Does this make me gay?

[fma20fma]

hi

Agreed. I was happily married when I first experimented with a guy and did it just for fun. If you know you prefer women then no worries my friend, it's all good. Nothing wrong with enjoying the best of both worlds.

my ex bf was bi. treated me as a guy always.what does it make him??

 

[Chrissi]

I have always been attracked to women but last evening I was hanging out with a friend. After a few beers (John Courage) things got hazy. I don't remember the conversation but I wound up letting the man suck my cock. I had previously only ever been sucked off by women and girls. Thoughts? Feed back would be greatly appreciated. I think it was just a drunken occurrence but now I am not sure. I didn't know where else to pose the question. Apologies if this is not an appropriate place to ask the question.

Not able to add much more than has been said. But I do understand the need for people to want to categorize themselves. It is natural human behavior.

To me it makes you curious and open to experimentation. Both good qualities, imho. Gay? Only you can ultimately answer that, but without more: No, I wouldn't call a guy who allowed another guy to blow him "gay." (Again, without more, and assuming your friend was in a similar position as you; I wouldn't even call him gay.)

 

[larrycando]

Just enjoy yourself. Only do what you enjoy.

 

[Whispor]

Society and its fucking labels. I hate them. I like the earlier example of where someone's friend is gay and just because he slept with a woman doesn't automatically make him straight... When you look at it that way it really makes a lot of sense.

Humans are erotic creatures. Everything, and I mean everything is centered around sex. Think about that for a second.

I'm one of those men who doesn't find other men attractive. I don't look at a man and see him as someone I want to hug, kiss, or pinch his ass. Strictly women bring out those feelings in me. If I ever do have an actual cocksucking experience with another man, I don't foresee any of that changing...

Life is about memories and experiences. Soak them up while you can.

 

[JKendallDane]

I have always been attracked to women but last evening I was hanging out with a friend. After a few beers (John Courage) things got hazy. I don't remember the conversation but I wound up letting the man suck my cock. I had previously only ever been sucked off by women and girls. Thoughts? Feed back would be greatly appreciated. I think it was just a drunken occurrence but now I am not sure. I didn't know where else to pose the question. Apologies if this is not an appropriate place to ask the question.

There are a number of standard cliches in the gay community about this. My top three favorites are:

1~The difference between straight and bi or gay is about four beers.

2~There is no such thing as a totally straight man on an aircraft carrier three months into a six month Med cruise.

3~You can fuck a Marine, but don't try to kiss them. That would make them gay!

I've always felt the biggest homophobes are the guys that have never settled in their own minds that the one circle jerk or blow job with a buddy they were involved in way back at scout camp or the first crazy year of college, did *NOT* make them the least bit gay.

JMNSHO ~ YMMV



.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I have always been attracked to women but last evening I was hanging out with a friend. After a few beers (John Courage) things got hazy. I don't remember the conversation but I wound up letting the man suck my cock. I had previously only ever been sucked off by women and girls. Thoughts? Feed back would be greatly appreciated. I think it was just a drunken occurrence but now I am not sure. I didn't know where else to pose the question. Apologies if this is not an appropriate place to ask the question.

Unless miraculously you've lost all your romantic/sexual attraction to women do to this experience and are now only romantically/sexually attracted to men, you are not gay. Gay, as it applies to men, means you're romantically/sexually exclusively attracted to other men, just as lesbian mean the same, except the attraction is to women.

Despite what the so called experts here at Literotica try to pedal, having sexual and/or romantic desire for both her/his own gender while also having the same for the opposite gender, no matter how marginal those desires may be, makes that person bisexual or if lacking experience bicurious. It doesn't make you any less human, it doesn't make you less deserving of love, respect and all the other things we as humans owe each other, it does however make you bisexual, whether you like the label or no!

As for your question revised to “Dose this make me bisexual?” Truthfully I can't answer that question for you, no one here can, only you can answer that question but if you do have the desire and are aroused by the thought of repeating the experience, maybe even taking it to the next step, you're most likely bisexual.

By the way I hope you're smart enough to use safe sex practices in all of your sexual relationships. Something that seems to be rarely talked about or more truthfully totally avoided by many gay and bisexual men. If you're having sex with someone who you don't know absolutely beyond any reasonable doubt is STI free or you're not sure you're absolutely STI free, use protection.

 

[KinkStevens]

Bravo

Unless miraculously you've lost all your romantic/sexual attraction to women do to this experience and are now only romantically/sexually attracted to men, you are not gay. Gay, as it applies to men, means you're romantically/sexually exclusively attracted to other men, just as lesbian mean the same, except the attraction is to women.

