Do you believe in ''Cliques'' here in the Lounge or Srp forum?

[SoulWeaver]

What's a clique?

I like your sense of fun .......

 

[Light Ice]

AHaving been friends with both Rayne and Minx and those who were here for that mess can attest that the lounges are far different than they were a year ago, and I am sure that they will still be different in a year from now.

They won't be and they weren't.

 

[zydrate]

Yes, there are.

 

[cati]

Posse?
Nah, that sort of implies a leader.

oh, there is always one person who "acts" as a leader, or wants to be seen as such.


Clique Definition: To associate together in a clannish way; to act with others secretly to gain a desired end; to plot;

A clique means different things to different people, usually based on one's personal experience. Me, I'd probably have been a Goth person in highschool, but there was no such thing back then.

Are there "cliques" or whatever you want to call them, here in Lit. absolutely !


btw great thread as usual Alana !

 

[grant_s]

Are their "cliques"? OH most definitely, and yes, in that we gravitate towards those who meld best with our own likes and dislikes, and wants, desires, so on and so forth. I stand guilty of being part of one, then another, and finally I'd like to say.. maybe not so much anymore. I am sure others will disagree. Having been friends with both Rayne and Minx and those who were here for that mess can attest that the lounges are far different than they were a year ago, and I am sure that they will still be different in a year from now.

For a newbie, stick it out. Find the groove of the lounge, for fucks sake, play, make messes and open old threads. I promise that none of us here will get mad or upset. Say hi. Honestly, the best way to fit in is to say something, do something, get out there. Geez, the first time I ever played in the lounges, I was really nervous (for the record it was Warr, and someone else in Kinky's and yes I remember it! ) Look, go crazy and see what happens. The lounge is what YOU make of it.

As for those of us who've been around for a while, yes, we have a preference around who we talk to, and those we interact with the most. That's cliquish, and perhaps we should all work to change that?

If I may add, the thread that was started to introduce yourself, makes it a bit easier to introduce oneself when joining and get to meet some of the old hands in the lounge, and I have seen plenty new people welcomed, and if you follow the advice given above, yeah I think its easier to find your place and a place where you feel comfortable.

I for one have found where I feel comfortable, if anyone cared

 

[Alana_]

Read back, and thanks all for joining in. I think basically the view is that there are groups/cliques here, who like to hang out together, but are open to others joining in or at least say they are.
I still, like someone said way back, wish there was another term to be used, as it personally grates on my nerves. But thank you all for joining in, expressing your views and thoughts on the subject.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

They won't be and they weren't.

As per usual, I disagree. But this being neither time nor place, merely disagreeing with you will have to suffice. Another day, another dance LI.

 

[PhunkyPhuck]

Cliques on a forum? Would never have thought it!

Cliques are for women and weak men. That is all.

 

[Alana_]

Cliques on a forum? Would never have thought it!

Cliques are for women and weak men. That is all.

See, that's just after putting the 'word' clique right where I hate it.
I hope you weren't being bitchy and just poking fun, but damn if I'm not offended by that.

 

[PhunkyPhuck]

See, that's just after putting the 'word' clique right where I hate it.
I hope you weren't being bitchy and just poking fun, but damn if I'm not offended by that.

I'm very, very sorry.

 

[Alana_]

You just managed to capture why I hate that word with a vengeance in a couple of words. The reference to 'women and weak men' pretty much summons up my absolute dislike of it thoroughly.

If I'm honest, it's probably why I hate seeing the term used to describe adults on an adult site. It, to my mind, describes younger people ie late bitchy teens, but not adults. Then I have to remember many here are much younger than I am.
But yeah..seeing that in print offends me, as I would prefer to be seen as a woman strong enough not to need a 'clique'. The word for me signals weakness in human nature...Bullies are weak. I can't think of bullies without thinking of 'cliques'.
I was bullied when I was younger, and bully+clique=hurt.
As an adult here, it just troubles me that there would be people seeing the groups here as cliques...and having the same interpretation of the word as I do. I am a woman, who comes for fun...not to be seen as part of something under the canopy of a clique.

This is my personal feeling..I can't help it, but it's troubling that good people, nice people, fall beneath the description of 'Clique' when so many have a derogative view on cliques.

God I hope this makes sense. Sorry if not.

 

[sallythescorpian]

I do think there are cliques here, as there are in most aspects of life. There is certainly a negative connotation to the word. It doesn't mean a group of friends, or a group with a common interest, but rather an exclusive group. It is that exclusivity which is the issue, I guess. The fact that others are excluded from the group, and that ties in with every one's negative experiences, especially those from school / teenage years.

Of course, as a teenager, the fact of being excluded was sufficient to make us want to join, to be certain that we were missing out on something wonderful!!

As adults, we are a little more mature - being excluded is only an issue if one wants in!

