Feeling sad

[DVS]

I have not been around here nearly as long as you, but even in my relatively short time, I have seen a certain kind of turn over around Lit. People come and go.

This is a place where folks come when they need it. Often it is for a relatively short time, or is cyclical. You, (DVS) have contributed in a significant way to shape what this forum is now. Anyone who has looked at any of the archives even lightly will find your posts sprinkled everywhere and your voice is clear and valuable.

I think Lit is a bit like a river.... never the same place twice. Come swim in the place, swim with those you find here... be refreshed. When you go away, the river moves on. The banks erode here and there, while new sediments shapes sand bars...vegetation changes along the banks and while it is still familiar, it is also new and strange.

I for one am happy to see new people who contribute in valuable ways and see folks that have been around "forever" return to their old haunts...
It may not be the "same" but it can still be wonderful in a new way.

I understand and don't completely disagree. It's just maybe different in this case wasn't the intended path? Don't worry. It is what it is.

 

[Mrtenant]

^^^^ I share your bewilderment though you've been here far longer than I have. My sporadic visits to Lit over the years were often for the very reasons you stated. I had a bit of this discussion earlier with a very good friend.

Threads that had become icons to me in the past were now left in the dust of obscurity. People had changed. Most of my old friends gone. It is unsettling.

I don't know why I came back to Lit this year. But found reasons to stay. I had been gone for nearly two years but had only visited briefly since about 2011. It becomes harder to find reasons. Is it really worth the effort anymore?

It all came down to relationships for me. One Litster friend from the past was going through a rough patch. I stuck around for her. I owed her that much for past support when I was going through a similar patch. Then other relationships started blossoming. And now I am back in it.

The landscape is indeed different. My iconic threads, ( those threads that are lampposts on a sea of mish mash on the bulletin boards, I call them icons ) are replaced by new ones that I have come to appreciate. And I find I can still create new ones that make a difference to me and for my efforts, other Litsters as well. Which is something that matters to me. Back in it. I really didn't think I would be, but I am. Takes time. And effort. More for us old timers as we have the extra hurdle of getting past our ghosts and expectations. Stick around fellow traveller. You may find it to be true as well. I hope so.

 

[Farawyn]

I think there's been a misunderstanding in why I posted what I did. I didn't say the past Literotica was better or magical. It was however different. I think maybe we were naive to assume what we started would continue.

Those of you who say this forum is not any worse or any better, just different, don't understand. There were reasons the cafe was created and the mother thread had been retired with the new forum system. The library was created and populated with past threads, so people could find the answers to their questions by searching for it. And I see at least that seems to continue like it did, in the main BDSM forum.

For one thing, you'd have to have been here, when AA created the term PYL/pyl. I do see another term has been created..."cononcon" is it? Did I spell it correctly? That's a good one. These terms make discussions easier for people to understand.

Maybe I'll stick around a while, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just come back from time to time to pester the new regulars. But those of you who say this forum isn't any worse or any better, just different, don't understand what I'm saying. And that's OK, too. Different isn't always a bad thing, but if it's so different from what was planned, back when this forum was created, something that was intended to remain has been lost.

We get it. We're noobs.

But we are fun noobs. Yes. We. Are.

Also, there are enough "I know I left, but this place is not what it used to be, boo hoo..." posts for us here now to bristle.
It's hard not to take it a little personally. Just a little.

I hope you stay, 'cause new friends are great. If you don't, well, then we'll never know what we are missing in getting to know you, will we?

 

[MastersDelight]

If this forum has strayed from what was intended then show us how to get back on track. I'd be interested to see how this machine was meant to work

I know what it feels like to long for a place or time you can never return to. It's so bittersweet, and can ache and fester. In my instance it's a place, that for fucked up family reasons, I've been barred from. It hurts, and I'm sorry that this place carries that feeling for you.

Please stay DVS.

We can't find the path that was intended without the help of past giants.


I will say that, for myself, I've found great friendship here and support. Not just in my BDSM adventure, but in the every day. Sure there are buttheads (won't name names ), but overall people here are good. I've learned so much here, I can seek advice and support here, or this place can be an outlet if I need one. I love it here. Just the $0.02 of a newbie. Take it or leave it.

 

[Newbie3311]

Thank you

While this has not much to do with the original 'Lit is so different now' thread, I was simply drawn to adding a thank you.... To all the sincere and caring posters...."old blood" & "new blood" .... Your help along the way has been and will always be appreciated by this newbie.

I hit an unexplicable rough patch in my real life, came here and lurked around (albeit for only a few days, so mayhaps that is not so much lurking), and found answers to exactly what was occurring and how to accept and work through them. Knowing where I WANT to be, knowing HOW to get there, and understanding the hiccups along the way are all very confuzzling to a newbie like myself.

