Disappointments

[artful]

Dream

never let it be said that Dream dont try to help those who ask for it (has a plane drop a shitload of condoms down to the "foxhole' with PBW& company ) Risia's a BUSY woman geez give her a break lol

Ok,...that's *IT* ! The Avy hunt is over ! I want you to KEEP that Avy. That pose is SO you, I can barely believe it's NOT you. Your Master loves it,...don't ever change it without MY permission.

 

[zipman]

Re: Dream

Ok,...that's *IT* ! The Avy hunt is over ! I want you to KEEP that Avy. That pose is SO you, I can barely believe it's NOT you. Your Master loves it,...don't ever change it without MY permission.

Why, would you be "dissappointed?"

 

[UCE]

Re: in order to not cause ..

"Disappointment" To UCE (clever hey?) I'm posting a few of my links for avy's here for her..(sorry for the "hijack Master ) but you can always "spank' Your slave later if You so choose baby ..

here ya go UCE :

VERY clever: the way you worded it, you tried to relate it to the topic of your master's thread, too! No one should be able to accuse you of hijacking this time! Thanks for the links, I'll have fun browsing them tonight.

Unda

 

[artful]

Disappointments,...How do you handle them

1)-Do you usually respond emotionally first, (anger, fear, doubt, worry, sadness etc.), then apply logic?

2)-Respond emotionally, leaving logic out completely?

I realise there ARE different types of disappointments, and we all tend to react on an emotional level, but I do my best to CONTROL my emotions.

Because of this,...I have been accused of being cold, uncaring, unfeeling etc. Those LABELS are ALL untrue, but I am NOT trying to prove them false.

I am interested in how Dom/mes, switches, and subs, handle the disappointments in the FAILED expectations, of any given relationship.

So,...how do you handle it,...what's your mix? Do you let your emotions run rampant? Do you first lash out emotionally, or do you wait for LOGIC, to gain control over your emotions before responding?

Any comments,...examples?

 

[~Dream~]

since this stuck out ..

.

 

[SexyChele]

Dream, with all due respect, and I know you must be hurting right now, but shouldn't most of this post have been handled through private resources? Are you certain that you want the entire board, as well as lurkers, to see what you have stated about your Master?

Just a thought, not a criticism.....

 

[justgem]

.

 

[~Dream~]

Chele:

with all due respect .. I understand what you are saying , )

 

[~Dream~]

GEM

i think it depends on the emotional investment i have in a relationship. but when thinking about your questions i evaluated how i usually respond. i concluded that i am much the same in relationships that r close to my heart. where there is not much invested i tend to be able to let things roll off my back.


He let me build up to my rant and get everything out. then He calmly told me why He chose to inform me the way He had. since He had let me get everything out i was then better able to listen to Him and consider Him clearly. i was able to see His veiw point and the value of it. and could then agree that He did the right thing.
<SNIP.>
in my past marriage my husband would deny everything i would bring up and dismiss my emotions til i learned to not voice them cause it did no good anyway.

i<SNIP.
so for me i have discovered that it is healthy for me to have a person i can let my emotions run the gambit in front of. i had always bottled them up b4. my Grv helps me to handle things much better than i ever did in the past. and has helped me to see that its ok to not always be strong... He is my strength when i need to be weak.
_______________________
THATS EXACTLY WHAT I need too Gem ,someone I can BE ME WITH

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Disappointments,...How do you handle them

1)-Do you usually respond emotionally first, (anger, fear, doubt, worry, sadness etc.), then apply logic?

2)-Respond emotionally, leaving logic out completely?

I realise there ARE different types of disappointments, and we all tend to react on an emotional level, but I do my best to CONTROL my emotions.

Because of this,...I have been accused of being cold, uncaring, unfeeling etc. Those LABELS are ALL untrue, but I am NOT trying to prove them false.

I am interested in how Dom/mes, switches, and subs, handle the disappointments in the FAILED expectations, of any given relationship.

So,...how do you handle it,...what's your mix? Do you let your emotions run rampant? Do you first lash out emotionally, or do you wait for LOGIC, to gain control over your emotions before responding?

Any comments,...examples?

I am normally the type that responds first with logic rather than emotion. I grew up in a household where unbridled emotions were frowned on and looked at as a loss of control. Even as a child, my temper tantrums were brought to a speedy conclusion. This is different than showing emotion, however. Situations throughout my adult life have only served to further define this for me.

