Feeling sad

[DVS]

One observation I think might have come into play with Lit changes. That gawd awful "The Shades of Grey" crap. The author had never even experience BDSM so she writes about it from no knowledge what so ever. All it is is just a romance novel with a little domination and spanking involved. Of course, the male in the story has flaws, and that's what causes him to be the dark personality he is and that intrigues the female.

What's unfortunate is this story has stimulated subliminal urges within the female population and to seek out more information, they come to places like Lit. Some come to gain more knowledge about BDSM, but some come just to socialize and be a member of the group...kind of like a vanilla submissive. We could start a TV show..."Housewives of Grey".

These ladies were stimulated by this story and because that's all they had to go on, they see BDSM in that light, with domination being a product of a dark and troubled personality, and not something sane people just enjoy in their lives. I guess I shouldn't say "ladies", because I know some men were stimulated, too.

This stimulation could have happened in other ways, if it wasn't for the book. Many people get bored in their sex lives about middle age or maybe late 30s, and seek out ways to keep their sex lives interesting. In their search, some find that they have deep buried submissive tendencies and some find they have deep buried dominant tendencies.

Some find these deep desire by playing with someone who is experienced in BDSM and some find it with their present partner, reading the various newbie books about BDSM.

But sadly, this book has become the conduit for many into BDSM and I wish they all knew the real BDSM, because it's much more satisfying than some stupid romance novel. But sadly, I think we have some here who have never experienced a BDSM relationship in real life and still carry that story as their fuel for desire.

Don't go jumping on me, because I'm not saying everybody here is this way. But, I'd say there are a few and maybe they come just to socialize and because they haven't had a real life BDSM experience, it never really gets any deeper for them than that socializing.

Personally, I'd like to go on record with an offer to help any submissive woman (or even one who thinks she might be submissive) to read my stories and then contact me for the next step in their indoctrination. There might be travel involved, but hopefully, after reading my stories, that craving will be strong enough that you look past the expense and through binders only see the ultimate satisfying and draining orgasms that you will have, once you experience me in the flesh.

Yes, my probing fingers, the lewd bondage positions you'll be locked into leaving your body helpless but very vulnerable to my sexual whims. It will begin as an aching agony, but at the end, that explosive orgasm will leave you a quivering mass of female flesh. Your twitching clit will not ask, and not plead, but beg for more and more of your helpless torment. Your mouth will drool and you'll only be able to speak whimpers of pure sexual pleasure.

Open yourself up to what your subconscious mind has kept hidden behind those walls your whole life. Tempted ladies can contact me via PM and I'll meet them at the airport to continue their journey into the dark pleasures of BDSM.

OK, that was pretty tongue-in-cheek but I hope you got the idea. The Shades of Grey had nothing to do with BDSM.

 

[DVS]

Please define "out of hand" and who decides what is "out of hand".
Thanks.

That's up to Laurel and the mods. I do understand that "out of hand" is pretty vague. No, I could never be a mod. It's too difficult of a job.

EDITED:
I guess I did say I didn't mind fluff threads as long as they don't get out of hand. I guess in my opinion. the cafe is for fluff threads. It's a socializing forum for BDSM members to get together and have fun. What I'd consider "out of hand" would be if every thread was fluff. That's kind of far fetched, so I don't think it would ever get "out of hand", in my opinion.

 

[Farawyn]

One observation I think might have come into play with Lit changes. That gawd awful "The Shades of Grey" crap. The author had never even experience BDSM so she writes about it from no knowledge what so ever. All it is is just a romance novel with a little domination and spanking involved. Of course, the male in the story has flaws, and that's what causes him to be the dark personality he is and that intrigues the female.

What's unfortunate is this story has stimulated subliminal urges within the female population and to seek out more information, they come to places like Lit. Some come to gain more knowledge about BDSM, but some come just to socialize and be a member of the group...kind of like a vanilla submissive. We could start a TV show..."Housewives of Grey".

These ladies were stimulated by this story and because that's all they had to go on, they see BDSM in that light, with domination being a product of a dark and troubled personality, and not something sane people just enjoy in their lives. I guess I shouldn't say "ladies", because I know some men were stimulated, too.

This stimulation could have happened in other ways, if it wasn't for the book. Many people get bored in their sex lives about middle age or maybe late 30s, and seek out ways to keep their sex lives interesting. In their search, some find that they have deep buried submissive tendencies and some find they have deep buried dominant tendencies.

Some find these deep desire by playing with someone who is experienced in BDSM and some find it with their present partner, reading the various newbie books about BDSM.

But sadly, this book has become the conduit for many into BDSM and I wish they all knew the real BDSM, because it's much more satisfying than some stupid romance novel. But sadly, I think we have some here who have never experienced a BDSM relationship in real life and still carry that story as their fuel for desire.

