feedback for these poems

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Waiting for Last Poem

It is Saturday evening, why aren’t you out socializing during your last semester of college? Why are you bothering to post here to us “old folks” who can’t appreciate your poems? Doesn’t anyone you know care about you enough to spend some time with you? If not, I bless you and wish you well.

I am going out soon with my friends to a club. I appreciate your concern for my social life. btw, I never said anyone here was "old".
I wish people wouldnt be so sensitive and misinterpret what I post. I can tell by the responses I've gotten today that posting my poems was a bad move on my part.

 

[Rybka]

From an old Fish Fart

I am going out soon with my friends to a club. I appreciate your concern for my social life. btw, I never said anyone here was "old".

No, I said it, and many of our lady contributors have objected as well. But almost all of us are elder to you if you are of normal college age.
Re: club (And I hope they do not beat you with it! - A JOKE - Do you get it?

I wish people wouldnt be so sensitive and misinterpret what I post. I can tell by the responses I've gotten today that posting my poems was a bad move on my part.

Why do you refuse to use (‘) in verb contractions? Do you think of yourself in the realm of E.E. Cummings?

Now if you wanted unbiased critique, which is what you originally asked for, or so I thought, if almost everybody here responds negatively to your posts and poems, then that should tell an intelligent writer that s/he needs to do something different if you respect the people giving the responses. You do not seem to have any normal/intelligent readers of popular taste on this board who think that what you are writing does not need improvement. You go figure...

It is your decision whether to accept critique or react obnoxiously to it. We here (and I hope I can speak for many of us), only want to see better writing (as we individualy view it). Poetry speaks to individual tastes (i.e. I like Frost, MacLeish, and Cummings).

Peace Be With You.

Regards,                                 Rybka
ps: Tell us about Graves Is that your best work?

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: Re: Re: Re: too funny

I see it this way, give me something constructive and I wont be hostile. Another poem on its way....

I don't know about that. You DID get constructive criticism. You got some very good stuff that took effort.

It can be really hard to take criticism, even of the most polite, constructive variety. I posted a couple of poems here for feedback and then found that after I got suggestions, I couldn't bring myself to change the poems. Not because the suggestions didn't have merit, but because poems are so personal, like little pieces of you that you don't want to lose. In the same way, I'd rather have an ugly kid who looks like me than a pretty one who doesn't. But I did keep the suggestions in my mind when writing new poems, and they helped me a LOT. (So thanks, everyone!)

You don't have to make a single change if you don't want to. They're your poems. It's just that it's pointless to ask for feedback and then be so defensive that you can't even read it. Rave reviews feel great, but they don't help your work at all. Maybe if you just keep the suggestions in mind for the future you can benefit from them.

Nikki

 

[Guest]

Re: From an old Fish Fart

You do not seem to have any normal/intelligent readers of popular taste on this board who think that what you are writing does not need improvement. You go figure...
so popular beliefs = fact? Methinks not.

Poetry speaks to individual tastes (i.e. I like Frost, MacLeish, and Cummings).
EXACTLY. If you dont normally read macabre poetry then of course you wont like mine. I understand its not for everyone.

ps: Tell us about Graves Is that your best work? [/B]
no, my best work deals with tributes to those who have inspired me- Poe, Lovecraft and Clive Barker.

I think what the problem is is that I am young and male and that makes you feel uncomfortable. Yes, men write poetry. Some even write poems that surpass the flotsam that is sold in bookstores. Imagine that!
DarlingNikki, I dont intend to change any of the poems. I like them as they are.

 

[DarlingNikki]

Re: Re: From an old Fish Fart

DarlingNikki, I dont intend to change any of the poems. I like them as they are.

I didn't tell you to change the poems. I advised you to not be so defensive when you get feedback that you've asked for.

 

[karmadog]

I gave you a lousy little nudge in the ribs to point out an egregious typo and you got defensive.

I wish people wouldnt be so sensitive and misinterpret what I post

Had I known you had Writer's Brittle Bone Disease I'd have ignored you.

Everyone else has given you the speech about being able to take criticism, so I'll skip it, but you're nowhere near good enough to cop as much attitude as you have.

I'm not saying you suck, but if you couldn't take Angeline's critique (which took much more effort than your poem deserved) as it was intended, you should quit writing.

I've never said that to any other writer before, so you should take that as a compliment.

Writing is a difficult business and it isn't for the thin skinned. And I will tell you this: If you are too lazy to edit a piece for spelling before submitting, you should expect far worse than what I gave you.

 

[Guest]

sorry about yesterday. I have been fighting the flu and its making me crabby. I have taken all your suggestions into consideration.
If you want, I'll post more of my work.

 

[Rybka]

Hope You Feel Better Soon!

sorry about yesterday. I have been fighting the flu and its making me crabby. I have taken all your suggestions into consideration.
If you want, I'll post more of my work.

