Do Dominants

[AngelicAssassin]

i can't speak for the rest

i do it because i enjoy it. i know a pyl enjoys pain for a myriad of reasons, but the basic human nature begging for a cessation from the pain is the cake. The pyl's unexpected orgasm while in mid scream is the icing. i can get off when that extra bit of heaven doesn't happen, but that would be a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10. i think the paradox of a pyl cumming her brains out in spite of the "do anything to get away from the pain" makes my orgasm a 9+.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

Actually I personally think that's important. It's one of the reasons I was so late and reluctant to come into this. My best friend ended up in a relationship with a Sadist. No masocism (sp?)there, believe me. She didn't even know what he was until she was in so deep that she couldn't leave. He had her credit cards, her license, her keys, everything. And his particular thing he liked to do was tie her down and burn her with cigarettes, over and over on the same spot. She's got horrible scars. Lucky for her she got pregnant, and he kicked her out. Now this was no growing experience, this was not something she enjoyed in the slightest, this was full out abuse. I was a bit worried (I'm not anymore, since I've lurked around sites) that all dom/me's were like that and that the BDSM lifestyle was just an excuse for abuse. She's still recovering emotionally from that relationship and it's been about 2 years.
LOL On the other hand, their's no way in hell that I'm gonna tell her that me and Kenny are doing this.

I dont wanna sound mean or anything but could it possibly be that she didnt leave because she didnt want to. I do know the difference between abuse and the other stuff, but i also wonder often if maybe some stay because a need is being filled that they are unaware of.

 

[graceanne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

I dont wanna sound mean or anything but could it possibly be that she didnt leave because she didnt want to. I do know the difference between abuse and the other stuff, but i also wonder often if maybe some stay because a need is being filled that they are unaware of.

I considered that, and it's possible, yes, but I don't think so. (FYI, she tells me everything.) For one thing, she recently happily married, and her new hubby is not anything like that. Frankly, I had to suggest they get the Kama Sutra he is so naive and out of it.
But also, I've talked to her, and let her talk to me about it, and she wasn't enjoying it at all, not even inside.
And she's not. . . well talking to her, while she's a shy type person, I would never call her a sub, or anything close. She's a very controling person, has to feel like she's in control, or she freaks out.
If anything she would try to 'top from the bottom'. She comes off as being easy to bully, cause she's so lady like, and quiet, but she's is one of the most MULEHEADED people I know. Either way, even if she were to get back into a D/s relationship, which I seriously doubt, she. . . Josh was not . . . safe. If your dom doesn't care if your dead, then they're not a very good dom, are they?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: i can't speak for the rest

i do it because i enjoy it. i know a pyl enjoys pain for a myriad of reasons, but the basic human nature begging for a cessation from the pain is the cake. The pyl's unexpected orgasm while in mid scream is the icing. i can get off when that extra bit of heaven doesn't happen, but that would be a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1-10. i think the paradox of a pyl cumming her brains out in spite of the "do anything to get away from the pain" makes my orgasm a 9+.

Thank you AA .

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

I considered that, and it's possible, yes, but I don't think so. (FYI, she tells me everything.) For one thing, she recently happily married, and her new hubby is not anything like that. Frankly, I had to suggest they get the Kama Sutra he is so naive and out of it.
But also, I've talked to her, and let her talk to me about it, and she wasn't enjoying it at all, not even inside.
And she's not. . . well talking to her, while she's a shy type person, I would never call her a sub, or anything close. She's a very controling person, has to feel like she's in control, or she freaks out.
If anything she would try to 'top from the bottom'. She comes off as being easy to bully, cause she's so lady like, and quiet, but she's is one of the most MULEHEADED people I know. Either way, even if she were to get back into a D/s relationship, which I seriously doubt, she. . . Josh was not . . . safe. If your dom doesn't care if your dead, then they're not a very good dom, are they?

well yeah, he was not really doing the right thing, was just wondering about her. thanks for the answer.

 

[navarre]

I like the act of inflicting, I like the process of SM. Strong reactions are a turnon for me, and in a lot of ways I prefer the massively aroused painslut to someone sniveling not to hurt them.

I get to do more of what I like. Physical SM is a need for me, seeing marks, reactions, blood, sweat, cum, whatever, without the headache of doing psychic battle and overcoming the person every freaking time.

