Do you have an internet persona?

[unregistered]

 

[TBKahuna123]

But I don't put on a show about it. I don't turn my experiences into some kind of short stories that could be pulled straight from Lit's library.

As a writer and a drama queen, I sometimes do this without really meaning to.

 

[Hiliburn]

I completely think being online removes the societal rules a bit or at least weakens them, so of course I do not behave as well as I would in real life. But I am me and me am I, so really here in lit or another website I am simply less filtered. I may think it in daily life, but much I would not say out loud, however here (yay!) I can, cause I don't use my real name, lol

 

[orgasmsgalore]

I am pretty much myself. I am socializing with people like I would in real life. Granted, I may not talk as freely with everyone I see in my daily life. We have limits as to how much we talk with this person or that person. I do not lie and live a whole other life online, but I understand many people do.

 

[philos]

Yes, my name isn't even close to phil. I meant to write philios a greek work for friendship but misspelled it. At first I didn't care and now I'm just kind of stuck with it. In real life though I can't spell very well either so maybe it is fitting in a way.

 

[littlebabyclit]

Great topic.

I am distilled down to the essence of...and yet augmented into more of... who I really am online. I present less of who I really am with people I know offline and "in real life." Whereas others feel less comfortable revealing themselves to strangers, I feel more comfortable doing just that. Relative anonymity can be a wonderful tool for exploring who you really are in a less judgmental context.

 

[Mac98]

Great topic.

I am distilled down to the essence of...and yet augmented into more of... who I really am online. I present less of who I really am with people I know offline and "in real life." Whereas others feel less comfortable revealing themselves to strangers, I feel more comfortable doing just that. Relative anonymity can be a wonderful tool for exploring who you really are in a less judgmental context.

This too I could not agree more with...

 

[NippleMuncher]

lol...key word being sincere

Oh, don't worry, I meant that with the utmost sincerity!

 

[qrayze]

Oh, don't worry, I meant that with the utmost sincerity!

alright then, give it your best shot

 

[Ellafun]

Nailed it...

Great topic.

I am distilled down to the essence of...and yet augmented into more of... who I really am online. I present less of who I really am with people I know offline and "in real life." Whereas others feel less comfortable revealing themselves to strangers, I feel more comfortable doing just that. Relative anonymity can be a wonderful tool for exploring who you really are in a less judgmental context.

I couldn't agree more. Although I am outgoing IRL, I tend to be guarded about a lot of things in person, whereas I reveal more of myself to the friends I talk to online, most of whom I have never met. It feels...safer.

 

[Chiara_searches]

I'm actually freer in some regards on lit and more inhibited. I'm not able (yet?) to be comfortable revealing too much of myself to strangers. However, I have been freely speaking my mind when giving out advice. That is something I hesitate to do in RL.

 

[SexyReadhead86]

Call me a freak, but...

I think my internet persona is the tame one. In real life I am a wild child; being internet me allows me to be more chill.

 

[CoyoteTales]

*pushes his glasses up his muzzle* Easy answer. On the Internet, I'm a coyote.

A lot of who we are in person is strongly dependent on how we look; a tall person is seen differently than a short one; a slim person versus a fluffy one; a male versus a female.

On the Internet, you can reinvent yourself, and nobody will know the wiser if you can pass yourself off as whatever you claim to be. Some folks try to pretend to be the opposite gender; this is only a lie in the sense of when you look behind the curtain, you learn the /physical truth/ of who (and what) is typing on the keys. But some day in the future, you'll have relationships with people across the globe, or across the galaxy, and at first blush, they'll be who they say they are.

When people see a picture of me, they usually say, 'That was NOT what I was expecting.' Or some flavor thereon. I don't sound like my ethnic or geographical background. Sometimes I don't even sound like my gender, much to my chagrin.

I am who I am, but I also fall into habits, accents, roleplay, and blend with the moment. Sometimes my Internet personnae influence my realspace behavior -- especially when I interact with folks who know me from various MU*s or games. We are who we choose to be; we become the thing that people think we are because we choose how to act around others.

I think, though, where I'm consistent, is my opinions and views on things. I don't really change how I feel about things just because I'm wearing a different name or a different face. There is still the foundation of my Self that lies beneath, and though being online allows me to explore different aspects of my personality, strengthening some and limiting others -- it's still me.

I learned more about myself by being able to stop being seen as who I was and what I was, and just let myself be what I felt like being.

One other thing to consider -- if someone goes away for awhile and then comes back, and nobody remembers them... are they a new person or the same person?

It's been years since I was last here...

