Desultory and Impulsive
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y=mx+b
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It's not that he didn't love is daughter
Because he did
He loved her a lot
But things change
Little girls change
Little girls become... they become little ladies.
Then young women
Then one day
--they become a woman.
It is oft felt this happens when a father finds himself walking his little girl down the aisle
Fact of the matter is that it happens much sooner
Much... much sooner.
Because he did
He loved her a lot
But things change
Little girls change
Little girls become... they become little ladies.
Then young women
Then one day
--they become a woman.
It is oft felt this happens when a father finds himself walking his little girl down the aisle
Fact of the matter is that it happens much sooner
Much... much sooner.
y=mx+b
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The thing is
--it doesn't happen just once.
Or as inappropriate as one would think
It happens many times
During innocent moments of watching her discover something new... seeing that bright eyed wonder of discovery
To moments of tragedy
Like scooping her up off the ground
Arm broken
Pulling her delicate into his chest
Her--a hurt perfect thing
Him--huddled over her
His back--armor
His shoulders, his arms--mechanized implements of absolute destruction set to react against the slightest threat against what was so dearly his
Feeling her cling to him
Feeling her feel protected
Finding himself there--with her
Alone.
--it doesn't happen just once.
Or as inappropriate as one would think
It happens many times
During innocent moments of watching her discover something new... seeing that bright eyed wonder of discovery
To moments of tragedy
Like scooping her up off the ground
Arm broken
Pulling her delicate into his chest
Her--a hurt perfect thing
Him--huddled over her
His back--armor
His shoulders, his arms--mechanized implements of absolute destruction set to react against the slightest threat against what was so dearly his
Feeling her cling to him
Feeling her feel protected
Finding himself there--with her
Alone.
Lillycane
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y=mx+b
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He didn't want to touch her
But the desire was there
She looked at him like her mother did when she was that age.
She looked at him in such a way that made him want to believe he could be everything to ever make her feel everything she wanted to feel
Love
Fear
Pain and pleasure
He remembered how she would melt into his chest
Body warm
Wrapped in a towel far too big for her body
Hair still wet from her bath
He would hold her
He would read to her
Feeling that forever falling in love with her
--something that was his
Something worth living and dying for
She still was
But she was no longer that little girl
And he could feel her leaving
He could feel the inevitable fast happening
And it hurt.
But the desire was there
She looked at him like her mother did when she was that age.
She looked at him in such a way that made him want to believe he could be everything to ever make her feel everything she wanted to feel
Love
Fear
Pain and pleasure
He remembered how she would melt into his chest
Body warm
Wrapped in a towel far too big for her body
Hair still wet from her bath
He would hold her
He would read to her
Feeling that forever falling in love with her
--something that was his
Something worth living and dying for
She still was
But she was no longer that little girl
And he could feel her leaving
He could feel the inevitable fast happening
And it hurt.
y=mx+b
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Her room...
There once was a time he was the guest of honour
A dignitary
Lord of the house
Whenever he stepped across the doorway and into her room
Where he would drink countless empty cups of tea
Sitting on the floor at a pink and yellow plastic table
His daughter
So content
And so happy
To play host to his company
Now her room
--his company...
He felt like a government auditor
When he stepped foot into her room
Someone allowed
--just not welcome.
It hurt
And he knew he was at fault
He was the first to pull away
And from her point of view
--without reason.
He
He was her first rejection
He changed
He didn't love her
--not like he used to
Like she wanted him to
Once again
--in the worst kind of way
He kept telling himself that someday she would understand
Someday she would come to know that he still loved her
That he always loved her
And that by pulling away was the step he knew he had to take
In order for her to become the woman he wanted her to become
But maybe she wouldn't come to understand
And what was lost between them
Would be lost forever.
There once was a time he was the guest of honour
A dignitary
Lord of the house
Whenever he stepped across the doorway and into her room
Where he would drink countless empty cups of tea
Sitting on the floor at a pink and yellow plastic table
His daughter
So content
And so happy
To play host to his company
Now her room
--his company...