Despite what the so called experts here at Literotica try to pedal, having sexual and/or romantic desire for both her/his own gender while also having the same for the opposite gender, no matter how marginal those desires may be, makes that person bisexual or if lacking experience bicurious. It doesn't make you any less human, it doesn't make you less deserving of love, respect and all the other things we as humans owe each other, it does however make you bisexual, whether you like the label or no!

As for your question revised to “Dose this make me bisexual?” Truthfully I can't answer that question for you, no one here can, only you can answer that question but if you do have the desire and are aroused by the thought of repeating the experience, maybe even taking it to the next step, you're most likely bisexual.

By the way I hope you're smart enough to use safe sex practices in all of your sexual relationships. Something that seems to be rarely talked about or more truthfully totally avoided by many gay and bisexual men. If you're having sex with someone who you don't know absolutely beyond any reasonable doubt is STI free or you're not sure you're absolutely STI free, use protection.

Nicely done

 

[curiousdreamer51]

Lola

I had an interesting talk with my daughter at coffee this morning. The Kinks song from "1970" was playing in the coffee shop. I asked her if she had ever listened to the lyrics- she hadn't so I pulled them up. We discussed her generation and how bi women are just no big deal but why haven't people come to the same feeling about bi guys. Her response was immediate and referenced the ongoing double standard in our society. That said - times are very slowly changing. When Lola first came out in 1970 it raised more than eyebrows, now not a ripple!

 

[none2_none2]

Unless miraculously you've lost all your romantic/sexual attraction to women do to this experience and are now only romantically/sexually attracted to men, you are not gay. Gay, as it applies to men, means you're romantically/sexually exclusively attracted to other men, just as lesbian mean the same, except the attraction is to women.

Despite what the so called experts here at Literotica try to pedal, having sexual and/or romantic desire for both her/his own gender while also having the same for the opposite gender, no matter how marginal those desires may be, makes that person bisexual or if lacking experience bicurious. It doesn't make you any less human, it doesn't make you less deserving of love, respect and all the other things we as humans owe each other, it does however make you bisexual, whether you like the label or no!

As for your question revised to “Dose this make me bisexual?” Truthfully I can't answer that question for you, no one here can, only you can answer that question but if you do have the desire and are aroused by the thought of repeating the experience, maybe even taking it to the next step, you're most likely bisexual.

By the way I hope you're smart enough to use safe sex practices in all of your sexual relationships. Something that seems to be rarely talked about or more truthfully totally avoided by many gay and bisexual men. If you're having sex with someone who you don't know absolutely beyond any reasonable doubt is STI free or you're not sure you're absolutely STI free, use protection.

While I agree that plenty of people are in denial about bi-sexuality (the old 100%-str8-but-crave-cock oxymoron), I also think one has to avoid the one-drop-of-something-else-makes-you-something-else mentality too. Most have heard that in Americas past, if you had any trace of black blood, you were black. So if your triple great grandfather (1/32nd of your genetic makeup) was African-American, even if you were blond haired, blue eyed, you were black.

I think likewise, in sexuality, if you just absolutely positively just HAVE to wear a label (something which seems so passe in my opinion), then why does even the smallest hint of attraction to a second sex mean you must be bi? Sexuality is a continum. I've spent my life romantically and sexually involved with men that turned me on. (Plenty of men do not turn me on simply because they have penis/balls and/or XY chromosomes.)

Unlike some gay men, I find nothing cool about saying sexist jokes when there is no woman around. I do not care for "fish" jokes, and I do not feel the need to say "yuck" when I see a nude female in order to solidify amongst other gay's that yes I am indeed a member of the "tribe". Sex with the opposite sex would not be revolting as some gays would protest, my heart simply has never pushed me that way. That being said, if I had god-like powers to create-life, my ideal would have been to create a gender that is very masculine, very muscular, VERY hairy, yet has a vagina and a womb, and has the desire to settle down, be bred, and raise a family.

This doesn't mean I have a fettish for transmen. Nor does it mean I'm going to chop off my partners junk. I love his junk -- not because I crave it, but rather because I love him, and penis/balls junk is what he came with.

I really don't like labels, but nothing is more frustrating than giving a different opinion in the gay community, and if you don't simply regurgiate the going opinions somehow you are either full of internalized homophobia, or really not gay and thus don't truly understand it.

Again, the goal should be just to be yourself and not to "need" a label. Likewise, the goal should be as you state that all are entitled to love and respect. I would add that someone should not consider it a threat or insulting if someone shares the fact that they are attracted to you. If you aren't attracted to them, simply say no, but thank you. There is no reason to be offended because it is actually a complement.