I cannot say that I know anyone on this thread, or all of Lit for that matter, but "your" openess in discussions and laying bare your own vulnerabilities have eased my own path. For that alone, I am most grateful.

Thank you 'oldies' and 'newbies' alike!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Double-posting.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

I liked you from the moment you were my newest oldest friend, well, before really, because yours were among the posts i had read as a noob learning.

I don't know what it was meant to be, but I know that the threads about cooking and glitter give me confidence and community access. My PYL would not have me talk openly about our intimacy, yet, I came here to learn. It gaining confidence, friendship and indeed love with some posters, I have gained some new compassion for my body and self, we learn some practicalities about new to us sexual adventures.

Yay!

 

[cookiecat]

Interestingly, this thread is rattling around in the Talk section.

 

[Bramblethorn]

We get it. We're noobs.

But we are fun noobs. Yes. We. Are.

Attested!

 

[cookiecat]

But we have fun boobs. Yes. We. Do.

fixed your post

 

[Farawyn]

fixed your post

D'awwwwww.

We do. We really do.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I liked you from the moment you were my newest oldest friend, well, before really, because yours were among the posts i had read as a noob learning.

I don't know what it was meant to be, but I know that the threads about cooking and glitter give me confidence and community access. My PYL would not have me talk openly about our intimacy, yet, I came here to learn. It gaining confidence, friendship and indeed love with some posters, I have gained some new compassion for my body and self, we learn some practicalities about new to us sexual adventures.

You are my oldest new best friend, and always will be, even if we hate each other.

As for Lit: three cheers for confidence, friendship, love, compassion and practicalities!

Interestingly, this thread is rattling around in the Talk section.

Yes, and thank you for bumping it. It's fascinating. I've learned stuff I never knew about people I've interacted with for years.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

You are my oldest new best friend, and always will be, even if we hate each other.

As for Lit: three cheers for confidence, friendship, love, compassion and practicalities!



Yes, and thank you for bumping it. It's fascinating. I've learned stuff I never knew about people I've interacted with for years.

hip hip hooray!!! (said two more times)

I bumped that thread because of Marquis. It piques my curiosity when "oldies" pop in and post one or two things. Netzach, Etoile, now DVS - if I see current posts, I follow along.

When Marquis posted recently in the Pissing thread, I stalked his posts just to see if he'd been around and wandered upon the linked post. This feeling of melancholy for a past "better" or at least more familiar board has been echoed every so often. However, I think between these two threads, the "why" of it has been addressed.

 

[DVS]

While this has not much to do with the original 'Lit is so different now' thread, I was simply drawn to adding a thank you.... To all the sincere and caring posters...."old blood" & "new blood" .... Your help along the way has been and will always be appreciated by this newbie.

I hit an unexplicable rough patch in my real life, came here and lurked around (albeit for only a few days, so mayhaps that is not so much lurking), and found answers to exactly what was occurring and how to accept and work through them. Knowing where I WANT to be, knowing HOW to get there, and understanding the hiccups along the way are all very confuzzling to a newbie like myself.

I cannot say that I know anyone on this thread, or all of Lit for that matter, but "your" openess in discussions and laying bare your own vulnerabilities have eased my own path. For that alone, I am most grateful.

Thank you 'oldies' and 'newbies' alike!

This is what I'm talking about. If this continues, then the old ways are still working. We wanted Literotica's BDSM forum to be informative to those who needed answers. There are abusers, wannabees, posers and just plain creeps out there waiting to pounce on newbie submissives who really don't know what to expect from a dom and from themselves in a BDSM relationship.

We wanted Lit to be the go to place for answers, free of creeps lurking to send them PMs offering to help (and we all know who most of those PMs come from), the ever present 14 year olds who post snarky crap just because they can and the ever present assholes who either come from the general board or from where ever to reek havik.

These questions are embarrasing to some, senstive to all, and that's one reason they are never asked. Sadly, if they aren't asked, these people can get into situations where they are beaten, abused and sometimes killed by the kind of people who take advantage of unsuspecting newbies.

Some newbie submissives stay with a sociopath who beats her, keeps her secluded from her friends and family, just because she doesn't know any better. Sociopaths are selfish and insecure so they will always limit any access to the outside world to her, for fear someone will take her away. He resorts to whatever means necessary, starting with being the best, kindest and most sincere person she could ever meet, then slowly, his personality changes, not fast enough that she notices, unless she's very observant.

Only those who are kept away from her realize what is going on and it's nearly impossible to get to her through the walls he's created.