He felt like a government auditor
When he stepped foot into her room
Someone allowed
--just not welcome.
It hurt
And he knew he was at fault
He was the first to pull away
And from her point of view
--without reason.
He
He was her first rejection
He changed
He didn't love her
--not like he used to
Like she wanted him to
Once again
--in the worst kind of way
He kept telling himself that someday she would understand
Someday she would come to know that he still loved her
That he always loved her
And that by pulling away was the step he knew he had to take
In order for her to become the woman he wanted her to become
But maybe she wouldn't come to understand
And what was lost between them
Would be lost forever.
y=mx+b
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Sometimes...
...when she was away
He would enter her room
And just survey
Not just survey the surroundings
But survey how being there made him feel.
He never snooped around
He respected her privacy
That said...
He was her father
And the responsibility to keep her safe
Was his
And that extended into the realm of keeping her safe from herself.
...when she was away
He would enter her room
And just survey
Not just survey the surroundings
But survey how being there made him feel.
He never snooped around
He respected her privacy
That said...
He was her father
And the responsibility to keep her safe
Was his
And that extended into the realm of keeping her safe from herself.
y=mx+b
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She struggled against the grasp his hand had around her wrists.
She tried to break free by sliding them together hoping that the slight size of them would somehow be able to slip through his strength
All her struggling seemed to do was feed him
His eagerness
And his want for whatever he wanted of her
She hated it and loved it at the same time
She hated it in that it proved in spite if how much control she thought she had over herself and feelings that she really didn't. She hated it that in spite of knowing how horrific it all was; how wrong it all was, there was a certain beauty to it. He coaxed a feeling out of her that caused her to feel as if she were floating. It felt like how a woman looked dancing with a man who knew how to dance. Each move she made was lead by him in a weird type of anticipation. She didn't know how he did it and she wanted him to do it all the more.
She thrust her chest up in a last ditch effort of strength to escape and felt her breast dock perfectly into her father's mouth. The room was awash in the soft sudden glowing light of her phone she found herself wanting not to see--knowing full well that by seeing it meant that the reality she was experiencing was a fraudulent one brought about by sleep
But she saw it
Behind her closed eyes she saw it and burrowed under the blankets of her bed like the little spoon she was, left to fight off a desire she felt and come to believe she shouldn't feel--quietly, privately, and alone.
She tried to break free by sliding them together hoping that the slight size of them would somehow be able to slip through his strength
All her struggling seemed to do was feed him
His eagerness
And his want for whatever he wanted of her
She hated it and loved it at the same time
She hated it in that it proved in spite if how much control she thought she had over herself and feelings that she really didn't. She hated it that in spite of knowing how horrific it all was; how wrong it all was, there was a certain beauty to it. He coaxed a feeling out of her that caused her to feel as if she were floating. It felt like how a woman looked dancing with a man who knew how to dance. Each move she made was lead by him in a weird type of anticipation. She didn't know how he did it and she wanted him to do it all the more.
She thrust her chest up in a last ditch effort of strength to escape and felt her breast dock perfectly into her father's mouth. The room was awash in the soft sudden glowing light of her phone she found herself wanting not to see--knowing full well that by seeing it meant that the reality she was experiencing was a fraudulent one brought about by sleep
But she saw it
Behind her closed eyes she saw it and burrowed under the blankets of her bed like the little spoon she was, left to fight off a desire she felt and come to believe she shouldn't feel--quietly, privately, and alone.
Last edited:
y=mx+b
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It was stupid
The wants and feelings she had for him
--they came and went.
She remembers the first time she put on one of his shirts.
She also remembered the first time she took one to bed with her.
She didn't use it to sleep in
She used it to sleep with
It was during that time in her life
That the idea of sleeping with some one took on a different kind of feeling--in a different kind of place inside her
She really wasn't sure what it was all about
All she knew was that it was a smoky silk kind of feeling that made her a little light headed when she laid on her side, straddling the length of her fathers shirt between her breasts and thighs.
The wants and feelings she had for him
--they came and went.
She remembers the first time she put on one of his shirts.
She also remembered the first time she took one to bed with her.