If my partner were to die late in my life (heaven forbid), I don't like saying that hell would freeze over before I would ever have a relationship with a woman. I don't say that because I secretly masturbate to female porn. Rather I say that because what should matter is the human heart. If I'm single and the nicest person in the world happens to be a female, should I limit the possibility? Perhaps it is my age, low-T, or something else, but at this point in my life my view is that it hast to be about the human heart. I cannot say that love is something that only the opposite sex (str8) or same sex (gay) can satisfy.

I never bought into the BS that men are from Mars and women from Venus. I've been around long enough to see human beings (regardless of gender) run the gamut. There are women who love sports, automechanics, etc just as much as some men. (I also won't assume that they are all lesbians either.) Likewise, there are men and women who don't care for some of those things. (No not all of those men are gay.)

Hopefully the day will come when we choose our partners for what is on the inside, and not what they are packing in their underware.

 

[betabrad]

When in college many years ago, a friend and me were drinking beer and watching a porno. While watching some hot slut suck a cock , he said that he wish he had a hot slut to suck his cock right now. We were almost out of beer and I was ready for another one so I asked him for another. He told me that if I wanted another that I'd have to suck his cock.

He pulled out his hard cock and just started saying things like ... "i wont tell anyone. Just kiss it, that's all you have to do , just lick the head." I figured what the hell ... so I got on my knees , and leaned in. That's when he grabbed my head and pushed his cock into my mouth and started fucking my mouth until he came.

That's the only time I've ever suck a cock. But someone once told me "if you've sucked cock even one time, you're a cocksucker". Is that true ?

 

[Chrissi]

While I agree that plenty of people are in denial about bi-sexuality (the old 100%-str8-but-crave-cock oxymoron), I also think one has to avoid the one-drop-of-something-else-makes-you-something-else mentality too. Most have heard that in Americas past, if you had any trace of black blood, you were black. So if your triple great grandfather (1/32nd of your genetic makeup) was African-American, even if you were blond haired, blue eyed, you were black.

I think likewise, in sexuality, if you just absolutely positively just HAVE to wear a label (something which seems so passe in my opinion), then why does even the smallest hint of attraction to a second sex mean you must be bi? Sexuality is a continum. I've spent my life romantically and sexually involved with men that turned me on. (Plenty of men do not turn me on simply because they have penis/balls and/or XY chromosomes.)

Unlike some gay men, I find nothing cool about saying sexist jokes when there is no woman around. I do not care for "fish" jokes, and I do not feel the need to say "yuck" when I see a nude female in order to solidify amongst other gay's that yes I am indeed a member of the "tribe". Sex with the opposite sex would not be revolting as some gays would protest, my heart simply has never pushed me that way. That being said, if I had god-like powers to create-life, my ideal would have been to create a gender that is very masculine, very muscular, VERY hairy, yet has a vagina and a womb, and has the desire to settle down, be bred, and raise a family.

This doesn't mean I have a fettish for transmen. Nor does it mean I'm going to chop off my partners junk. I love his junk -- not because I crave it, but rather because I love him, and penis/balls junk is what he came with.

I really don't like labels, but nothing is more frustrating than giving a different opinion in the gay community, and if you don't simply regurgiate the going opinions somehow you are either full of internalized homophobia, or really not gay and thus don't truly understand it.

Again, the goal should be just to be yourself and not to "need" a label. Likewise, the goal should be as you state that all are entitled to love and respect. I would add that someone should not consider it a threat or insulting if someone shares the fact that they are attracted to you. If you aren't attracted to them, simply say no, but thank you. There is no reason to be offended because it is actually a complement.

If my partner were to die late in my life (heaven forbid), I don't like saying that hell would freeze over before I would ever have a relationship with a woman. I don't say that because I secretly masturbate to female porn. Rather I say that because what should matter is the human heart. If I'm single and the nicest person in the world happens to be a female, should I limit the possibility? Perhaps it is my age, low-T, or something else, but at this point in my life my view is that it hast to be about the human heart. I cannot say that love is something that only the opposite sex (str8) or same sex (gay) can satisfy.

I never bought into the BS that men are from Mars and women from Venus. I've been around long enough to see human beings (regardless of gender) run the gamut. There are women who love sports, automechanics, etc just as much as some men. (I also won't assume that they are all lesbians either.) Likewise, there are men and women who don't care for some of those things. (No not all of those men are gay.)