Everyone is always free to post whatever they wish. If you do post poems on this board be aware that you are asking for comments by implication at least. If you just want people to read your work then post it on the main poetry board. You will only get feedback if someone really likes, or really hates it.
As an aside, don't worry about the votes, they appear and disappear at random. I think they have only a limited shelf life.

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Guest]

Wonton -- She likes Chinese food and doesn't care who knows it!

Haha! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Spelling can make or break a poem! I do believe K-dog has demonstrated this quite nicely.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Oh dear

whats with the condescending attitude on this forum?
Just because you have a degree doesnt mean shit to me. I dont care if you are a published author, goodie for you. What anthology books have they appeared in?
Another thing, elle xxoo, I didnt come here looking for " praise". I
just wanted to post my material and if people liked it, great and if not, thats ok too. I'll not waste anymore of your precious time.

Damn, what made you people so bitter?

But you did label this thread as "FEEDBACK for these poems", which would imply that you actually want feedback. Yes? No? If not, then don't post. If so, then don't be so edgy about the comments you receive. Mixed comments are much better than no comments.

As for all this talk about you writing since a certain age, and not caring about people's education, etc... well, let's just say you don't want to get me started. Others can testify to that. Oh I know... I know... You think you are so dark and dangerous, mysterious, anti-society, highly complex, and that you know all there is to know. I'd be willing to bet you also think that you're a creative individual, complete with the black fingernail polish, a copy of the Necronomicon, and your deep, destructive, gothic poetry. Am I right? Maybe I'm not.. but if I am it's only because I've met a zillion people who are all highly individualistic, complex, and dark -- just like you!

When I first read this thread I saw your poems and thought they weren't too bad. But after reading your reaction to the constructive feedback (which many people took time to provide)well, let's just say you turned me off. And now I have no choice but to feel biased against you. I'll never be able to read your poetry without thinking about what a crappy person you are. Sorry. You blew it. I'll sprinkle some ashes over a piece of decaying roadkill and think of you. Hope you feel honored.
--Xtaabay

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: too funny

its about damn time. Actually, I have submitted my work and some of it HAS been published so I guess I am talented despite what some think.
I see it this way, give me something constructive and I wont be hostile. Another poem on its way....

\
How are YOU defining "constructive"???? And why should WE do something in order to avoid your threats?
I think the quote above was meant to be SARCASTIC. Oh, right. That's a big word. You should probably go look that up. Or do you prefer making up a new definition for us? oh right, I forgot, dictionaries aren't cool because they don't come in black covers with free trading cards of Buffy the vampire slayer. *sigh* Too bad.

 

[Guest]

*inspired by a real event

GRAVE (April 29)
I saw a one year old boy
Playing on a grave
He put a dandelion on it
The grave had gold flowering and lettering
It read Miller
The boy didnt know the dea
Beneath him
It was just a place to play
He didnt know the meaning of death
Some kind of abstract thing
That carries no weight
Until you get older

yeah, yeah... and I suppose you know something about death? Have you seen the Grim Reaper slinking around the food court at the mall? What, are you a vampire? Oh no.. I'm shaking. I just want to thank you for giving me an excuse to vent, because I've just been sitting on my ass with nothing to do until you came along No,really. I mean that. I've just been hanging around, allowing my life to stagnate, while waiting for someone as wise as yourself to enlighten me to the reality and weight of death, darkness, and things that go *squish* in the night Thanks. this is fun.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Oh dear

I'd be willing to bet you also think that you're a creative individual, complete with the black fingernail polish, a copy of the Necronomicon, and your deep, destructive, gothic poetry. Am I right? Maybe I'm not.. but if I am it's only because I've met a zillion people who are all highly individualistic, complex, and dark -- just like you!
you assume too much which makes you look like a fool.

And now I have no choice but to feel biased against you. I'll never be able to read your poetry without thinking about what a crappy person you are. Sorry. You blew it. I'll sprinkle some ashes over a piece of decaying roadkill and think of you. Hope you feel honored.
I blew it? Well, I have no desire to befriend judgmental pricks like you who base someones personality on what they write on a bad day.

--Xtaabay

I would post more poems but after the torrent of uninformed shit in the form of "feedback", I think I'll save my material for people who will appreciate the work that goes into it.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Oh, your mother likes dark poetry?

 

[Guest]

yeah, yeah... and I suppose you know something about death? Have you seen the Grim Reaper slinking around the food court at the mall? What, are you a vampire?

1. I have had many friends/relatives die so yes, I know about death.
2. you assume I am a "goth kid" because that would suit your presumptions about me.
3. I never claimed to be a vampire, you close minded twit.

 

[Rybka]

De Sade - Glad You Are Feeling Better

1. I have had many friends/relatives die so yes, I know about death.
2. you assume I am a "goth kid" because that would suit your presumptions about me.
3. I never claimed to be a vampire, you close minded twit.

1. Welcome to life. Death is a part of it.

2. Point taken. Someone else has previously made the same claim.

3. Try a hyphen, i.e. close-minded, (Microsoft seems to prefer it.) and then don't look in a mirror.

you assume too much which makes you look like a fool.

