feedback for these poems

[Lauren Hynde]

LOL

Thanks for the link, Chardonnay. I could use a good laugh right now...

 

[Rybka]

Admittedly, I know nothing about poetry. But I do know a lot about fiction/literature. I think if de sade's poetry looks to you experienced poets and poetry editors the way his fiction looks to me as an avid and literate reader of both erotic and non-erotic works then you all have been extremely patient and kind in this thread.

If you find this post impolite, don't mind me, I have the flu today.

Welcome to the board Chardonnay (though I perfer a petite Chablis myself). The best way to learn about poetry is to write some and when you can realize that it is just words and not your "baby" ask for some constructive comments. (Always remember that you don't have to alter what you don't want to change.) - So why not give it a try? We don't bite! (Well KarmaDog might, but I just nibble a little bit.)

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Guest]

Admittedly, I know nothing about poetry. But I do know a lot about fiction/literature. I think if de sade's poetry looks to you experienced poets and poetry editors the way his fiction looks to me as an avid and literate reader of both erotic and non-erotic works then you all have been extremely patient and kind in this thread.

If you find this post impolite, don't mind me, I have the flu today.

ok newbie, before I rip into you , tell me what is so wrong with that story and my poems?

btw, that sarcastic remark about the flu was not called for.

 

[Guest]

LOL

Thanks for the link, Chardonnay. I could use a good laugh right now...

I am sure your b/f can provide that for you.

 

[Rybka]

LOL
Thanks for the link, Chardonnay. I could use a good laugh right now...

Yes, thanks for the laugh. I knew he cannot spell, and I thought it was just poetry with which he had trouble. I never knew he wrote prose, and now... I guess I know he doesn't.

I hear his next masterpiece starts with, "It was a dark (He loves dark stuff.) and stormy night." (If that isn't your next opening line, feel free to use it. Anything to help you improve!)



Regards,                                 Rybka De Sardine

 

[Guest]

Yes, thanks for the laugh. I knew he cannot spell, and I thought it was just poetry with which he had trouble. I never knew he wrote prose, and now... I guess I know he doesn't.

I hear his next masterpiece starts with, "It was a dark (He loves dark stuff.) and stormy night." (If that isn't your next opening line, feel free to use it. Anything to help you improve!)

well, I haven't read any of your "witty" material. Post some for me ok?

 

[Hyndeline]

Fear not poets this too shall pass.
This childish annoyance shall go.
His attitude sucked,
his writing is fucked, and Desade?
When you leave, don't let the door
bang your ass.

 

[Guest]

Fear not poets this too shall pass.
This childish annoyance shall go.
His attitude sucked,
his writing is fucked, and Desade?
When you leave, don't let the door
bang your ass.

oh, someone has Photoshop experience. And such a clever creation too.
I said it before, if you dont like my poems, dont reply. Its easy.

 

[Hyndeline]

4/12
I'll not waste anymore of your precious time.

4/18
I would post more poems but after the torrent of uninformed shit in the form of "feedback", I think I'll save my material for people who will appreciate the work that goes into it.

4/25
Fuck that, I am done with this pathetic forum.

4/25 (Later)
I wont waste my talent on you fuckwits anymore. I get better feedback from people IRL.

Anytime now, right? (heehee)

 

[Guest]

Anytime now, right? (heehee)

and you can stop replying anytime now.
Are you xtaababy's g/f?

 

[Guest]

bright idea

oh, someone has Photoshop experience. And such a clever creation too.
I said it before, if you dont like my poems, dont reply. Its easy.

How about if you don't like us don't reply? That's easier. That makes much more sense, since you seem to be the one who has a problem with the rest of the world. It's the path of least resistance, you know? We'll just flick you away like a piece of lint. You ought to enjoy that, since lint usually collects in DARK and dusty places (like your pants, for example).

--Xtaabay

 

[Guest]

Re: bright idea

How about if you don't like us don't reply? That's easier. That makes much more sense, since you seem to be the one who has a problem with the rest of the world. It's the path of least resistance, you know? We'll just flick you away like a piece of lint. You ought to enjoy that, since lint usually collects in DARK and dusty places (like your pants, for example).