Does that mean I never get upset? No, far from it. But normally when that happens to me, I leave - emotionally and physically from the person causing me to be upset. I think over what happened to cause me to get upset, mull it over, go over conversations, etc, until I am calm and able to talk about what upset me. Once I come back, emotionally and physically, I am able to talk about what I was upset with and why and work things out.

I've had friends in the past who have not understood this, and wanted me to engage when my emotions were running high. More than once, I've had one or two purposely try to provoke me, which only caused me to withdraw even further.

In dealing with Doms, it seems that some (most? I don't know....), like to push those buttons and then see if their sub will get to the point of "explosion". No, I can't verify this, it is only an opinion. There have been a couple of Doms who, when I became upset about something (not related to them, but things in my life), wanted me to "open up" to them, talk to them, rant, rave, vent. I just can't do that. They were upset (or seemed to be) when I simply walked away for a time. When I came back, I was eager to talk about what had been bothering me. Instead, they wanted to talk about why I had such difficulty "letting go".

I guess it's just a hard thing to explain!

 

[~Dream~]

you got that right Chele

complexities of life .. indeed..

 

[dragonhearted]

Submissives, how do you handle the disappointments that happen between you and your Dom/me? Often in a NEW relationship, when it is first being formed, unexpected events happen that give disappointments
to YOUR expectations.

These are the moments that are filled with fear, doubt, and worry. Often as not, in the BEGINNING, there is not much to hold on to. No proven track record, no history,...only faith in taking these first steps into the unknown.

In a newly formed relationship, (expected by both Dom/me and sub, to be LONG TERM), how do you handle those disappointments? Do you question the decisions of your Dom/me? Is it only in your mind, or do you vocalise them?

If their answer is explained in a short message of authority, telling you WHY it must be so, do you accept that,...or do you further question their reasoning, trying to change THEIR mind, and therefore, exert your OWN control over the condition, situation, etc.?

All of the above is referenced toward beginning NEW relationships, the early stages of becoming MORE familiar with each other,...not established ones, where trust and honesty has been developed over time, with a "track record" behind it.

All are welcome to comment,Dom/mes and subs alike.

Sir as a girl interested in D/s lifestyle, but having experienced the "vanilla" lifestyle, she submits that TRUST is of great importance. A D/s couple must start out slow to begin with, to establish this foundation of trust. The same is true of any relationship. If a girl has issues then she needs counselling to deal with those issues; this girl is. Once the trust foundation is laid, then the hard limits won't be quite so restrictive (or constrictive)....a girl's perspective will not be of being used but of pleasuring her Master. TRUST....if a girl may say so, Sir, she does not think that TRUST can be built up in such a short time. Sexual intercourse can also cloud O/one's judgment...the euphoria...a girl may think "oh yes...this girl trusts you with her life"....but once she comes down from that high...and insecurity sets in....it is a whole different ballgame. This girl has been there in "vanilla" relationships, too many times...enough to recognize this.

This girl hopes she has not offended.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Disappointments

Sir as a girl interested in D/s lifestyle, but having experienced the "vanilla" lifestyle, she submits that TRUST is of great importance. A D/s couple must start out slow to begin with, to establish this foundation of trust. The same is true of any relationship. If a girl has issues then she needs counselling to deal with those issues; this girl is. Once the trust foundation is laid, then the hard limits won't be quite so restrictive (or constrictive)....a girl's perspective will not be of being used but of pleasuring her Master. TRUST....if a girl may say so, Sir, she does not think that TRUST can be built up in such a short time. Sexual intercourse can also cloud O/one's judgment...the euphoria...a girl may think "oh yes...this girl trusts you with her life"....but once she comes down from that high...and insecurity sets in....it is a whole different ballgame. This girl has been there in "vanilla" relationships, too many times...enough to recognize this.

This girl hopes she has not offended.

Offended? You make perfect sense to Me.

Eb

 

[dragonhearted]

*smiles and blushes*

thank you

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: Disappointments

Sir as a girl interested in D/s lifestyle, but having experienced the "vanilla" lifestyle, she submits that TRUST is of great importance. A D/s couple must start out slow to begin with, to establish this foundation of trust. The same is true of any relationship. If a girl has issues then she needs counselling to deal with those issues; this girl is. Once the trust foundation is laid, then the hard limits won't be quite so restrictive (or constrictive)....a girl's perspective will not be of being used but of pleasuring her Master. TRUST....if a girl may say so, Sir, she does not think that TRUST can be built up in such a short time. Sexual intercourse can also cloud O/one's judgment...the euphoria...a girl may think "oh yes...this girl trusts you with her life"....but once she comes down from that high...and insecurity sets in....it is a whole different ballgame. This girl has been there in "vanilla" relationships, too many times...enough to recognize this.

