Do Family, Friends, Co-Workers know you're into BDSM?

[EdwardsOtherSide]

I agree! It "shows up" in the pheromone cloud and is palpable, IMHO.

This.
My job is a very professional environment but somehow a curious co-worker decided I was the guy to ask about shibari.

I would make a joke that it is because I used to be a sailor (US Coast Guard), but there are several former sailors where I work (USCG and Navy).

...now where did I put my copy of Ashley Book of Knots?

 

[AprilTwenties]

Only people I know are fellow ho's like me. My owner and her friends. My family? They have no idea, boo.

A x

 

[trngpet77]

One person knows. She's not a co-worker but we both work in the same building, so we knew each other in passing. We found out we were both into bdsm when we showed up at a meet and greet that had been set up on line. We've been friends ever since.

 

[Exploringwife46]

Its a closely held secret, which is difficult because it leaves you little chance to discuss feelings or thoughts. I told a close friend about a year ago so she gets the brunt of my frustrations.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

My family have become aware. I got myself into a situation that needed discussion and explanation.

 

[dkak001]

My family have become aware. I got myself into a situation that needed discussion and explanation.

Are you willing to share? (I like hearing about situations and stories here)

 

[AprilTwenties]

Yeah, most people know. I'm owned and work as a streetwalker for her. She hooks also. She introduced me to her work colleagues as 'This is April. This is the bitch that I own. She hooks for me. Say hello April', and I had to say hi. So, yeah, boo, they already know. Snigger a bit but who cares after 14 years.

A x

 

[magic_rat]

I'm reasonably open about my lifestyle, but don't divulge details. My daughter knows more than I'm happy about due to gossip.

 

[Showmewhatchugot84]

No one knows I love being submissive to my wife, and others online. I'm masculine in all aspects of my life. Not that being submissive is unmasculine, just can be perceived as such from ignorance.

 

[Playwithmee]

No one knows my kinks other than those I share them with in private. I’m the corporate family man and gentleman in public and nothing of the sort in private.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Any of my wife’s friends who she’s told I wear a cage have all accidentally bumped into me.

 

[funguy4u100]

It's a very small group that knows...like one!

 

[SPARTAN047]

Some of my lovers friends but they didn't really say much or want to join in. And I want it to stay that way.

 

[davion2308]

My coworker knows.

I'm in a book club that's recent and the folks were talking about semi-erotic books since the club is six women and me, a guy. Long story, short, one coworker and I were discussing erotic fiction, the conversation moved into the mechanics of BDSM and dom/sub relationships and she was really excited that I had an idea of what it was. We talked, nothing really sexy, but it was fun to reveal that side of myself to someone who knows me.

 

[Exploringwife46]

Just a very close friend. I wish I could live more openly about that part of my personality. Making Lit friends has been very helpful.

 

[EdgySubMic]

Family

My sister knows, but doesn’t know any details. Back in about 2006 or so, we both visited our father on the same weekend. I permanently wear a dog collar, locked by means of a padlock. One night I’d fallen asleep on the couch and woke up around 06:30. Knowing I had to be up by 08:00, I went to my room to lay on my bed until then but, as it was for such a short time, I didn’t undress. I did, however, unlock the top button of my shirt for comfort. Upon getting up again, I considered that I was already fully dressed and hence forgot to rebutton up. My sister saw me from close by as we talked for half a minute or so. She didn’t give any hint in any way, but when I realized my mistake a bit later, I knew she must have noticed the collar and lock.

A few days later, I sent her an e-mail about something. When she replied, she untypically signed off with the equivalent of “Also Domme” in our native language. At first reading, I didn’t even spot that (our word for Domme happens to resemble her first name, go figure…) When I did get it, I opted not to pick up the hint in my reply, and the topic never again came up. So now she knows about me being into BDSM and I know about her being the same – which I never ever would have suspected until that day. She still has no clue that I’m gay, however. Only that there was/is someone who had/has control over me.