Don't go jumping on me, because I'm not saying everybody here is this way. But, I'd say there are a few and maybe they come just to socialize and because they haven't had a real life BDSM experience, it never really gets any deeper for them than that socializing.

Personally, I'd like to go on record with an offer to help any submissive woman (or even one who thinks she might be submissive) to read my stories and then contact me for the next step in their indoctrination. There might be travel involved, but hopefully, after reading my stories, that craving will be strong enough that you look past the expense and through binders only see the ultimate satisfying and draining orgasms that you will have, once you experience me in the flesh.

Yes, my probing fingers, the lewd bondage positions you'll be locked into leaving your body helpless but very vulnerable to my sexual whims. It will begin as an aching agony, but at the end, that explosive orgasm will leave you a quivering mass of female flesh. Your twitching clit will not ask, and not plead, but beg for more and more of your helpless torment. Your mouth will drool and you'll only be able to speak whimpers of pure sexual pleasure.

Open yourself up to what your subconscious mind has kept hidden behind those walls your whole life. Tempted ladies can contact me via PM and I'll meet them at the airport to continue their journey into the dark pleasures of BDSM.

OK, that was pretty tongue-in-cheek but I hope you got the idea. The Shades of Grey had nothing to do with BDSM.

If you read our posts here, now, you'd see that not one of us likes Fifty Shades of Gray, nor talks about it.

But if someone does? Who cares? It's a public forum. People can discuss what they like.


Are you judging characteristics on what it means to be a REAL sub or Dom?
And who are you to do that?

The curious? The people who know they feel a certain way but are not quite sure? The ones who feel they are missing something, and are seeking? Those in vanilla relationships, or virgins, that long for something different? They shouldn't come here?

 

[Primalex]

Please define "out of hand" and who decides what is "out of hand".

a) When threads created by a single person take up 20% of the first page and they stay there just because of 4 persons posting there continuously, it is "out of the hand".

b) I do.


My pleasure.

 

[Farawyn]

That's up to Laurel and the mods. I do understand that "out of hand" is pretty vague. No, I could never be a mod. It's too difficult of a job.

EDITED:
I guess I did say I didn't mind fluff threads as long as they don't get out of hand. I guess in my opinion. the cafe is for fluff threads. It's a socializing forum for BDSM members to get together and have fun. What I'd consider "out of hand" would be if every thread was fluff. That's kind of far fetched, so I don't think it would ever get "out of hand", in my opinion.

Yes. I understand.
Who defines "fluff"?

 

[Farawyn]

a) When threads created by a single person take up 20% of the first page and they stay there just because of 4 persons posting there continuously, it is "out of the hand".

b) I do.


My pleasure.

So, when you decide it's fluff, you will stop posting? Cool.

Or...?

 

[Blue]

The frequency and diversity of posters is entirely irrelevant, isn't it?

 

[Shankara20]

a) When threads created by a single person take up 20% of the first page and they stay there just because of 4 persons posting there continuously, it is "out of the hand".

b) I do.


My pleasure.

Now THIS is the Lit of old I remember....

 

[Primalex]

Now THIS is the Lit of old I remember....

I think this is the first time I appreciate a kiss from you.

 

[Farawyn]

Now THIS is the Lit of old I remember....

I think this is the first time I appreciate a kiss from you.

The Café- bringing folks together.

 

[cookiecat]

a) When threads created by a single person take up 20% of the first page and they stay there just because of 4 persons posting there continuously, it is "out of the hand".

b) I do.


My pleasure.

So noted.

 

[Primalex]

The frequency and diversity of posters is entirely irrelevant, isn't it?

You are entirely irrelevant but that's not the topic.

 

[DVS]

If you read our posts here, now, you'd see that not one of us likes Fifty Shades of Gray, nor talks about it.

But if someone does? Who cares? It's a public forum. People can discuss what they like.


Are you judging characteristics on what it means to be a REAL sub or Dom?
And who are you to do that?

The curious? The people who know they feel a certain way but are not quite sure? The ones who feel they are missing something, and are seeking? Those in vanilla relationships, or virgins, that long for something different? They shouldn't come here?

There was a time when 50 shades (the first book) came out that everybody was talking about it. And people here were sick of that. Sure, that's all stopped, but I'd bet you could ask some people who come here now what drew them to the site and if they were honest, they'd say 50 shades.

That's probably not a bad thing, in the overall, but there are scales in everything. And while some may delve into BDSM deeply, there are others who won't consider it more than just kinky sex.

And when you ask if "The curious? The people who know they feel a certain way but are not quite sure? The ones who feel they are missing something, and are seeking? Those in vanilla relationships, or virgins, that long for something different? They shouldn't come here?" that's the main purpose of the Talk forum. BUT, there are some here who have never even ventured into the Talk forum, but just want to hang out in the cafe. While that isn't a big deal either, it does lead one to wonder if some of the new people who come here don't care much for BDSM as a whole. In my opinion, that would tend to water down the whole membership.

