Dominance and submission - the necessary mindsets

[CutieMouse]

The latter.

I thought so... and you didn't even quote all of me so I can fix it. You rock.

 

[00Syd]

Sure, you can try some double duty. Remember that ya gotta always give your capo some off the top. That goes for the testing thing too, ya know.

I think we'll call you Martini.

Excellent.

-Martini

 

[Over_Lord]

Haha, no, its the idea that there is a one true way to practice D/s that's being resented. If you haven't gotten that by now, then there is no hope for you, I'm afraid.

And there you have it as a virtual stereotype.

The use of masking/spoiling arguments claiming that I have said something other than what I actually did.

Par for the course, I suppose.

 

[CutieMouse]

Opinion, dressed up as fact... more than slightly betrayed by the apparently irresistible compulsion to hide lack of argument behind the 'm'dears' and 'bad forms'.

My OP was little other than statistical observation... and it is precisely the stats which are being resented. I refer you to my Flat Earth comment.

I stand my ground.

In case you didn't notice, I was actually agreeing with your premise that there are a hell of a lot of people identifying as 'submissive' who quite simply, aren't. The difference being that I attempt to identify where things break down to create such a situation, rather than attack those who function differently from myself.

 

[00Syd]

And there you have it as a virtual stereotype.

The use of masking/spoiling arguments claiming that I have said something other than what I actually did.

Par for the course, I suppose.

Are you sure you never said that? Because I'm pretty sure you did. Let's take a look:

The psychology and life changing elements of true Domination/submission, it seems, have never crossed the minds of these people.

Oh why lookie there, you did!

 

[MisterSir]

Well, I guess there's worse things to be than part of the BDSM mafia. What's my job?

 

[Over_Lord]

Are you sure you never said that? Because I'm pretty sure you did. Let's take a look:





Oh why lookie there, you did!

Ooh, why lookie there, it does NOT say ONE TRUE WAY....

Engage brain before opening mouth...

 

[MisterSir]

Engage brain before opening mouth...

Really not making yourself look any less of an asshole. It IS possible to argue a point without resorting to shit like that, even if you can't do it.

 

[Over_Lord]

In case you didn't notice, I was actually agreeing with your premise that there are a hell of a lot of people identifying as 'submissive' who quite simply, aren't. The difference being that I attempt to identify where things break down to create such a situation, rather than attack those who function differently from myself.

Then we agree on the basics...

... and my OP in no way 'attacked' anybody. It merely made a statistical observation.

If people have felt 'attacked' this is presumably because they do not like any mention being made of this situation.

I would welcome a different interpretation of what has been going on but I cannot see where you are going to find one.

 

[00Syd]

Ooh, why lookie there, it does NOT say ONE TRUE WAY....

Engage brain before opening mouth...

The mere fact that you put the word "true" before the words Dominance and submission insinuate that you believe there to be a "true" way to practice D/s.

My original point, was that people weren't attacking you for your main point (and many are actually agreeing with you) which maybe you've noticed by now, but that putting the word "true" before D/s sends up a giant, flaming, waving red flag that screams "asshat." Most of us don't like that word combo, with good reason.

So how about instead of making yourself seem like more of a jerk then you already have by insulting everyone ("Engage brain before opening mouth"), take a look at what everyone is actually saying, take a few deep breaths, do some deep relaxation, and take a chill pill.

 

[Over_Lord]

The mere fact that you put the word "true" before the words Dominance and submission insinuate that you believe there to be a "true" way to practice D/s.

My original point, was that people weren't attacking you for your main point (and many are actually agreeing with you) which maybe you've noticed by now, but that putting the word "true" before D/s sends up a giant, flaming, waving red flag that screams "asshat." Most of us don't like that word combo, with good reason.

So how about instead of making yourself seem like more of a jerk then you already have by insulting everyone ("Engage brain before opening mouth"), take a look at what everyone is actually saying, take a few deep breaths, do some deep relaxation, and take a chill pill.

