Defining Love

[pplwatching]

That's what we need to learn to trust: the commitment to learn how to love one another.

One of my personal definitions of love is that it's a verb. Sometimes we each have a commitment and the best of intentions, but without action we still founder in our relationship. Loving someone makes us vulnerable. Selfless love is a razor of trust against a jugular vein. We need a commitment to learn how to love each other. We also need to put in the effort to do it, even when the easier and safer road is not to. Sometimes we don't know how to love in the face of obstacles, old hurts, and even our own selfish agendas. Other times we just don't know how to start in the first place.

We need to realize that we are going to make mistakes along the way, and to learn to forgive each other and learn from those mistakes. It can be difficult to summon up courage, but in the end our own actions of acceptance, forgiveness, and striving to love another person are what creates the opportunity for them to love us in return. When two people work to create the opportunity for the other to love them, true love is possible. Until we are each willing to selflessly make that effort, even knowing that it makes us vulnerable, we are lonely souls.

 

[midwestyankee]

One of my personal definitions of love is that it's a verb. Sometimes we each have a commitment and the best of intentions, but without action we still founder in our relationship. Loving someone makes us vulnerable. Selfless love is a razor of trust against a jugular vein. We need a commitment to learn how to love each other. We also need to put in the effort to do it, even when the easier and safer road is not to. Sometimes we don't know how to love in the face of obstacles, old hurts, and even our own selfish agendas. Other times we just don't know how to start in the first place.

We need to realize that we are going to make mistakes along the way, and to learn to forgive each other and learn from those mistakes. It can be difficult to summon up courage, but in the end our own actions of acceptance, forgiveness, and striving to love another person are what creates the opportunity for them to love us in return. When two people work to create the opportunity for the other to love them, true love is possible. Until we are each willing to selflessly make that effort, even knowing that it makes us vulnerable, we are lonely souls.

This is it, exactly. Love is a verb and to love we have to take actions.

 

[wicked woman]

How lovely to see this thread again.

 

[midwestyankee]

How lovely to see this thread again.

Indeed. Perhaps I was bitten by the nostalgia bug, but now that it's back in circulation I'm hopeful that it will inspire some new readers to think on the meaning of love in their lives.

 

[Lord Pmann]

By no means am I am expert on the subject. However, I'll give my two cents here.

For me, the greatest love I've ever been shown didn't come in some grand gesture. It wasn't anything like what you see in the movies or dream about when you think of love. It was simple, yet so deeply moving. It was the simple act of loving me for me and only me. I never had to be anything but myself for her. That's all she ever wanted. I couldn't earn her love by doing great gestures or anything of the sort. She enjoyed the gestures I made, but had I stopped them, she would have loved me all the same. It took me forever to realize it, but she never wanted anything but my heart. And rough times didn't mean she was leaving. Just because I did something wrong, didn't mean she was going to drop me. It wasn't conditional. She simply loved me for who I was. Faults. Fears. Failures. Insecurities. I didn't have to hide them. I didn't have to bury it. I could be me. I could let her see all of that. And she just loved me.

I remember sitting with her one day and being completely selfish about something. I was being insecure, jealous, selfish, immature... You name it. Well, she handled me with such love. She saw past the ridiculous actions and loved me so tenderly in spite of it. She gave up something that was extremely important for me. She put a long term friendship on hold for me. And what a beautiful gesture. Despite my shitty behaviour, she loved me and sacrificed for me. She never once held it over my head. She never threw it in my face. And she would do it again if I asked her to.

So while it's not some extravagant song and dance, it's the most loved I've ever felt in my life. I can remember the day so vividly that she told me, "All I ever wanted was you." When the songs fade and the peonies die, it would still be me that she wanted.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

This is it, exactly. Love is a verb and to love we have to take actions.

Exactly. Its a process.

Talk is cheap.

My definition of love is pretty simple: DO THE RIGHT THING. Regardless of the feelings or money or fatigue or WHATEVER...do the right thing.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

By no means am I am expert on the subject. However, I'll give my two cents here.

For me, the greatest love I've ever been shown didn't come in some grand gesture. It wasn't anything like what you see in the movies or dream about when you think of love. It was simple, yet so deeply moving. It was the simple act of loving me for me and only me. I never had to be anything but myself for her. That's all she ever wanted. I couldn't earn her love by doing great gestures or anything of the sort. She enjoyed the gestures I made, but had I stopped them, she would have loved me all the same. It took me forever to realize it, but she never wanted anything but my heart. And rough times didn't mean she was leaving. Just because I did something wrong, didn't mean she was going to drop me. It wasn't conditional. She simply loved me for who I was. Faults. Fears. Failures. Insecurities. I didn't have to hide them. I didn't have to bury it. I could be me. I could let her see all of that. And she just loved me.

I remember sitting with her one day and being completely selfish about something. I was being insecure, jealous, selfish, immature... You name it. Well, she handled me with such love. She saw past the ridiculous actions and loved me so tenderly in spite of it. She gave up something that was extremely important for me. She put a long term friendship on hold for me. And what a beautiful gesture. Despite my shitty behaviour, she loved me and sacrificed for me. She never once held it over my head. She never threw it in my face. And she would do it again if I asked her to.

So while it's not some extravagant song and dance, it's the most loved I've ever felt in my life. I can remember the day so vividly that she told me, "All I ever wanted was you." When the songs fade and the peonies die, it would still be me that she wanted.

that is lovely and spot on! I hope you are still with this wonderful person xx

 

[Lord Pmann]

that is lovely and spot on! I hope you are still with this wonderful person xx

I am. She is the absolute best.

