Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[MercyMia]

Hello everyone--quoll, bobsgirl:

I've been reading the posts quietly. Just came in to wish you well.


Mia

 

[Quoll]

I was thinking it would be nice to have the opposite of depression, you know, happy most of the time, being able to feel other emotions besides the negative ones, that sort of stuff. Anyway I looked up the opposite of depression, and supposedly it's not being always happy, it's about being emotionally flexible. Makes sense I guess, we tend to get stuck in one set of emotions, all hovering around the despair, hopelessness and anger range, with fleeting glimpses of happiness and the rare laugh and occasionally feeling good, it would just be nice for those good emotions to hang around a bit longer, just saying.

 

[silverwhisper]

quoll: i sometimes wonder if the opposite of depression isn't hebephrenia.

ed

 

[MercyMia]

I was thinking it would be nice to have the opposite of depression, you know, happy most of the time, being able to feel other emotions besides the negative ones, that sort of stuff. Anyway I looked up the opposite of depression, and supposedly it's not being always happy, it's about being emotionally flexible. Makes sense I guess, we tend to get stuck in one set of emotions, all hovering around the despair, hopelessness and anger range, with fleeting glimpses of happiness and the rare laugh and occasionally feeling good, it would just be nice for those good emotions to hang around a bit longer, just saying.

That's insightful and makes sense to me. To be constantly happy--well, could be a bit unnerving after a couple of hours. Heh.

 

[Quoll]

quoll: i sometimes wonder if the opposite of depression isn't hebephrenia.

ed

I don't know about that one, I'll have to let the idea percolate a bit.

 

[Quoll]

That's insightful and makes sense to me. To be constantly happy--well, could be a bit unnerving after a couple of hours. Heh.

I'm not sure what it would be like for the 'sufferer', but I suspect the people around them would want to do horrible things to them after awhile.
How are things going with you Mia?

 

[bobsgirl]

Hello everyone--quoll, bobsgirl:

I've been reading the posts quietly. Just came in to wish you well.


Mia

Hope things are going well in your little corner of the world, Mia.

Hello papaquoll!

 

[Quoll]

Hope things are going well in your little corner of the world, Mia.

Hello papaquoll!

Good morning BestGirl

 

[SweetErika]

I haven't posted to this thread because I've been in a denial of sorts. I know I'm depressed logically, and I can see how I've become different in the past year, but I don't want it to be so, and somehow think I can will it away by trying not give into it or label myself that way.

Last week I had a really good day. I was truly myself and happy. It gave me hope that I can get out of this. I realized I'm so tired of putting energy into lying about how I feel physically and emotionally, and I'm not going to get better until I redirect that energy.

So, today I'm here to start telling the truth and ask for some help. The truth is:

- I'm not happy or doing well, relative to how I could be doing, I'm clinically depressed and emotionally drained.

- My neck pain isn't getting noticeably better. I'm exhausted from hurting so much, trying to manage it, being tied to pills, seeking therapies, hoping and being optimistic about it. At this point, I don't think it's going to get much better; that scares the shit out of me because we want a baby more than anything else right now, and the pain has to be managable without drugs better before we can have one.

- I'm terrified of admitting I'm depressed because I worked so hard to get out of it last time and doing it again so soon seems too daunting right now. I don't want to be broken, but I don't have the courage/motivation to fix it right now, either. That looks like failure to me, and I hate failing.

- My self-esteem is rock-bottom. I'm obsessed--and that's not too strong of a word--with hating myself. It consumes me.

- I need help, and I know it. I know how to get out of this, but feel like I need a kick in the ass to get and stay on track.

I want to do MoodGym, like you suggested, quoll. I started and know it's the right stuff, but need someone more than myself to hold me accountable since I honestly forget and don't trust myself right now. Does anyone else want to be my Gym Buddy or Depression Drill Sargeant? I'm all for mutual support, and don't suck the life out of friends.

There are a couple of things I may want to alter in this post. Probably not, but maybe. So, if you quote, you might get a PM. Thanks in advance for entertaining the idea.

 

[bobsgirl]

I haven't posted to this thread because I've been in a denial of sorts. I know I'm depressed logically, and I can see how I've become different in the past year, but I don't want it to be so, and somehow think I can will it away by trying not give into it or label myself that way.

Last week I had a really good day. I was truly myself and happy. It gave me hope that I can get out of this. I realized I'm so tired of putting energy into lying about how I feel physically and emotionally, and I'm not going to get better until I redirect that energy.

So, today I'm here to start telling the truth and ask for some help. The truth is:

- I'm not happy or doing well, relative to how I could be doing, I'm clinically depressed and emotionally drained.

- My neck pain isn't getting noticeably better. I'm exhausted from hurting so much, trying to manage it, being tied to pills, seeking therapies, hoping and being optimistic about it. At this point, I don't think it's going to get much better; that scares the shit out of me because we want a baby more than anything else right now, and the pain has to be managable without drugs better before we can have one.

