Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[sexyjenn]

I find it hard to read the posts in this thread without getting upset at how life sucks sometimes, for some people much more than others.

I've always has a big heart and it tends to get me hurt more when I listen to everyones problems around me and try to help them. But I feel it's the right thing to do. I feel good when they feel better anotherday and thank me for being there to listen when they needed it.

I'm not really a "Depressed" girl. I enjoy myself most of the time and I love my family, my life, and friends. But I do have a lot of pain deep down that will never go away and it brings me to tears everytime I think about it. I fear that one day I will loose that strength I somehow manage to keep those feelings at bay.

I hope everything gets better for everyone, stay strong and try and make the best out of life

 

[Guest]

*************

 

[Quoll]

Sexyjen, Saldne,
A lot of thoughts there and it`s still to early for me to think too much so I`ll come back later and post my thoughts.
One thing though, yes, many of the posts here are sad, but the fact that they are here, and not just going round and round in peoples heads, is a good thing, sometimes just expressing our feelings can lessen the pressure, that, and knowing you are not the only one, so it`s not all bad.

 

[Ibsen]

I think I have come up with a good idea for the company I must start when school starts this fall: Start to sell home made bread. I saw a cooking show some days ago that really made me want to bake some. It dont seem to hard either, once you get the hang of it. If you ask me, cooking is so over rated. Any numbnut can cook a decent meal if he just wants to.

And to broaden the sales-group I will talk to my kurd friend about some bread recepies that even a pale swede like me can make. This might actually work. 100 more points in school and hopefully alot more cash for me.

Thing is, how should people order? Via the web? Or simply calling? I mean, it isnt exacty that I can just rent a place to have all the future goodies in... Whery well... That gives me something to do during the sumer vacation (wich I hate btw, nothing to do, except reading, walking, jerking of and roam the streets of the small town/village I live in...

Well, think school´s gonna work out. After that, and the Home guard training, I gonna apply for the Foriegn Force of the swedish army. Its regular units that is sent aweay for peace-keeping missions. Right now we have trrops for that purpouse in Liberia, Afghanistan, Israel/Palestine, Kosovo and other some other countries. And if I dont get military training, I simply apply anyway, for a civilian position, such as paper turner or cook or quarter master or something like that back on base.

I GONNA do it, its my way of trying to help, as I dont believe in giving money to some wierd organizations.

Have I said I passed Mathematichs B? Still cant believe it.

 

[kittykai]

well....not only do I live with daily depression, but I am married to a man with bipolar and anxiety disorders. Makes for an extremely interesting life to say the least. He was unmedicated for the first 14 years of your marrige, but after a breakdown, 3 years ago, he decided it wasn't below him to get some help. So now he is better, but not perfect. The biggest trouble we have now is the combination of drugs he's on has caused a drop in his sex drive.....a BIG drop. We have had sex all of 3 or 4 times the last year, and we went over 6 months with none at all. It is frustrating me to no end, cuz when he doesn't want sex he pays me hardley any attention at all, and all I want is a little affection.I could live without the sex if I had to...not that I want to, mind me. But I can not live without some kind of physical attention. Hugging, cuddeling, kissing....snuggeling in bed with some touching,not just falling asleep on me!!! I don't know what to do. I have talked to him, but he still doesn't do anything. I'd never ever leave him for someone else, but,to be honest, have thought of finding someone to give me the attention I need, on the side. I know that sounds bad, but I cannot live without it. What do I do? any ideas??? Thanks in advance...Kitty

 

[Ibsen]

Starting to feel trapped. I really need to get out of it, get a own place, or go on a long vacation, or anything new. Just to be alone for a while so I can play trumpet in peace would be heavenly. And the social worker who handles my case has gona on vacation. Arg!

 

[Quoll]

My thought for today.

Much has been said about feelings being buried deeply down inside and hidden away, something I too am guilty of, but the thing I am finding is the damned things don`t stay buried forever, they will come out when your mind thinks you are ready, even if you don`t think you are.
As much as I have fought these feelings, on the occassions that I have let some out I have always felt better for it, so much so that I am beginning to go looking for them rather than wait for them to force their way out.

The other thing I have realised is that they are not really buried or hidden away, they affect every single aspect of our lives, our moods, our feelings and reactions to other people, how we feel when we wake up, whether we sleep well, or at all. They are constantly lurking in the backs of our mind, we just try to ignore them and that can be so tiring, it makes you second guess yourself all the time, ""Is that how I really feel or is it because of what is lurking in the background."

Why do we invest so much time trying to help others and ignoring ourselves?
Things that are hidden in the dark are far more scary than when seen in the cold light of day.
It`s a terrible thing to be trapped by your own feelings and fears and yet we are the only ones who can rid us of them.