-CT

 

[Little Bird]

I have to admit, my first reaction was, "Pffft.....please". Because I don't think I act any differently online than I do in my day to day life. But as I thought a bit more about it, I began to wonder if there might not be some merit to idea. I certainly talk more freely here about sexually related topics than I would with most people I come into RL contact with. But maybe that's just a case of knowing my target audience, how well my views would (or would not) be received and not wanting to deal with the controversy.

Anyway, I thought the idea was slightly intriguing and it made me wonder what my fellow Litsters might think. So - are you any different online than you are in real life?

In fact you don't just have a real life persona and an internet persona. Everyone has dozens if not even more identities, many of them can be completely genuine and not "fake" at all.
The only "true" identity is the way you act when you are sure that nobody sees you or will ever know what your doing right now. There are certain aspects of your life you don't share with your parents, your kinds, your friends, your co-workers, the people on the train, people at a bar, and so on.
People do it all the time and so naturally that we are usually not aware of it. But it becomes much more visible when you compare what you write on the internet and what you would say to a random person at the bus stop. But we adjust and change what things about ourself we share and which we keep to ourself depending on the people around all the time.

 

[spunkyE]

i most certainly do.

my internet persona is outgoing and sexy

my real self is very very shy to the point it's a problem and i have major ego and image problems.

it's why i'm here because if you get to know someone and get over that shy hurdle it's eaiser to be the real me who is somewhere between the two.

i mean ask my real life friends i'm just the girl next door. a few know i am into being sexy but they basically ignore it because they are all married and dont' get being single and looking for what they already have.

 

[bailadora]

In fact you don't just have a real life persona and an internet persona. Everyone has dozens if not even more identities, many of them can be completely genuine and not "fake" at all.
The only "true" identity is the way you act when you are sure that nobody sees you or will ever know what your doing right now. There are certain aspects of your life you don't share with your parents, your kinds, your friends, your co-workers, the people on the train, people at a bar, and so on.
People do it all the time and so naturally that we are usually not aware of it. But it becomes much more visible when you compare what you write on the internet and what you would say to a random person at the bus stop. But we adjust and change what things about ourself we share and which we keep to ourself depending on the people around all the time.

See, I don't see this as having different personae. Out of curiosity, I did a bit of digging into the definition of the word "persona" and came across this in Wiki:

In the study of communication, persona is a term given to describe the versions of self that all individuals possess. Behaviours are selected according to the desired impression an individual wishes to create when interacting with other people. Therefore, personae presented to other people vary according to the social environment the person is engaged in, in particular the persona presented before others will differ from the persona an individual will present when he/she happens to be alone.

In psychology : The persona is also the mask or appearance one presents to the world.

I also looked at the word "skew":

2: to distort especially from a true value or symmetrical form <skewed statistical data>

And based upon the above, I don't think I have different personae. I don't change my behavior based upon an "impression" I wish to portray. I am who I am and I interact with people pretty much the same where ever I happen to be. If I don't know someone, I'm a bit quiet and reserved and prefer to sit back, listen and get the lay of the land, so to speak. Doing so gives me time to discover avenues of possible commonality along which I might connect with an individual. If and when I feel I have something relevant to add, then I'll speak up. With those with whom I've established a connection, it might appear that I'm more outgoing and talkative, but I don't see that as a behavior change: it's more of a case of having established lines of communication. Even then, if I'm among people with whom I feel comfortable but the topic is something I know little about or on which I have little to say, I sit back and listen. This is my MO whether the environment is real time or online.

Sure there are things I share with some people that I would not share with others, but I don't see that as a change in behavior to leave a certain impression of myself on others. My views, values and the esscence of who I am remain the same whether or not they are shared with certain individuals. It's more a case of knowing what information is appropriate based on the audience and what my motive is for sharing or withholding certain viewpoints I might have. With some people, I will discuss my views, even if I know ahead of time that the other person has an opposing perspective because I know that what will ensue will be a civilized, intelligent if sometimes spirited discussion or debate. I may not change the other person's view and he or she may not change my view, but we've both usually learned something in the process. With other people I know, it's just better not to "go there" because the discussion quickly turns ugly and I prefer not to deal with the hassle. I simply say something along the lines of "I have a different view, but I'd rather not get into it with you because no good will come of it, so let's agree to disagree, shall we?" And then move on from there.

 

[fuckmeat]

I think in the best of cases, a person's "Internet persona" is a version of themselves that's truer (another real word!) to his or her self-image. The anonymity of the Internet makes it easy to put yourself out there without fear of social stigmas or awkward clashing of personalities. I like to think that's what my Internet persona is like.

Yep, this.