We provide answers! We provide ways to notice such a creep. We provide knowledge and if necessary, we offer options for safe calls to friends, pre screening by getting his driver's license to check with police to see if he has a record of violence, we help set up soft limits, hard limits and know how to tell when someone isn't just "testing" a soft limit, but is really nurturing a potential victim.

When the cafe was set up, it was because too many people were using the BDSM forum for the fun, get together threads. The cutsy threads that there aren't anything wrong with, but they tend to conflict with the serious atmosphere that was intended for a person to feel safe from those piss ants who just seem to enjoy being assholes in an otherwise serious thread asking for help or information.

The cafe was created for any posts to chat with friends, get cute with flirting, just socializing with your BDSM friends, leaving the Main BDSM forum for that safe place to ask questions, and then expect people who have the answers to offer those answers in a respectful and professional way.

The cafe was setup for all kinds of communication that's considered socializing, leaving the BDSM forum for what it was originally created for. Defining what each forum is for gives people asking for information the clear path to follow, knowing which forum to ask questions and which one to just socialize.

This even goes to policing the BDSM forum to tell those who are being ass holes to stop being ass holes that the cafe is for that kind of crap. Think of the people who are looking for help, seeking a safe forum to ask a question they can't find an answer anywhere else, hoping they won't be bashed for being a newbie who doesn't know any special protocal, bashed for just being new and not understanding the correct terminology, the proper words to use, whatever the case...just watching out for those little people and make sure the BDSM forum remains a safe place for them to feel at ease.

Being nice when directing new posters to read the stickies at the top of the forums (Welcome to the BDSM Cafe and Welcome to the BDSM Talk Forum) where there are just a few rules to follow, but not too many. We wanted to limit the rules to allow people to use common sense that everybody should have.

Maybe they will become a new regular and eventually contribute from their own experiences when someone asks for help. And that's all we are. We're not doctors, we're not educated by any school, except maybe the school of hard knocks. But what better way to get information than from someone who's been there, walked the walk and experienced the same feelings these newbies are now feeling. To maybe give them a possible path to take, because when we were in that same place, it worked for us.

This is how the BDSM forum used to be. If it's still like this, then great. If it isn't, then it is no longer the safe haven, the place to come for answers, the place to find a friend who isn't going to judge, and maybe help someone stay alive.

 

[Blue]

-
This is how the BDSM forum used to be. If it's still like this, then great. If it isn't, then it is no longer the safe haven, the place to come for answers, the place to find a friend who isn't going to judge, and maybe help someone stay alive.

It's still like that.

 

[Farawyn]

This is what I'm talking about. If this continues, then the old ways are still working. We wanted Literotica's BDSM forum to be informative to those who needed answers. There are abusers, wannabees, posers and just plain creeps out there waiting to pounce on newbie submissives who really don't know what to expect from a dom and from themselves in a BDSM relationship.

We wanted Lit to be the go to place for answers, free of creeps lurking to send them PMs offering to help (and we all know who most of those PMs come from), the ever present 14 year olds who post snarky crap just because they can and the ever present assholes who either come from the general board or from where ever to reek havik.

These questions are embarrasing to some, senstive to all, and that's one reason they are never asked. Sadly, if they aren't asked, these people can get into situations where they are beaten, abused and sometimes killed by the kind of people who take advantage of unsuspecting newbies.

Some newbie submissives stay with a sociopath who beats her, keeps her secluded from her friends and family, just because she doesn't know any better. Sociopaths are selfish and insecure so they will always limit any access to the outside world to her, for fear someone will take her away. He resorts to whatever means necessary, starting with being the best, kindest and most sincere person she could ever meet, then slowly, his personality changes, not fast enough that she notices, unless she's very observant.

Only those who are kept away from her realize what is going on and it's nearly impossible to get to her through the walls he's created.

We provide answers! We provide ways to notice such a creep. We provide knowledge and if necessary, we offer options for safe calls to friends, pre screening by getting his driver's license to check with police to see if he has a record of violence, we help set up soft limits, hard limits and know how to tell when someone isn't just "testing" a soft limit, but is really nurturing a potential victim.

When the cafe was set up, it was because too many people were using the BDSM forum for the fun, get together threads. The cutsy threads that there aren't anything wrong with, but they tend to conflict with the serious atmosphere that was intended for a person to feel safe from those piss ants who just seem to enjoy being assholes in an otherwise serious thread asking for help or information.

The cafe was created for any posts to chat with friends, get cute with flirting, just socializing with your BDSM friends, leaving the Main BDSM forum for that safe place to ask questions, and then expect people who have the answers to offer those answers in a respectful and professional way.

