Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc

[bobsgirl]

I have nothng positive to say at the moment, I do have plenty of violent, destructive and just plain horrible thoughts all aimed at your husband, maybe tomorrow I wont be so angry, but I doubt it. Sorry.

I'm compelled to agree.

redneckgirl, your husband is abusing you. I can't say it any plainer than that. You deserve the help you need just as a matter of human decency, and for him to bully you into not getting it is unconscionable.

This makes me very sad. At the very time when you need support and help the most, the one person who is supposed to love you the most has utterly failed you.

You deserve the medical attention you need. I can't imagine how desperate you must feel. Do you have family close by who can help you? This is such a difficult situation. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

 

[bobsgirl]

How did it come to this?

{{{{{SJ}}}}} One day at a time, my dear.

 

[silverwhisper]

cenobite: please keep us updated on your progress. i'm extremely worried about self-mutilation.

redneckgirl: your husband is being a grade a moron. i'm sorry, i don't know him or anything about him, but that's the simple truth.

SJ: i'm worried about you. ?

ed

 

[Sarojaede]

Redneckgirl: I have nothing nice to say at the moment about your husband. What he is doing to you is completely controlling your every movement, which, as far as I am concerned is abuse.

You deserve the medical help that you need and the fact that he is denying your ability to receive such help is indeed abuse.

 

[Sarojaede]

{{{{{SJ}}}}} One day at a time, my dear.

Thanks BG.

SJ: i'm worried about you. ?

ed

I'll be okay, Silver, eventually.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[Nightbird]

I don't remember what is means to be happy and have fun anymore.

 

[bobsgirl]

I don't remember what is means to be happy and have fun anymore.

{{{{{NB}}}}}

You have a PM.

 

[Phaedre]

Having read the entire thread I wanted to offer my humble support to everyone struggling at the moment.

I've had my own experiences with anxiety based illness and have experienced secondary post traumatic shock disorder. Also I recently witnessed a traumatic event which has caused flashbacks and some panic attacks.

In addition my husband has had more than one nervous breakdown so I know first hand how these events and illnesses can put a strain on all aspects of a relationship.

 

[silverwhisper]

[hugs phaedre]

:>

ed

 

[redneckgirl]

You deserve the medical attention you need. I can't imagine how desperate you must feel. Do you have family close by who can help you? This is such a difficult situation. I'll keep you in my thoughts. [/QUOTE]

No, in fact, he just HAD to move to Nebraska when my whole family lives in Mississippi

 

[redneckgirl]

redneckgirl: your husband is being a grade a moron. i'm sorry, i don't know him or anything about him, but that's the simple truth.

Thanks, I really needed to hear that from someone else.

 

[bobsgirl]

No, in fact, he just HAD to move to Nebraska when my whole family lives in Mississippi

red, I think (I hope) I see the beginnings of some good ol' "pissed-off"-ness that will help you stand up for yourself. You do what you have to do to save yourself. I'm sorry, maybe it's unfair to pass judgement without knowing both sides, but it really gets me fired up when I hear of those in need not getting the help they deserve because of the ignorance and meanness of those who are supposed to love them.

Good luck to you.

 

[Cenobite]

First of all, {{{{Cenobite}}}} Welcome.

I can hear the hurt and despair in your words, and I'm truly sorry you're suffering so. I'm going to encourage you to seek medical help. There are medications that can help you fight your way out of this dark place you find yourself in. Have you seen a mental health professional? If you haven't, that might be a good first step.

I'll just say, I am intimately acquainted with the darkness of depression. I sympathize with you completely. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Well I did seek medical help months ago after pleading with my ex-gf to drag me to see someone and I've been seeing my doctor fairly regularily for the past months, he also referred me to a mental health professional, and I've been seeing him every wednesday for the last 5 weeks.

Part of the problem is I don't honestly know what to do, where to go, and what's available out there. I'm oblivious to the world and totally lost.
It's not that I can't do something, but that I don't know I can.

The irony is, whilst I don't like the depression, lonelyness and anxiety, at the same time I also like the darker thoughts.
I crave the anger and hatred and fury as it gives me something to scourge away the world and annihilate all other emotions and feel good.

Nothing really makes all that much sense to me. I like things that I can tell are real and solid and tangible, not illusionary concepts of what reality should be.
I have enough trouble handling the concept of money, it doesn't really have any value to me, which is a problem in itself.

And to make matters worse, work seem to have stopped rostering me on for hours, I don't know why and I'm wondering if it's something I did or said.
Sure I was on the edge of leaving anyway and came so close to lashing out at a co-worker, but I still wish I knew if there was anything wrong with my handiwork.