She didn't use it to sleep in
She used it to sleep with
It was during that time in her life
That the idea of sleeping with some one took on a different kind of feeling--in a different kind of place inside her
She really wasn't sure what it was all about
All she knew was that it was a smoky silk kind of feeling that made her a little light headed when she laid on her side, straddling the length of her fathers shirt between her breasts and thighs.
y=mx+b
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The thing was...
He totally wanted to fuck his daughter.
But not really
He also didn't smell her on his side of the bed sheets when he crawled into bed at night.
His pillow
The soft faded scent of her perfume
With notes of vanilla and fuck
What was she doing to him!
Why was she doing it
Why was she pushing him like she was?
He got up
Walked down the hall to the bathroom to take a piss
He totally wanted to fuck his daughter.
But not really
He also didn't smell her on his side of the bed sheets when he crawled into bed at night.
His pillow
The soft faded scent of her perfume
With notes of vanilla and fuck
What was she doing to him!
Why was she doing it
Why was she pushing him like she was?
He got up
Walked down the hall to the bathroom to take a piss
y=mx+b
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She could hear it.
The sound of it
That deep resonating tenor
She never noticed it up until recently
She imagined him
How he stood
Legs apart
--like a man
Balls out
Dick in hand
Lording over the toilet
Pissing
Marking his territory
The force of his stream
It all was so masculine
She wanted to hold it
--his cock
She wanted to feel the weight of it
The heat of it
The swelling of it in her hand
She wanted him to come in and fuckrape her like how she knew he wouldn't--but knew how he was more than capable.
The toilet flushed
The door opened
His footsteps faded down the hall
She waited
She waited a little more
She got up
Got out of bed
Stepped into the hall
Then into the bathroom
Where in the moonlight she stood
Until she found herself kneeling
She lifted the lid
The rim of white porcelain
Felt cold against her lips.
The sound of it
That deep resonating tenor
She never noticed it up until recently
She imagined him
How he stood
Legs apart
--like a man
Balls out
Dick in hand
Lording over the toilet
Pissing
Marking his territory
The force of his stream
It all was so masculine
She wanted to hold it
--his cock
She wanted to feel the weight of it
The heat of it
The swelling of it in her hand
She wanted him to come in and fuckrape her like how she knew he wouldn't--but knew how he was more than capable.
The toilet flushed
The door opened
His footsteps faded down the hall
She waited
She waited a little more
She got up
Got out of bed
Stepped into the hall
Then into the bathroom
Where in the moonlight she stood
Until she found herself kneeling
She lifted the lid
The rim of white porcelain
Felt cold against her lips.
y=mx+b
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She woke up with a vague memory as to how far she slipped last night
It's not supposed to be like this
She's not supposed to have "daddy issues"
She loved her dad
She knew that he loved her as best he could
He was in her life
And she was in his
...she guessed.
Both the door to her room and the door to the bathroom were open
She could see the toilet and face palmed herself.
It was a midnight move
She was punch-drunk
She wouldn't do it again
But the thought that she did it...
She was dirty
Scandalous
Embarrassed
And ashamed
She found herself not liking who she was
And a want to be reprimanded followed
And the thought of that made her not like herself all the more
Why was she like this?
She began to feel really really wrong about herself and didn't know how to go about dealing with it.
It's not supposed to be like this
She's not supposed to have "daddy issues"
She loved her dad
She knew that he loved her as best he could
He was in her life
And she was in his
...she guessed.
Both the door to her room and the door to the bathroom were open
She could see the toilet and face palmed herself.
It was a midnight move
She was punch-drunk
She wouldn't do it again
But the thought that she did it...
She was dirty
Scandalous
Embarrassed
And ashamed
She found herself not liking who she was
And a want to be reprimanded followed
And the thought of that made her not like herself all the more
Why was she like this?
She began to feel really really wrong about herself and didn't know how to go about dealing with it.
y=mx+b
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She never presented herself as being afraid of thunderstorms. But she was adamant to say where she slept when they came around at night
It had been years since he was last awaken by a surreptitious attempt by his daughter sliding up under the covers.