I'm a Fetishistic Domme though, in that order. SM first and your ass will follow.

Looks like I found my twin sister....to a "T".

 

[graceanne]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

well yeah, he was not really doing the right thing, was just wondering about her. thanks for the answer.

Your welcome

 

[Richard49]

that like to inflict pain and humiliate do it because it hurts, or because they care about the person who needs it and understand that need?
Also would the Dominant get more of a thrill if the pyl didn't enjoy it?

I get little if any thrill out of inflicting pain and they not enjoy it

I give what the person needs cause I do care

For some pain is not punishment
so it is not used by me that way with them
I use something else for the negaitive part of training

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Do Dominants

I get little if any thrill out of inflicting pain and they not enjoy it

I give what the person needs cause I do care

For some pain is not punishment
so it is not used by me that way with them
I use something else for the negaitive part of training

do you like to punish?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

do you like to punish?

nope

It is a tool to help
one become all they can be

Now if "she" enjoys a "good beating"
I get get my head into deep Dom space

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

nope

It is a tool to help
one become all they can be

Now if "she" enjoys a "good beating"
I get get my head into deep Dom space

would it bother you if there were never a reason to punish?

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

would it bother you if there were never a reason to punish?

Bother me?
yup
but not the way I think you are asking

I would be concerned I had died and went to heaven and my
body had failed to lay down .............................

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Do Dominants

Bother me?
yup
but not the way I think you are asking

I would be concerned I had died and went to heaven and my
body had failed to lay down .............................

lol

 

[Rugor]

I'm going to jump in a bit again here.

I'd like to make a distinction between Correction/Punishment/Negative Reinforcement, and pain. Any sub of mine is going to get a regular dose of spankings, for no other reason than I like spanking. This isn't correction, it's fun.

I correct to make sure she fully understands her actions do have consequences, and to decrease the chance of similar errors/misbehaviour on her part. Even when I enjoy the process of thinking up a new correction to fit her actions, it's not the purpose.

I prefer not to have to correct for the same thing twice, and to have to correct infrequently. But, at the same time, if she's not making mistakes, she's probably not anywhere close to her current limits and so I should probably be pushing her growth a little harder.

It's a balancing act.

The best part of correction (IMNSHO) is when she tells me afterwards how it helped her understanding.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I'm going to jump in a bit again here.

I'd like to make a distinction between Correction/Punishment/Negative Reinforcement, and pain. Any sub of mine is going to get a regular dose of spankings, for no other reason than I like spanking. This isn't correction, it's fun.

I correct to make sure she fully understands her actions do have consequences, and to decrease the chance of similar errors/misbehaviour on her part. Even when I enjoy the process of thinking up a new correction to fit her actions, it's not the purpose.

I prefer not to have to correct for the same thing twice, and to have to correct infrequently. But, at the same time, if she's not making mistakes, she's probably not anywhere close to her current limits and so I should probably be pushing her growth a little harder.

It's a balancing act.

The best part of correction (IMNSHO) is when she tells me afterwards how it helped her understanding.

Good statement. Clear, concise, cogent. I have to agree with you on every major point.

 

[Learn Humility]

I am by no means a sadist, and therefore derive no particular pleasure from inflicting unwanted pain.

I will, however, give my submissive a good spanking when she deserves one, in which case it is necessary that the pain inflicted be a bit more than she wants or expects. I mean it's a punishment, right? It's supposed to hurt, or how will she learn her lesson?

But in those cases, it's almost like the old saying when a parent spanks their child: "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."

But, on the other hand, I will confess to enjoying the infliction of pain within the limits of my submissive, because she is enjoying it as well. And, of course, I always strive to stretch her limits, a little bit at a time.

And if she should happen someday to learn to enjoy huge, unlimited amounts of pain, I would certainly be happy to accomodate her, and I would enjoy it too, because she would be enjoying it.

Humiliation is a completely different matter.

I find that the humiliation of my submissive, particularly in public, to be a cornerstone of our relationship and an absolute necessity if our relationship is to continue and be successful.

Accordingly, I don't much care if she enjoys it or not, and, in fact, prefer it if she kind of doesn't. After all, if she thoroughly enjoyed her public humiliation, it could be argued that she wasn't really finding it humiliating.