Backtracking par excellence.

'Insinuation' (?) is in the mind of the partisan commentator... and anyone who cannot tolerate the 'T' word is the one who needs to 'chill', I would venture to suggest, not someone who makes what he considers to be a detached and genuine offering, based on real observation, as a subject for debate and discussion.

'Jerk'..? This is how you win your aguments..?

 

[00Syd]

Backtracking par excellence.

'Insinuation' (?) is in the mind of the partisan commentator... and anyone who cannot tolerate the 'T' word is the one who needs to 'chill', I would venture to suggest, not someone who makes what he considers to be a detached and genuine offering, based on genuine observation, as a subject for debate and discussion.

I would love you to show me where I'm backtracking, by the way.

And your pretty much in a room full of people who dislike (not sure where you got intolerant, obviously we're tolerant since we're bothering to explain this to you at all) the word "true" when paired with the phrase "Dominance and submission," so if you were hoping to make me seem like some crackpot minority you are out of luck.

 

[MisterSir]

Backtracking par excellence.

'Insinuation' (?) is in the mind of the partisan commentator... and anyone who cannot tolerate the 'T' word is the one who needs to 'chill', I would venture to suggest, not someone who makes what he considers to be a detached and genuine offering, based on real observation, as a subject for debate and discussion.

'Jerk'..? This is how you win your aguments..?

Dude.

Dude.

Dude.

You've got your head so far up your ass I bet you can style your hair by eating gel.

 

[BiBunny]

Dude.

Dude.

Dude.

You've got your head so far up your ass I bet you can style your hair by eating gel.

Don't bother. This sort of thing is basically what you'd expect from a troll with the word "Lord" in his name.

Ah, well, what was it Oscar Wilde said? "Anyone who can call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one." That's how our new friend sees it, anyhow.

 

[midwestyankee]

Well, I guess there's worse things to be than part of the BDSM mafia. What's my job?

I think that you'd be a good fit for gang geek: the computer guy who always manages to crack the impossible password-infested e-defense at the last minute. In your case, I think we'll be assigning you to locate trolls' computers and infect them with a virus that sends a copy of every pornographic email or IM to our servers for our entertainment. And we'll want to call you Doc.

Welcum to da gang, Doc.

 

[mary63]

wow!!!

nice fight did the mafia win? or did jerk? ...lol

 

[Biffalo_Buff]

This thread is the best laugh I've had in a couple of days. I'd list the number of people I'd like to quote and applaud but the post would be obnoxiously long, so I'll just offer this, with the hope that I don't step on MWY's toes. Or anything else he's got exposed.

Potential BDSM Mafia Nicknames


Benny the Whip
Flogger Molly
Switchy Susie
Spreader Bar Syd
"Fist" Gambino
Leather Lenny Luccese
"Needles" Corleone
Danny the Hand
Ballcrusher Betty
Raoul the Rope
Vibrator Vito
"The Cane" DeCavecci


Keep up the good work, all.

 

[MisterSir]

Leather Lenny Luccese
"The Cane" DeCavecci

Oh, I LIKE these. I think we've just witnessed the creation of a great new fad.

 

[Netzach]

This is kind of like the Collarme Femdoms I see screaming and bitching about their overflowing inboxes full of asshat emails - sometimes it's kind of annoying, but to me it's like, dude, I have a delete button. I'll take my umbrella rather than standing around cursing the rain.

Get a grip.

 

[Yasashii_Kaze]

Oooh, I want to join the BDSM mafia!

 

[oldsub]

I think there are as many ways to practice D/s as there are subs and Dommes. Some play D/s games, some have D/s relationships others, live a D/s lifestyle. Is one better then the other? Yes! Whichever one fits your desires. Am I less of a sub if my practice only revolves around bedroom games where both my Domme and I explore our fetishes to get off ? More of a sub if on a daily basis I do things for my Domme to make each day easier and more pleasurable for her regardless of any fetish or reward ? Are people who visit professionals to relieve their stress by handing over control for an hour or two not "truely" experiencing submission? Years ago we were the one's asking not to be judged because we didn't fit into the "norm", so let us not now become the ones who now judge others if they dont fit ours.