Old saw: "ASSUME" makes an ASS of both U and ME.

I blew it? Well, I have no desire to befriend judgmental pricks like you who base someones personality on what they write on a bad day.

Please show us something you wrote on a good day.

Regards, your friend,                                Rybka De Sardrine

 

[Angeline]

I would post more poems but after the torrent of uninformed shit in the form of "feedback", I think I'll save my material for people who will appreciate the work that goes into it.

DeSade, I said I wouldn't post to you again, but I have to respond. You said you got a 'torrent of uninformed shit' for feedback. That's not true, whether you are willing to acknowledge it or not. Presumeably you don't have the flu anymore and will be reasonable if I am.

I gave you feedback based on experience as a poet and editor. My suggestions were nonjudgmental, and related to basic corrections in 1) grammar, style, and vocabulary and 2) poetry construction--e.g., imagery, metaphoric language, and format. Can you explain to me how that is uninformed? I am asking you objectively, if you don't think those are part of effective writing, what are your criteria? These are legitimate questions. Are you willing to answer them with something more specific than 'you don't understand'?

You did get a torrent of nastiness thrown your way--from me among others. But that occurred for two reasons:

1. After asking for feedback, you steadfastly refused to even thank anyone for reviewing your poems--and reviews are work. People do each other favors by reviewing. Why ask if you don't want them?

2. You were incredibly rude to people who were trying to help you. That's what pissed me off. I don't like to go out of my way for someone, only to be crapped on--do you?

So fine, you were sick. You're feeling better now, yes? How about an honest response? Rise above the bullshit, and answer in a fair, reasonable way that proves you're as smart and talented as you say you are.

 

[Guest]

I gave you feedback based on experience as a poet and editor. My suggestions were nonjudgmental, and related to basic corrections in 1) grammar, style, and vocabulary and 2) poetry construction--e.g., imagery, metaphoric language, and format. Can you explain to me how that is uninformed? I am asking you objectively, if you don't think those are part of effective writing, what are your criteria. These are legitimate questions.

Yes, I thank you for giving constructive criticism (which is rare anywhere). The reason I dont use punctuation is basically because I am lazy, not for any other reason than that. I like to keep my poems short and use small words because the masses dont understand big words. Would you disagree?

I want to point out, I am only "rude" to those who think they are funny in pointing out minor flaws. I am a no bullshit kind of person and I take writing very seriously. As for my critics, they wish they had my creativity.

 

[Angeline]

Yes, I thank you for giving constructive criticism (which is rare anywhere). The reason I dont use punctuation is basically because I am lazy, not for any other reason than that. I like to keep my poems short and use small words because the masses dont understand big words. Would you disagree?

I want to point out, I am only "rude" to those who think they are funny in pointing out minor flaws. I am a no bullshit kind of person and I take writing very seriously. As for my critics, they wish they had my creativity.

Well, I can't say I agree with everything you state here--though I often don't use punctuation myself--but you're entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. I appreciate the response.

A.

 

[darkmaas]

Oh look Sadies baack!

Now girls (and fish).

Play nice!

Welcome back my man.

Note to Lauren: Just 'cause you are a year older is no reason to be mean to sadie's mom.

Angeline wrote:

Rise above the bullshit, and answer in a fair, reasonable way that proves you're as smart and talented as you say you are.

Fish said:

Please show us something you wrote on a good day.

They are so rude. What they forgot to do was invite you to strut your stuff at the darkmaas invitational. (See "Same Title Challenge")

Now your first thought may be that I'm being critical. Alas no, I'm only being cheeky, (it's Good Friday, I'm turning both cheeks), but take it in the spirit of fun that was intended. Join our merry band of dark pranksters. I look forward to your poem(s).

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

it's Good Friday, I'm turning both cheeks

Which cheeks are those, daarling? I think you're mooning us.

 

[darkmaas]

Angeline

I am shocked. Everyone says you are sooo sweet.

If that's a moon before your eyes.... it must be m'aas.

Respectfully,

darkmaas

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I never said she was sweet. Those are shameful lies.

Also, about the moms' comment, I was only trying to assertain the extent of Sadie's audience. It was well intended.

PS: And you're invisible! Is that a virus?

 

[Angeline]

If that's a moon before your eyes.... it must be m'aas.



Sorry. It's just that I thought the moon was about to hit my eye like uh a big pizza pie.

And yknow.

That's amore.




P.S. Better listen to Lauren. She knows me better than anyone here--even that trout person.

 

[Guest]

.....and chaos ensues.

If you're wondering, not all my poetry is dark. Some of it is surreal (thanks to Dali and Bosch for inspiration)

as for my mom, she doesnt like my style but she says I am talented. She hates that I get some ideas from horror movies and novels by Barker and Lovecraft.

trout? I prefer sirloin tips marinated in red wine.