- I'm terrified of admitting I'm depressed because I worked so hard to get out of it last time and doing it again so soon seems too daunting right now. I don't want to be broken, but I don't have the courage/motivation to fix it right now, either. That looks like failure to me, and I hate failing.

- My self-esteem is rock-bottom. I'm obsessed--and that's not too strong of a word--with hating myself. It consumes me.

- I need help, and I know it. I know how to get out of this, but feel like I need a kick in the ass to get and stay on track.

I want to do MoodGym, like you suggested, quoll. I started and know it's the right stuff, but need someone more than myself to hold me accountable since I honestly forget and don't trust myself right now. Does anyone else want to be my Gym Buddy or Depression Drill Sargeant? I'm all for mutual support, and don't suck the life out of friends.

There are a couple of things I may want to alter in this post. Probably not, but maybe. So, if you quote, you might get a PM. Thanks in advance for entertaining the idea.

Here I am, sweet pea. {{{{Erika}}}}}

I'll get down in the trenches with you, and we can drag each other through the dark.

PM me.

 

[Nightbird]

Hey Erika and BG count me in two you guys.

I need some mutual support and can be a Drill Sergeant too..

PM me you guys.

 

[Quoll]

I haven't posted to this thread because I've been in a denial of sorts. I know I'm depressed logically, and I can see how I've become different in the past year, but I don't want it to be so, and somehow think I can will it away by trying not give into it or label myself that way.

Last week I had a really good day. I was truly myself and happy. It gave me hope that I can get out of this. I realized I'm so tired of putting energy into lying about how I feel physically and emotionally, and I'm not going to get better until I redirect that energy.

So, today I'm here to start telling the truth and ask for some help. The truth is:

- I'm not happy or doing well, relative to how I could be doing, I'm clinically depressed and emotionally drained.

- My neck pain isn't getting noticeably better. I'm exhausted from hurting so much, trying to manage it, being tied to pills, seeking therapies, hoping and being optimistic about it. At this point, I don't think it's going to get much better; that scares the shit out of me because we want a baby more than anything else right now, and the pain has to be managable without drugs better before we can have one.

- I'm terrified of admitting I'm depressed because I worked so hard to get out of it last time and doing it again so soon seems too daunting right now. I don't want to be broken, but I don't have the courage/motivation to fix it right now, either. That looks like failure to me, and I hate failing.

- My self-esteem is rock-bottom. I'm obsessed--and that's not too strong of a word--with hating myself. It consumes me.

- I need help, and I know it. I know how to get out of this, but feel like I need a kick in the ass to get and stay on track.

I want to do MoodGym, like you suggested, quoll. I started and know it's the right stuff, but need someone more than myself to hold me accountable since I honestly forget and don't trust myself right now. Does anyone else want to be my Gym Buddy or Depression Drill Sargeant? I'm all for mutual support, and don't suck the life out of friends.

There are a couple of things I may want to alter in this post. Probably not, but maybe. So, if you quote, you might get a PM. Thanks in advance for entertaining the idea.

Sweety, I have so much I want to say, but I need time to sort out my thoughts, right now reading your post is like looking into a mirror for me so I have a lot to think on.
One thing I am clear on though, is my admiration for you, you show a strength and maturity beyond your years.
I see no failure in admitting you are struggling, in fact the exact opposite. You are doing the very thing you have advised me and many others to do, face the problem head on, and that is one of the hardest things to do when you have this damned disease.
I will do whatever I can to help you.

 

[bobsgirl]

Last week I had a really good day. I was truly myself and happy. It gave me hope that I can get out of this. I realized I'm so tired of putting energy into lying about how I feel physically and emotionally, and I'm not going to get better until I redirect that energy.

I hear you loud and clear on this one. I find myself using humor to convince myself I'm okay. The worse I feel, the more I try to cover it up by going for the joke.

- My neck pain isn't getting noticeably better. I'm exhausted from hurting so much, trying to manage it, being tied to pills, seeking therapies, hoping and being optimistic about it. At this point, I don't think it's going to get much better; that scares the shit out of me because we want a baby more than anything else right now, and the pain has to be managable without drugs better before we can have one.

I probably don't even need to ask if you've looked into alternative pain therapies. You're too smart not to have done that.

- I'm terrified of admitting I'm depressed because I worked so hard to get out of it last time and doing it again so soon seems too daunting right now. I don't want to be broken, but I don't have the courage/motivation to fix it right now, either. That looks like failure to me, and I hate failing.

- My self-esteem is rock-bottom. I'm obsessed--and that's not too strong of a word--with hating myself. It consumes me.

That is perhaps the most destructive and paralyzing effects of depression. I avoid looking in mirrors because when I see my reflection I am overcome with a feeling of self-loathing. All those negative ugly thought tapes start playing in my mind. So I get what you're saying about hating yourself.