Hopefully the day will come when we choose our partners for what is on the inside, and not what they are packing in their underware.

wow, this x ∞

 

[jackstud]

Well said none 2

 

[Dyslexicea]

While I agree that plenty of people are in denial about bi-sexuality (the old 100%-str8-but-crave-cock oxymoron), I also think one has to avoid the one-drop-of-something-else-makes-you-something-else mentality too. Most have heard that in Americas past, if you had any trace of black blood, you were black. So if your triple great grandfather (1/32nd of your genetic makeup) was African-American, even if you were blond haired, blue eyed, you were black.

You really really hit one of my triggers, which caused both pain and anger, as Zora Neale Hurston said “If you are silent in your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it.” so I decided I won't remain silent.

Contrary to your assertion being blued eyed, blond headed with pale skin, in other words to pass, going anywhere, at any time in U.S. past or present, other than where she was born and maybe not even there, would still have given her white privilege, which is a world of difference between being black or of mixed race and not passing. For you to have even used this as an example means, in my opinion, you have, as Justice Ginsburg puts it, unconscious bias, if not outright racism. You could not have used this example if consciously or unconsciously you, even in the Twenty First Century, didn't think whites are better than blacks. If you and other didn't make this assumption your point wouldn't have made any sense, it can only make sense in a world where most white people still consciously or unconsciously think they are better than black people.

Not to mention, which I did earlier on someone else's post, your example is a false equivalency making your point moot. Not that I don't agree with you on the bisexual part but if your going to use an example it has to be one that has equivalency. Race is a false construct in the first place, although I do experience the pains of living in a racist society, the truth is we are all of one race, sexuality on the other hand is not a false construct and it has nothing to do with the color of one's skin.

Anyway, I don't know if you're a racist or not, from reading some of your post here I tend to believe you're not but you need to think seriously about your unconscious biases and assumptions you make about the world we all live in. By the way I'm not a perfect person I catch myself having unconscious biases more than I'd like to admit and it's not always easy overcoming those but I do so.

Labels:

As far as labels go we're never going to live in a society without labels, nor should we. What we should be striving for is a society that doesn't attach hate to the labels that fit us. I'm a mixed race lesbian, who's married, who happens to live in a mixed race marriage, who is one of the two mothers of our two mixed race children. In the society I live in any of those label can bring hate and at times violence. I'm still not willing to give up even one of those labels because they describe parts of my identity that make me who I am. Each one of those labels fit and I'm proud that they do.

If I'm at work or anywhere else, a sexy, hot, humorous, personality rich man is flirting with me trying to start a romantic and or sexual relationship, all I need to say is I'm a lesbian, game over, if game isn't over for him, he's a fool. On the other hand if lesbian doesn't mean lesbian, instead it means “kind of like girls but”, I then have to explain the facts of my life to this same man. If I fit “kind of like girls but”, I'm bisexual, I don't need to say a thing because game may very well be on. Labels are an important part of living in a civilized society but taking on labels that don't belong to one is dishonest and tends to over time make a good label that speaks to the identity of a group of people worthless.

 

[jackstud]

What the fuck

 

[none2_none2]

You really really hit one of my triggers, which caused both pain and anger, as Zora Neale Hurston said “If you are silent in your pain, they will kill you and say you enjoyed it.” so I decided I won't remain silent.

Contrary to your assertion being blued eyed, blond headed with pale skin, in other words to pass, going anywhere, at any time in U.S. past or present, other than where she was born and maybe not even there, would still have given her white privilege, which is a world of difference between being black or of mixed race and not passing. For you to have even used this as an example means, in my opinion, you have, as Justice Ginsburg puts it, unconscious bias, if not outright racism. You could not have used this example if consciously or unconsciously you, even in the Twenty First Century, didn't think whites are better than blacks. If you and other didn't make this assumption your point wouldn't have made any sense, it can only make sense in a world where most white people still consciously or unconsciously think they are better than black people.

Not to mention, which I did earlier on someone else's post, your example is a false equivalency making your point moot. Not that I don't agree with you on the bisexual part but if your going to use an example it has to be one that has equivalency. Race is a false construct in the first place, although I do experience the pains of living in a racist society, the truth is we are all of one race, sexuality on the other hand is not a false construct and it has nothing to do with the color of one's skin.

Anyway, I don't know if you're a racist or not, from reading some of your post here I tend to believe you're not but you need to think seriously about your unconscious biases and assumptions you make about the world we all live in. By the way I'm not a perfect person I catch myself having unconscious biases more than I'd like to admit and it's not always easy overcoming those but I do so.

