Do you ever feel real emotions for someone you've met on here?

[ericsmith1212]

I used to be really good at this part..while not so much anymore and letting my guard down, I find myself constantly having to remember it’s superficial. That part sucks sometimes.

It does suck.

 

[7inchglory]

I'm good at this part until I've developed a great friendship with someone over many months of talking. Until they've done something to betray me badly, I basically make my own mental commitment that I'll help them no matter what.

Sometimes those friendships fizzle out mainly due to our past sexual relationship and them not wanting to carry a friendship with that baggage into that into their current long term relationships... and that's totally okay!

Call me old fashioned, but I'll always be there for those people because I've committed to it and it's not something I expect back from them. It just irks me that some of them can get to the point where they just ghost someone or block them fully out of their life. After talking to so many let downs (and in some cases losers) from here, I'm finding more and more that it's pretty easy for others to be that childish.

There's only one girl from here that I'm still friends with on social media, and she's the hottest one of all the girls I talked to - and most down to earth. We literally catch up maybe once every 6 months or once a year and I'm super happy that she's engaged to be married

 

[HotChef1970]

I’ve often looked at this thread and wondered whether I should comment or not with my own thoughts, not necessarily on other people’s experiences but on what my reply to the original question would be......

Emotions are everyday things that manifest themselves in many ways in our everyday lives with work, family and even in the pub with your mates.

If you had pointed me to this thread when I first joined lit and asked me the question I think I would have laughed at you and said “you know what we all come here for a bit of fun and a laugh away from real life right”. Hell if you asked me a few weeks ago you would most probably have got a similar answer if you are asking about emotions in the way that this thread implies. But if you asked me the question now then I would definitely give a very different answer...

Over the months I’ve learnt to put most people through what I would call filters, others use the term walls/barriers. I use these filters much as I would do in an office/work environment when you start a new job, you might not know all of these people but you soon learn which ones should belong in which of your boxes, you get the jerks who you have a distant opinion of and you see through them, then you have the more interesting ones, some you just look at from afar as they either don’t appeal to you or they fall somewhere in between the jerk box and the the ones you may say hi to in passing by the coffee machine, the ones who try to be your friend but you know they don’t really care they are the same with everyone.
Some you interact with on the same social scale as you would do with in the office, you know the ones who you know a little bit about, enough to joke about the sports results with, the weather or just the latest episode of that tv show, you have a joke with them and vice versa, there’s then those that you know a bit better and they are the ones who will notice something is wrong when they see you come into the office and stop you alone just to check in on you, these are the ones who have no vested interest other than about your well-being and happiness.

Then you have anyone that may make it through the final filter, the ones you wanted to know the most about, the ones you genuinely want to make an effort with, the ones who you ask your friends questions about them in a roundabout way, the ones that you want to find any excuse to get closer to or that make an effort to seek you out..... these are the special ones, the ones who you know for whatever reason you let get close to you these are the ones who you feel most vulnerable around, the ones who can hurt you if they want and leave you in the situation that I see lots of people talking about in this thread......

So if you want my answer to the original question then it’s absolutely 100% yes

So my advice to anyone would be use & trust your instincts, use your filters, life has a strange way of surprising you, it certainly has surprised me......

And just remember this is what we are all about

https://youtu.be/NrJEFrth27Q

 

[LiveLife69]

vvvvvbb

 

[Robinhood11]

Boundaries, walls, icy heart....keep it superficial.

Seriously though I try to remind myself that this is supposed to be fun. And best advice I’ve gotten is to remember that I’m not the solution for his problem and he’s not the solution for mine!

As someone who recently discovered lit, but recalls memories of adolescence and dial up AOL I can't think of a better way to punctuate the possibilities then what Chilly said.

 

[Orchidea73]

I was recently handed some letters that one of my grandmothers had sent me as a child. I had forgotten about them, and had forgotten as well about how we used to write to each other. I think we were all challenged to be smarter when we had to write things down in pen and ink. You had to get it right the first time.

I loved letters. You had to sit down, take your time and think about every word and how to best express your thoughts and feelings.

My dad used to write me a lot when I was in school (I was far from home), and I still conserve some of them. One of the best things I've done. They have been a great comfort to me.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I loved letters. You had to sit down, take your time and think about every word and how to best express your thoughts and feelings.

My dad used to write me a lot when I was in school (I was far from home), and I still conserve some of them. One of the best things I've done. They have been a great comfort to me.