One of the hellish ironies of this disease is that at the very time when you most need motivation and focus, it's not there. I've had so many people tell me to just "suck it up" and get on with my life. Hey, I'm sucking as hard as I can, on my own. It's obviously not working.

It's not a failure to admit you need help.

Treat yourself kindly, Erika. One day at a time, one hour at a time, if that's what it takes. You are such a special person. We all know it--now you need to know it too.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

This week, has been a complete and utter nightmare, My dad is told his cancer is back, and then the wait on the results, now the wait for the operation later in the weekend and then to see if it was successful....

 

[bobsgirl]

This week, has been a complete and utter nightmare, My dad is told his cancer is back, and then the wait on the results, now the wait for the operation later in the weekend and then to see if it was successful....

That's a tough situation, MK. I'm sorry you and your family are under such stress.

Waiting is the worst. I know. My dad had cancer 5 years ago. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

 

[~Dacendaran~]

That's a tough situation, MK. I'm sorry you and your family are under such stress.

Waiting is the worst. I know. My dad had cancer 5 years ago. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Thank you hon The doctor has signed me of onto the sick, and given me a script for some meds, so at least i'll have to time to visit my dad and get things done and not have to worry about work

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks, NB, Quoll and BG.

Quoll, I know there's no failure in depression, struggling or getting help; it just feels like failure to me. When I'm depressed, my feelings overtake my logical thoughts, and I get sucked into those feelings knowing damn well they're inaccurate. I'll get better when I can get those feelings to match the thoughts. So simple, but so hard.

BG, I'm not glad you're in the same boat, but it's comforting to know someone understands.

Yes, I've tried alternative therapies, including 2 types of acupuncture, trigger point injections, manipulations, physical therapy, and now I'm doing massage, some supplements and looking into yoga. I'm considering hypnosis to help me interpret the pain differently. Most have helped very short-term, which isn't good enough.

I have a low pain threshold naturally, and this is just a weird injury compounded by existing scar tissue in my neck and back, which pulls on the left side of my neck and puts those muscles into spasm all the time.

This is situational depression, as is my history, and I know I can work out of it. On a very fundamental level, I know anti-depressants will do more harm than good at this point. It probabaly won't sound stupid to my fellow pervs, but losing my sex life will drive me down deeper. So, that's one thing I'm not willing to try, and for now, I'm giving a course of St. John's Wort and CBT a shot.

 

[Nightbird]

Ok so this is probably a stupid question but is it depression when your constantly angry and negative all the time?

It seems all I do is look for a fight anymore and I never see a good side to anything.

 

[SweetErika]

Ok so this is probably a stupid question but is it depression when your constantly angry and negative all the time?

It seems all I do is look for a fight anymore and I never see a good side to anything.

I think that can certainly be part of it; depression creates negative beliefs, including low self-esteem often. If the seeds are already there, it can magnify and/or broaden those negative beliefs.

If I view everything through a negative filter, it seems incredibly unfair, and I get angry at myself, circumstances and the world in general. Good things don't come through and have the uplifting impact they used to.

My personal style is to get angry and negative with myself, internalizing everything. If something happens, it must be my fault in some way. Then I take that "fault" and magnify it until I believe I'm more guilty than I actually am. That guilt definitely makes me more angry in general. As I become more negative about myself, I perceive more bad things happening to me (I would brush them off under normal circumstances), which also makes me angry--mostly with myself. The cycle starts anew until I more or less hit bottom and/or decide to turn it around.

And that's my long answer.

 

[Disco Stu]

I've suffered from depression,social phobia and insomnia,some mix eh?
Really should go to the doctors but i feel there is no hope for me.Lost touch with all my friends and trying to start a relationship is almost impossible as i'm a nervous wreck!Spent countless sleepless nights thinking "why me?" and to this day i cannot bring myself to be happy!

 

[Nightbird]

Erika: thank you for that post and all the information.

I've decided either I get this under control by myself in the next two weeks or I am going to get professional help.

*sigh* This isn't going to be easy. No matter negative thinking or self talk and no more anger.

 

[Sarojaede]

Some days, I wish I could peel back my skin and step out of myself and my life.

 

[bobsgirl]

Some days, I wish I could peel back my skin and step out of myself and my life.

{{{{SJ}}}} I know the feeling well.

Hang in there, my dear.

 

[Quoll]

Some days, I wish I could peel back my skin and step out of myself and my life.

{{{{{{{{{{SJ}}}}}}}}}}
I know the feeling, I really do, but couldn't you have picked some other mental image for me, I haven't had breakfast yet.

Deep breaths, hang in there.

 

[Mazuri]

Some days, I wish I could peel back my skin and step out of myself and my life.

If you ever figure out how, please let me know.