Do we need sex?

[cati]

well I'm not sure that I would draw a line between what goes on in vanilla relationships and D/s relationships as far as our need/desire for sex. I think I was more concerned in us "needing" sex at a much more basic human level.

Sexual bonding is necessary for us to be healthy individuals at all levels, for sex allows certain positive hormones in the brain to be released.

I'm sure it's comes down to the human need to procreate and to ensure the continuation of our species.

I think sex makes us healthier and much happier individuals... cause it's fun, makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside and most of all it reduces stress.

I wonder if Bubba has a need to bond with another human being plain and simple.
and the fact that's it's another man is irrelevant in this case.

I have to agree with what Graceanne has said about bad marriages.

Furthermore, I would hope that the suggestion of a blow job by a marriage counsellor has more to do with the couples achieving intimacy in whatever form.

For example, take a couple... male and female, the guy is not a touchy feely type of person, he doesn't hug often or touch his spouse outside of the bedroom much at all, the only physical contact they really have in in the bedroom. For whatever reason the sexual part of their relationship starts to diminish. The wife's need/hunger for physical intimacy becomes all consuming "she needs it" for so many reasons. You can all fill in the blanks here...........

 

[shy slave]

Do I need sex?

Sex in the widest context (masturbation to penetration) has been a mainstay for me.
It offers so much.
I love sex, for me, it covers every emotion leaving me safe, secure and belonging in the world.

Sometimes I want it as a way of calming down and relaxing when my back muscles are so tense they are seizing up.
Sometimes it’s about having someone close for a few minutes in time where nothing else exists except the act of sex itself.
I enjoy having fun with sex; it is possibly the time when I am most uninhibited.
Whether it’s through pleasing him or pleasing myself by using his body.

There have been times in my life when everything has seemed a shade of grey, sex brought back some colour and made things look more optimistic.
The line ‘No man is an island’ is, for me, proved through sex.
Those points when I have felt completely and utterly alone, sex has made me feel a part of something. It has not mattered whether I would see them again, it was the knowing that they were in the same place as me that gave me the strength to understand that feeling alone and being alone are not the same.

Sex with him is a very different experience to anything else i have experienced. That deep emotional pull can make me cry. Its not happiness or sadness that causes this but an emotion I can’t really define.

It is for me an extension of a hug or kiss.
It the one way I can show him what he means to me.
He has given, and continues to give me, so much in ways I can never repay,

It’s the one way that I can lay my psyche bare and show him I trust him with it.

Do I need sex…yes​

 

[Exogenous]

So the next time you see a cranky woman and you hear someone snidely remark "Oh, she just needs to get laid." It just might be true!
============================
It might be true but it rarely is.
It's only true when some guy, any guy, takes off her pants and gives her the works and she magically goes from cranky to lovely.

Most of them are just cranky,and thats why they arent getting any sex. Guys don't want to know about them. The crankyness is why they arent getting laid. Not the other way round.
the rest aren't in withdrawl from the sex but from the whole relatinnship. The sex, the love, the lot.

“The crankyness is why they aren’t getting any sex. Not the other way around.” What about the saying, “He/she just needs the meanness fucked out of him/her, then he/she will be all right”?

Because the nature of sexual experience are so personal, pleasurable and intimate, attachments which are formed are intense, deep, and strong. I think it is because of these attachments which can make sex a need, because its no longer just about getting an orgasm.

Absolutely! Sex is a benefit and fulfillment, the ultimate realization, manifestation of the bond between two people who love and care for each other, an expression of that bond.

Although, according to Abraham Maslow, sex is a need as listed in the first tier of his hierarchy of needs:

“Abraham Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs model in 1940-50's USA, and the Hierarchy of Needs theory remains valid today for understanding human motivation, management training, and personal development.” Hmmm…seems similar to some D/s relationships.

http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm

 

[Exogenous]

There's normally more going on than lack of normal sex, or even lack of D/s sex. They don't emotionally die cause they aren't getting the kind of sex they want.

Marriages don't fail cause the sex is boring. They fail for the reason behind the boring sex. One partner doesn't care enough about the other partner to do what it takes for good sex. Either that or they've begun to take their partner for granted. It's not the sex that's the problem, it's the underlying attitude that causes the bad sex.

Well said, graceanne! I whole-heartedly agree. Excluding any physical or medical problem that would curtail sexual activity, the reasons behind unsatisfying sexual relations with one's SO is definitely caused by unresolved attitudes or emotional/behavioral issues between partners.