That's very sweet and touching. I'm recalling letters I exchanged with a girlfriend after I went off to college. I had to write them, put them in an envelope, lick a stamp, and walk them to the post office. There was this whole sensual and physical process. And it represented, I think, a form of commitment. Then I'd wait a week for a reply, and getting a response from her was like a Christmas present. Now I'm annoyed if I don't get a response to a text in 30 minutes. I don't like how my expectations have changed.

(Slowly descending into the grumbling old man phase of my existence.)

 

[Orchidea73]

That's very sweet and touching. I'm recalling letters I exchanged with a girlfriend after I went off to college. I had to write them, put them in an envelope, lick a stamp, and walk them to the post office. There was this whole sensual and physical process. And it represented, I think, a form of commitment. Then I'd wait a week for a reply, and getting a response from her was like a Christmas present. Now I'm annoyed if I don't get a response to a text in 30 minutes. I don't like how my expectations have changed.

(Slowly descending into the grumbling old man phase of my existence.)

Ahahaha you are so right. I completely agree about the form a commitment thing you mentioned. It was indeed like that. The texting thing made me laugh. It reminded me of this meme.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

Ahahaha you are so right. I completely agree about the form a commitment thing you mentioned. It was indeed like that. The texting thing made me laugh. It reminded me of this meme.

LMAO! That's the kind of obsessive-compulsive thing I'd do if I gave in to my worst impulses and hadn't had an afternoon snack.

 

[frmtutanota]

I used to be really good at this part..while not so much anymore and letting my guard down, I find myself constantly having to remember it’s superficial. That part sucks sometimes.

Sucks a lot actually... and not in a good way.

 

[Texastuffbbc]

I have developed some friendships that are lasting. I have made some connections that are passing. I try to keep it moving, but some people are much more memorable than others. They know who they are. Stay safe is all I will say.

 

[Glazedcorneas]

I most definitely have, it’s part of trying to connect with someone. That said, I make it a priority to keep my heart and soul in check because of the responsibilities I must uphold in my personal and professional life. The challenge though is, despite keeping my feelings at bay, which is Extremely difficult, we are still talking about 2 souls engaged in an online relationship that has so many unshared layers , along with the absence of many of our other social traits that we subconsciously and consciously use to gauge a person and relationship, such as physical characteristic, body language, tone, smell, sound , taste, intelligence, etc, one or the other person may be investing more into something, despite the honesty of knowing the limitations, yet for many reasons someone gets hurt, or angry , or saddened, etc. I may have gone off course with my intention, but I’m learning that it truly is difficult and my heart and respect goes out to all that feels they have been hurt by another, whether intentionally or unintentionally. All in all, I am learning the challenges with online relationships and the human heart/soul.

 

[Chillygirl]

I’m still trying to understand how it happens. How one day everything is great and you feel so good talking to this person and it feels so real. They’re telling you things and sharing feelings when suddenly something is said and they completely walk away from you without even looking back.

 

[Bud_Spencer]

I’m still trying to understand how it happens. How one day everything is great and you feel so good talking to this person and it feels so real. They’re telling you things and sharing feelings when suddenly something is said and they completely walk away from you without even looking back.

Sorry that happened to you, CG.

This is my second go-around on Lit, and I left the first time because I had found someone just as many here have. It lasted 13 years and became something I had never even dreamed of when I sent that first PM. We told each other things that we had told no other human being, including spouses. It was very intimate, and I still miss her so.

I think this medium lends itself to emotional wounds because it's so hard to gauge the level of commitment and honesty of the other person while the relationship is developing. Plus, because there's no non-verbal communication, nuance can be lost if the writing is not careful to mind how what one writes can be misinterpreted. I think the fact that it's a verbal-only medium tends to cause people to put a lot of emotion into what otherwise might be expressed as a phsyical act, and that is much more likely to cause hurt.

My $0.02.

 

[lady_jennaxx]

It has been my experience that a fair percentage of those who come to the site, are here to meet certain needs/fantasies that are unfulfilled in their "real" lives. They may not have any intention whatsoever to become invested in anyone else, but they do. The rush of excitement, the "naughtiness" of existing in the anonymity and freedom to be whomever you choose to be, soon wears off, however, and when they realize that the other person may have genuine feelings, they disappear because it's a reality they aren't interested in manifesting.

