Do Dominants
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Sir_Winston54
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Kajira Callista said:
C'mon, KC - spit it out! LOL
I did say I do entire softer scenes... and, like pagan switch, I enjoy having her sit at my feet or by my legs where I can play with her hair, neck, ears... caresses, not pulls and pinches
Kajira Callista
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OK maybe this will work....do you actually show them they are cared for in other ways? Naw thats not really it either *sigh*sir_Winston54 said:
C'mon, KC - spit it out! LOL
I did say I do entire softer scenes... and, like pagan switch, I enjoy having her sit at my feet or by my legs where I can play with her hair, neck, ears... caresses, not pulls and pinches
RavenSpirit2k4
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Kajira Callista said:
I think I see what you mean. Affection? Concern? Consideration? The answer would be that some of us do. I'm one of those myself who does.
Kajira Callista
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yeah, i think that is kinda close to what im meaning pagan.pagan switch said:
Is there any part of BDSM that isn't massively complicated?
There seems to be general agreement that we like what we do, and do what we like. Beyond that lies the fog of war - sorry, I mean "the early-morning mist of consenting adult power play".
People differ in their sensitivity and need for mutuality. I personally relish someone else's delight, whether it's the hard or soft stuff enabling the ecstasy. It definitely makes a big difference in my enjoyment. And it seems to confirm 1) I know what I'm doing, basically, and 2) I'm connecting to someone, fostering intimacy & all that other good stuff, and not just free-form dissociated role-playing.
But then, that's just me. No offense to the free-form dissociated role-players out there.
But the "mutuality" thing will only take me so far.
Otherwise, I'd just be offering backrubs.
I'm a big fan of open vulnerability in my subsets. Makes me feel powerful, but also tender. Parental (see "Daddy" links). And strangely, I don't mind newbies and softies whining and flinching. See, I'm lazy. With them, I don't have to work as hard. Which sets me off from the mainline sadists.
but sadism - the delight in the infliction of pain for its own sake - is firmly planted in the mix.
Suffering is its own heady theatre. I'm not Mr. GoodDungeon all the time, making sure a good time was had by all.
Sometimes I want what I want when I want it. After all, a PYL has rights. The Droit du Top. The privilege of punishment.
And when exercising that right coincides with a hankering to feed the beast within, I'd call that happy sychronicity.
My fun-with-humiliation-manipulation-and-social-control is also often without regard to a pyl's discomfort, though within limits.
Limits more closely resembling the California-Mexico border than the old nasty Berlin Wall, of course.
But even then the people I like to play/act/create with are getting something out of the experience - "Hey - that's what that feels like" if nothing else. They are doing what they're doing for a reason - deeply personal and idiosyncratic, maybe, but still a faint beacon all their own that helps them navigate their private maze.
There seems to be general agreement that we like what we do, and do what we like. Beyond that lies the fog of war - sorry, I mean "the early-morning mist of consenting adult power play".
People differ in their sensitivity and need for mutuality. I personally relish someone else's delight, whether it's the hard or soft stuff enabling the ecstasy. It definitely makes a big difference in my enjoyment. And it seems to confirm 1) I know what I'm doing, basically, and 2) I'm connecting to someone, fostering intimacy & all that other good stuff, and not just free-form dissociated role-playing.
But then, that's just me. No offense to the free-form dissociated role-players out there.
But the "mutuality" thing will only take me so far.
Otherwise, I'd just be offering backrubs.
I'm a big fan of open vulnerability in my subsets. Makes me feel powerful, but also tender. Parental (see "Daddy" links). And strangely, I don't mind newbies and softies whining and flinching. See, I'm lazy. With them, I don't have to work as hard. Which sets me off from the mainline sadists.
but sadism - the delight in the infliction of pain for its own sake - is firmly planted in the mix.
Suffering is its own heady theatre. I'm not Mr. GoodDungeon all the time, making sure a good time was had by all.
Sometimes I want what I want when I want it. After all, a PYL has rights. The Droit du Top. The privilege of punishment.
And when exercising that right coincides with a hankering to feed the beast within, I'd call that happy sychronicity.
My fun-with-humiliation-manipulation-and-social-control is also often without regard to a pyl's discomfort, though within limits.
Limits more closely resembling the California-Mexico border than the old nasty Berlin Wall, of course.
But even then the people I like to play/act/create with are getting something out of the experience - "Hey - that's what that feels like" if nothing else. They are doing what they're doing for a reason - deeply personal and idiosyncratic, maybe, but still a faint beacon all their own that helps them navigate their private maze.
Kajira Callista
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intimacy,familiarity, casual, ordinary....am i making better sense now sir winston?Kajira Callista said:yeah, i think that is kinda close to what im meaning pagan.
RavenSpirit2k4
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Kajira Callista said:
Makes perfect sense to me.
Kajira Callista
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more like i wanna know if a sadist is always "on"barcaboy said:
RavenSpirit2k4
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Kajira Callista said:
I'm not, but I can't speak for other sadists. I would guess many others aren't either.
Sir_Winston54
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Kajira Callista said:
Ahhh! Now we're cookin' with gas!
Yes.
If I am in a relationship with someone -- whether it be D/s, SM, M/s -- most definitely. I cannot separate the relationship from life - it is my life for the time we are together. (This from someone who has been married three times, for 10, 12 and 5 years {well, the last one is 3 with 2 years living together first.})
When I sleep (snoring, etc.) with my partner, I like to have some part of me touching her - my hip, my foot, my hand. Since I can sleep for extended periods only on my stomach or my back, I can't "spoon" all night, but I can go to sleep that way, though I will end up on stomach or back, but with a hand, foot or hip touching her.