The cafe was setup for all kinds of communication that's considered socializing, leaving the BDSM forum for what it was originally created for. Defining what each forum is for gives people asking for information the clear path to follow, knowing which forum to ask questions and which one to just socialize.

This even goes to policing the BDSM forum to tell those who are being ass holes to stop being ass holes that the cafe is for that kind of crap. Think of the people who are looking for help, seeking a safe forum to ask a question they can't find an answer anywhere else, hoping they won't be bashed for being a newbie who doesn't know any special protocal, bashed for just being new and not understanding the correct terminology, the proper words to use, whatever the case...just watching out for those little people and make sure the BDSM forum remains a safe place for them to feel at ease.

Being nice when directing new posters to read the stickies at the top of the forums (Welcome to the BDSM Cafe and Welcome to the BDSM Talk Forum) where there are just a few rules to follow, but not too many. We wanted to limit the rules to allow people to use common sense that everybody should have.

Maybe they will become a new regular and eventually contribute from their own experiences when someone asks for help. And that's all we are. We're not doctors, we're not educated by any school, except maybe the school of hard knocks. But what better way to get information than from someone who's been there, walked the walk and experienced the same feelings these newbies are now feeling. To maybe give them a possible path to take, because when we were in that same place, it worked for us.

This is how the BDSM forum used to be. If it's still like this, then great. If it isn't, then it is no longer the safe haven, the place to come for answers, the place to find a friend who isn't going to judge, and maybe help someone stay alive.

It's still like that.

Yes. it is.
This is a particularly tough point in my life. I came here on a whim after reading the stories. I lurked. I joined.
I have found laughter, solace and friendship here. Deep stuff. Lots of LOVE.

Instead of bemoaning the past, why not stick around and see for yourself?

 

[DVS]

Yes. it is.
This is a particularly tough point in my life. I came here on a whim after reading the stories. I lurked. I joined.
I have found laughter, solace and friendship here. Deep stuff. Lots of LOVE.

Instead of bemoaning the past, why not stick around and see for yourself?

Oh, you had me until that last line. I'm trying very hard NOT to act that way. I'm trying not to be that way, because I know how someone would be seen when they come into an organized place and try to take over. But this is kind of telling, too. But, I don't see any trolls coming in to bash me into leaving, so that's a plus. If that had happened, I would expect regulars to cut them off at the knees. That's how it would have been done before.

But, I guess everybody is getting defensive and so maybe I should just leave and let it all evolve as it was. If I do leave, I'll also take my stories down. There doesn't seem to be anybody reading them any more, other than those who steal them for profit.

 

[MeekMe]

I'm sure the forum was already changing by the time I joined, but I can say that the change was rapid after I got here. In just the few years I've been here it's changed drastically and I believe it's because so many just left around the same time. And I understand why some of the older posters feel this way because I feel it too. I miss a lot of posters. There were various voices and perspectives that just do not exist here today. There are a lot of people that have backed off from posting as often as they did, myself included. I don't think it will ever be the same without the people that are gone. I suppose with time I'll fade away too. The board will go on. There's not a lot we can do except post when we feel comfortable. It's less and less comfortable in most cases for me, so I just stick to the threads I like usually. Eventually I'm sure that will change too.

Not a whole lot that can be done about it. Unless you track down everyone that moved on with their lives.

 

[Farawyn]

Oh, you had me until that last line. I'm trying very hard NOT to act that way. I'm trying not to be that way, because I know how someone would be seen when they come into an organized place and try to take over. But this is kind of telling, too. But, I don't see any trolls coming in to bash me into leaving, so that's a plus. If that had happened, I would expect regulars to cut them off at the knees. That's how it would have been done before.

But, I guess everybody is getting defensive and so maybe I should just leave and let it all evolve as it was. If I do leave, I'll also take my stories down. There doesn't seem to be anybody reading them any more, other than those who steal them for profit.

Up to you. You are a grown man, and surely know what you want without running past internet strangers.

I'm not here to coerce you to stay, nor beg. It would be nice if you chose to, 'cause everyone who knows you seems to speak to you with affection.

I don't know you, none of us newbies do, and you seem to want to keep it that way.


Your loss. 'Cause we are pretty great.

 

[cookiecat]

I guess I just don't get this idea that the board is that awful.

I was here in 2006, left for a long time, came back in 2012 (I think) and left because I felt the same as you feel now - there wasn't a place for me amidst all of the large voices. There was a camaraderie I didn't feel comfortable tiptoeing in to.