 

[Quoll]

I know there are a few people who read this thread that feel they cannot post on it, if anyone feels that they need to post anonymously or has some advice for those who have asked for help please feel free to PM them to me and I will post it for you.

As sad as any of these problems can be, We Are Still Here, so we are winning.

 

[Guest]

Why do we invest so much time trying to help others and ignoring ourselves?
Things that are hidden in the dark are far more scary than when seen in the cold light of day.

This is a good way to forget our problems, although, it is only temporary. Sometimes I say to myself, "When is it going to be my turn?" I give and give to only get hurt over and over again. I've run out of fuel, I'm burning out, and my walls are getting awful thick. "Don't ever say you love me, I'll never believe you". It seems I can't trust anyone anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I should whore myself on the street. I've loved and lost. I've loved and lost. There is nothing, but I have my children- they give me hope. I cannot give up or should I? No, I'm not going to give up. They need me. It's conditional. I'll be okay.

I'm starting to vent, and going to shut up now.

 

[HorneeLadee]

I have been diagnosed as depressed. I had a major breakdown. My husband left me and our kids for another woman, than decided to come back and on the day he was to move back in he called me up said fuck you I never want to talk to you again. Called me in the middle of the night one day and said I am leaving in the morning and never coming back. Called again 3 days later and said he was in BC and that he was going to make a better life for himself. The 6 year old said he never wants to see him again and the baby doesnt even know him. He only cares about himself. Sometimes my emotional pain is so bad I want to hurt myself physically so i can see my hurt. I count down the hours from the time get up until I can go to bed again that night, WHen will the hurt stop?

 

[Guest]

I have been diagnosed as depressed. I had a major breakdown. My husband left me and our kids for another woman, than decided to come back and on the day he was to move back in he called me up said fuck you I never want to talk to you again. Called me in the middle of the night one day and said I am leaving in the morning and never coming back. Called again 3 days later and said he was in BC and that he was going to make a better life for himself. The 6 year old said he never wants to see him again and the baby doesnt even know him. He only cares about himself. Sometimes my emotional pain is so bad I want to hurt myself physically so i can see my hurt. I count down the hours from the time get up until I can go to bed again that night, WHen will the hurt stop?

Hi sweetie!

This man isn't worth it, and hurting yourself won't help the problem. The pain always comes back. It's going to take time to heal. Talk to someone, vent and keep a journal of watching yourself grow and heal. I truly believe the saying, "time heals all wounds". I also believe if you had 10 years of hell, it may take double to heal. Be as strong as you can even if you have to fake it like I do. We have children, and they need us. Also, taking something for anxiety at this time, may be of help to you. You're not alone even if you think you are.

Peace to you and yours

 

[Ibsen]

One of the things that might make me depressed is that I feel like an outsider. I mean, I dont go on bars, I dont drink at all, or, sure I dom, but mostly just when I eat out, wich in not so much. The thing is, the music is so loud, and, what a music! Smurf Mania #37. It is not music, it is noise. The thing is, that what I call music, makes the people my age laught, wich kinda hurts me. I mean, they are free to think whatever they want, but I understand that they dont like it after the first time they have said it, and the fact I am constantly surrounded by shit music is really eating on me. Good music in my opinion is old time jazz, metall, classic, Elvis, Rolling Stones and groups like that. I also likes to listen on a dutch/swedish singer named Cornelis Vreeswijk, all of wich nopt is considered "cool" in my age group.

And I really should get a girl friend. If I just wouldnt have such issues from my last rellationship (she was something of a semi manhater, or atleast almost. She also was close hitting me one or two times, and she said she was close to hit me once, wich is not really nice to hear. And once when I tried to talk about it, and tried her see it the opposit way, that I was hitting her, what she would think, her answer was "Then I would hit back", wich... well, we are not together (broke up since over a year ago), but the effects still is there. Sadly.

@HornleeLadee: You should really show that you dont accept his behavior. I mean, you are a person, not a thing he can ttake back or throw away as a wase or something.

 

[Quoll]

My anxiety levels seem to be down a fair bit lately so I`m guessing the Lexapro is having an effect. I was actually able to go into a few shops the other day and have a good look around, speak with people inside and NOT break out into a sweat, ok I could feel myself getting warm, but no sweat and no great urge to get out.
The nausea however is another matter, it`s gone on long enough know, so I will be asking my doctor to do some tests to see if it is something physical. (actually hope it is) I haven`t been able to pinpoint specific things that trigger it and it seems to be somewhat cyclical, similar to when I had an ulcer, even though the symptons are a bit different.
I am fairly certain that some situations do make it a bit worse but that could just be my natural nervousness too.
I just know that when it is bad I can`t think straight, I get short tempered and tend to withdraw as much as possible yet when it eases off I am generally very up and positive, and spend a lot more time outside.