--Xtaabay

*yawn* oh hi. Yeah, that sure was a lance going through my heart
Whats with the word "dark" being overused here?

 

[Rybka]

De Sade's Flu

...
btw, that sarcastic remark about the flu was not called for.

I don't think you had the flu. I think it must be SARS!

S tupid
A sshole's
R eaction
S yndrome

(There is a poem in there for you.)

Regards,                                 Rybka De Sardine

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I said it before, if you dont like my poems, dont reply. Its easy.

I noticed no one replied to your, and let me use some poetic license here, 'story'.

Here's the thing. I was going to ignore you, but it feels like such a pitty to see you depart with all your delusions still so deeply incrusted. No one here is going to waste another minute trying to help you grow as a writer, be it in poetry or prose, but I might as well give you a tip.

I never told this to anyone, but you're a special case. You ought to just give up. You're not even remotely good enough to be a passable poet, let alone as good as you paint yourself; of the poems you posted here, the one(s) that show(s) promise (and it's not even that promising) has as much a chance of being a case of dumb luck as not, but either way, it doesn't matter: as long as you keep telling yourself there's nothing left for you to learn and no way to improve, you're not going to. As for your, and excuse me again for using the word, prose, I don't have any doubt. In poetry one can have a bad day, a poem might not turn out as good as the next; but in prose, a reasonable writer would never sink that low...

 

[Rybka]

I noticed no one replied to your, and let me use some poetic license here, 'story'.
...
I never told this to anyone, but you're a special case. You ought to just give up.
...
As for your... prose,
...
In poetry one can have a bad day,
...
in prose, a reasonable writer would never sink that low...

Lauren, my lady, you are just soo... o cultured and genteel. No wonder everyone loves you so much!

Regards,                                 Rybka

 

[Guest]

I never told this to anyone, but you're a special case. You ought to just give up. You're not even remotely good enough to be a passable poet, let alone as good as you paint yourself; of the poems you posted here, the one(s) that show(s) promise (and it's not even that promising) has as much a chance of being a case of dumb luck as not, but either way, it doesn't matter: as long as you keep telling yourself there's nothing left for you to learn and no way to improve, you're not going to. As for your, and excuse me again for using the word, prose, I don't have any doubt. In poetry one can have a bad day, a poem might not turn out as good as the next; but in prose, a reasonable writer would never sink that low...

well, seeing as how I will be published within a year, I dont think you have room to criticize my writings. If 2 companies like it, are they wrong? It boils down to this- I took into consideration the feedback but it doesnt mean I have to change anything. I revise everything I write at least 6 times. Its not my fault you cant find anything good to say about my poems. BTW, my soon to be published material is NOT poems, but instead it is erotic literature. Also, I never said there was nothing more for me to learn. You put words into my mouth and THAT is offensive to ANY writer.

 

[Hyndeline]

4/12
I'll not waste anymore of your precious time.

4/18
I would post more poems but after the torrent of uninformed shit in the form of "feedback", I think I'll save my material for people who will appreciate the work that goes into it.

4/25
Fuck that, I am done with this pathetic forum.

4/25 (Later)
I wont waste my talent on you fuckwits anymore. I get better feedback from people IRL.

Well, I have no desire to befriend judgmental pricks like you who base someones personality on what they write on a bad day.

Still here spreading your charm, I see. Just having another bad day? What with all those publishers panting after you, maybe you should go write some stories instead. No one will take you seriously here now. Really you're wasting your keystrokes. Why don't you harness up or pack it in or whatever it is you do and go like you promised.

Like you said, it's just that easy.

What a hypocrite.

 

[Guest]

Still here spreading your charm, I see. Just having another bad day? What with all those publishers panting after you, maybe you should go write some stories instead. No one will take you seriously here now. Really you're wasting your keystrokes. Why don't you harness up or pack it in or whatever it is you do and go like you promised.

Like you said, it's just that easy.

