Fake Doms.. how to spot them and how to avoid them.
- Thread starter Betticus
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Farawyn
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I thought it was gonna be Jon Stewart and Trump!
MeekMe
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Sorry, my license to sub should probably be revoked.
I'd let Jon Stewart tell me what to do. I love practical and funny.
Top photo is Dominick Cruz (MMA fighter). Bottom is Vin Diesel playing Dominic Toretto.
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Farawyn
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Betticus
FigDaddy!
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I'm calling the ministry and telling them to revoke your license.
Iamsubmissive
Really Really Experienced
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Can anyone answer this question in reverse...instead of how to spot a fake Dom, what characteristics does a real Dom have?
ToPleaseHim
JtohisPB/Brooke :)
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Gotta be careful to not get caught up in any "one right way" or "true dominant" dogma. Reading through the tell-tale signs of fake doms, I'd say it comes down to sincerity. But, we are all looking for different things and what's right for one is wrong for another.
Gotham_Central
Just A Little Bit Twisted
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My two cents:
A real PYL understands the realities of power exchange and the truth of the Sub's ultimate control in every situation, in that, once the safe word is used, any continuation of the triggering actions can quickly become assault by definition. As an extension of that understanding, they go a little "7 Habits" in their approach.
They seek to understand the pyl, their limits, their expectations and their concerns before they ever engage in a scene.
They take their time to get first things first; they build the trust needed, they establish a relationship and not just a schedule of events. (I've blown this one and I can tell you, it's fundamental).
Once they have this, they continue to communicate; checking back frequently with their partner, no matter if they live in the same house or thousands of miles apart.
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Farawyn
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Sincerity. Yes.
A clear LACK of misogyny.
The ability to inspire a woman to be submissive... trust/ communication.
Mental strength.
Consistency.
Generosity.
YUGE Cock!!! (Kidding.)
HisArpy
Loose canon extraordinair
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It's a relationship. Just because it doesn't follow the vanilla world idea of what it's supposed to look/feel like, doesn't mean it's not a relationship. That means everything you want in a relationship has to be present. Then you get to the kinky bits.
Gotham_Central
Just A Little Bit Twisted
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We need a like button!
_Necrosomantic_
N A i A
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The short answer is no, there's no universal litmus test that you can tick things off of. You just have to be real about what you want, what feels right, and know when to walk away. Put it all on front street and you'll always knows right off the bat where you stand with pretty much anyone. As others have said, sincerity, honesty, communication, trust. Same as any other relationship.
ToPleaseHim
JtohisPB/Brooke :)
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What about a female dominant with a male submissive...
Often. And, yes, definitely for the post you quoted.
Welcome to Lit, by the way.
_Necrosomantic_
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I think she was giving her own opinion about the matter, as opposed to making a general statement. The original question could be answered both ways, and there's nothing wrong with personal opinions when they're presented as such, yeah? But I agree, it's all up to the individual to figure out what's best for them.
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Farawyn
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I would say the same traits. Outside of the cock.
MeekMe
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Meh, a dom is a dom if they say they're a dom. They're just not mine and I'll treat them like anyone else if I come across them.
To be honest, I always think this is the wrong way to "combat" the situation of assholes taking advantage of the gullible. People within the community are the same as outside of it. Of course, there's that noble cause of whitewashing things to appeal to the people looking in. Look! We have CONSENT! We like COMMUNICATION! HONESTY and TRUST is soooooooooo important. We parade this about and then put out 'slave heart' memes and wax poetic about the beauty of power exchange and how deep and spiritual it is. It's no wonder we get so many new people completely lost and confused when a jackass shows up to "train" them. Newbie just got the trust, honesty, communication intro and some testamonials proclaiming the most amazing connection they've ever had. They're practically drooling waiting for the holy chalice.
To be honest, I always think this is the wrong way to "combat" the situation of assholes taking advantage of the gullible. People within the community are the same as outside of it. Of course, there's that noble cause of whitewashing things to appeal to the people looking in. Look! We have CONSENT! We like COMMUNICATION! HONESTY and TRUST is soooooooooo important. We parade this about and then put out 'slave heart' memes and wax poetic about the beauty of power exchange and how deep and spiritual it is. It's no wonder we get so many new people completely lost and confused when a jackass shows up to "train" them. Newbie just got the trust, honesty, communication intro and some testamonials proclaiming the most amazing connection they've ever had. They're practically drooling waiting for the holy chalice.