It's a sbitty feeling to be left hanging, but the experience has reminded me that you shouldn't seek validation in others and not to take everything personally

 

[Chillygirl]

It's a sbitty feeling to be left hanging, but the experience has reminded me that you shouldn't seek validation in others and not to take everything personally

Ouch....nts reminder the only person responsible for your feelings is you.

 

[cqiam]

Ouch....nts reminder the only person responsible for your feelings is you.

I live by this: "People's feelings can't be wrong" It's simply not possible for you to tell someone that they shouldn't be feeling what they are feeling. Sorry you feel hurt, Chilly.

That being said, there is such as thing as expectations. If you are posting next to a thread called "On A Scale Of 1-10, How Horny Are You? **Version 4**" (asterisks added by me for emphasis), perhaps it might be worthwhile to lower your expectations on making a real emotional commitment with the very vast majority of people in here.

Even so, forgetting Lit or any other place or way to meet - people are genuinely good at putting a good face forward at the beginning of a relationship. It's not limited to texting, sexting, messaging or camming. It happens at bar, clubs, church groups, hootenannys, box socials... ok you get the point... That's why we generally date people before we commit. It's gonna happen.

Best advice is be open to the possibilities but be prepared that the odds are NOT in your favour.

 

[Chillygirl]

I live by this: "People's feelings can't be wrong" It's simply not possible for you to tell someone that they shouldn't be feeling what they are feeling. Sorry you feel hurt, Chilly.

That being said, there is such as thing as expectations. If you are posting next to a thread called "On A Scale Of 1-10, How Horny Are You? **Version 4**" (asterisks added by me for emphasis), perhaps it might be worthwhile to lower your expectations on making a real emotional commitment with the very vast majority of people in here.

Even so, forgetting Lit or any other place or way to meet - people are genuinely good at putting a good face forward at the beginning of a relationship. It's not limited to texting, sexting, messaging or camming. It happens at bar, clubs, church groups, hootenannys, box socials... ok you get the point... That's why we generally date people before we commit. It's gonna happen.

Best advice is be open to the possibilities but be prepared that the odds are NOT in your favour.

Oh trust me I totally get all of that! I’m not investing time and feelings on every Tom, Dick and Harry...I’m talking about the people you spend months with....

But it is what it is and I learned a very valuable lesson!

 

[SassySheDevil]

Oh trust me I totally get all of that! I’m not investing time and feelings on every Tom, Dick and Harry...I’m talking about the people you spend months with....

But it is what it is and I learned a very valuable lesson!

I had to learn that way too many times before I just closed myself off. It's easier to shut down now. It took me a long time to get there though. After losing almost everyone I got close to in the last two years. I just couldn't do it anymore.

One reason you are one of the very few I talk to on here now. (besides public view)

It hurts and no one can tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. We all process things differently and lit means different things to everyone.

 

[Chillygirl]

I feel this need to clarify that I’m not heartbroken...I’m annoyed. I treat everyone with honesty and respect and I expect that in return. Apparently I expect too much from people.

 

[blueeyedgirl69]

I feel this need to clarify that I’m not heartbroken...I’m annoyed. I treat everyone with honesty and respect and I expect that in return. Apparently I expect too much from people.

I feel the same way! But you live and learn. The best is yet to come for both of us, I know that!

 

[SassySheDevil]

I feel this need to clarify that I’m not heartbroken...I’m annoyed. I treat everyone with honesty and respect and I expect that in return. Apparently I expect too much from people.

I've never figured out why this is a hard concept. I guess because my husband knows that I am here. It's easier for me vs people who are hiding from their spouses. But I don't understand the idea of coming here to be secretive or lie if you actually want some kind of relationship. If you are here just to fuck around and have a good time and don't get involved with anybody. Then I would envy them for being able to keep it up a level. But I have always sought out friendships. And with friendships I want honesty.

 

[Dirt_in_the_Ground]

I feel like I have poured my heart and mind out to some women I've met online, and have felt I developed an uncommon intimacy with them. I think it has to do with making the effort to write our thoughts and feelings instead of just babbling. Never led to much of anything, but I like to think it had some interpersonal value and made me a better communicator, and maybe even a better person. If nothing else, better than watching baseball, which is the standard by which all of life's activities should be judged.

 

[Orchidea73]

Best advice is be open to the possibilities but be prepared that the odds are NOT in your favour.

Agreed.

 

[Orchidea73]

If nothing else, better than watching baseball, which is the standard by which all of life's activities should be judged.

Or reading trash erotica.