This girl hopes she has not offended.

Hey dragonhearted,

Nice post. Just so you know, none of the Dom/mes here expect you to use the formalities in your post (like addressing Artful as Sir or refering to yourself as "this girl hopes." We are a pretty open forum and subs and Dom/mes all post freely with each other. In other words, feel free to post as you would to any other Lit member on any other board here.

I am figuring that Art might be taking a little break from here, so he might not respond to your post right away. But when he returns, I'm sure he will.

Welcome to the BDSM forum!

Zip

 

[dragonhearted]

*blushing even deeper*

ooooooooohhhh....I used to go to the MSN D/s chatroom and that was how they talked there....I just lapsed back into the lingo...lol..ok...So long as Artful is not offended by what I say in general, that is what is important.

 

[zipman]

Re: *blushing even deeper*

ooooooooohhhh....I used to go to the MSN D/s chatroom and that was how they talked there....I just lapsed back into the lingo...lol..ok...So long as Artful is not offended by what I say in general, that is what is important.

The first thing he would say is exactly what I did.

The second thing he would say is "just call me Art."

We're all like that here with no exceptions that I know of.

 

[dragonhearted]

I wonder...........

If he would be interested in chatting with me privately....I know some things shouldn't be talked about here....I just wanted to talk with him..one on one....if he wants to...

 

[SierraMoon]

Re: I wonder...........

If he would be interested in chatting with me privately....I know some things shouldn't be talked about here....I just wanted to talk with him..one on one....if he wants to...

dragonhearted.. first of all.. welcome to the BDSM forum!!

secondly, as Zip said, i believe Art is taking a little breather... but you could try to PM him, and if he's up to it, he may answer you back.. just don't get discouraged if he doesn't right away, ok??

by the way.. i'm sierra

 

[dragonhearted]

Re: Re: I wonder...........

dragonhearted.. first of all.. welcome to the BDSM forum!!

secondly, as Zip said, i believe Art is taking a little breather... but you could try to PM him, and if he's up to it, he may answer you back.. just don't get discouraged if he doesn't right away, ok??

by the way.. i'm sierra

Well...he PMd back...and said he was too old for me and that he does not have the patience or the strength to train another sub...and ~Dream~ sent a jealousy note disguised as a friendly hello...she made it pretty clear that he was her "territory"...lol

 

[A Desert Rose]

Here we go again folks....

Well...he PMd back...and said he was too old for me and that he does not have the patience or the strength to train another sub...and ~Dream~ sent a jealousy note disguised as a friendly hello...she made it pretty clear that he was her "territory"...lol

Please respect the privacy of those who you pm and those who pm you by not divulging on the boards private messages. Artful has been a respected member of this forum and I for one, take offense at you divulging his comments, made privately to you.

Thank you.

 

[dragonhearted]

Re: Here we go again folks....

Please respect the privacy of those who you pm and those who pm you by not divulging on the boards private messages. Artful has been a respected member of this forum and I for one, take offense at you divulging his comments, made privately to you.

Thank you.

Well I apologize...this was in context with my conversation with ZIPMAN....and since it was not details of a relationship...I didn't feel it necessary to keep it a secret. It makes sense to me for him to feel this way, if he is feeling drained after all of this. If anything...I was trying to tell you that he needs your support...cuz he is drained. This Dream person is an emotional vampire. The sooner she is out of his life, the better. But that is is decision.......

I will, though, refrain from sharing any further PMs with you people...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Here we go again folks....

Well I apologize...this was in context with my conversation with ZIPMAN....and since it was not details of a relationship...I didn't feel it necessary to keep it a secret. It makes sense to me for him to feel this way, if he is feeling drained after all of this. If anything...I was trying to tell you that he needs your support...cuz he is drained. This Dream person is an emotional vampire. The sooner she is out of his life, the better. But that is is decision.......

I will, though, refrain from sharing any further PMs with you people...

"you people?"

Eb

 

[dragonhearted]

*sigh*

this board....anyone on Lit...ya know?????????