Oh well, I should probably get to sleep so I can get up, fill in my welfare form and go and request yet more money as the leech I am.

Goodnight.

 

[bobsgirl]

I don't know how to get rid of the anger. It's bone-deep and years old. I know I have to deal with it, and I am terrified. I'd rather pretend everything is just fine.

 

[wicked woman]

I don't know how to get rid of the anger. It's bone-deep and years old. I know I have to deal with it, and I am terrified. I'd rather pretend everything is just fine.

Sometimes you need to go through the dark of night to see the light of day. Wishing you strength and courage hon.

 

[Quoll]

I don't know how to get rid of the anger. It's bone-deep and years old. I know I have to deal with it, and I am terrified. I'd rather pretend everything is just fine.

You have to accept where the anger comes from, lay blame if that is what is needed, it is a hard road, but a huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders, it's hard to go forward when you have things weighing you down.
You don't have to do this on your own.

 

[Sarojaede]

I don't know how to get rid of the anger. It's bone-deep and years old. I know I have to deal with it, and I am terrified. I'd rather pretend everything is just fine.

BG, if you ever want to talk, I'm intimately familiar with bone-deep anger that is years old.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[redneckgirl]

Oh, I know it's wrong, and when I'm having a "bad day", he blames it on me and says that I'm just wanting to argue or being a bitch.

The worst part is that with all my problems, I'm at home 24/7 with my 2 year old son, my 6 year old is in school during the day. He's a truck driver, so I take care of them, solely by myself, except for a couple of days he's home. But he tells me not to get stressed out, it's not hard to raise kids.

Then when I tell him I need a break from the kids, he tells me I'm a bad mother. I've tried talking to him about all this, but nothing seems to help. Aside from leaving anybody know what I can do to make him understand?

 

[silverwhisper]

tell him he's being a bad father by not spending time w/ his kids. given what you're saying about him here and in your first comment in this thread, i'm forming an extremely negative impression of your husband. that impression is that he's a controlling, manipulative, self-centered, self-involved bastard.

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

Oh, I know it's wrong, and when I'm having a "bad day", he blames it on me and says that I'm just wanting to argue or being a bitch.

The worst part is that with all my problems, I'm at home 24/7 with my 2 year old son, my 6 year old is in school during the day. He's a truck driver, so I take care of them, solely by myself, except for a couple of days he's home. But he tells me not to get stressed out, it's not hard to raise kids.

Then when I tell him I need a break from the kids, he tells me I'm a bad mother. I've tried talking to him about all this, but nothing seems to help. Aside from leaving anybody know what I can do to make him understand?

It's not hard to raise kids?? Is he kidding? This guy needs a huge wake-up call. He is their father. He needs to step up and be a dad. I'm telling you, don't do what I did. Please. Don't accept this inconsiderate (and that's not a strong enough word) behavior.

As to how you can make him understand... You won't be able to change him--you have to dig really deep inside yourself and change YOU. With any luck, that will shake up his world enough that he'll get it. It'll take hard work and guts to toughen up and stand up for yourself and your children, but it can be done.

Take care of yourself, redneckwoman.

 

[Quoll]

tell him he's being a bad father by not spending time w/ his kids. given what you're saying about him here and in your first comment in this thread, i'm forming an extremely negative impression of your husband. that impression is that he's a controlling, manipulative, self-centered, self-involved bastard.

ed

Yep that's pretty much the picture I got too, not sure I could have said it quite so eloquently though, some things just flip a swtch for me, this is one of those things, it makes it hard for me to offer constructive advice.

The only thoughts I have are certainly not constructive but they would certainly give him a jolt.
Have you ever thought of meeting him at the door in a seemingly bloodstained shirt carrying a large carving knife, smiling sweetly at him and saying in an eerily calm voice "Boy have I had a bad day, I swear if one more thing goes wrong I think I might lose it. So honey, how was your day. "

You could always talk in your sleep , chatting to the voices that he doesn't believe in. "Really, I should burn the rig, with him in it?"
"Yes that would be so sweet, such a nice fire."

Like I said not constructive, but the only other thing that popped into my head was take the kids and go, and you said that is not an option.
I really hope you can make some progress, but I get the feeling it will take a breakdown on your part before he sees any problem.

 

[bobsgirl]

The monster is dark and has big snapping fangs.

 

[wicked woman]

The monster is dark and has big snapping fangs.

Put a big strong stick in his mouth to hold it open so he can't snap