*English*

[Svenskaflicka]

Me and my cat use sign language. I clap on my knees and grin, and she squints her eyes at me. Translation:

Me: "Here, kitty, kitty! Come and sit in mummy's lap!"
Her: "You think I'm stupid?"

 

[DVS]

Me and my cat use sign language. I clap on my knees and grin, and she squints her eyes at me. Translation:

Me: "Here, kitty, kitty! Come and sit in mummy's lap!"
Her: "You think I'm stupid?"

Aren't cats great?!

They say if you have a pet, you are suppose to live longer. Do you really think they meant to include cats in this?

Actually, I think cats are aware of this, and their plan is to make any extra years be full of fur balls and shredded furniture, and constant meows when the dinner dish is empty. Thank God I don't own sandals!

 

[wildsweetone]

i was just going to say the same thing about not owning sandals. *whew*


my mind is totally blank for anything more on english. hmm i shall give it more thought over the weekend.

meanwhile, while i'm not around DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T.... oh, and try and behave yourselves

 

[Svenskaflicka]

How to give your cat a pill...

1. Lift the cat up and hold it in your arms like you hold a baby. Place the thumb and index finger of your right hand on each side of the cat’s mouth and gently press the cat’s cheeks, while holding the pill in the palm of your right hand. When the cat opens its mouth, let the pill roll into the cat’s mouth. Now let the cat close its mouth to calmly swallow the pill.
2. Pick up the pill from the floor and get the cat out from under the sofa. Let the cat lay in your arms and repeat point 1.
3. Throw away the wet pill and get the cat out of the bedroom.
   Take out a new pill from the box, hold the cat under your left arm, hold its paws in a hard grip in your left hand. Force the cat’s jaws up and push the pill into the back of the cat’s mouth with your index finger. Close the cat’s mouth and count to ten.
4. Take the pill out of the fish tank and take the cat down from the bookcase. Call for your wife to come in from the garden.
5. Get on all four and hold the cat between your legs, take a firm hold of its front- and hind legs. Never mind the cat’s growling. Ask your wife to hold the cat’s head in a steady grip while you push a ruler into the cat’s mouth. Let the pill slide down the ruler into the cat’s mouth. Caress the cat’s throat to get its swallowing reflexes working.
6. Take the cat down from the curtain rod. Take out a new pill from the box. (Mental note: Buy a new ruler and repair the curtains.) Carefully sweep up the broken glass figurines that were on the window sill and put them aside for later repair.
7. Wrap the cat into a towel and ask your wife to lay on top of the cat so that only its head sticks out from underneath her arm. Put the pill in a drinking straw, force the cat to open its mouth, and blow the pill into the cat’s mouth.
8. Carefully read the instructions on the medicine box to make sure that the pill is not dangerous for humans. Have a glass of water to get rid of the disgusting taste. Put some plaster on your wife’s arm and wash off the blood from the carpet with cold water and salt.
9. Get the cat out from your neighbor’s gardening shed. Get a new pill from the box. Put the cat into a kitchen cabinet and close the door so that only the head of the cat sticks out. Force the cat’s mouth open with a table spoon and shoot the pill into the cat’s mouth by using a rubber string.
10. Get a screwdriver out of your toolbox and screw the door of the kitchen cabinet back in place. Put a plaster on your cheek. Call your doctor and ask how long ago you took your last shot. Throw you’re your bloodstained T-shirt and get a new one out of the closet.
11. Call the fire department and ask them to take the cat down from the tree on the other side of the street. Apologize to your neighbor for the demolished fence. Get the last pill out of the box.
12. Tie your cat's front- and hind legs together with a metallic wire and tie the cat firmly to one of the legs of the dining room table.
13. Put on your leather gloves. Press the pill into the cat’s mouth, immediately followed by a large piece of steak. Hold the cat’s head up and pour water down its throat to flush the pill down.
14. Ask your wife to drive you to the E.R. Sit still and be quiet while the doctor sews your fingers back together with 12 stitches, and picks out the remains of the pill out of your eyes. On your way home from the doctor’s office, go by a furniture store and buy a new dining room table.
15. Call a vet and ask them to come and get the cat. Check around with local zoological shops for the price of a guinea pig. [/list=1]
    
    How to give your dog a pill...
    
    
    1. Wrap the pill into a slice of bacon. There, done!
       [/list=1]

 

[damppanties]

meanwhile, while i'm not around DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T.... oh, and try and behave yourselves

WSO, This reads so much like an invitation! My mind is so full of what you wouldn't do and... well...