And please don't get hostile. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm just trying to answer the questions asked of me about why I think this place has changed. I could be totally wrong. I'm nobody special, just some old guy with his opinions about life in the BDSM forum.

 

[Farawyn]

There was a time when 50 shades (the first book) came out that everybody was talking about it. And people here were sick of that. Sure, that's all stopped, but I'd bet you could ask some people who come here now what drew them to the site and if they were honest, they'd say 50 shades.

That's probably not a bad thing, in the overall, but there are scales in everything. And while some may delve into BDSM deeply, there are others who won't consider it more than just kinky sex.

And when you ask if "The curious? The people who know they feel a certain way but are not quite sure? The ones who feel they are missing something, and are seeking? Those in vanilla relationships, or virgins, that long for something different? They shouldn't come here?" that's the main purpose of the Talk forum. BUT, there are some here who have never even ventured into the Talk forum, but just want to hang out in the cafe. While that isn't a big deal either, it does lead one to wonder if some of the new people who come here don't care much for BDSM as a whole. In my opinion, that would tend to water down the whole membership.

And please don't get hostile. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm just trying to answer the questions asked of me about why I think this place has changed. I could be totally wrong. I'm nobody special, just some old guy with his opinions about life in the BDSM forum.

I'm not hostile.
I am wondering why you have so many opinions on people you're not quite sure you want to know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGIFublvDes

 

[Primalex]

So, when you decide it's fluff, you will stop posting? Cool.

Or...?

Why would I need to do anything?

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny-------- Not Sad

My wife and I take turns "playing" in the different areas of Literotica. We realize some boards are not for us but we're here to pass time and hopefully share a bit. Among us average fun lovin perverts there are some very intellegent members and great comments. Unfortunately most of those are buried among the crap and slime repeatedly reposted by the bottom swimmers and slime Alts.
I notice some can start a thread about nothing and it will go on forever. Others a fun new topic that gets little or no attention. It really is a popularity contest among a few who create threads almost daily. Like fools, us sheep comment and make them grow.
Still it's fun and we learn a little as we forget a lot.
Life, Lit, and everyone change just like the weather.
We no longer need to worry about hurricanes and floods since we moved back to the midwest. Yet with the last two storms we kept in close contact with family and friends in Florida and NC. because we care.
Here on Lit and the rest of the internet some people care. I suppose we need to try caring less and just try to live and learn.
Being sad causes wrinkles and early death.

 

[Shankara20]

I think this is the first time I appreciate a kiss from you.

Down worry - I think we have just reached our hard limit!

 

[Shankara20]

I'm nobody special, just some old guy with his opinions about life in the BDSM forum.

Hey! I thought that was me...


In any case you are still my ZAP! guy...

 

[NoeMasks]

If you say somthing or ask a question, and I feel my opinion, or knowledge will help, I will comment. The last time I got serious and tried to add what I know, and old timer swooped in and made me feel like never posting again. So I stopped posting, for a while, I find the new comers more welcoming of everyone. I am sorry that this make you sad, that we hang out and get comfy enough with each other to talk about the hard stuff. If you do not want to get to know us, that is on you, but we are a very caring and accepting group of people. Yes I stick to the Cafe, because this is the light side of the BDSM community on lit. I find Dollie, and Denny to be a hoot, and Connie and Prim and Staggy to be very snarky, mostly in a good way. MWY and the rest of that HT crowd, I do not have to like you to talk to you, I am sure he is very intelligent, and has a lot of experience.

My Two Bits,
Rule 34 should apply everywhere.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[DVS]

Yes. I understand.
Who defines "fluff"?

I don't care. I'm just trying to answer your many questions about why I think this place has changed. You are the one who seems to be making my point, with every post.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Mrtenant]

There was a time when 50 shades (the first book) came out that everybody was talking about it. And people here were sick of that. Sure, that's all stopped, but I'd bet you could ask some people who come here now what drew them to the site and if they were honest, they'd say 50 shades.

That's probably not a bad thing, in the overall, but there are scales in everything. And while some may delve into BDSM deeply, there are others who won't consider it more than just kinky sex.

And when you ask if "The curious? The people who know they feel a certain way but are not quite sure? The ones who feel they are missing something, and are seeking? Those in vanilla relationships, or virgins, that long for something different? They shouldn't come here?" that's the main purpose of the Talk forum. BUT, there are some here who have never even ventured into the Talk forum, but just want to hang out in the cafe. While that isn't a big deal either, it does lead one to wonder if some of the new people who come here don't care much for BDSM as a whole. In my opinion, that would tend to water down the whole membership.