As for new comers, I know a good few have pm'd me saying how unfriendly they find the lounge. I think that depends on one's expectations. I also think its fair to say that women usually get more of a welcome from the men, and probably vice versa for the guys. I always go out of my way to be friendly to new comers, even if my initial is (as is often the case) a pm consisting of "Hey babe, wanna suck my cock / watch me cum / send me nude pics/ etc etc"

I always reply politely with a no, and point them off toward the personals etc. I see no gain out of using the anonymity of the internet to lambaste someone! There are also a good number of new people who bound loudly into the lounge with a "here I am, stop everything and focus all your attention on me" Obviously this is bound to rub people up the wrong way!!

In any event, that is my ten cents on the subject!

 

[Hikari]

Thank you.

You're welcome...

 

[cati]

Cliques on a forum? Would never have thought it!

Cliques are for women and weak men. That is all.

wow ! I couldn't have said it better myself

 

[Light Ice]

But yeah..seeing that in print offends me, as I would prefer to be seen as a woman strong enough not to need a 'clique'. The word for me signals weakness in human nature...Bullies are weak. I can't think of bullies without thinking of 'cliques'.

I was bullied when I was younger, and bully+clique=hurt.

I've never believed that bullies are weak or weak-minded people. I've never felt they're particularly cruel, either. People, regardless of gender, desire to live at the top rather than the bottom of any order; fiscal or social. We live in a society that tends to glorify competition between individuals in both avenues and values the class disparity found there-in. The result is that children behave exactly as they are intended to behave; picking at one another in an effort to climb their respective ladders.

Adults aren't much different. A bit more individually motivated, really, but otherwise function under similar motives. It's simply less beneficial to be exclusive and openly cruel to peers in the adult world.

If bullying is to be handled it needs to be handled in a way where picking on a child has exclusively negative benefits to the bully in question. It's a matter of example and consequence, something institutions and parents need to be more clearly aware of.

That said.

Literotica is a little more retarded an example than the average adult community. Again, you've people here who maintain that it is possible to love and support someone they've never met and never will meet. You have people here who maintain that friends made on this website are as valuable and tangible as those made beside them at work or in other personal avenues.

The disconnect between the mainstream adult community and Literotica is partially intentional, also. It is a place where adults go to celebrate sexual exploration otherwise frowned upon by mainstream society. It's also a place where writers go to play with a craft that isn't typically maintained as a popular hobby in most communities.

The end result is that by design you're looking at a "less than usual" slice of the adult population in any given community. That, coupled with the slice of the population within Lit that views this place as a legitimate social outlet, doesn't exactly make this a representative "Adult" group.

As an adult here, it just troubles me that there would be people seeing the groups here as cliques...and having the same interpretation of the word as I do. I am a woman, who comes for fun...not to be seen as part of something under the canopy of a clique.

This is my personal feeling..I can't help it, but it's troubling that good people, nice people, fall beneath the description of 'Clique' when so many have a derogative view on cliques.

God I hope this makes sense. Sorry if not.

I understand that you have no desire to be looked at as the leader, or participant, in a clique but it's also worth noting that the people who would feel that way have it within their power to test their own accusation.

If they desire to speak to you or be a part of a group they have the right to invite themselves in and look for a warm reception. In your case, Alana, I doubt very much you'd turn them away at all let alone turn them away cruelly.

More likely, in my estimate, anyone who likes to accuse someone of being in a "clique" is doing so with the intention to hurt your feelings or make you feel guilty. It might be easier to disregard their opinions, voiced or otherwise, with their intentions in mind in that case.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

More likely, in my estimate, anyone who likes to accuse someone of being in a "clique" is doing so with the intention to hurt your feelings or make you feel guilty. It might be easier to disregard their opinions, voiced or otherwise, with their intentions in mind in that case.

For once, agreed.

Alana, you have every right to be comfortable with your group of chosen friends, and I don't see you excluding anyone. You're remarkably sweet, and much nicer than I am.

 

[Alana_]

I guess the whole topic of bullies is a different topic, but L, and I mean no disrespect in disagreeing with you, but bullies are weak. A stronger assured person would not have to get their jollies out of making someone else feel like dirt.
One can be an achiever, determined and not hurt anyone. Be assertive, know what they want etc,....but not actually set out to make anyone feel less than they are..But bullies do that.. Once they've succeeded once in seeing how they can affect and strip a person of their dignity, they keep coming back, because someone 'stronger', more capable, wouldn't tolerate them, and they'd bugger off and move on.. Cowards.
So I'm afraid I have to disagree with you on that one, but each of our personal opinions are as important as the other, so I respect yours, understand where your coming from...I just don't agree.

As for your understanding on my personal issue with the whole clique thing -ie.the last few lines of your post ( duh, forgot to quote),- is very generous, and honest, and your point is taken. I thank you also for your kind words.
I agree with you completely as regards the intent to maybe hurt, or inflict guilt..., and am today feeling more inclined to being peeved with myself for allowing one person the time I've given them.
So, ..while the topic interests me, it's not as personal for me.