(Hey Sis, on the odd chance that you read this, learned something, and want to talk, feel free…)

Friends

My best friend knows 99% sure that I’m gay, but 99% sure doesn’t know/suspect the BDSM thing. I developed a crush on him when we were colleagues over 30 years ago, but initially I didn’t even notice this myself, as I considered myself asexual at that time. One day, he made a small comment, seemingly about a third person, that finally opened my eyes about being in love with him and, consequently, after a bit more reflection, also about me really being gay.

Since I already knew from accidently having seen his porn habits a few years prior (unbeknownst to him) that he’s straight (albeit with a minor kinky tendency), I never came out to him for fear of ruining our precious friendship. We made a few occasional jokes with a slight BDSM undertone back in those days, but so slight and so few and far between that I really don’t think he made that connection. He definitely did notice my crush, though, but never spoke about it beyond that one hint.

We’re still best friends to this day – the only things we don’t talk about are wives (easy, neither of us ever got married) and sexually tinted stuff. He doesn’t know it yet, but in case I pre-decease him, he stands to inherit much of what I own – including toys and diaries that will open his eyes – a decision that predates me becoming a collared slave and that is not affected by that.

 

[Lotus_Kitty]

Nobody knows about the things I’m into; part of me would love to be free of the secret while the other part of me enjoys the fact that they’d never suspect it.

Same! I want the freedom of being able to tell anyone I trust if asked. Or to just bring it up in conversation with friends. That is just not done where I live, at least not in any circles I run in. I need to get some more circles, I really do. Thank kittens for LitE. I wish sex generally and BDSM specifically were not stigmatized where I live. At the same time, I love having this secret. It feels like a hidden treasure, a decadent and spicy surprise to share with others if they really earn deep trust. Two people know in real life. My partner and a friend who is also kinky and lives somewhere where she can be herself. I'll wear things to work, hot lingerie that no one will see, or something black with belts and buckles that look quite innocuous, and I'll know what that means to me while no one else does. I don't want to mix fun and work, ever, but I do love wearing a reminder for myself, a fucking AFFIRMATION of who I am.

edit: Family don't know and never will. Don't discuss sexual stuff with them, other than birth control and health with my mom. Sexual talk with family is one of my personal major squicks.

 

[fma20fma]

nope. secret between my ex bf and I.

 

[smoothboi]

I go to munches, so obviously they know. No way co-workers. Also not their business anyway.

 

[varv]

This is my second life thanks to my only girlfriend. However, sometimes it seems to me that my husband sometimes guesses. Because my requests sometimes seem strange to him.

 

[Sckrfay]

We live cuckolding and total male chastity with cock cages. Three friends of my wife knew about me being caged permanent. After my wife's steady lover had started to stay overnight all weekends at our home, we couldn't hide our special sexlife from our small and close by living family. So my mom, my son, my wife's daughter and her parents know it.

that is really exciting and brave of you!

 

[switchersm]

that is really exciting and brave of you!

Yes, was humiliating to tell them the truth. But most of them accept it and some are surprisingly positiv.

 

[SPARTAN047]

We live cuckolding and total male chastity with cock cages. Three friends of my wife knew about me being caged permanent. After my wife's steady lover had started to stay overnight all weekends at our home, we couldn't hide our special sexlife from our small and close by living family. So my mom, my son, my wife's daughter and her parents know it.

I love it and if you enjoy it you're living a dream. I want to roleplay exactly like that with an FWB, as in a white girl and several black bulls while I'm permanently caged. It won't become a relationship though if others are involved, and I want the freedom to fuck anyone I like too.

 

[Ash999]

Of course MistressWife knows. An ex maidservant whom I used to Spank and whom I allowed to cane me knows. In deeply patriarchal India both these ladies have suppressed/ repressed Domme / Dominatrix desires/Fantasies and both had no idea that they were subconsciously Domme- infant.
Both took to Domme- inating a male sub/slaveboy like a duck to water

 

[jd_sw]

Some of my really close friends do. I showed them my playroom and toys.