But there it was
A soft jostling of the mattress
A quiet, delicate hand
Seeking with elegance
--edges
Edges of the bed
Edges of the blankets
Edges of sheets
Until he slid his hand up to touch hers
Where she finally felt the edges of him
He did so like he had when she was little
Him, reaching out to her
Guiding her in an innocently clandestine secret so as to keep anyone else from sending her back to be alone to face what fear she had of such storms
Like then
She was welcome to be with him, against him.
He wanted her to be
And she was
Touching him
Her back
To his front
Her soft hair against his lips
Kisses of comfort
His arm over her yet under her own
She pulled his hand up to her breast where she held it
He found himself becoming hard and pulled his hips away.
The crack of her body sought him out
And found him well and eager
He remembered himself telling her how he didn't want to ...just as he remembered hearing her whisper back--I don't want you to.
Before the thunder struck
He saw the flash
And was jolted awake.
It had been years since he was last awaken by a surreptitious attempt by his daughter sliding up under the covers.
But there it was
A soft jostling of the mattress
A quiet, delicate hand
Seeking with elegance
--edges
Edges of the bed
Edges of the blankets
Edges of sheets
Until he slid his hand up to touch hers
Where she finally felt the edges of him
He did so like he had when she was little
Him, reaching out to her
Guiding her in an innocently clandestine secret so as to keep anyone else from sending her back to be alone to face what fear she had of such storms
Like then
She was welcome to be with him, against him.
He wanted her to be
And she was
Touching him
Her back
To his front
Her soft hair against his lips
Kisses of comfort
His arm over her yet under her own
She pulled his hand up to her breast where she held it
He found himself becoming hard and pulled his hips away.
The crack of her body sought him out
And found him well and eager
He remembered himself telling her how he didn't want to ...just as he remembered hearing her whisper back--I don't want you to.
Before the thunder struck
He saw the flash
And was jolted awake.
y=mx+b
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I didn't love her for too long.
Just long enough to get what I wanted
A few pictures of her naked
A couple nights worth of web camming
And the sound of her voice.
I didn't want to meet her
But I made like I did
If anything
To make her feel wanted
Desired
Like a thing
Rather than an everyday type of woman
An invisible woman
One that was supposed to always be pretty
But never sexy
One that was supposed to give and please
Listen
And remedy
So I did that
I called her a cunt
And treated her like I didn't care
I told her how I was going to make her snort my cum off the bathroom floor of some walk-in clinic
I told her how i think about her at night
And masturbate to the thought of pushing dog toys up her asshole
You know... the ones that look like that's what they were originally designed for.
I told her how I was going to ride her hard from behind while giving her a piss enema and showed her the length of hose and two liter bottle of piss that I had saved up for her.
I told her how I was going to do it while "broke down" on some rural highway over-pass and that once I was done I was going to make her sit over the edge of the overpass and shit the contents of all that was inside her onto the passing cars below.
I didn't love her for too long.
Just long enough to get what I wanted
Just long enough to get what I wanted
A few pictures of her naked
A couple nights worth of web camming
And the sound of her voice.
I didn't want to meet her
But I made like I did
If anything
To make her feel wanted
Desired
Like a thing
Rather than an everyday type of woman
An invisible woman
One that was supposed to always be pretty
But never sexy
One that was supposed to give and please
Listen
And remedy
So I did that
I called her a cunt
And treated her like I didn't care
I told her how I was going to make her snort my cum off the bathroom floor of some walk-in clinic
I told her how i think about her at night
And masturbate to the thought of pushing dog toys up her asshole
You know... the ones that look like that's what they were originally designed for.
I told her how I was going to ride her hard from behind while giving her a piss enema and showed her the length of hose and two liter bottle of piss that I had saved up for her.
I told her how I was going to do it while "broke down" on some rural highway over-pass and that once I was done I was going to make her sit over the edge of the overpass and shit the contents of all that was inside her onto the passing cars below.
I didn't love her for too long.
