Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

Forty plus years I've lived this. So dam irritating and confusing disappointment leading to long term resentment. The one person you're suppose to be able to share anything with without great of ridiculous or reprisal turns out they are the worst. Life's cruel joke.

Wow, that’s a long time. I hope that this little thread helps to ease the feeling of solitude a little bit. You are not alone with the same feelings.

 

[Kraken_96]

Yes, I've hidden it - but in a 'I'm tired of vocalising it for so long' way.

She originally sought the adventure of it all, but found herself tired over time and wanting the thing most pleasurable for her (missionary where she can feel me finish).

We talked a lot about me wanting to experience all within the boundaries of what she's comfortable with, those boundaries just sort of...shrank over time. She made it clear it was not through lack of enjoyment, just efficiency for finishing.

So after a while of trying to talk about wanting to explore it as art, of tease, denial, learning more...I stopped trying and accepted her way for her.

 

[j23in03]

I do. Mainly because she's not as kinky as I am and trust me I'm not too kinky. Another reason being there's only so many times you can watch the same show before turning the tv off seems appealing.

 

[MH2024hot]

Forty plus years I've lived this. So dam irritating and confusing disappointment leading to long term resentment. The one person you're suppose to be able to share anything with without great of ridiculous or reprisal turns out they are the worst. Life's cruel joke.

I'm sorry. You're right about our spouse being the one person to share anything with. I guess I've never really felt that way when it came to sex based on fear of judgment until recently, mainly out of frustration and desperation and greater fear of where I was potentially headed if things didn't change. I was checking out sex clubs in Germany, I liked the idea of watching it done freely and properly but backed out at the last minute which got me doing some deep thinking. I'm still a bit nervous when I introduce new ideas and how far I can go.

 

[Yarglenurp]

Forty plus years I've lived this. So dam irritating and confusing disappointment leading to long term resentment. The one person you're suppose to be able to share anything with without great of ridiculous or reprisal turns out they are the worst. Life's cruel joke.

A lot of these old-school marriages seem pretty awful… so you’re in either your late 50s or 60s, or maybe even 70s… are you actually choosing to die before experiencing what you want to experience from a romantic partner? What would you actually lose?

 

[Exhibit0013]

I do. Mainly because she's not as kinky as I am and trust me I'm not too kinky. Another reason being there's only so many times you can watch the same show before turning the tv off seems appealing.

Same here

 

[Strixaluco]

She originally sought the adventure of it all, but found herself tired over time and wanting the thing most pleasurable for her (missionary where she can feel me finish).

We talked a lot about me wanting to experience all within the boundaries of what she's comfortable with, those boundaries just sort of...shrank over time. She made it clear it was not through lack of enjoyment, just efficiency for finishing.

This sounds sad. At least she doesn't judge. But to be limited by being tired.... I'd guess it feels in other areas of life, too.

 

[Playwithmee]

Definitely. Tried exploring them with her but was shit down faster than a bad taco stand. Ever since never felt comfortable, as it’s obvious she doesn’t want even begin to know.

 

[HottieOlwen]

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

For all but the first two years of our marriage, Richard and I have been totally honest with each other about our lifestyle. Once he had persuaded me that he knew he couldn't give me a cock induced orgasm (3" fully hard and prem. ej.) and that he wouldn't object to me taking a bigger, better equipped lover, we were off and running. Honesty is certainly the best policy as far as we are concerned. I've been a Hot Wife for thirty years now, and I love Richard as much today as when we were first married. He just doesn't get to fuck me, although he does love the cream pies I feed him. He also loves to watch me getting fucked. We both know that our lifestyle isn't for everyone, but it suits us, and we intend to go on living it as long as we can.

 

[Strixaluco]

We both know that our lifestyle isn't for everyone, but it suits us, and we intend to go on living it as long as we can.

The route to a happy relationship/marriage is indeed honest discussion and finding together what suits you best instead of general public. The generally accepted lifestyles don't suit everyone after all.

Of course it's also about being compatible - discussion doesn't solve everything. I wouldn't be a happy hot wife. But for me traditional intercourse isn't even quite necessary, my partner gives me more orgasms with his hands in a month than my late husband gave me with any method in 10 years despite having a more intercourse. Just guess which makes me happier And the nice thing is, he greatly enjoys doing it - it isn't entirely unselfish.

But if the honest and vulnerable discussion isn't an option... Well then finding a good solution is like finding a needle in the haystack. Or even the chances of being compatible.

 

[hulmule]

ive tired over the years. My wife doesnt care to talk about sex. But over the years told her of my needs and asked of hers. But she says she has none. Menopause has taken that away sadly. But we were both different. I'm very sexual and she was very vanilla. She would always say- whats wrong with you. You can never have enough...Told her dont be so sexy...