I know who I am, I don't need anyone else to tell me so. If I'm seen as 'taking the lead in cliques' here by that one person, ( very lose quote from something said to me recently) that's their view. They're entitled to it. Just as I'm entitled to my opinion of them.

I think maybe a particular time in my past was remembered as was the hurt, by their comment, and I over reacted, then subjected some very good people here reading to some rambles and thoughts that just needed saying.

 

[Alana_]

For once, agreed.

Alana, you have every right to be comfortable with your group of chosen friends, and I don't see you excluding anyone. You're remarkably sweet, and much nicer than I am.

Ausus, thank you. xx

 

[Light Ice]

I think maybe a particular time in my past was remembered as was the hurt, by their comment, and I over reacted, then subjected some very good people here reading to some rambles and thoughts that just needed saying.

Discussion is almost always constructive. And, unfortunately, even people who appear (either by intent or lack there of) to be relatively harmless are capable of striking a chord with a well-placed jab.

In this case, from what I understand of the situation, someone took a veiled shot at you and hit one of your nerves. It's nothing to be embarrassed about in your case. In their case? They should be ashamed of their behavior but as luck would have it those passive aggressive types are seldom capable of being critical of their own conduct in any honest sense of the word.

 

[grant_s]

Discussion is almost always constructive. And, unfortunately, even people who appear (either by intent or lack there of) to be relatively harmless are capable of striking a chord with a well-placed jab.

In this case, from what I understand of the situation, someone took a veiled shot at you and hit one of your nerves. It's nothing to be embarrassed about in your case. In their case? They should be ashamed of their behavior but as luck would have it those passive aggressive types are seldom capable of being critical of their own conduct in any honest sense of the word.

Okay, I will have to disagree with what is being said here.

Light Ice, out of no disrespect to you, as I don't know you, but what you are doing with your jab at the so called passive aggressive person, is no better or different to the "veiled shot" as you put it.

If there are two people having issues, it should be up to them to sort it out, and not involve the community, cause this is where all the crap starts, and the whole circle begins.

From this, it seems whoever pushes their opinion the most, then that means their opinion is right, which is total bull.

 

[Alana_]

Oh God please don't start arguing. It wasn't ever my intent for this to turn into an argument because of something I felt.

 

[sallythescorpian]

Alana, for what its worth, I really dont see how anyone could consider you to be a clique founder / leader or whatever was said.

You have to be one of the most inclusive, welcoming, kind hearted people on this site, and anyone who suggests otherwise hasn't done their research!!

I have never known you to say anything but the kindest of things, and quite frankly, if there were a few more Alanas on the site, it would only enhance the place!

so there!

 

[Light Ice]

Okay, I will have to disagree with what is being said here.

Light Ice, out of no disrespect to you, as I don't know you, but what you are doing with your jab at the so called passive aggressive person, is no better or different to the "veiled shot" as you put it.

I don't see how they are at all the same.

If there are two people having issues, it should be up to them to sort it out, and not involve the community, cause this is where all the crap starts, and the whole circle begins.

I'm not prepared to criticize Alana for starting a conversation on cliques. I don't see any particular harm. If the individual who inspired the entire topic wants to engage in the discussion, or is engaging in the discussion, then my opinion of their intentions wouldn't change.

My shot isn't veiled at all. It's quite open and quite public.

From this, it seems whoever pushes their opinion the most, then that means their opinion is right, which is total bull.

If you don't have the courage or conviction to stand behind your opinion then it certainly isn't valid enough to consider right. In this case, however, there is a pretty clear right or wrong in my mind.

Calling people bullies simply because they band together in like-minded groups is infantile. Especially here, Grant, where none of what happens or is discussed here has any real effect on anyone.

 

[girlsmiley]

I've never believed that bullies are weak or weak-minded people. I've never felt they're particularly cruel, either.

Perhaps this is because you've never been bullied... Your attitude is hardly responsible.

People, regardless of gender, desire to live at the top rather than the bottom of any order; fiscal or social. We live in a society that tends to glorify competition between individuals in both avenues and values the class disparity found there-in. The result is that children behave exactly as they are intended to behave; picking at one another in an effort to climb their respective ladders.

...

Adults aren't much different. A bit more individually motivated, really, but otherwise function under similar motives. It's simply less beneficial to be exclusive and openly cruel to peers in the adult world.

Less beneficial. Ha! Yet contradict yourself by falsely implying adults find pleasure in the benefits of having more money than others and being at the top of the social ladder? Pfft. Where the hell do you live, Assholeville? Fearsome creatures to behold I'm sure LOL

Sorry, I disagree with basically all of what you posted LOL

It's not all about money and what people think of you. Life is what you make it, not how much you make and how many friends you have. It's hard to forgive the follies and vices of others. I believe that once your good opinion is lost it is lost forever. Quality not quantity. Respect is earned, not bought.



And hi y'all! LOL

Nice thread alana

 

[cati]

My saying there is "always a leader" wasn't directed at you Alana, since I don't know you at all. I hope you didn't take it as such.