As for the mafia ... Johnny "Gags" (the silencer) at Your service

 

[Homburg]

So when I mouse over a thread, a preview box pops up giving me a bit of the text from the OP. Seeing this thread, I moused over like I usually do, and was greeted with idiotic drivel. Thus I ignored it.

The thread gets replies, and I keep seeing names that I enjoy reading, but, wow, insipid first post keeps putting me off. I decide this morning that, what the hell, I'll look into it.

This thread is full of win. Sure, the OP is a puffed up toad, rambling on in a dreary pseudo-intellectual fashion, but so many of the replies are just lovely

So who decides what 'true' D/s is? You? Some random Mastercyberdomlybollocks?

*snip*

If you ask me, submitting to a dissatisfied spouse who wants some woman to metamorphosise into his personal masturbatory fantasy and make herself available for a kinky fuck every few months is not 'true D/s.' You can witter on about the deep psychology of it all till you wet your boxers but that's about what D/s boils down to for you.

Mastercyberdomlybollocks?

*snort*

Brilliant.

 

[LadyC]

Not so much on this thread, but throughout Lit BDSM I find that many of the people referring to themselves as dominants are, in reality, nothing bullies. They push people around and demand everyone cow to their demands and profess the same beliefs as they. In my relationship with Billy-boy, though he is my minion 24 hrs a day, I do not demand total subservience, but there is an air of dominance in all things of a personal nature, and should he stray too far afield, he will be punished such as he was yesterday for posting under my name.

 

[the captians wench]

This is kind of like the Collarme Femdoms I see screaming and bitching about their overflowing inboxes full of asshat emails - sometimes it's kind of annoying, but to me it's like, dude, I have a delete button. I'll take my umbrella rather than standing around cursing the rain.

Get a grip.

This has been my adopted attitude since I decieded to stop thinking so hard about this subject.

As a newbie I spent many a night pondering how I could be more submissive, think more submissively, and act in the proper manner. I also thought about how a dom should act, think, and what he should be in general. I spent many hours catagorizing and labling and adjusting my idea of what a "true" member was. Infact this was the very first fight that Jounar and I had.

He didn't fit into this box that I had labled as "the perfect dom". He wasn't structured enough. He didn't care about the rules that I thought were universal. He didn't punish me for not capitalizing his name, or for not calling him "Sir" all of the time. Infact he didn't much care what I called him. This did not compute!

The fight was huge, and I still blame myself quite harshly. I had found some one who fit into the box, but of course I had to "prove myself" to this person. And how else would I do that but to cut off Jounar? This is what this random guy asked of me, and he fit into the box so perfectly that I thought it was what I wanted. I didn't get half way through the conversation. As soon as the words slipped past my lips I was apologizing and begging forgiveness. It was a hard lesson, but an important one for me. It was then that I realized it wasn't that Jounar didn't fit into my box and I was suposed to either find what did or push him into it anyway, Jounar is the perfect fit, it's me that needs to be shaped.

That's when I gave up the word "true". I realized what I deemed as "true" submission and "true" dominence wasn't so much the ideals came to by myself and my lover as much as it was every one else's ideals. I'm not every one else, I'm wenchie, and what fits me most likely won't fit the Mouse, or Syde, or SKL. And why should it?

The world would be such a boring place if there was only one way to be creative.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

...."true" submission and "true" dominance wasn't so much the ideals came to by myself and my lover as much as it was every one else's ideals. I'm not every one else, I'm wenchie, and what fits me most likely won't fit the Mouse, or Syde, or SKL. And why should it?

The world would be such a boring place if there was only one way to be creative.

Huzzah! Great post, wenchie!

And ... why is this thread still alive?