In ordinary, casual, everyday life, I expect respect from any partner, whether she is vanilla (wife #2, and various paramours at various times) or D/s (wives #1 & 3, and other partners at other times) - and give it. I give and expect polite address and response, as well as polite discourse. I tease and expect to be teased within the limits of respect and politesse. I give and expect affectionate kisses and pats, and give affectionate swats
I was raised in the military. One learns at an early age that civilized behavior - respect, politeness, gentle humor, affection - is the oil that keeps a tight-knit society together, and that barbarian behavior - flaming, rudeness, hurtful jokes or cracks, hatred - is the sand that can bring any society's gears to a grinding halt. How much more necessary is civilized behavior to a society of 2 (or 3 or 4, in some instances), than it is in one the size of an army base?
Kajira Callista
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hehe im so glad someone understands mepagan switch said:
RavenSpirit2k4
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Kajira Callista said:hehe im so glad someone understands me
Sir_Winston54
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Kajira Callista said:
As PS said, I can't speak for others, but I'm not. I sleep sometimes.
In all seriousness: No. We are - underneath all the evil chuckles, black leather and chains, crops and whips, violet wands and spreader bars, ball gags and other instruments of torture - still at least partly human. So there are times when with a partner that we simply sit and watch TV and cheer for the Buccaneers, or make fun of game show contestants (and sometimes marvel at them), and look and act just like normal folks.
Kajira Callista
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For me
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
For me
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
For me
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
For me
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
For me
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
for me, its not about inflicting the pain, but it is about having the authority to do so. For me, it is all about power exchange.
I used to use this example to explain it. Suppose I had a sub. I pick her up at her place and tell her that I am taking her to a hotel. At the hotel we will be in a suite. There will be five other men there. She will be the only woman, and she will be naked the entire time we are there. She will serve the other men there as she would me, meaning sexually, anything goes.
The answer I want from my sub is "Yes, Sir." Even if loaning her out or multiple partners are hard limits with her, she should say, "Yes, Sir." Because I know her, and her welfare is in my hands, she needs to trust me that I wouldn't do anything to violate her trust or to put her into danger. Trusting that, she would be able to say, "Yes, Sir."
I do not enjoy inflicting pain. But I will do it to demonstrate my authority over my sub. And I will do it if she enjoys it. I'd rather exert control over her in other ways. I'd rather control her orgasms, her sexuality. I will also do it in punishment for infractions, affronts and the like.
But any enjoyment that I get out of inflicting pain is not from the act of inflicting it, but from having the power to do so.
Kurt
Sir_Winston54
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Is there ...
... an echo - echo - echo in this thread - thread - thread?
LMAO
... an echo - echo - echo in this thread - thread - thread?
LMAO
RavenSpirit2k4
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Re: For me
Ok, maybe I'm just feeling a little bitchy tonight, and I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but here goes anyway.
I'm a switch; nowadays I mostly top. But I started out as a sub. And let me tell you, buddy, if you'd been my dom and blatantly disregarded my hard limits like that, you'd have been lucky to live though the night.
I'm so very, very sick of seeing this sort of thing. "Even if it's one of her hard limits, she's supposed to trust me". You don't get it or something? Hard limits mean never, nada, no way, not doing it, period. Yet I see exactly this every time I turn around, doms who think a hard limit is something they can't do to the sub during just the first session.
I try not to tell people how their BDSM relationship is supposed to be, but I've had enough of this. If you blantantly disregard a sub's hard liits, you've crossed the line into abuse.
And for the subs who are willing to go along with this, you need to rethink your hard limits (this is why I have mine put theirs in writing). If your dom/me still thinks s/he can push you over them, drop that dom/me.
I know that especially for male subs it can be difficult to find a domme, but you can save up your money and go to a pro - and many pros are not the money-grubbing types lots of people think, so she may even be willing to hook you up with a good non-pro domme. Particularly if you make it clear that you're a good sub, eager to please and serve, not just wanting a domme to fulfill your jerk-off fantasies.
Ok, I've said my piece. Flame away.
CmdrGdHrt said:
Ok, maybe I'm just feeling a little bitchy tonight, and I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but here goes anyway.
I'm a switch; nowadays I mostly top. But I started out as a sub. And let me tell you, buddy, if you'd been my dom and blatantly disregarded my hard limits like that, you'd have been lucky to live though the night.
I'm so very, very sick of seeing this sort of thing. "Even if it's one of her hard limits, she's supposed to trust me". You don't get it or something? Hard limits mean never, nada, no way, not doing it, period. Yet I see exactly this every time I turn around, doms who think a hard limit is something they can't do to the sub during just the first session.
I try not to tell people how their BDSM relationship is supposed to be, but I've had enough of this. If you blantantly disregard a sub's hard liits, you've crossed the line into abuse.
And for the subs who are willing to go along with this, you need to rethink your hard limits (this is why I have mine put theirs in writing). If your dom/me still thinks s/he can push you over them, drop that dom/me.
I know that especially for male subs it can be difficult to find a domme, but you can save up your money and go to a pro - and many pros are not the money-grubbing types lots of people think, so she may even be willing to hook you up with a good non-pro domme. Particularly if you make it clear that you're a good sub, eager to please and serve, not just wanting a domme to fulfill your jerk-off fantasies.
Ok, I've said my piece. Flame away.