 

[Svenskaflicka]

dp, the naughty thing to do is not to do what wso would NOT do, but what I WOULD...

 

[damppanties]

dp, the naughty thing to do is not to do what wso would NOT do, but what I WOULD...

yes, but where's the fun in doing what you're allowed to do?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Well, who ever said that I'm allowed to do the things I do..?

 

[Cuckolded_BlK_Male]

Wow, aren't we the interesting lot?

I wonder which version of English is the most common for non-english speaking people to learn... I'm guessing at American English.

Why would anyone not cursed by accident of birth choose to learn lowly American English over it's BBC public school (means something different in England) counterpart?

 

[Quasimodem]

How to give your cat a pill, Part Two.

1. Do not feed the cat at the usual time.
2. Wear earmuffs to muffle the deafening sound of meows as cat complains about delay of meal.
3. Place pieces of whatever food - chicken, fish, etc. - that cat likes best, into a bowl on the table.
4. When the cat climbs onto the table to inspect what is in the bowl, chase it away.
5. Repeat previous step eight to ten times.
6. With all the chunks of meat arranged in a pattern about the edge, place a pill in the centre of a bowl, to insure that cat swallows this first.
7. Step from room, leaving bowl, table and cat alone.
8. Count to five.
9. Return waving your arms and yelling at the cat to get down. [This will ensure that cat gulps down the centerpiece of the bowl without finicky sniffing.]
10. Clean meat from bowl and place in the cat's regular food dish.
11. Wait until the cat believes all should be forgotten and forgiven. [Roughly: 12 - 15 seconds.]
12. Neither laugh nor gloat, or the cat will remember, and this technique will NEVER work again!
    
    [/list=1]

 

[wildsweetone]

or


don't feed the cat at all, and it will wither up and die and you wont have to worry about giving it its pills...

 

[Quasimodem]

Speaking as someone who has bottle-fed a three-week-old, orphaned kitten - including 2:00 A.M. feedings - to allow the cat to 'wither up and die' is NOT an option.

Funny thing is, the kitten in question, grew up to become more like a dog than a cat. Go figure.

 

[wildsweetone]

hmm not only do we appear to have the same mother, but we have cat siblings too... the only difference being my pussy needed two feeds during the night hours...

 

[Quasimodem]

... the only difference being my pussy needed two feeds during the night hours...

Your poor hubby must NEVER get a decent night's sleep!

 

[wildsweetone]

he sleeps fine when he wants to

 

[DVS]

My cat feeding story is a little different.
Cats, as a strange form of defense, will actually stop eating and starve to death, if they feel threatened. After a while, it seems they forget to eat and need to be coaxed back into it, sometimes easy, and sometimes difficult.

It has happened 3 times during my cat raising years. These times were all brought on by trauma from a vet visit.

All but one time the situation was discovered in time, and the cat didn't die. One time, we weren't so lucky. After a period of time, the liver will start to shut down, and that is the point of no return. If you catch it fast enough, and get the cat to eat, they will come back, no problem.

The one time it was difficult, was with one white cat I had, that was deaf. He didn't understand some treatment he was getting from the vet, and just shut down. Other than not eating, he seemed fine.

But, because he was a white cat, I noticed his normally pink ears were turning yellow. This was a symptom of his system shutting down.

He spent the next 10 days with the vet, being watched and given fluid shots by them. Then, when he came home, he had a feeding tube through his nose and into his stomach. This tube was stitched to the top of his head and there was a plug in it to keep air out.

I had liquid food and a syringe and I had to feed him several times a day. To do this, I had to put so many CCs of this food in the syringe, and then heat it up in a hot pad. I would do this because if I didn't, he would feel it going in, and jerk away from me, causing more problems for both of us.

But, after heating the food to his body temp, he didn't even know what was happening. There were some times when he would seem to be moving his mouth as if he was licking or drinking the food, but because he was being fed through his nose, he wasn't actually tasting it.

After two weeks of this, the vet said to put some solid food in front of him to see if he would eat. It was successful, as he smelled the food and then started eating.

Another time with a different cat was because he was very timid with strangers. I had to take him to be neutered, so he had to stay overnight. I asked them to give him a shot to relax him, but they said he was fine and didn't need it.

Well, they didn't understand he was being truamatized by being around strangers and didn't fight them at all. They saw this as being a good kitty, instead of a truamatized kitty. Dumb vet!