I will say that she is learning to enjoy it more and more, which has allowed me to expand her limits in this area, which I find to be a wonderful thing.

I don't know if that makes sense or not.....

 

[ZenDragoness]

edited

 

[FungiUg]

I actually find that a really hard question to answer, because it's all so muddled. I like driving a submissive to her limits, making her experience, feel, and so on. But at times there are also parts of me that like to inflict pain, and know that even when I am hurting her, the woman I am playing with loves me for it.

So it's kind of a mind-set, and rather muddled and confused. The outcome is that while I'm not much of a physical sadist, there are times I enjoy hurting a submissive. The why is not black and white though.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I actually find that a really hard question to answer, because it's all so muddled. I like driving a submissive to her limits, making her experience, feel, and so on. But at times there are also parts of me that like to inflict pain, and know that even when I am hurting her, the woman I am playing with loves me for it.

So it's kind of a mind-set, and rather muddled and confused. The outcome is that while I'm not much of a physical sadist, there are times I enjoy hurting a submissive. The why is not black and white though.

lol this confused me the first time i read it, but i think i got it the second time.

 

[Arles]

that like to inflict pain and humiliate do it because it hurts, or because they care about the person who needs it and understand that need?
Also would the Dominant get more of a thrill if the pyl didn't enjoy it?

I agree with others who have said that it's kind of tough to say.
Inflicting pain is just a part of playing around with sensations to me. It's no big secret that pain and pleasure can become wonderfully intertwined, and I like playing around with that, but, ultimately, if it doesn't turn her on, then it doesn't do much for me.

On the one hand, if I'm with a woman who doesn't respond at all to this kind of sensation play, then I'll get bored pretty quickly, so I guess I enjoy inflicting pain on some level. On the other hand, I was with someone for a short while who coudn't get off unless I practically beat her up. Clearly, she needed it in some way, and I obliged for a time, but it got dull for me really quickly.

Much the same goes for humiliation, at least for me.

 

[Kajira Callista]

How about the other side of things, the softer side. Are Dominants who like to inflict pain into that, or would they rather not be bothered?

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

How about the other side of things, the softer side. Are Dominants who like to inflict pain into that, or would they rather not be bothered?

I like the softer side myself too. Sensation toys are just as great as pain toys to me. Plus I can be a very affectionate Mistress. For example, I love to just have my sub or slave sit by my legs and pet his or her hair.

 

[Richard49]

For example, I love to just have my sub or slave sit by my legs and pet his or her hair.

I love doing that also

What takes me to Dom space
and yes there is one just as there is sub space

is doing whatever it takes
to take her to subspace
or at lest in the direction

now I do get kind of rough sexually
shruggs shoulders
but ya know
that submission
in part
is giving me permission/trust/ownership
to take them places they have never been before
which includes the physical, mental and spiritual
and yes emotional

and I expect them to find pleasure in serving me

 

[Sir_Winston54]

How about the other side of things, the softer side. Are Dominants who like to inflict pain into that, or would they rather not be bothered?

Sure, switch the topic around.

For my part, yes... into that. A long scene almost invariably starts with bunny fur or alpaca or some other soft item being used to caress and soothe and relax... and it ends that way, too, to bring her back from subspace, if she's gone there; to allow her time to recover from the parts in between. Sometimes I even use bunny fur, etc., between "harsh" implements, such as crop, cat or cane, as a contrast, to let her relax a bit from one to the other.

I do some entire scenes in soft stuff and arousal toys (vibes, etc.), when I feel like seeing how many orgasms she can have before she asks me to stop, or when I'm training her to withhold orgasm until I am ready for her to cum. I even sometimes just do soft stuff/arousal toys to bring her to orgasm as a reward, or just because I want to, particularly if I'm tired, or don't feel like getting involved in full-out sex, or don't have the time to play, undress, have sex, shower, get re-dressed, etc.

I still prefer creating pain that morphs into pain/sensation, to sensation, to sensation/pleasure, to pleasure (and/or subspace). All of what I do (with the exception of discipline/correction) has, in the end, one goal: to create pleasure for both of us. Unless I just want a quickie blowjob. Even then, she gets pleasure later.

 

[Kajira Callista]

well i wasnt meaning softer during a scene. i meant it another way but i cant find the right words to explain what i mean.