Now, four years later, I'm internet wiser and realize my internet experience is pretty much what I make it. It's not up to anyone else to make me feel anything. I allow that to happen. If people are nice and we connect - great! If people are distant, that's ok. If people are asshats, I just move along and don't engage.

I keep hearing how unwelcoming this "new" board is. And yet, when the oldies choose not to participate, isn't that part of the issue?? I look at the posts newbies make in the Talk section and I see OP's with one post getting loads of suggestion, advice, welcoming to this section. I've PM'd newbies saying stick around, welcome, enjoy, have fun, ask questions!

This even goes to policing the BDSM forum to tell those who are being ass holes to stop being ass holes that the cafe is for that kind of crap. Think of the people who are looking for help, seeking a safe forum to ask a question they can't find an answer anywhere else, hoping they won't be bashed for being a newbie who doesn't know any special protocal, bashed for just being new and not understanding the correct terminology, the proper words to use, whatever the case...just watching out for those little people and make sure the BDSM forum remains a safe place for them to feel at ease.

Being nice when directing new posters to read the stickies at the top of the forums (Welcome to the BDSM Cafe and Welcome to the BDSM Talk Forum) where there are just a few rules to follow, but not too many. We wanted to limit the rules to allow people to use common sense that everybody should have.

I'm not sure what you've seen but this still happens. It happens all the time. The forum is a safe place for people to come to. I'm unclear why anyone thinks it doesn't. Perhaps there aren't as experienced voices as I remember Stella Omega or Homburg or RJMasters or Netzach but there are welcoming voices.

Oddly, I find the cafe section to be my saving grace these days. It's allowed me to connect to new friends, new points of view. It's goofy, soothing, sometimes informative. On occasion, the Talk section bubbles up with new questions, new faces and - in my relatively short time back - I've mostly found that people want to relay their experiences, lend a guiding hand, they do point to the sticky section...

But what better way to get information than from someone who's been there, walked the walk and experienced the same feelings these newbies are now feeling. To maybe give them a possible path to take, because when we were in that same place, it worked for us.

This is how the BDSM forum used to be. If it's still like this, then great. If it isn't, then it is no longer the safe haven, the place to come for answers, the place to find a friend who isn't going to judge, and maybe help someone stay alive.

I believe it is still this way. I very much believe it is. Whether it's finding a connection in the cafe or education in the Talk section, I am convinced the bdsm forum is a safe, friendly, fun place.

If former posters have drifted away - for whatever reason - then that takes away from the wealth of experience. And that's really a shame.

 

[Farawyn]

I'm sure the forum was already changing by the time I joined, but I can say that the change was rapid after I got here. In just the few years I've been here it's changed drastically and I believe it's because so many just left around the same time. And I understand why some of the older posters feel this way because I feel it too. I miss a lot of posters. There were various voices and perspectives that just do not exist here today. There are a lot of people that have backed off from posting as often as they did, myself included. I don't think it will ever be the same without the people that are gone. I suppose with time I'll fade away too. The board will go on. There's not a lot we can do except post when we feel comfortable. It's less and less comfortable in most cases for me, so I just stick to the threads I like usually. Eventually I'm sure that will change too.

Not a whole lot that can be done about it. Unless you track down everyone that moved on with their lives.

Oh.
Oh, no.
YOU are not going anywhere.

Please...? *puppy eyes*

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

But, I guess everybody is getting defensive and so maybe I should just leave and let it all evolve as it was. If I do leave, I'll also take my stories down. There doesn't seem to be anybody reading them any more, other than those who steal them for profit.

While I don't think it was your initial intention, I am not deaf to the sound of tiny violins.

I'm not even sure what exactly it was you were lamenting in the first place. Everything you listed as examples of how things " were ", are things I've seen almost every day that I've been here. There is no such thing as a " safe haven ", no place is free from the taint of the idiotic, the malicious, the fake, and that most wonderful of dickless garbage who firmly believe that anonymity grants them the right to act like disgusting pieces of shit to the unsuspecting and naïve. Lit is no exception.

However, every time this pops up, I've seen posters ( old and new ) almost instantly dogpile on and shut down this type of thing, while offering articulate advice and answers from multiple, unique viewpoints and levels of experience. This is what made me decide to join in the first place. Since then I have met more admirable, intelligent, heartfelt, unbelievably special, and flat out good people than I've ever known in my life. ( and I don't give a rat's ass what is thought of that because I'm a fucking " deviant " anyway )

But do what you like man. Stick around, grab a bag of Planters ( TM ), and try to uphold that example you remember so fondly, or continue pinin' for the fjords, pull your stuff, and go quietly into that good night.

 

[Tallcajun]

Well.....
Well your our deviant, Necro!