 

[cati]

awww shy, so beautifully said, with a touch of romance no less.

 

[JMohegan]

However, for men, orgasm is a definite physical need, and for me personally, sex is an emotional need.

I agree, on both counts.

Because the nature of sexual experience are so personal, pleasurable and intimate, attachments which are formed are intense, deep, and strong. I think it is because of these attachments which can make sex a need, because its no longer just about getting an orgasm.

Perhaps that is one of the chief differences between those who are vanilla in what they are looking for out of sex and someone who is dominant or submissive and what they get out of sex. It is the additional added element of expressing dominance and submission through sex which makes the difference and why it is more of a need

I'm with you in the first paragraph here, but not the second. There are many flavors of "attachments" or additional layers (beyond orgasm) that make sex an emotional need for human beings.

One interesting thing to note is that the perception of sexual needs changes for many people. The layers shift and multiply over time and with experience.

In the beginning, penetration (pick your orifice) may be a guy's perception of what he needs from sex. It feels great, sure - but he gets off on the conquest as well. He dates as many women as possible, celebrating each notch on his bedpost.

Then one day he is surprised to meet a woman with whom he actually wants to wake up in the morning, and another layer gets added to his perception of the type of sex he needs. He does not just crave penetration, but a certain amount of mental and emotional intimacy as well.

Time goes by, and the flavor of his emotional needs changes. His psyche adjusts and adapts to life experiences, people, and the cultures or ideas to which he is exposed. The layers of emotional intimacy desired by the man multiply. Perhaps some of the layers are related to D/s. Perhaps SM.

With each layer that is added, the sexual experience is enriched. Unfortunately, the pool of partners available to meet the man's particular needs shrinks.

Lack of sex which allows expression of D/s...yep, I know people who feel dead inside and have given up completely. Mostly a defensive mechanism to numb any kind of feeling in order to not have to deal with the reality.

I believe this can happen to any human being, when the pain of the emotional void becomes too great.

It may result from the absence of a particular flavor of sex, or merely the absence of a single human being. A woman who gives her heart and her soul and her body to you, fulfilling both the dreams you had and the ones you did not even know existed. You find yourself thanking God for her existence one day, and cursing him for snatching her from the world the next.

And women may come to you, and they may be beautiful. They may embrace all the layers of your sexuality, and offer themselves to you freely. But their skin is not her skin; their scent is not her scent; and their laughter does not even remotely resemble the sound she used to make.

The underlying attitudes and attachments that are embedded into sex and are what often make it a need or not.

Yes. And because of this, it is possible to say - I need long-term relationship sex, or D/s sex, or SM sex, etc.

It is even possible to say - I need sex with her.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Time goes by, and the flavor of his emotional needs changes. His psyche adjusts and adapts to life experiences, people, and the cultures or ideas to which he is exposed. The layers of emotional intimacy desired by the man multiply. Perhaps some of the layers are related to D/s. Perhaps SM.

With each layer that is added, the sexual experience is enriched. Unfortunately, the pool of partners available to meet the man's particular needs shrinks.

I was wondering if you might consider expanding on this line. I do understand the paragraph preceding. May I ask are you refering to age as a cause or the level of sophistication . Or perhaps something else entirely.

 

[KokopelliRises]

And women may come to you, and they may be beautiful. They may embrace all the layers of your sexuality, and offer themselves to you freely. But their skin is not her skin; their scent is not her scent; and their laughter does not even remotely resemble the sound she used to make .... It is even possible to say - I need sex with her.

How sweet!

 

[Private_Label]

Lack of sex which allows expression of D/s...yep, I know people who feel dead inside and have given up completely. Mostly a defensive mechanism to numb any kind of feeling in order to not have to deal with the reality.

I believe this can happen to any human being, when the pain of the emotional void becomes too great.]

I've been down the dead inside road once in my life, and it had NOTHING to do with sex and/or the getting of/expression of/intimacy of. It did however have to do with a great deal of emotional pain that I was not able to deal with at the time. It wasn't sex that pulled me out of it, it was a spontaneous hug from a friend at a moment wehen I thought I wouldn't get one (she was moving away and she was hugging her friends goodbye). The shock of being included when I had spent the last year as an emotional zombie was what started my recovery. Please excuse me while I tear up and hope she is having a happy life.

Here is a list of studies done by the University of Miami A number of them deal with touch reducing the amount of stress related hormones present in the body, a reduction in the amount of depression felt, and a reduction in the perception of pain.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

In a perfect world ...