What a hypocrite.

hypocrite? No, the hypocrisy is with you people. I joked around and you couldn't take it. I posted my material and got nothing but negative feedback. I tolerated it but voiced my opinion and got crucified for it. Yeah, I'll leave but only because you aren't worthy of reading my material. You'll be working at McD's while I am writing another novel and signing books. Eat that.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

You got the feedback you asked for and the feedback your writing deserved. You got better feedback than your attitude would ever win you anywhere.

You keep talking about how you're going to be published like that's supposed to make us look at your writing with different eyes, but it's not going to work.

Frankly, I don't have any doubt that you're not only completely void of tallent, but you're also a big liar. Thus far, the only 'prose' you were so kind to show us is so bad there's no way it could have come from a 'writer', amateur or not. Browse through the stories in this site. I bet you won't be able to find a single one that you can claim is worse than yours. If you can, please post a link to it, for it surely must be an award worthy piece of crap.

I know that there are companies that will publish anything if you pay well enough, but I doubt there's any out there so desperate that would accept the type of 'writing' you have shown us so far.

I'm sorry, you deluded little person, but the only books you'll be signing will be at cheap motels...

 

[Guest]

You got the feedback you asked for and the feedback your writing deserved. You got better feedback than your attitude would ever win you anywhere.


I'm sorry, you deluded little person, but the only books you'll be signing will be at cheap motels...

void of talent? LOL, if you say so. My attitude has nothing to do with my writings so that was lame. As for winning things, I have won 3 awards. Have you? cheap motels, lol. Stick to fiction because you fail at comedy.
I would post more poems but seeing as how my material isn't on par with others (I bow before you ), I'll have to think about it.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Your attitude is that of a fuckwit
Your writing is that of a talentless fuckwit... Right you are, there's no connection. I'm sorry about that...

Any luck with finding a story worse than yours yet?

 

[Hyndeline]

4/12
I'll not waste anymore of your precious time.

4/18
I would post more poems but after the torrent of uninformed shit in the form of "feedback", I think I'll save my material for people who will appreciate the work that goes into it.

4/25
Fuck that, I am done with this pathetic forum.

4/25 (Later)
I wont waste my talent on you fuckwits anymore. I get better feedback from people IRL.

And now today--

Yeah, I'll leave but only because you aren't worthy of reading my material.

Another day, another promise. You must love abuse.

Oh and those awards? Three quarters at the gumball machine, right? Whatja get? Two plastic rings and a sticker, hehe.

 

[Guest]

Your attitude is that of a fuckwit
Your writing is that of a talentless fuckwit... Right you are, there's no connection. I'm sorry about that...

Any luck with finding a story worse than yours yet?

ooooh ouch, it appears some writers out there are bitter with the way their lives turned out. As a matter of fact, I found your writing to be boring and cliche. Same deal with Hyndeline, the militant man hater.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

ooooh ouch, it appears some writers out there are bitter with the way their lives turned out. As a matter of fact, I found your writing to be boring and cliche. Same deal with Hyndeline, the militant man hater.

Oh, now you're getting somewhere. Please oh talented portent, show me. When and where was my writing boring and clichéd? And Hyndeline's?

 

[Guest]

hmm, 3 people on ignore. Ok, here is another poem. Rip it apart if that is what pleases you .

Wishing To Be Again

He sat there on the front porch
Behind the weathered picket fence
Faded, pale skeletal ribs of rotted wood
Its an elderly man's barrier
He watches with envy as the children climb
Mammoth oaks and birches
Youth reaching heights
That surpass those which he reached
Hating the enthusiasm of youth
They can not feel arthritis or senility
Damn their agility and virginity
Feeling crippled like the branches they break
The sage hates summer, the laughs remind him
Of memories and the love for life he lost
Now Alzheimers is his mate
There is something he wants to deny
Not the agnoies of life but the reassurance everyone will die
He is alone
Tears cascade down ancient jade
He pulls his shoul up over his lap evenly
His friends are gone but he cant recall when
Yet he is wishing to be again