Just long enough to get what I wanted
y=mx+b
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I want to write something pretty
Something to make you fall in love with me again
Something that takes you back
Back to a memory you lost in your mind
But kept in your heart
I want to be close to you
And taste your breath in my mouth
And feel the warmth of your body against me
I want to kiss you
I want to kiss you even if there is no hope to go any further
I just want to kiss you
And tentatively touch our tongues together
And I want you to fall
And fall hard for me
Because I miss that
I miss not feeling alone in all of this
I miss feeling together
Feeling connected
Feeling...
I miss feeling
As though
I've been felt.
Something to make you fall in love with me again
Something that takes you back
Back to a memory you lost in your mind
But kept in your heart
I want to be close to you
And taste your breath in my mouth
And feel the warmth of your body against me
I want to kiss you
I want to kiss you even if there is no hope to go any further
I just want to kiss you
And tentatively touch our tongues together
And I want you to fall
And fall hard for me
Because I miss that
I miss not feeling alone in all of this
I miss feeling together
Feeling connected
Feeling...
I miss feeling
As though
I've been felt.
y=mx+b
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Next month...
...when I see her again--
I wonder how I am going to touch her
How I am going to feel her
It will have been a year
Things change in a year
Bonds are strengthened
Bonds are broken
Boundaries are established
There is less to gain
And more to lose
But yet...
The photos she has sent me
--everyday type photos
Vanilla photos
Photos shared between friends--and family...
I touch her face
Her lips
Her eyes... they make me smile.
She makes me smile.
I remember how I touched her last time
My lips remember the warmth of her neck
--pressed against them
My ears remember the sound of her breath
...and her heart
My hands...
My hands remember everything.
I want to touch her
I want to touch her like I did
I want to touch her like I did
...and more
And I will
And perhaps she will even feel it
In the quiet breakaway
Of our embrace.
...when I see her again--
I wonder how I am going to touch her
How I am going to feel her
It will have been a year
Things change in a year
Bonds are strengthened
Bonds are broken
Boundaries are established
There is less to gain
And more to lose
But yet...
The photos she has sent me
--everyday type photos
Vanilla photos
Photos shared between friends--and family...
I touch her face
Her lips
Her eyes... they make me smile.
She makes me smile.
I remember how I touched her last time
My lips remember the warmth of her neck
--pressed against them
My ears remember the sound of her breath
...and her heart
My hands...
My hands remember everything.
I want to touch her
I want to touch her like I did
I want to touch her like I did
...and more
And I will
And perhaps she will even feel it
In the quiet breakaway
Of our embrace.
y=mx+b
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Sometimes...
Sometimes I like the thought of having a daughter
Just so I could smack her stupid little cunt back to normal whenever I thought she was being an idiot or mouthed back to me.
I like the thought mostly because I like the thought of her telling her abusive boyfriend "daddy hit me harder" whenever he hit her --all the more.
Sometimes I like the thought of having a daughter
Just so I could smack her stupid little cunt back to normal whenever I thought she was being an idiot or mouthed back to me.
I like the thought mostly because I like the thought of her telling her abusive boyfriend "daddy hit me harder" whenever he hit her --all the more.
y=mx+b
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I have moments
Where I am afraid of her
Where I feel as though I have more feelings for her than she of me
Sometimes I feel like that much of the time
Most of the time
She really needn't have feelings for me
Of course I really needn't have feelings for her either
But I do
And that is what scares me
It scares me because I don't want to be an idiot assumptive fool
So I'm going to stay quiet
And not express my interests
I am going to stay quiet
And feel my feelings make me feel more for her while she is here--within reach of my embrace
I am going to stay quiet
She will never know
Like she once did
Where I am afraid of her
Where I feel as though I have more feelings for her than she of me
Sometimes I feel like that much of the time
Most of the time
She really needn't have feelings for me
Of course I really needn't have feelings for her either
But I do
And that is what scares me
It scares me because I don't want to be an idiot assumptive fool
So I'm going to stay quiet
And not express my interests
I am going to stay quiet
And feel my feelings make me feel more for her while she is here--within reach of my embrace
I am going to stay quiet
She will never know
Like she once did