He shut down as did my other cat, but he didn't have to go through the same liquid feeding, because I had seen the situation before, and actually expected it, when I heard they didn't give him the tranquilizer.

Interesting to note the look the cat gets when given the shots of fluid. Fluids are shot into the back, just under the skin, at the shoulder blades. After a while, the fluids that aren't absorbed will end up in the legs, causing what they call "Poppye legs". The fluids collect at the bottom of the legs and look like Poppye's muscles. It is a strange thing to see, for sure.
The next thing to do is get the cat to drink water on his own. To do that, I fed him ham. The ham made him thirsty, and eventually he drank on his own.

Interesting what we will go through for our animals. They are part of the family.

 

[Quasimodem]

Perhaps it is an opinion I have picked up from my pets over the years, but I don't trust vets further than I can toss a Clydesdale.

I would certainly never leave an ailing pet in ones care for ten days. Only surgery would make me abandon a pet to their tender mercies for so much as ten hours.

I, too, have run into the 'shutting down' syndrome in cats. In fact, it happens with many animals. People too, occasionally.

For cats, and puppies, I use warm milk in a squeeze bottle. Hold the muzzle up, and shoot a squirt into its mouth. Eventually, if you keep holding its muzzle up so it can't spit the milk out, it must swallow, to allow itself to breathe.

When two or three squirts have reached their stomach, any cat I have encountered is ready to continue taking nourishment without a fuss. Of course, a lot of petting, holding, and talking gentle to the animal in question, goes along with this treatment. Love is forced onto them as much as the milk is forced into them.

The last time a cat in my care wouldn't eat for as long as three days, was after an encounter with a skunk, and the resultant forced bath in tomato juice. I'm not certain how much of those three days of lost of appetite were due to the smell of the vitriol. (I know it certainly affected my appetite adversely.) After the third day, I stopped waiting, and forced the issue.

TLC and the pet's favourite food are the standard after-vet treatment for any animal in my custody. If that doesn't work - but so fat, it has - I still have my trusty squeeze bottle.

 

[wildsweetone]

i'm really shocked... it sounds like the vets in the States could do with a course on 'Caring for Animals'... not to mention learning how to interact with pet owners far better.

i've had two vets for my pets in my lifetime so far. the first dropped everything to help our Labrador that was shot. basically he brought the animal back to life. he cared deeply for animals and it showed.

the second vet is a recent one into our family... he too dropped everything to help me with Sam (our cat). we thought he'd been run over, and after having had to put my dog to sleep last year, i expected to have to put Sam to sleep too. thanks to this vet, he too was saved.

but being a vet and caring about animals, is also to show caring to the animal owners - i guess some just don't have that ability.

edited to add... maybe the vets just need a course in ENGLISH
(sorry, just had to get a plug in for the thread)

 

[Quasimodem]

Vets

They could speak 'English!' No problem there.

The problem was, they couldn't speak 'Cat' or 'Dog.'

While I will put up with broken pig-latin for myself, nothing prejudices me against a Vet more, than one who cannot 'speak' properly to their patient.

And it is not the States! This is in Canada. Worse, there is a famous University not twenty miles from here that has an excellent Veterinarian Course.

Just my bad luck - and my pets - that I ran across several incompetent ones.

[ New (Sort of) Subject: ]

Does anyone want an e-Kitten?
My e-Cat ‘Felix' just had kittens.
They are guaranteed free of fleas and ticks by Norton, and Ad-Aware.
You must offer a loving home, and free run of your computer.

(Privately) email, or PM me ( Quasimodem ) with email Addy which will accept an attachment.
[For example, your Lit-based email Addy and PM do not accept attachments.]

 

[wildsweetone]

gee now there's a different dimension to cyberpussy...

it is possible to de-sex them Quasi?

ignore me i'm in one hell of a weird mood, sorry.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

my friend and fellow lit authoress Violette asked me last week

"if a dog is nature's way of saying you're home! you're home! you're home!, what is a cat nature's way of saying?"

me...in a bored voice"oh...you're home." or possibly "You know I was supposed to have been fed 10 minutes ago...this is unacceptable."

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Take it from someone who has owned both cats and dogs - sometimes at the same time!

 

[Quasimodem]

True!

Dogs' don't have any concept for ‘aloof.'
They do, however, have an overpowering use for a loofa.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Puppies can find a use for everything. In fact, loofas make great chew toys.