 

[tincanspaceman]

Figured I will add my 2cents to what others have already added.

Love is a word, a word that is an idea.
For me, love is something that can only be defined through action or situation.
Love is what makes a hell survivable.
Love is what makes you cry like a kid when you meet her in the airport.
Love is what makes you remember her, remember she was a real person "before", when everything else you remember "before" is blurred or patchy.
Love is what makes her accept the fact that you will never be "all there".
Love is what makes it okay to find you sleeping in a closet with a gun.
Love is what makes you have the greatest fear you will ever experience.
Love is what makes you feel something for her, even when you are so "numbed" or indifferent to everything else.
Love is what makes it okay to "have a scene" in public.
Love is what makes it okay that you want to sleep on the couch with your rifle than to sleep in the same bed as her because "it" hit you hard that day.
Love is what makes you think of her, and her alone, even when you are under the influence of morphine in an Army hospital in Germany.
Love is makes it okay to not ever want to celebrate the 4th of July again.
Love is keeps her from getting mad, when at a social function you drink too much and end up telling a story that pretty much clears the room and makes an awkward silence.
Love is keeps her with you even when you wake up screaming in fear.
Love is what makes her cradle you like a child while you cry uncontrollably because you just that dream about "what happened there" for the 3rd time that week.
Love is what makes it okay for her to wake up at 2AM and notice you are just sipping on a bottle of whisky because you "are trying to get back to sleep".
Love is what makes it okay that when she started cooking dinner she found a loaded handgun in one of the kitchen cabinets.
Love is what makes it okay that she always has to drive, because if you do you'll end up "back there" and start driving like you are "back there".
Love is what makes her hold your hand to steady it because it is shaking because the person behind you in the check out line said "thank you for your service."
Love is what made her truly sad and fearful that she found you passed out on the kitchen table with an empty bottle of cheap liquor and cuts on your arms that you put there yourself.
Love is what makes you put down a gun that you were going to use on yourself.
Love is what made her drive you to the VA hospital when she found out you did that.
Love is what made you even think about even considering going to the VA hospital.
Love is what makes your day not so bad, even though you woke up from a dream where you were talking to people that you know are dead now.
Love is what makes you shake with conflicted emotions when she kisses you because you for a long time you believed you could "never feel alive" again, then it makes it okay that post-sex pillow talk consisted of her holding you while you cried.
Love is what makes you say "I'll be okay" because you know she will be there when you get home.
Love is what makes the "most romantic proposal ever" consist of you giving her the dog tags you wore "over there" instead of a ring.
Love is what made her say "you're cute" even though you have not shaved, bathed, or brushed your teeth in 4 days.
Love is what makes her hold your hand, even when you don't have all 5 fingers like she does.
Love is what makes it okay that you don't have all 5 fingers like she does.
Love is what makes you keep going back to the VA hospital and talking to the same therapist who the first thing you told him when you met him was "go f*** yourself!"
Love is what makes you have the strength to tell her some of those things you thought "you'd never tell anyone" because if you did not say them, then you could never get better.
Love is what makes you believe with some certainty that it will be "normal again" someday.
Love is what makes her tell her friends that one of the most romantic things you did was totally cheesy and started off with you calling her phone and in your old military mentality you said "requesting priority cuddle on grids "our" and "couch", over." (seriously that one still makes her smile)

So yeah, love is pretty freakin' awesome :3 , just my 2 cents.

 

[java_girl]

One of my personal definitions of love is that it's a verb. Sometimes we each have a commitment and the best of intentions, but without action we still founder in our relationship. Loving someone makes us vulnerable. Selfless love is a razor of trust against a jugular vein. We need a commitment to learn how to love each other. We also need to put in the effort to do it, even when the easier and safer road is not to. Sometimes we don't know how to love in the face of obstacles, old hurts, and even our own selfish agendas. Other times we just don't know how to start in the first place.

We need to realize that we are going to make mistakes along the way, and to learn to forgive each other and learn from those mistakes. It can be difficult to summon up courage, but in the end our own actions of acceptance, forgiveness, and striving to love another person are what creates the opportunity for them to love us in return. When two people work to create the opportunity for the other to love them, true love is possible. Until we are each willing to selflessly make that effort, even knowing that it makes us vulnerable, we are lonely souls.

 

[westcoastin]

I think sometimes people confuse passionate romance and love to be the same thing. To me, passionate romance is all of the gestures and actions most people connect with the swooning of "being in love". Love, in and of itself, is that far steadier and quieter place. It was always the places I could be truly quiet that I have felt most loved.

 

[blulilacgrl]

*my thoughts*

Love is putting someone else's needs over your wants.

Love is not asking more of a person than you are willing to give.

Love is sticking. It is showing up and giving all of yourself (good and bad).

Love is being vulnerable and strong all the same time.

Love is seeing into the heart of a person and wanting to find your own space there and making space for them in yours.



Trust me I have had a lot of people 'claim' to love me. But very few have shown it. I have had a lot of people ask more of me than they were willing to give. But in the end it is the people who ask nothing of me that get all of me. Those are the people who are wiling to wade into the prickers and thorns of my heart and make their place there. Those are the people who see the very worst of me (the need and fear that go hand in hand) and stick around for the very best of me. Those are the people that call my heart to action.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Glove- they are things that cover your hands. Sometimes made of leather, rubber, wool or other materials. Gloves are very helpful. They can protect you. Keep you warm.

Oh... Love. Fuck. I see. I wondered why it took 18 pages to define what a damned glove was. Oh well. Works the same.