And please don't get hostile. I'm not pointing fingers. I'm just trying to answer the questions asked of me about why I think this place has changed. I could be totally wrong. I'm nobody special, just some old guy with his opinions about life in the BDSM forum.

In bold above.....Membership? Card carrying like or is it something else? No, I'm not kidding. My questions sometimes sound stupid, but often lead me to the questions that are relevent for me.

DVS, you are correct. It has changed. It is the way of the world.
The only thing static about change is that change always happens. You are a smart man. You must know this. There is no going back to the way it was, and really? would you want that? Consider it.

I like seeing you post. You have lots to say. So do many people here. I am continually impressed by the intelligence of this crowd. Some, not so much. And others, once you get past the idea they are total idiots or assholes, even they have gems of insight and contribution as a whole. Myself included.

I am glad you brought all this up in a way. It has been weighing on my mind on whether or not I have anything of relevance for this particular forum, being relatively new to it. I still am not decided on that.

This is a new area of exploration for me. I haven't decided yet how relevent I want to make kink or anything BDSM for me just yet. Is it worth the effort at this stage of my life? Do I really have it in me or am I just kidding myself? How far can I do this if at all? How will introducing this into my life more succinctly affect my relationships that matter most to me?

I have a shit ton of things on my mind about it and have few places to go for answers at the moment. I am not unintelligent. I know of and have been to other sites and read real books. I welcome as much to read on it as possible to get my concerns addressed. Your contributions as well. Do not underestimate the new BDSM forum.

Because of the fluff, a guy like me can see, this crowd has other facets that I am more accustomed to and helps with my own comfort level. One must learn to trust and trust is earned slowly at times. I have found that on Lit? That must be so. There are too many assholes out there ready to take advantage of a person or make one feel terrible for anything they post. Not everyone has thick skin. I was new once on Lit. It's a hard lesson.

My 2 coppers

 

[DVS]

DVS, Far won't have been the reason you left, she wasn't here I think. So some older posters must have been part of that, I think I was just here, and I am 'fluffy' so I apologise if I am part of that.

But it has to be understood, that however valid and great the concerns and reminiscences of th and past are here, the responsibility can not wholly rest with new posters. Many posters I would love to learn from had already left when I arrived ( Stella Omega stands out as a name among them) and some left after conflict with other older posters. Sure, I am aware that fluffiness and annoyingness from a fluffy new poster was not to everyone's taste, and It was made clear by more than one poster, and that's fine, We can share common interest and experience and growth from people without cuddles or friendly floggings but you know...it's not all fluff. I think those that push me have found I don't push so easily. I don't push back too easily either, it has not yet happened here that I have felt need to 'dish it out' and I hope to keep it that way. Literotica games are not my whole brain space ( significant as my brain is not a capacious thing!). Just as most of the time I have other stuff going on. Checking in here regularly through out the day keeps it ticking over in the part of my brain where it can be working and mulling. Cafe has become the equivalent of the water cooler for an office worker, some where I can flit too quickly between or during other tasks.

I'm not sure where the word fluff came in, but it's not a very pretty description for posts that some might consider day to day communication with friends. I took it as being something that others considered appropriate for the cafe...more of a condemnation than anything. The cafe is the place for all kinds of threads. I guess some of he more serious posters might not think the cafe was necessary, but I think it was. This site is a place for fun communication as much as it is for the serious communication.

As for Stella, she and I didn't get along sometimes, and I think a lot of that was because we both have strong personalities. If we didn't agree, we REALLY didn't agree. But, I never thought she didn't have a place here.

You bring up something that might have been a problem with the old crowd...fighting. There seemed to be more than a few fights between members back then, and that caused some people to just leave. The less people sticking around, the less information there is from member's experiences.

I've often tried to explain things to people who got involved in fights. Many times they were just misunderstandings. These forums are just words on a page. There are no facial expressions, no voice inflections, no body language, nothing but text. Unless you know the personality of the poster, you can completely misunderstand the meaning of a post.

Then, you confront the poster, probably with a little added hate, and the poster tries to explain again. But because it's still that same poster, maybe they can't explain any better, and they in turn see your hatred and decided to join in with some of their own. After a while, nobody remembers why the fight even started. They just want to be the winner.

I really think it's time to stop with all of this back and forth. I don't seem to be making sense with my point of view and it's only making people mad. I knew that was a possibility up front, and so I've tried to keep that in mind. You don't go into someone's house and say you don't like the drapes without them getting a little offended.

And if I can't really say for sure what I don't like about the drapes, then all I've done is point out that I don't like the drapes and pissed some people off. I know, a shitty analogy, but it's early in the morning.

If my personality was better known in these most recent posts, I may have been better understood. Who knows...I usually don't have a problem expressing myself, and I usually can do it without making waves. Maybe this time was different.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]