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Farawyn
Guest
Mhmm, yes!
I was a newbie here, but not to online relationships in general. The guys here hiding under the title "Dom" to get away with shit is laughable.
Paul_Chance
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Though I don't identify as a dom or a sub, I can chip in my five cents worth when it comes to separating the fake personas from the real people on line.
I've always found there are two key differences - subtlety and complexity.
If their communication reads broadly and stereotypical, without the telling little details and complexities that make us human, they're playing a character - even if its only in their mind and they don't realize it.
Real people are subtle and complex - they demonstrate consistency in desire and humanity in interactions. If whatever you throw at to them they're into it. Real people are not into everything in the grab bag.
That's because they have real kinks, bends, desires and preferences that they will keep circling back around to because that is what turns them on and brings them satisfaction.
They'll bend and try to meet their partners need - but they can only bend so far because if they bend to far they stop becoming themselves. Knowing their own preferences sexually, they'll know that if they get too far out of the envelope they'll lose the bubble.
I've always found there are two key differences - subtlety and complexity.
If their communication reads broadly and stereotypical, without the telling little details and complexities that make us human, they're playing a character - even if its only in their mind and they don't realize it.
Real people are subtle and complex - they demonstrate consistency in desire and humanity in interactions. If whatever you throw at to them they're into it. Real people are not into everything in the grab bag.
That's because they have real kinks, bends, desires and preferences that they will keep circling back around to because that is what turns them on and brings them satisfaction.
They'll bend and try to meet their partners need - but they can only bend so far because if they bend to far they stop becoming themselves. Knowing their own preferences sexually, they'll know that if they get too far out of the envelope they'll lose the bubble.
Iamsubmissive
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All good points and a really intelligent view!
KimGordon67
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I'm generally not looking for doms, but get approached by a few people who say they are anyway (for all the blah blah blah reasons I've mentioned elsewhere). A significant proportion of them are clearly dicks, and are pretty immediately identifiable by their dickish behaviour. Even if they are actually 'real' doms (whatever that is), they're still dicks ... surely what we're trying to avoid here are dicks, regardless of how 'real' they are in any other respect?
Iamsubmissive
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I thought this was funny
but, yeah, if a guy is a jerk, "Dom" or not, best just to walk away...
KimGordon67
Rampant feminist
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I received this in my inbox today, and immediately thought of this post:
"Mature, experience dominant, suit and tie type.
Seeking a new submissive to teach and guide.
If of interest let me know, thanks."
Iamsubmissive
Really Really Experienced
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PM him back. Ask what color his tie is, how many inches he has to train you with, and if he's into applesauce...
KimGordon67
Rampant feminist
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I had a fairly lengthy exchange with him. I basically know as little about him now as I did at the beginning of the exchange - at some point he did the classic 'Ask me anything', as though it was MY job to formulate the conversation ... and this was after he'd apparently read some things I'd written on here (which made me especially perplexed as to why he thought that approach would even work). He gave up eventually ... apparently the 'intrigue' I'd provoked wasn't enough to warrant a great deal of effort.
hylas_
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Some super-valuable insights in this thread!
However, I don't think the term "fake dom" is all that helpful. I mean, the creeps that y'all are describing here are still dominant... they're just creepy/no-good/screwed-up about it.
To dismiss all Doms that are also assholes as "fake doms" opens the doors to "one right way"-thinking and "no true scotsman"-fallacies.
Agreed.
But leave Vin Diesel alone!
However, I don't think the term "fake dom" is all that helpful. I mean, the creeps that y'all are describing here are still dominant... they're just creepy/no-good/screwed-up about it.
To dismiss all Doms that are also assholes as "fake doms" opens the doors to "one right way"-thinking and "no true scotsman"-fallacies.
Agreed.
But leave Vin Diesel alone!