RRs tagline would be true.

 

[O'Mac]

Originally Posted by cati

For example, take a couple... male and female, the guy is not a touchy feely type of person, he doesn't hug often or touch his spouse outside of the bedroom much at all, the only physical contact they really have in in the bedroom. For whatever reason the sexual part of their relationship starts to diminish. The wife's need/hunger for physical intimacy becomes all consuming "she needs it" for so many reasons. You can all fill in the blanks here...........

Perhaps I know you as a friend of a friend, but what you've mentioned sounds a lot like the situation I've been involved in up until a few months ago. The husband in this particular relationship is more or less not interested in sex in any way with his wife (or perhaps anyone else for that matter) while she herself is a VERY sexual individual. To fill in the blanks in this instance, I was the third party that did my part to fulfill her (and my own) sexual needs, with the consent of the husband.

So yes, I would say in my case and hers, the need for sex can easily transcend many various social protocols and personal values with regards to relationships and sexuality.

 

[SpectreT]

I was wondering if you might consider expanding on this line. I do understand the paragraph preceding. May I ask are you refering to age as a cause or the level of sophistication . Or perhaps something else entirely.

Actually, from context, I think I've got that one covered.

Funnel theory. As experiences pile up, as more likes and dislikes become revealed, there are fewer and fewer partners to match the expanding criteria.

In other words, the bigger the laundry list, the fewer there are who can tick off every item on that list.

 

[dominiqque]

O'Mac...

I guess there are plenty of husbands and wives out there who are in the same situation. I'm sure that lady was very grateful to you, for coming to her rescue.

 

[JMohegan]

Actually, from context, I think I've got that one covered.

Yup. You got it.

Here is a list of studies done by the University of Miami A number of them deal with touch reducing the amount of stress related hormones present in the body, a reduction in the amount of depression felt, and a reduction in the perception of pain.

An interesting link. Thank you for posting it.

 

[cati]

lifts her glass to JMohegan... I love the way you said that!

 

[JMohegan]

lifts her glass to JMohegan... I love the way you said that!

Thank you very much, cati.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

hmmm, do I "need" sex. I'd have to say no. I love sex, but I love all the stuff that comes with having a wonderful sexual relationship as much/more than the act itself.

Now, if someone were to ask do I "need" pain... I believe I would have a different answer...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Actually, from context, I think I've got that one covered.

Funnel theory. As experiences pile up, as more likes and dislikes become revealed, there are fewer and fewer partners to match the expanding criteria.

In other words, the bigger the laundry list, the fewer there are who can tick off every item on that list.

That is an excellent analogy to me.

Eb

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Actually, from context, I think I've got that one covered.

Funnel theory. As experiences pile up, as more likes and dislikes become revealed, there are fewer and fewer partners to match the expanding criteria.

In other words, the bigger the laundry list, the fewer there are who can tick off every item on that list.

Thank you so much SpectreT, sophistication as I define it does cover it then.

Its a topic in itself from my perspective . Its no longer the matter of D/s and kink compatability in solidarity it becomes the myriad of responisibilities we aquire as time ammasses. In the context of desiring the potential to 24/7 its disheartening for some.

 

[O'Mac]

O'Mac...

I guess there are plenty of husbands and wives out there who are in the same situation. I'm sure that lady was very grateful to you, for coming to her rescue.

L* I'm pretty sure the husband was just as appreciative. It meant he could spend ore time in front of the Playstation 2.

 

[SirFace]

I'm glad I resisted my tempation to jump into the thread early with my usual exuberance. It gave me a chance to read a lot of interesting thoughts on this subject. I was rather surprised at many of them.

Myself, it ranks right at the top after all the normal survival functions such as breathing.

Where it got more interesting is what "sex" is defined as for each of us. Orgasm?, foreplay?, any partner, no partner, special partner? Vanilla? Kink? and on and on.

I still have to put sex at the top of my "needs" list no matter the definition. I get very grumpy, unorganised, listless, even mean if I neglect my sexual needs too long. After a good orgasm, my eyesite improves remarkably and I have this clarity both of mind and emotion that has to be a chemical thing.

And for me, while self gratification helps, its not enough. I need a caring, loving partner who likes and enjoys sex too. Its just not the same without that. Fucking someone who doesnt care, is not enjoying it, or simply shows no reaction or emotion is no different than masturbating using a body instead of a hand.

With that is mind, its not just the orgasm for me, but the entire process, including her pleasure and orgasm.