I don't really know to what extent most women discuss love and sex with their girlfriends. I am most assuredly not 'most women.' I'm a bisexual submissive masochist and until last year my partner/Mistress was a beautiful woman of West Indian ethnicity. Now to most of my friends, my bisexuality and the fact ours was an interracial relationship was more than alternative enough for them. They were very tolerant but they weren't capable of understanding or empathy. My GLBT circle of friends are decidedly non-kinky and when we tried going to munches they were just full of established, often middle age hetero couples, with a smattering of dom male divorcees who wet their shorts at the mere sight of my Mistress and I.

So when she was diagnosed with an aggressive and terminal form of leukaemia, I was left with nobody with whom I could talk frankly. Unless I heavily edited day to day anecdotes she appeared to others as a bitch queen. Her family were devout Christians who were horrified by her lesbianism and I had battles at the hospital before I was accepted as her chosen advocate, who would respect her end of life choices. My bereavement counsellor was amazing but he was very out of his depth with me. It's great that the next time he encounters a kinky, same-sex, interracial couple he'll be better equipped but at the time, he wasn't a great deal of help with the core issues I was dealing with.

That's how I arrived here. There are lots of people like me, who for one reason or another can't express themselves freely with real life family and friends. I'm not the kind of person to boast about kink and try to ram it down people's throats. We were a very private couple.

So Lit is the one place where I can be myself, uninhibited and mostly unjudged/censored. That means a great deal to me. No politics or cooking forum would be able to fill the void in my social life that Lit (and more recently, Fetlife.com) does. This site and the people with whom I interact have come to mean a great deal to me. Because I consider some of my acquaintances here to be firm friends but for the inconvenience of distance, I am more myself and try hard to be as true to who I am as I can be. I'm moderately opinionated in real life but in real life I don't discuss things like SSC BDSM, orientation and gender equality or anything like that. Here I have opinions because I have experiences on which to draw from. People can take them or leave them but I feel a duty a lot of the time to put my views out there for perusal.

So yeah, people are more uninhibited and confident on forums but this is not your average forum. Love, sex and relationships cut right to the quick of every one of us and it's nothing short of a miracle that mutual respect and tolerance is maintained around here much of the time.

 

[Debbie920]

I do my best to be me but normally I naturally try to be more experienced and confident here than I really am, knowing I can Log off if I need to and I cant do that in real life, not sure if there's anything I've found here I didn't like yet but many topics i wouldn't discuss with a friend while out shopping

 

[Mac98]

So Lit is the one place where I can be myself, uninhibited and mostly unjudged/censored. That means a great deal to me. No politics or cooking forum would be able to fill the void in my social life that Lit (and more recently, Fetlife.com) does. This site and the people with whom I interact have come to mean a great deal to me. Because I consider some of my acquaintances here to be firm friends but for the inconvenience of distance, I am more myself and try hard to be as true to who I am as I can be. I'm moderately opinionated in real life but in real life I don't discuss things like SSC BDSM, orientation and gender equality or anything like that. Here I have opinions because I have experiences on which to draw from. People can take them or leave them but I feel a duty a lot of the time to put my views out there for perusal.

So yeah, people are more uninhibited and confident on forums but this is not your average forum. Love, sex and relationships cut right to the quick of every one of us and it's nothing short of a miracle that mutual respect and tolerance is maintained around here much of the time.

That's internet magic, imo. You have anonymity and distance to support you. If someone doesn't agree, you're not caught up in direct confrontation. You get the time to stop, think it over, see if this is really an arguement you want to get into, or is this really a place where your advice would be GOOD advice... in the real world, you don't have that time. When you're caught up in a confrontation, you usually don't have much time to think much, if at all. So you do one of three things. You either shut up and get walked over, you either get into an arguement you don't really care about or you get into a debate you feel strongly about.

The internet persona isn't a mask you put on for acceptance or to impress others. It's about the freedom that comes from the internet. You have more reason to say what's on your mind.

IMO, I'm more myself on the internet than I am IRL. Cuz in my everyday life, I usually tend to shut up and have an incredibly hard time expressing myself (always fumbling for words, etc.)


And BTW, Wikipedia might not be the best place to take definitions from...

 

[bailadora]

And BTW, Wikipedia might not be the best place to take definitions from...

True. But what I found there seemed to correlate with what I found here and here. Give me some credit for having research skills, Mac. Wikipedia just happened to summarize it in a more concise fashion.

BTW - I'm not saying there is no merit to the concept and that some people don't do this or shouldn't do this or are wrong for doing it. Just that I'm having difficulty relating because it's not the way *I* roll. See the difference?

 

[culloden]

This is an interesting thread. Back in the early days of the 'net, part of my then-job was to moderate a very active forum. I got to know a lot of people online. After a couple of years, the forum regulars got together for a party. About 50 people showed up for the first one, from all over the country (The party became an annual tradition). The point is that everyone was pretty much who they seemed to be online.