Wishing I had some words of wisdom or helpful ideas for the other posters, but to be honest at the moment I don`t seem to have it in me, I might have to change my title to the fluffmaster.

 

[Xtacy]

The brain (and soul) is a like any muscle in the body. For it to be fit and healthy it must be worked out and exercised. Depression won't go away with pills or time, only by breaking the cycle and doing something positive in your life will you over come depression.

It's not a easy journey, and it won't happen over night, but even the longest journey needs to start somewhere.

 

[Ibsen]

I am now 100% sure what I gonna sale at the school company: Justice-marced footballs. Not american footballs, but real ones, who is completely round and you arent allowed to take up with your hands while playing. They are made in Pakistan and the workers are no children, have decent working hours and a acceptable pay. And they are made by hand. I gonna turn mainly to football clubs, but I also gonna take private orders.

And I will get my tumb out of it and learn the chords to guitarr. Finally... (After about... 8 years... )

 

[Ibsen]

Hm.... I must now decide wether or not to go through with this thing of getting my own place. If it even will be possible the social serivce must talk to my mother about how much money she got, and apparently, she have little of it, and if it doesnt go through, it will be not so funny at home I think. But still. I feel no good at home now... Decisions decisions...

 

[Chainzz]

Thank you ....

Quoll , Thank you for starting this thread , its made for some very interesting reading . I was diagnosed back in the early 90's with panic/ anxiety . Through the years I have tried umpteen different meds , therapy , hipmotism , and anything else the doctors wanted to throw at me . One thing I would like to add here is what has been the biggest help thus far .... I find that excersize not only takes my mind off things , but helps me put things back into perspective when all seems lost ot hopeless . Now , having said that , FORCING myself to get out and do this is another story all in its own . There are days when I say , " ohhh , its just too hot outside , I'll wait til later , then go out when it cools down " , but when "later " comes ... I find another excuse ... So , indeed , making yourself do the things we fear , for whatever reason , helps . This is where the right meds can help . They may not take away the fear , but subside things just enough to start the engines again .

Thank you again for starting this , and sharing ........ If its alright , I'd like to suggest a couple of great books that I have recently bought . They both are terrific reads , and you might find them as helpful as I have ...

1) " Life without limits " , by Lucinda Bassett
2) " From Panic to power " , also by Lucinda Bassett
( Lucinda Bassett is the founder of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety)

Hopeing theres always peace in your heart .........
~Chainz~

 

[Ibsen]

Today was a good day. First, I fixed my bicycle, and have taken it out for a ride, and it works greate, and I got a mail from my thai friend. And just that is enough to enlighten the worst day.

I am astarting to get a bit tired of my smaller brother, but thats kinda all. A bad thing is that my kurd friend have moved with her familly to Stockholm, the swedish capital (why, I have no idea really. Wich person in his right mind, would like to live THERE? ). But that just opens for new possibillities. I dunno. Things are kinda good today anyway. I even heard that I looked good in beard, and I who have been thinking of shaving it off. It isnt a real beard yeat, but it is enough for you to see that it is hair in my face.

If all days would be like this...

 

[Quoll]

Quoll , Thank you for starting this thread , its made for some very interesting reading . I was diagnosed back in the early 90's with panic/ anxiety . Through the years I have tried umpteen different meds , therapy , hipmotism , and anything else the doctors wanted to throw at me . One thing I would like to add here is what has been the biggest help thus far .... I find that excersize not only takes my mind off things , but helps me put things back into perspective when all seems lost ot hopeless . Now , having said that , FORCING myself to get out and do this is another story all in its own . There are days when I say , " ohhh , its just too hot outside , I'll wait til later , then go out when it cools down " , but when "later " comes ... I find another excuse ... So , indeed , making yourself do the things we fear , for whatever reason , helps . This is where the right meds can help . They may not take away the fear , but subside things just enough to start the engines again .

Thank you again for starting this , and sharing ........ If its alright , I'd like to suggest a couple of great books that I have recently bought . They both are terrific reads , and you might find them as helpful as I have ...

1) " Life without limits " , by Lucinda Bassett
2) " From Panic to power " , also by Lucinda Bassett
( Lucinda Bassett is the founder of the Midwest Center for Stress and Anxiety)

Hopeing theres always peace in your heart .........
~Chainz~

Chainz, thanks for the good rap, I`m glad you found some things of interest.
Interestingly I had never been treated for my anxiety only for my depression, so I understand what you mean about forcing yourself to do things, I thought that was just how it was with me, I either made myself do it regardless or found a way out.
The new meds have taken away some of those feelings and the list of things I can`t do is decreasing bit by bit.
I`ll keep an eye out for the books.
Thanks again.