 

[lil_jenni]

I am usually as open as Hubby is comfortable with me being open. And that's a lot more these days than way back in the beginning. But it took time and understanding, as well as me getting better with my anxiety, relationship and general. There are still things about which he's just not interested in knowing details or extent, but there are no things completely hidden anymore. But like I said, it's been slow getting to this point.

 

[Yarglenurp]

The route to a happy relationship/marriage is indeed honest discussion and finding together what suits you best instead of general public. The generally accepted lifestyles don't suit everyone after all.

Of course it's also about being compatible - discussion doesn't solve everything. I wouldn't be a happy hot wife. But for me traditional intercourse isn't even quite necessary, my partner gives me more orgasms with his hands in a month than my late husband gave me with any method in 10 years despite having a more intercourse. Just guess which makes me happier And the nice thing is, he greatly enjoys doing it - it isn't entirely unselfish.

But if the honest and vulnerable discussion isn't an option... Well then finding a good solution is like finding a needle in the haystack. Or even the chances of being compatible.

Well, I think the common solution is to masturbate a lot until you’re at the point to either divorce or cheat, though I don’t think that’s the encouraged path. But yeah, there’s no “everyone stays happy solution in most cases.

 

[dkak001]

@lil_jenni It's not always easy to get there. But definitely worth it. Have always tried to be honest with my partner, and that has been worth so much as time goes on.
We know you have an exciting past. Glad you ended up with someone who sees you for you!

 

[lil_jenni]

We know you have an exciting past. Glad you ended up with someone who sees you for you!

This might be the nicest way of saying I used to be a slut that I've seen in a long time...

 

[HijabLady_UK]

Very much so, places like Lit have been a way to find an avenue to express certain feelings and thoughts my partner wouldn't understand or accept

 

[Strixaluco]

Well, I think the common solution is to masturbate a lot until you’re at the point to either divorce or cheat, though I don’t think that’s the encouraged path. But yeah, there’s no “everyone stays happy solution in most cases.

Unfortunately so.

And as long as sexuality isn't discussed, just assumed already at the early stages of dating, many will find themselves in that situation in the future as well.

But I also just heard of a couple saving their relationship by daring some mutual honest vulnerability last week. The one I heard it from came thanking me, as I had warmly recommended it. Not all marriages can be saved, but those that can't.... Vulnerability tends to be the way.

 

[ZfrkS62]

Unfortunately so.

And as long as sexuality isn't discussed, just assumed already at the early stages of dating, many will find themselves in that situation in the future as well.

But I also just heard of a couple saving their relationship by daring some mutual honest vulnerability last week. The one I heard it from came thanking me, as I had warmly recommended it. Not all marriages can be saved, but those that can't.... Vulnerability tends to be the way.

Even if you discuss it early on, who's to say something doesn't change in 5, 10, and or 20 years for one person? It should be discussed often. If one person is completely closed off to the idea of trying new things, it isn't going to work long term.

 

[Strixaluco]

Even if you discuss it early on, who's to say something doesn't change in 5, 10, and or 20 years for one person? It should be discussed often. If one person is completely closed off to the idea of trying new things, it isn't going to work long term.

Well here's no disagreement on that

 

[Vitriolhack]

Definitely. Tried exploring them with her but was shit down faster than a bad taco stand. Ever since never felt comfortable, as it’s obvious she doesn’t want even begin to know.

Oh sweetie, that’s where a lot of us are.

Feel free to share your mind here.

 

[Thermister]

I don't hide them, but she has no interest in any physical contact at all so there is not much room for discussion.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I don't hide them, but she has no interest in any physical contact at all so there is not much room for discussion.

I feel for you, feel free to share your thoughts on the subject here.

No judgment.

 

[alwaystheguy1983]

For all but the first two years of our marriage, Richard and I have been totally honest with each other about our lifestyle. Once he had persuaded me that he knew he couldn't give me a cock induced orgasm (3" fully hard and prem. ej.) and that he wouldn't object to me taking a bigger, better equipped lover, we were off and running. Honesty is certainly the best policy as far as we are concerned. I've been a Hot Wife for thirty years now, and I love Richard as much today as when we were first married. He just doesn't get to fuck me, although he does love the cream pies I feed him. He also loves to watch me getting fucked. We both know that our lifestyle isn't for everyone, but it suits us, and we intend to go on living it as long as we can.

This is beautiful

 

[Vitriolhack]

You know, at times, I don’t just hide my sexual needs, I also pretend everything is ok.

 

[Winchester3030]

I definitely have to hide all of my needs, well I say hide I just don’t think she cares or has any idea about sexual needs of men