Now, that's hardly a double blind experiment, and it could be that the people who were comfortable showing up were those who'd presented themselves honestly on line.

But I think most people are fairly true to themselves online, with maybe a little more ego showing because it's safe. It would be exhausting to maintain a separate personality, and few could pull it off for long before being identified.

 

[coastal-boy]

What's more real? The person's opinion of their online self or the way other people perceive them in real life? One person's reality is always biased by their own viewpoint. But reality in life is always based on the consensus. They are different viewpoints. Neither is wrong...but neither is complete.

 

[culloden]

What's more real? The person's opinion of their online self or the way other people perceive them in real life? One person's reality is always biased by their own viewpoint. But reality in life is always based on the consensus. They are different viewpoints. Neither is wrong...but neither is complete.

Well said. And some people have a much better sense of how they come off in public than do others.

 

[Mac98]

True. But what I found there seemed to correlate with what I found here and here. Give me some credit for having research skills, Mac. Wikipedia just happened to summarize it in a more concise fashion.

BTW - I'm not saying there is no merit to the concept and that some people don't do this or shouldn't do this or are wrong for doing it. Just that I'm having difficulty relating because it's not the way *I* roll. See the difference?

I see the difference, but the point I'm trying to make is that I don't mean people are different online than they are IRL in terms of personality, attitude and characteristics, I just mean it's twisted just a little because, I believe, you can't lack confidence on the internet. The best example I can give is this: On lit (especially, but this applies to Live chat, Facebook, YouTube, etc.), I tend to be able to express myself rather well and tend to enjoy giving my opinion or joining in a discussion, but IRL, I'm more reserved, quiet and will listen MUCH more than I'll talk (unless you get me going on a subject that I'm very passionate about). Also, IRL I have a very hard time expressing myself. I'm always looking for words or using the wrong word to describe something. As odd as it is, I don't have that problem on the internet, therefore I feel free-er and will formulate and express opinions that I wouldn't in normal circumstances.

But I'm as much of a prick IRL as I am on the internet (as much or as little as that is, you can all be the judge of that). I use my surname, but that's only because I wish to stay anonymous (mostly because not everyone on the net can be trusted with basic information like that. I choose to be safe).

But in my other thread, I didn't mean "internet persona" to be something completely different from who we are IRL. I just meant that you can't judge someone from a few posts on the internet because it may not reflect who they are in the real world.

I admit, however, that sometimes you can spot an asshole from a mile away... even on the internet. But the screen in front of you right now is a bullet-proof shell surrounding you. Such a thing can spawn something within you. For me, it spawns an improvement in my verbalization skills.

And yes, you're right. I should give you merit for the research. I, too, find this thread to be quite interesting.

 

[bailadora]

I see the difference, but the point I'm trying to make is that I don't mean people are different online than they are IRL in terms of personality, attitude and characteristics, I just mean it's twisted just a little because, I believe, you can't lack confidence on the internet. The best example I can give is this: On lit (especially, but this applies to Live chat, Facebook, YouTube, etc.), I tend to be able to express myself rather well and tend to enjoy giving my opinion or joining in a discussion, but IRL, I'm more reserved, quiet and will listen MUCH more than I'll talk (unless you get me going on a subject that I'm very passionate about). Also, IRL I have a very hard time expressing myself. I'm always looking for words or using the wrong word to describe something. As odd as it is, I don't have that problem on the internet, therefore I feel free-er and will formulate and express opinions that I wouldn't in normal circumstances.

I get what you are saying but it seems to me that what you are describing is not necessarily a change in beliefs, basic personality and such but a change in behavior due to a change in environment. And if I'm interpreting you correctly then your description seems to fit the definition of persona as used in communication theory:

Therefore, personae presented to other people vary according to the social environment the person is engaged in, in particular the persona presented before others will differ from the persona an individual will present when he/she happens to be alone.

There's nothing wrong with that. I just find it an interesting concept because my self perception is that I *don't* do that. Then again as Coastal-boy pointed out, our perceptions of ourselves can be a bit biased.

But in my other thread, I didn't mean "internet persona" to be something completely different from who we are IRL. I just meant that you can't judge someone from a few posts on the internet because it may not reflect who they are in the real world.

I get that. Thanks for the clarification.

But the screen in front of you right now is a bullet-proof shell surrounding you. Such a thing can spawn something within you. For me, it spawns an improvement in my verbalization skills.

I'm not so sure I agree with that. I think the concept of Internet anonymity is shakier than we realize. But that's an entirely different discussion.

I, too, find this thread to be quite interesting.

I'm glad you weren't offended and I hope the discussion continues. It's been very enlightening.