annual salary (including bonuses) and it's only May. By the end of the summer, that new product line will probably earn the company several times over my salary.

Oh, there's a few formatting issues with the Ops Manual you should probably know about. You see, a massive 200+ page document like that is a bit sensitive. That background I have in publishing and newspaper work really helped informed me about formatting, organizing and maintaining a document that large. Things get referenced and cross referenced. Parts of it need to be tweaked a bit so it looks right on the printed page, otherwise you wind up with a title at the end of page, white space and then the body of the information on another page. I'm sure people will figure it out, though it sure will look funny.

BTW, I've enjoyed reading your memos through the years. The ones I like best are the ones you send out for feedback before fucking them up the rest of the way because, apparently, Miss "I'm a Forensic CPA" isn't the best communicator in the world. Have fun with that!

Pissed and handing you more rope for your hanging.



Dear same X,

GREAT idea changing our managers from salary to hourly so we can better control their hours. It's really cool how the managers will make $200 more during the summer months, IF they're willing to work 55+ hours per week. Too bad they'll be making $200 less per week the rest of the year. Oh, I know, it balances out to the same amount of money, provided they work every allowed hour of overtime.

Funny thing about managers, though. They're special people. You see, good managers seem to care about their operations. They don't mind sacrificing a few extra hours in exchange for a steady, dependable paycheck. In fact, most managers I know are relieved the day they start earning salary for several reasons. One, it makes it easy planning their personal budgets. Two, it relieves them from the limit of "I can only work so long before I have to clock out because of payroll constraints." Yeah, it's pretty cool to know that while you're taking a hit with your hourly earnings, you can stay as late as you need to stay to get a job down and not worry about getting in trouble for working "too" many hours.

See, good managers care about good operations. Oh, they might bitch and moan from time to time about their "hourly" wage, but guess what? They only work that out after their busiest weeks and they mostly do it as a joke. Provided the company doesn't mind a comp day here or there during the slower times of the year, what the hell, right? Most good salaried managers understand "it all works out in the end." And even if it doesn't, they still appreciate knowing "I'm going to bring home X this week, just like last week and just like next week." GREAT job saving us into oblivion!

Really PISSED (even though the new policy doesn't apply to me)



Dear same X,

Congratulations. You've officially qualified as one of the dumbest smart people I know. Your ability to count pennies while ignoring the opportunities to make dollars is truly wonderful. Save away, bitch. I give it a year.

Pissed.



Dear boss (of X and me),

WTF? You trying to save up for a yacht or something? That recent divorce addle your brain? Wake up, dipshit, and let's get back to making some damn dollars instead of saving scraping to save pennies at the expense of moral.

Frustrated as hell!

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear X,

Some people make situations perfect. Then, some people ARE perfect.

Sincerely,

Pmann

 

[Essie1]

Dear X,

I wish I could magic myself over to you but even if I could, I doubt there'd be anything I could do to take your pain away or make you feel better.

All I can do is what I've done since we met - keep you in my thoughts and my heart (where you are right now), knowing that if you need me, I'm here and if you don't need me, I'm still here.

As ever,

Essie

 

[JustSkye]

Dear Q,

I never forget, and still miss you so. I wish there was a way to reach out to Poss to see if she is ok and if she and the boys need anything.

Your wit and charm, caring and kindness, they are so very missed around here.

Happy Birthday.

 

[bobsgirl]

Dear Q,

I never forget, and still miss you so. I wish there was a way to reach out to Poss to see if she is ok and if she and the boys need anything.

Your wit and charm, caring and kindness, they are so very missed around here.

Happy Birthday.

Gravitated here today too.

Wherever in the Universe you are now, know you are missed.

Gone too soon, you big curmudgeon.

 

[Eilan]

Dear Q,

I never forget, and still miss you so. I wish there was a way to reach out to Poss to see if she is ok and if she and the boys need anything.

Your wit and charm, caring and kindness, they are so very missed around here.

Happy Birthday.

 

[Eliphaz]

Dear X and Y,
It was truly lovely to debauch with you again.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Dear valued friend,

You are missed very much by all. Just remember, we are all here for you if you need us.

 

[glynndah]

Dear X,

I want to tell you what's in my heart but I fear the silence and the consequences.

Sincerely,

the good little witch.