Labels:

As far as labels go we're never going to live in a society without labels, nor should we. What we should be striving for is a society that doesn't attach hate to the labels that fit us. I'm a mixed race lesbian, who's married, who happens to live in a mixed race marriage, who is one of the two mothers of our two mixed race children. In the society I live in any of those label can bring hate and at times violence. I'm still not willing to give up even one of those labels because they describe parts of my identity that make me who I am. Each one of those labels fit and I'm proud that they do.

If I'm at work or anywhere else, a sexy, hot, humorous, personality rich man is flirting with me trying to start a romantic and or sexual relationship, all I need to say is I'm a lesbian, game over, if game isn't over for him, he's a fool. On the other hand if lesbian doesn't mean lesbian, instead it means “kind of like girls but”, I then have to explain the facts of my life to this same man. If I fit “kind of like girls but”, I'm bisexual, I don't need to say a thing because game may very well be on. Labels are an important part of living in a civilized society but taking on labels that don't belong to one is dishonest and tends to over time make a good label that speaks to the identity of a group of people worthless.

If you want to be angry at what I wrote, that is your choice. I learned over the last 10 years, that life is to short to spend life constantly in a self-censoring mode inspecting one's words over and over again. I know that game from years of making sure to strip out all gender pronouns when talking about my personal life when I was in a 12-step group lest I make some str8 dude fear I was after his ass. You can never please everybody, there will always be someone who finds fault with something. True friends and loved ones who know your heart will stay, and the others don't matter -- unless of course you are running for pope or president.

My point was valid: that if an individual had one drop of African blood, they were considered black by the law. Their birth certificate would never say white if their black ancestry was known at the time of their birth. Now perhaps they could bribe someone to get their certificate changed if they had enough money, but the fact remained that if their secret ever became known, society would consider them black even if that had not spent a single day in black culture.

Whether you want to emphasize that they had priveledge over those who could not pass is besides the point. The point is that society wanted to DEFINE them based on the slightest derivation from society's standards if their difference became known.

The same holds true for sexuality. Within the LGBT community, you can be shamed if you don't tow whatever the current line of thought is. At times it can be just as repressive as the society at large where we can expect to see it. If you dare to challenge the status quo you are either labeled with internalized homophobia, or if you dare challenge "born that way" then you aren't really gay, at best maybe bi. (Even among some gays, some bi's are considered gays in denial.)

Labels:
Labels are simply short cuts to truly getting to know someone. It is like hearing the first 5 notes to Beethoven's 5th, and saying you know all about his 5th symphony. Why you hold labels in high regard, I have no idea. I may tell someone I trust in confidence that I'm gay simply because I don't have the time to read my auto-biography to that individual. However, I rarely do come out anyway because all labels come with pre-conceived notions about what that means. A label is a way of restricting yourself. This quote is from Martina Navratilova: "Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people."

I don't get your specific label example at all. The fact is why do you need to tell a dude that you are a lesbian? It is really none of his business. If you are already in a relationship, why not simply say thank you for the compliment, but I am 0% on the market? If a woman comes on to you, wouldn't you do the same?

As for the coment "...sexuality on the other hand is not a false construct...". I do not agree at all. The day will come when we are in a post hetro/homo/bi label weary world. People will always have their preferences, but this idea that one can simply disgard HALF of the human species because someone is gay or str8 is simply based on fear of a broader perspective and comfort with the status quo. (What is really frustrating is that if one dares challenges that sacredly held static belief on "orientation", they are told that they cannot really be str8 or gay but rather must really be bi is also a very convienent way to discard their opinion. All the more reason that the whole str8/gay/bi labels are already showing that they are worn out terms.)

If my partner were to tell me tonight he was leaving me for someone else, it doesn't matter the details such as the new person's gender, age, race, etc. My heart would break period. Some have the attitude that as long as the person causing the breakup is your same gender that you can win your partner back is total nonsense. One can only be themself. One cannot change their age, height, race, etc. So unless someone leaves you for your identical twin, There is no changing the outcome.

I'm not planning on leaving my partner. I'm also not entertaining the thought that if only I could leave him for a female I could enjoy all the privileges that come with better passing as str8 if I had a woman, but neither am I going to say that because I am not a str8 male I could never love a woman because I'm somehow wired wrong or she is either wired wrong or plumbed wrong. To me that is really a narrowed minded attitude.

Yes I believe we each have some kind of essence (call it a soul for simplicity), and I do NOT believe that a soul has a gender, a race, a "sexual orientation", a height, weight, an age, etc. It simply contains our life's experiences, and a desire to connect with others to make sense out of the world and along the way hopefully be a little less lonely.