Today was a good day. First, I fixed my bicycle, and have taken it out for a ride, and it works greate, and I got a mail from my thai friend. And just that is enough to enlighten the worst day.

I am astarting to get a bit tired of my smaller brother, but thats kinda all. A bad thing is that my kurd friend have moved with her familly to Stockholm, the swedish capital (why, I have no idea really. Wich person in his right mind, would like to live THERE? ). But that just opens for new possibillities. I dunno. Things are kinda good today anyway. I even heard that I looked good in beard, and I who have been thinking of shaving it off. It isnt a real beard yeat, but it is enough for you to see that it is hair in my face.

If all days would be like this...

Ibsen.
Glad to see things are getting back to a more positive outlook for you.
Nice isn`t it when a few good days come along, it just lifts the clouds a bit and things don`t look so gloomy.
Kepp us updated on how things are going.

 

[Ibsen]

Thanks. Things are still sorta good. Some things on my mind, but that is nothing serious (hm think it is a bit serious, as I have today to decide wether or not I shall let the socials talk to my mother about checking her finanial situation, but still).

Well, gonna take a bicycle ride in the greate weather, something quite unusual in sweden this time of year (it tend to rain and rain and rain). Oh, I hit my forehead in a metal bad (a small one, the type they use in supermarcets to hang things up, like bicycle locks and so. Hurts a bit, but it will most likely go away. )

Oh, if things were always like this...

/Ibsen (who fear and welcommes monday, as his 2 brothers will go away for 14 days, and the other brother will probably be out somewhere. I practicly will get the house all by myself.)

 

[Chainzz]

Thanks ... The books are available at any Borders book store , thats where I picked up my copies . If there not instock , they can order them for you . I think you'll find them to be very helpful . Niether is so clinically written that we cant understand , but alot of first hand accounting of many stressfull situations , and how different people cope with them . For whatever its worth , one more book I have recently finished is a book written by Chuck Norris ( yes , walker himself ) called " Zen solutions to real problems " .

I can relate to the "dealing with it or getting out" thing you talked about ... I cant tell you how many full carts I have left standing at different stores ... thats commonly known as " fight or flight" ...

Anyways , hope your weekend is a fun and relaxing one , and keep smiling , your not alone in all this .

Chainz

 

[Ibsen]

I must have some real problems, becouse today or yesterday, when I had been awake for one of my first thouts when I was awake was that I wanted either to hang myself, or run away or something. Dont worry, I would never ever actually hang myself, but just that I think on it first thing I do when awake doesnt make it better.

I try to tell myself that in less then one year, I can move out for real, and hopefully for good. But right now, I feel less good. I have gone 11 ears in school, this last one is the tweltht, and for what? And I live in the happy knowledge that I probably must read on ubniversity for another 2-5 years, men, I will be pushing 30-35 before I will be able to start working for real. I could just dont care reading o university, but then I must accept shit jobs. Or, shit jobs, one can get good jobs with my education (when completed), and no university education, but still.

Well, a light in the dark is that in 2 weeks, it will be our turn to do fire flight service. And then I will be able to fly a bit. And flying is fun. Especially as there will be only 2 in the plane, and not alot of other persons complaining and asking why someone is stupid enough to be a military. Or, atleast be in the civil defense.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I feel like I am in a lake, and finally reached the surface, and it is ice all on top of it, with no chance of breaking it. I feel trapped in this life, in this familly, in everything. The only thing I feel a bit harmony, or hapiness if you like, is in church. Not necissarely in the church, but in the building besides it. I dont know whats its name is in english, but among others are the Church Youth there, and the people there are really nice, as I have been there regullary since the age of about 13, know most of the persons there, and they are nice.

If I only could graduate sometime...

Well, gonna try and sleep, or something I dunno. Not much else to do in this place...

 

[hydrex]

So Skye says this place can help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. Well how is that?

 

[hydrex]

nothing...just what I expected.

 

[Quoll]

So Skye says this place can help with my depression and suicidal thoughts. Well how is that?

Read, vent, ask questions or just offload your shit, doing something, anything about your depression is a start.
You know you`ve got depression and you know the thoughts you have come from that depression. These thoughts are generally not your normal thoughts, not you, that gives you something to fight against. There are many ways to treat depression, hopefully there will be something in this thread that you feel you can use, also reading some of the stuff that others have gone through no matter how shitty it is, helps us to understand that we are not the only ones, others have beaten or controlled their depression, so can you.